Saturday, December 31, 2005

on fire

Tell you where you need to go
Tell you who you need to be
Tell you what you need to know
Tell you when you'll need to leave

But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you've heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When He's near you
You're on fire
When He speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything You are
Give me one more chance to be... (near You)

Cause everything inside looks like

Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fire
When You speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
these mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me (x3)
I'm standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When You're near me
I'm on fireWhen You speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries...

a painfuly beautiful song fer all.
all manners of interpretation.
go find one tad speaks to you.
go download it,
go buy the album,
its from switchfoot.:))

Friday, December 30, 2005

crossing over

has everyone more or less decided on a new yr's resolution?
i havent.:))
i swear makin em's like suicidal cuz you're more or less prone to fail unless its the Lord's will.
so let Him decide ya new yr's resolution.
cuz yea.
you aint gonna decide nuddink in ya life.
im sittin here wit a feelin of bein whole within me.
sum things hafta be made official.
and wen they are,
you feel whole.
bored stiffless.
shall go look fer games to play.

Thursday, December 29, 2005


i passed my basic theory.:))
praise the Lord.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

i need new songs fer my ipod.

anyone wit current pop songs n r&b n hip hop songs
willin to like loan me about an hour worth of ya computer's time
to get new songs in my pod??:)
pity the ipod owner wit no com.:(


i finally got the pics up.
i hope it works.
its in e post below this one i tink.
go sign the guestbook n laf at me.:))
i tink i look dam corny.

the pleasure of having time to oneself.
went out in the morn to teach,
den came home,
bought back those old school loaves of bread??
fer mummy n ern.
ya know know old school dam fat ones before baguettes came about in singapore??
where it comes from old uncles tad cycle arnd n have this white wooden boxes in teh back wit bread kaya.
den made it wit kaya fer ern mummy n i den we left to go town..
i went to town's library.
den mummy went to back.
den triedta look fer my book but couldnt find it.
but i found it under CLL.
den i didnt know wad tad stood fer??
so i hadta go ask the librarian ower.
den learnt tad its juz the new national library.
its called central loanin library or sumtime.
and my mummy fer sum reason,
(i believe its called love)
fetched me over there to go book huntin.
which is why rite now,
i have 6 books in my room n lotsa time to read em.
at least till tml nite before i start muggin like hell fer my theory test on thurs mornin.:))

pray tad i pass.
i'll be dam angsty if i dun pass.
they dun allow you to book multiple tests.
so if i fail i hafta do the ruddy evals again.

did i mention i love teachin?
i tink i did.
its a hell lot harder den it looks.
but meanwhile,
i shall spend time on myself.
i wanna go learn wakeboardin.
anyone wanna come wit me??
i tink its bout 400 bucks non includin the bruised ass.
tad i believe ya gotta bring yaself.
tag mi if anione's interested.

wad else.
i wanna go read.

thanks fer the gifts i recieved.:))
to everyone who gave me one,
its appreciated.

this should get ya'll to my prom pics.

its in her name cuz its her cam.:))

Monday, December 26, 2005

merry christmas to one n all.

this christmas.
lets juz all take one second,
roll ya head back,
stretch ya neck.
n join me ina lil thanksgiving.
this is my list.
if ya feel me,
juz say "amen", "yea man", "uh huh,tad's my thanks as well"

lets thank God fer sendin his Son fer us.
witout whom we would not exist on this torrid plane of existence manifested wit temptation,pressure,deceit,hate,every negative vibe tad exists.
if he didnt come,
we would be the ashes tad we came from.
thank Him fer our existence.
im pretty sure tad despite it bein sad at times,
we did haf moments we enjoyed.

lets thank Jesus Christ fer dyin fer us n givin us multiple shots at life.
(at tis point in time,i would juz liketa say tad everythin would be thankin
God cuz basically He be the power tad yup.
you can thank wadever gods you believe in.but i'll recommend mine.:) )
witout his grace n mercy,
you really tink you would've got away wit the rubbish you did tis yr?
all the jaywalkin,lookin at answers,
slackin,lyin to frens,parents,family,lovers,
you better thank Him fer lettin ya vague shades of lies pass thru.
if you dun feel like it,
tink of the shat you'll be in if it all came to light.
im pretty sure it'll change ya mind n heart ina hurry.

