a simple question.

warning : emo ahead. if reading the particular rants of a slightly grumpy and (c)hunky bear is not to your interest, please skip or wait for tmr.=D

today was a pretty aight day.
i signed a new contract.
one totally new,no relation to my company before, nor my mother company before.
a company tad i went out,
nurtured the entire client - supplier relationship over many lunches, site visits and long phone calls.

and when the PO came (purchase order, basically like the signature on the form),
i was really elated.
and the first thing i did was reach for my phone,
and den in the all-too-familiar motion, put it down and continued on.
for the person i wanted to msg wasnt mine anymore.
so yup.

i then decided to reward myself,
and decided to do a little shopping.
and since both my running shoes and t-mac 4 broke,
i needed new shoes niwae,
so i went to buy myself a new pair of shoes.=D

so i drove down to queensway, and there i shopped and bought my first ever less-than-$150 pair of basketball shoes.=)
and the reason why i bought em is dam ah beng.
lol.
adidas has a series called the "pro series".
and this particular shoe, has a dam 1337 feature.
it can change the color of its stripes.
WHICH IS DAM DAM DAM DAM COOL LA.
and it has like 20 diff colors to whack.
DAM COOL COOOLL.

okie in any case.
tads not the reason for this blog post.
so yup.
i headed home,
and den i changed and headed to the bball court.

now there's this ritual that happens whenever i play bball.

1)i'll park my car,
2)grab my ball from the box
3)grab water bottle
4)hide wallet and hp
5)lock car doors
6)reach court and throw water bottle down.
7)take off ring and hide it together with my keys. (hagrid r ring keeper)
8)start balling.

now i dun really know the guys at the bball court,
they just know me as the fat dude who has "hang time" and tad i do the most ridiculous shots and i have a dam XL playing style.

the question posed to me today was dam interesting.
it was made by this dude fresh outta ns.
he has an 8 pac btw.
chinese cheena dude.

so he comes up to me n the following ensues.

"eh brudder.tad ring engagement ring ah."

"no la.just a ring between me and my ex girl."

"ex already still wear?expensive not."

"of course la.i so jai why got buy not expensive stuff one.my one 3-pointer you also kenot pei bu qi."

"(insert hokkien swear words about my "skills")"

he then continues.

"eh break alr den why still wear.stupid ah?"

"buy alr den wear la.if not put at home gather dust meh"

now tad more or less sated his curiousity as the game went on.

his parting statement was "eh if you dun wan ring gimme okay. i be your gf"

now coming from the frenly neighbourhood ah beng,
his intentions were probably he just wanted to freeload my ring.

however it left me with a few questions.

of late,
pple keep asking me this question.

"eh..you feeling okay not"

to which i would always reply the same answer just to irritate the shit outta em.

"you wan macho answer or honest answer"

now i tink tad's juz about the most annoying thing a person can do la.and hence my doing it.=DD
but its really true imo.

there are answers tad :

1) you need to hear.
2) you want to hear.
3)you dont want to hear.
4)you don't need to hear.
5)you really wish you hadnt asked the question in the first place.

and me, believing myself to be quite the adriot word twister,
would naturally give the answer tad fits option 1 or 2.


den as i was driving back,
i being asking myself a few questions.
and then i realize.
tad ive been giving myself answers tad i myself need or want to hear as well.
not answers that are necessarily the true honest answers tad i actually require.

and im reminded of "house MD" the series, where bad answers from patients normally screw things up terribly.

and den i wondered "fuck am i gettin the wrong diagnosis for myself sial."

/me has been watching House M.D season 1,2,3,4,5 since the start of Nov.

which left me wondering alot.

now i dun exactly consider myself of stellar mental capacity,
but i've been called stupid so many times in the past 3 weeks.
and this time by stranger.
which is quite infuriating.

lol.
"stupid" to me, is wad "asshole" is to hancock, is wad "crazy" is to his girl.
it totally sets me on my edge, i get fucking pissed off.
i can remember the time when me and g were in our courting stage and we were walking along bugis,
den she said "sometimes i really wonder if you're really stupid or just acting"
/flip switch.

i got dam tulan and black face.
den she was like "what?"
and i was just pushing her forward with "walk.its nothing".
while desperately tryin to get my rage under control.
hahahaha.
tinking about it now brings a smile to my face plz.
lol.
dam cartoon.
she couldnt figure out wad set me off and i didnt tell her cuz its such a trivial thing to me as well, but i cant really control it?
hahahahaha.
see her expression also wanna laugh plz.
as a matter of fact i am grinning like a idiot just thinkin about it.
oh wellz.

but yea.
in the past 3 weeks.
i have been called stupid a RIDICULOUSLY high number of times.

and surprise surprise, its regarding certain decisions ive made, or things i've decided to do.

and it kinda sucks honestly.

makes me wanna take a swing at some pple.
and these pple are those tad i tot WOULD understand.

amogst this list are family members, and really close frens.

to alla you who care.
and to myself too.
just so once and for all i can put this at rest.

tbh i really cant be certain why i made the decisions these ways too.
there might come a day where i'll look back and think "dam tad was really dam stupid"
but why i do wad i do now,
is cuz i think its needed now.
needed by me,or whoever else the decision mite concern or affect.
i mite burn a coupla bridges tad i mite regret later,
but for the time being,
just let me be me i guess.
=)

its not tad hard.
ive been living with quite a few of these regrets in any case.
a few more won't matter.
=)

i've learnt the most important lesson of all already.


so tolong pls stopp using the word "Stupid" around me before i /redrage and pwn your ass.



grumpy bear swipe crits you for 9898798798 dmg. you die.

beware.=D