Thank Him fer His blood tad washed away our sins.
if not,
n if santa really existed,
it'll be a really really easy life fer him.
can you imagine.
the whole santa hood chillin all yr long.(punpun.get it?chillin in the north pole,
okie,i shall shut up.:) )
all the elves'll have nuttin t do all yr long n juz kick back their heels n relax.
if you actually got a present fer xmas,
you better thank Him rite the hell now lest you get coal in ya stockin next yr.

thank God fer family.
the never diminishin source of as pure as one can get to agape love in this tragic world.
the ones who become wad i term the "silent supporters" as i am to a select few.
who despite the distance,
the lack of talk time,
you know these pple'll will always be there to watch ya back.
thank God fer ya family.
den go Thank Ya Family.
be human n speak wit ya heart.
thank em.

to those like me who made it past the As tis yr.
thank the Lord fer seein us thru tad awful time.
fer deliverin us from late nites of last min study n bringin us about face once it ended.
all the A level grads pls say an amen.
ya pple know how bad it felt.
i neednt say more.

to those who found love,lost love,retained love,n got heartbroken,
thank the Lord of memories n lessons you'll remember all of ya life,
the mistakes ya made,
the mistakes you found yaself absolved all guilt of,
the bitter aftertaste tad left a heartache within you.
raise a hand of salute to yor memories n experiences.
and thank the One above who made em all appear in ya life.

thank the Lord for frens.
the clowns you hang out wit,
in school,at work,at play,the pple tad brighten up ya life wit their stupid jokes,
really horrible lame ones,
the ones tad sumtime do sweet lil things tad you know they hadta make an effort to make you haf tad one smile.
the ones tad also are there to take ya bullshat n angsty rants(if you're anithin like me tad is),
the ones who are there to support you as far as they're willin to.
thanks fysh,alv,crys,wicker,dud,aaron,tim,joey,lester,sarah,qi,maise,
serene(the one i learnt to be a silent supporter from,i still remember
our 1st conversation.:) the time i came clean n ya did too.:) ),van,
all of you,as well as those i sumhow cant recall rite now cuza the glare of te stupid com,
from the ones tad brought me joy thru hockey,thru soccer,thru wow,thru movies,thru smiles,thru ministry,thru being a real bro or a real sista,
to everyone of you's who's made my life this yr sumthin tad i can look back n smile at,
here's a hug fer alla ya'll. *hugs*

since im runnin outta ideas cuz the above are all broad strokes,
and they encompass basically everythin dependin on how one interprets it,
i HAFTA make sure you pple get the last one.
thus imma bold it.

thank God fer yaself.
i cannot even begin to express the love tad one should haf fer oneself but yet i
see alot of my closest pple not having within em.
love yaself pple.
from there,
the respect,
the poise,
everythin tad you wan to project to the world will naturally stymmie forth.
love thyself n the world will become ya apple.
if ya have God on ya side n if it be His will tad it becomes ya apple.
it will be.
love yaself.
stop doin things tad break ya apart inside,
stop wastin ya life,
stop wit the facades n be honest wit how you really feel,
stop all the backslidin n behave ina manner tad befits ya faith,
make the things tad benefit you line up 1st,
make it a priority to return the love of those tad love you.
make sure you dun lose the things you treasure by makin em feel cherished,
stop botherin bout the way the world tinks fer juz tis instant,
and juz love yaself.
make it a new year's resolution.
do sumthin you know will benefit you.
as in deep within n not the image tad you project to the world.
yes pls.

thank God fer yaself,n love yaself.

tad concludes my thanksgivin.
i hope ya at least agreed to at least 2 of em.
lest i tink you're really one hella an ungrateful pig n ya should go back up n
re read everythin again.

and agree to at least 2 you lil ingrate.

sorry if i didnt reply,
my sms's limit was learnin juz how high the sky goes till it hits the roof so i was tryin to
bring it back down to earth.

im officially outta work.
i really need more students.
n i need my m1 contact to come thru.
anione know any part time job tad goes fer $7 n more per hour tad hires 2??
hopefully not formal attire pls.
but best of all.
pls get me students.
i wanna teach!!!!!
i know i can do it.

i've got bittersweet emotions left within.
wonder if words'll make emselves clear.
but yet.
i dun wanna focus on the bitter yet.
it'll come in its time.
lets let me savour the sweetness or wad's left of it.
nites all.
see ya'll soon.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

fitin ghosts.

things are goin fine.
im sick of fightin ghosts.
really tired wit all this shat.
its christmas season soon.
bein poor sucks.
i've been lookin at stuff n i see stuf i wanna buy fer my fam but im scrapin the bottom of the barrel now.
shoppin sucks.
i really cant be bothered to blog rite now.
im dam angsty.
so yup.
i shall juz stop here.
cuz im under specific instructions to never blog wenever im angry as i mite offend sensibilities of pple who read my blog n aft tad go tell me sista tad ive got issues.
and despite my repeated appeals fer em to talk to me,
still go talk to my sista.
which i still cant understand cuz if i matter nuf fer you to actually make you wanna say sumthin,
you guy would rather talk to my sista despite me openin myself up to your opinion.
you afraid i'll see thru the faint veneer of concern.
i swear i can count the no of pple tad actually care nuf to come talk to me in ONE hand.
n the saddest part is tad the majority aint even christian.
but the pple tad talk to my sista about me?
the odds swing the other way.
i really dunno wad to say.
maybe im juz angstin again.
but you know wad.
it dun change the fact tad its true.
i bet imma get scolded by my sista again but i really cant be bothered.
i make my testimony by bein honest n forthright to the world.
i put everythin i feel here n bare myself.
you pple can come tell me exactly wad you feel but you dun.
so dun come criticize me.

im 2nd in overall sales fer the month despite bein part time.
n i only lost to alpha bitch who constantly sends me to the storeroom to do stock.
i really cant be bothered to vent anithin here la.
screw it.
i hate fightin ghosts.

how do you get rid of sumthin tad doesnt exist except in an enthreal form?
you cant.
its times lke tad i really dun wanna bother.
sum fites you can win,
sum you cant.
so yea.
i dun fite battles tad are over before they begin.
so yup.
im done.
at least fer tad particular battlefield.
im gone.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

3 days gone.boastin time.

i dun really haf much to blog about.
im juz here to boast.
today sold 2.5,
the day before 1.6,
the day day before.
kekeke.hail me teh 1337.:)

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


i finally passed my ruddy BTE.
which fer the uninitiated,
means basic theory evaluation.
the system goes like this at my place.
ya gotta attend the 2 mandatory lessons,
take the evaluation,
pass the eval,
BEFORE ya can apply fer the test.
the last 3 times i failed by one question.
this time aft studyin a hell lot more.
i only got 1 question wrong.
the proper test is on the 29 at 9 in the mornin where im havin an off day.
i intend to mug like hell.
those pple who've passed and possess a lil book called "250 questions to passin basic theory"
or sum kinda tad name,
pls lend mi.
i really REALLY wish to make it so if n should i go out aft tad,
i'll have a smile on my face cuz i have tis lil document termed "PDL"
in my wallet.
which will allow me to go to the practical sessions which i swear by hook or by crook i shall fly my way thru cuz they're too dammed expensive.
i intend to get my stupid license asap!!!!

im gettin mass nudged so i cant really do anithin.
cuz the com goes *brrrrrr* about every 20 seconds.
stupid clowns.




Monday, December 12, 2005

testimonial,perhaps love,highway code 101.

fer sum unGodly reason,
our testimonial match begun at 9 today.
which is weird fer the reason tad ITS BLOOOOOOOOOODY EARLY.
me bein teh bagus player tad i am,
decided to go early to do strokes first to make sure i dun foul up during the game.

(sidenote:reason why i've n i'll be usin bagus really really frequently now is cuz it bodes well should a customer say it.reason?cuz he/she's from indo,carries a huge wad of cash n goes arnd bagus-ing a coupla times n i can sell bout 700 bucks wortha leather to bring in the routine,i shall use the word more.:))

back to main story,
so yup,
i went there really early,
woke my ass up bout 6:30,
showered,made breakfast den i left the house wit my mummy drearily openin her eyes n like "where you goin?eat alr?drink alr?"
to which i answered 'HOCKEY,yes,yes."
den yup,
walked my sleepin ass n legs outta the house up teh hill to the bus stop,
fell asleep on the bus,
went about 2 stops too far,
but thank God it was still on 199's route.
got off really quickly laffin at myself,
crossed the road n waited fer 199.
den happily d comes along n msges me wen he's supposed to be like 10 mins away "wad bus do i take from boon lay???" all innocently.
den i was like close to cursing the sky blue.
but niwaez,
i went there,
sat there to take my time to wake up,
went to the toilet to change,shat,eat,
den did 2 laps to warmup,
hit a whole loada balls,
freaked out at my loss of form,
started doin strokes for real,makin sure i actually hit sumthin.
den d announces his arrival by laffin at me wen i take a huge swing n miss.:@
den next thing,
wen he gets ready,
i get my own back by laffin incredibly loud cuz his swing's bigger den mine.
and he misses too.
den we juz started laffin stupidly at each others misses.
totally no form at all.
den we juz kep hittin n hittin n stoppin n stoppin,
den aft tad,
ben yang n who i mistook fer veron comes up.
den wen she comes closer den i see its qq.
thanks fer comin to the match.:)
fer sum reason,
she felt like comin to ntu to watch me play a match n 9 oclock at about 830,
which is btw as west as one can get from any point in singapore wen she stays in thompson.
so niwae,
passed her breakfast,
n den headed back out to the pitch to laf at the irony of us being so hardworkin but yet so lousy.
from star striker n star defender to nuttin in 6 months.
den yup,
the rest arrived in due time n the game started.
me n d were prob a lil shaky by our loss of touch but didnt really care,
we were here fer fun niwaez.:)
shall not bore everyone wit the intricate lil details,
but yup.
i scored 2 goals,
both were pressin the offense n capitalising on mistakes made,
and i should've had one more but it came off the post n adi swept home the rebound.
so yup.
total score is 3-1 wit arshad bringin in the consolation fer the j1s.
i expected a better fite honestly.
i guess the loss of shunting's really affectin em.
hope they pick emselves up in time fer season.
if not it'll be a terrible waste.
oh wells.

i left pretty quickly aft the match to go watch a movie.
basically we juz wanted to go a place where i could rest my ass witout so many eyes on us,
so we went n caught whichever movie was showin the soonest.
den yup.
had a pretty sweet movie i guess.
the show sucked but yea.
the company was fine.:)

den yea,
time to hit the books.
highway code 101.
i swear if i fail one more bloody time imma punch thru the touchscreen.
i studied n i failed.
by 1 more question.
in case ya'll dunno,
it happened the same time the PAST 2 TIMES.
always by one question.
if it was back in like olden days,
its 50 questions,
max of 5 wrong,
now its 70 ques,
max of 7 wrong.
i got 6,6 and 8 respectively.
pissed does not even begin to describe my angst.
i tink imma go rush do it tml.
shall go book lesson now.

okie dokie.
im done.

Friday, December 09, 2005

tis is a rushed entry.

the pics are up,
gif ya'll the l;ink later.
i sold 2.5k worth of stuff today.
my my skills in sales si teh l337
hi to fysh.stellz n eve who came to vist.
mummy naggin plus i needta take a shat.
g-i'll do it next time round.:))

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

1st day gone.

to sum it up,
today sucked.
ya ever make a decision you know its rite n still regret it?
suffice to say,
it was a catonic day.

lets gif ya a run down of my achievements in sales.
1st day of work,
1.2 k
4th,600<-4 hours only pls)
today,1.6 k.
witout my voice as well.
i figure its pretty good fer a dude who lost his voice.

qi's uploadin the prom pics fer me so i guess i'll have the link ready soon.

wad else.

this line kept echoin itself in my head thruout the whole bloody day as i stared out the shop window.
it comes fer a really underated song.
sisqo's incomplete.

"cuz you witout you gal,my life is incomplete"
more or less sums up everythin i feel today.
oh wellz.
shall go off.
mummy needsta talk to daddy.
later i guess.

juz watched chicken little.
waste of time.

was tinkin during the day while blinkin away my uncomfortable contacts,
i tink i figured out one of the quitessential parodoxes tad make up ben.
how can an insecure guy like me appear so cocksure/arrogant/wadever ya wanna call it.

im insecure of the way i look,
im fat,
not really cute,
not really good lookin,
quite short,
a lil stumpy.

but im extremely confident in my abilities fer i feel tad wit God on my side,
n if it be His will,
there be NO way in hell i will fail.
so yup.
finally figured a lil of me out.
pretty pleased wit myself.
woke up wit the stupid hollow feelin within.
pissed the hella outta me i tell you.

oh wellz.
tml's my basic theory eval.
i better pass.
its the 1st time i studied fer it.
if i dun make it i'll like punch the monitor thru.
not in frenly mood now pls.
be wary the grumpy angsty bear.
all hail big ben bear.
now everyone swears at me.
k.i shall juz shut up now n like read blogs.
shall wake up early tml to go doctor<$$$$$ flyin away.:(>,den study fer test AGAIN,den go take test,
come back shower n head down to work.
its beyond me why im witout my voice n still the top sales person in my job.
as i said.
confidence in my ability.
cuz i feel God-empowered.
tink bout it.
you'll realise its thru.
im supremely confident went it comes to doin shat but awfully insecure wen it comes to pple's impressions.
make sense dun it.
studyin time.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

christmas list

1)a new computer
2)a psp
3)new phone(nokia 6111 or 6170)
4)for my job to allow me to earn commission
5)sponsership fer my driving lesson
6)wrist bling
7)a good christmas
8)an invite to braun buffel's d&d
9)a lil experience wit God fer xmas
10)more money,more time wit sum1 :)

i've got expensive taste.
so bite me.

i swear.
howard's really juz abit of a cutie face n true heart.
i mean.
the way he's hostin gotcha...
im like.
not tad cheryl tay's ani better la.
but since pple like fysh watch gotcha cuza cheryl tay,
i guess there'll be pple like jam tad'll watch gotcha cuza howard.

im bored shatless.
i wanna go back to work.
i wanna go drive.
oh yea.
shall go bbdc webbie now.

prom-aft prom-withdrawal symptoms.

shall talk bout prom.
not much to say in terms of the flow of events which was messed up n had mr kwek tryin to blow out his birthday candles like 3-5 times.
i cant remember but yea.
and he hadta take 2 breaths.
muzly i juz took a whole shatload of pics.
of which....

wad else.
the aft prom party.
basically tad was the main event of the whole day la.
i tot it was really funny the way the emcee fer the prom was like "lets head to the dance floor guys!!!we're gonna dance the nite away!!"
and den everyone who was goin to gotham basically juz flowed outta the door n started movin tad way.:)
the dance floor was a lil cramp.
im guessin basically the dance floor should've encompassed the stage area.
there was a gay amount of guys like goin on the stage fer dunno wad reason.
no gals to dance wit,
they go up n shuffle arnd.
and here i tot those podiums were like fer gals to like go dance n like set the nite afire.
but oh wells.
it was fun seein pj pple hang lose once ina while.
muzly danced wit guys n like did really stupid things n had fun laffin at ourselves n all.
dance wit a coupla gals too but only fer a short while cuz i aint a podium person.
got threw onstage twice,
got invited thrice by the gals..
never danced more den one song cuz im dam shy.
wad else.
nothin much.
came home,
made supper,
slept at 530,
woke at 730.
took a pseudo nap at bout 12-2,
den yea.
here i am.
kinda lost my voice.

are things tad are too good to be true definitely too good to be true?
i dunno.
i guess despite all,
im still pretty idealistically quitoxic.
oh wellz.
i'm still sufferin from a sore throat.
a salesman aint shat witout his voice im guessin.
i shall go suck sum sweets.
im goin off now.
shall go either play game or i dunno.
play guit?
dun really know.
feel quite unpleasant and im guessin its either withdrawal symptoms,hangover,lack of sleep,or sumthin else entirely.
cant care.

Monday, December 05, 2005

nobody wants to be lonely.

dere's not one person who wants to be lonely,
there's not one person who doesnt want love,
tho outside you mite deny it,
deep inside you wan sum1 to treat you like you deserve.

facade piled upon facade,
jadedness pushes the extremes,
pple begin to lose emselves,
den tryta refind the person within.

bein true to oneself,
sounds easier den it seems,
wen all arnd in the world,
everythin presses you in.

juz a few things i was tinkin wen i woke up.
i wrote a new song!!!:)
plus the chords sound pretty decent.
havent made much special one but this one has a solid feel.

waitin fer my mummy to come back so i can go shower n get ready to go down.
i wanna take pics.
bored pls.
i wanna drink at least 8 shots today.
preferably ten.:)
hopin josh n dud can make it.
if not i'll be be hangin arnd n relaxiin.

i shall go play gaiden x now.

*advertiser voice*
but that's not all folks!!!
tis is where i'll be at later!
will you????


Sunday, December 04, 2005 flies away.:@:@:@:@:@:@

i bought my belt..
stupid piece of shat better last me a coupla yrs.

tml's prom!!!:)
n den its the aft prom party.:)
good tidings.
but im broke till i can claim the moolah from my mummy before i got down.

i dunno why but im pretty hyped up fer prom.
but not so much so prom i guess but the aft prom gig.
im hopin things turn out well if not imma really like get quick angsty.

time flies,
pple change,
no 2 leaves fall,
quite the same.

logic n reason,
loses its place,
where's the sense of it,

its prom tml,
barely 16 hrs away,
i half care,
and the other 1/2's sleepin away,

i wanna dance,
but the place hasta be hyped,
if not,
it'll be like it died.

im tryin to appeal,
to the poet in me,
but obviously it aint workin,
so stop now,will me.

quite not botherin bout EVERYTHIN.
im juz livin today fer today.
i needta bring my bible to work to read wen there arent no customers.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

baskin in the glow.

i bought my prom shirt!!:)

its the red version of it.
dun ask me why i cant find it but yea.
the stupid sotre juz put this color on.

i tried searchin fer the belt i wanted to buy from braun,
but failed to find it.
highly annoyin.

the past few days have been really enjoyable.
laissez le bon roulement de périodes
i.e,let the good times roll.
i juz want it to go downd fer the record tad yes.
walks down the beach are highly romantic.
exp if you get a good breeze.
if its hot you can go clap hand,
if its rainin you can go clap hand.
if the weather's blessed n breezy,
its an awesome feelin.:)

wad else.
nuttin much.
i got pwned by fysh today tho.
my fren was tryin on an outfit rite,
den we were like snorin outside the changin room.
den i bought my shirt alr,
den i was like half stoned so i left my shirt wit fysh's bag on the floor.
den aft tad wen she came out.
i happily walked off witout my bag.
den fysh tad lil clown happily took it n shoved it in his bag.
den i went down the escalator,
den i realised i forgot my bag.
den i ran up,
and ran to where i saw it last.
den i was like "SHAT"
wen i didnt see it there.
suffice to say i was majorly worried till tad lil clown turned it over.

im kinda in this sated state now.
things are goin pretty smoothly,
i've more or less gotten permission to go fer gotham on prom nite,
things are lookin up fer once.
and yea.
tho the weight of certain things still rest pretty heavily on my shoulders,
im still surviing pretty well i guess.
a major part of it hasta do wit sum1,
go figure.

stop being so hyper.hahaha.
ask ya bf come gotham la.
his prom next day rite?
or is he j1?
you went the angela way rite?
the paedo way.
so he j1 or 2.
dunno.:) kekeke
ask him come la.
den can intro.

Monday, November 28, 2005


i wrote a dam long entry.
its in my draft.
i felt like shat,
read it n felt even worse.

i have a dull ache in my heart cuza fear of a decision i hafta make.
n the fear of losin tad sum1 special.
but since it has more or less been settled.
i shall not bother bloggin it anymore.
i juz had a really bad heartache wen i tot was goin to lose this person.

oh wellz.
shall blog bout more interestin things now since tad heartbreak thing no longer is of importance to your knowledge.
i shall read it in my saved drafts.:)

wad happened today besides tad.
it was a pretty good day i guess.
i met her,played pool n chilled n all.
but i shant go there cuz i talked bout it in the draft.

aft tad i went wit my sista to her aerobics/dance/fightin thing.
to sum up my rewards,
i haf a ankle cramp,a calf cramp AND A BUTT CRAMP.
ankle was pretty early but cuz my ankles are like designed to take punishment it didnt really matter.
1st up was dance.
quite funky,
not really tiring.
alot of grindin n thank God i wore underwear today lest my ahem wobbled n came loose.
all the hip motion i tell you,
den still gotta jerk one.
so like the gals do DAM easy.
buys do got momentum so gotta take it easy.
if not sumthin mite spoil.
den not much problem,juz the ankle abit pain.
den came the killer.

sum fightin aerobics thing.
you gotta keep ya arms up n clenched to protect ya face n all rite?
juz maybe my there got no more muscles.
so they were really wobbly n couldnt take it.
den hadta keep bouncin to keep the rhythm up.
den die.
halfway thru,
the 1st song only.
my calf macham cramp.
cuz i got a dam lazy left leg so my rite leg was workin overtime,
so like yea.
den dam unglam.
den at that exact moment,
the instructer goes "now we kick"
den i was like "shat"
den my kicks were dam unglam la.
like a duck waddlin n doin kungfu tad kinda kick cuz the muscle dam tight.
den even worse.
my left leg's like dead,
so it doesnt acknowledge tad its supposed to kick at any point in time.
so basically,
the instructor's like "now we switchover,left kick,5,6,7,8"
everyone kicks left n i kick rite.
den it keeps on GOIN on n ON!!!!
dam irritatin.
and den the grandmaster of cramps happened.
we were doin this punch-duck-punch combo n you hafta go really low,
den we did it so many times,
den my butt cramped.
den my kicks became really quite small motions n all.
den aft the music stopped,
i bent down to catch my breath.
bad mistake.
lagi cramp.
den kena owned.
i fell on my ass.
really quite abit the unglam.
im really dam outta shape now.
wad else.
oh yes!
the whole place was like a stage tad like EVERYONE can see la.
so like the pple in the cafe were prob laffin their asses off at us tryin to kep fit.
so horrible ungalm.
but it was a good workout.
den i came home to eat maggi mee n nullified everythin.
oh wellz.
cant haf everythin in life.

im happy one again cuz a certain sum1's talkin to me again.

Friday, November 18, 2005

its the angst begins?

you know.
today defines the day of mixed emotions.
so here i am,
happily finishin up my last paper of the messed up As,
and the 1st thing i hear is my mummy callin me,
askin me how the paper went,
and then askin me to go home n pack up my room to prepare fer visitors.
tad despite me tellin her before i took the paper tad im goin to fysh's house to play wow.
never mind.
den my class won a kfc voucher.
so they wanted to go enjoy,
so i turned em down cuz i figured my mummy needed help n its the right thing to do.
so i rush home n sort out all my stuff so wen she comes back everythin can be done really quickly.
im done within 15 mins.
she called mi at 340 tellin me she was juz buyin boxes n she'll be back.
i reach home at 350.
i wait till bloody 650 till she comes home,
seethin away gettin more pissed.
in the 3 hours i could've wowed,taken kfc.
never mind.
knowin full well my intentions,
she happily keeps draggin time n draggin time.
so i choose to believe tad she forgot.
so i juz ask her if she needs my help anymoer.
if not i shall go.
and she has the bloogy angst to come scream n throw temper at me aft?
i mean like wtf.
i do all you ask me to.
aft tad i go find sumthin tad i wanan do n i get yelled at cuza it?
its not fiar ainit.

not to mention.
they keep promisin me a computer.
this saga has been told thru my sec school yrs all the way up till now.
every single time they get my hopes up n then say "next yr,study's more impt"
every yr i take the fall as it comes n dun say anithin.
well well.
surprise again.
tis yr it happens again?
the much vaunted "aft A's" time comes n hey!its not comin.
so wen you cant gimme a com,
i wanan go find means to play my game,
i do not see wad rite do you hafta be angst at me cuz basically you're juz angry tad im searchin fer things i want which i tink is absolutely ridiculous.

den my father.
domineerin sob happily asks me every single day wen i'll be lookin fer a job.
i mean fer pete's sake la.
my job has absolutely NOTHING to do with you so stfu.

sorry fer the explicit language but i hate crushed hopes.
muz of the time aft 7 yrs of failed hopes wrt to the com you'll tink i'll be jaded to it but it was really high tis time cuz there was "no other studies" behind tis.
and wen i fall i dun take it very well.
so everyone juz step the hell back n let me vent my angst if not i wunt be the nice guy i usually am.

the reason why my mummy's gettin so flustered bout the house bein spick n span's cuza sum cell group pple comin over on like the 10th of the next month.
n the point i cant understand is why its almuz a whole bloody month away n you're freakin out now.
you cant exterminate dust.
it gathers.
you'er much better off cleanin it closer to tyhe date rite?
makes more sense.
closer to the date,
less time to mess the house up,less time for dust to gather.
its sensible thing to do.
im willin to bet my left testicle tad imma hafta help her clean up the whole dam house again before the time comes.
and it hasta be spotless.
i know her standards.

the crux of the matter is tad she hasta set a good impression fer those pple comin over.
which is totally ridiculous to me cuz it feels so fake.
im sicka hypocrites aight.
and now we hafta be ones too?
i've lived my entire life despisin em n now i bow to the pressure of the bloody world?
pple who know me know i tell it as wad i feel it is.
i dun hedge my words i cut to the crux of the issue.
i dun see why the hell i hafta neaten up the place to tad extent.
if sum was comin over,
TIDYIN up the place is understood.
aft all
its parta bein a good host.
but basically cleanin the whole dam palce up till even the walls are clean is excessive.
but tad's not wad im tryin to get at.

i dun see who the hell tis pple are to judge.
it means everyone of you lil assclowns out there who keep slef invitin yaself into other pple's sanctus sanctorum.
basically put,houses.
the reason you wanna go into the hosue is yo wanan see how the person lives n all.
take tad idea n the horse you rode in on n shove it up ya ass.
its utter bullshat.
you're tellin me yuo've never left the newspaper in the toilet aft your mornin posturin on the throne?
never forgot to flush the toilet cuz its late at nite?
never forgot to fold ya towel on the rack nicely before leavin?
never forgot to arrange ya books neatly?
never left thigns lyin arnd?
WHO THE HELL gifs you the right to judge pple by the way they present emselves wen you yaself have your own flaws.
you're like a friggin pseudo perfectionist tad only feels perfect from laffin at other's fualts.
which to me makes you a bloody loer n a fraud.
basically put.
you suck n the world'll be a better palce witout pple of your trivial existence pollutin tis ecosphere.
so bsically,
everyone should juz come to terms wit emselves so pple like my mummy can sit back n relax n ENJOY bein a host insteada worryin bout wad alla you lil pricks tink.

*takes deep breath*
im done.
paper was pretty decent.
hopefully my grades are good nuf to get into uni.
anyone wit a goof job offer pls msg me?
im available till april.
im goin job huntin tml so yea.
pls holla asap aight?
good stuff.
im gone to see if wow has rebooted its server yet.:)

Saturday, November 12, 2005

i hate exams.

things change really quickly wen you wanna take charge of ya life.
i often wonder if i had started studyin barely a coupla months earlier if things'll be so much better now.
i had a potential of about TWO whole bloody grades tad i could've gotten if i had juz had more experience,
but cuz i didnt,
i was unable to produce in the exam hall.
but its over its over.
i figure i'll be in good shape next yr if i keep it up.
to retake this stupid thing i guess.
i hate myself at times like this.
ridiculous i say.
oh wellz.
shall not mopeth much longer.
shall return to the world of muggin dammit.
blah blah blah blah.
im rambling.
so be it.
i wanna watch HARRY!!!!!!
i got e funniest group ever to go watch it wit tho.
watchin it wit the whole group of students from my math tuition.
im really rambling like shat.
disjointed tots.
cant even rem wad i wanted to start sayin.
i shall blog again wen im more coherent.

i wanna wow.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

things you never tink will happen.

today was glorious math.
and thank God,
it was doable.
i haf a total of 24 marks worth of questions tad i didnt present an answer for.
but chances are,
of tad 24 marks,
i would get about maybe 5 or 6 due to workin cuz i juz found out tad i was along the rite track fer my vectors question but i gaf it up cuz i didnt tink it was plausible.
the key to the part 2 of tad questions was tad there were 3 variables.
which i had.
now how angsty am i gonna get?
cuz im tired.
so yea.
i gotta continue burnin fer the next 48 hours flat till aft math paper 2 den i can go sleep.

so pray fer mi?
its gonna be a hard 48 hours.
imma be chuggin down tea,coffee n chicken essence.
i ish i had a camera to take my eyebags with.
i tink they're really impressive.:)
like WHOA kinda impressive.:)

i kinda haf tis fatalistic mentality goin on in my head now.
i really miss a certain person.
its really funny how barely a month later aft you make a decision,
wen the repercussions n the real impact of tad choice hits you,
wen everythin fades away,
you kinda feel morsels of regret.
its seems so highly ironic.
i really tink my latest lyrics are so dam true.
we're all victims of our destiny.
bound by the things we hafta do,
bound by the so called "rite ways of goin about life"
can a man change his fortune?
can i man actually change God's plan for him?
if our lives are actually all planned out alr,
den its unfathomable tad our dear God above actually planned an existence fer us in which tad we suffer so much.
lessons wen learnt should lift us to a state in which we should become happier.
but yet?
lessons pile upon lessons.
if the statement tad the learnin never ends,
does tad not mean we're bound to live life in misery ferever?
tad's really such a bitch ainit.

the new situation now tad my muggin has slowed down and i finally realised it sucks.
things changed so much.
barely a coupla weeks.
n everythin's changed.
part of me's happy tad she listened and moved on.
part of me bemoans my decision despite its "righteousness"
maybe its time fer me to move on as well.
maybe its juz cuz im feelin so tired n weak now.
maybe its juz she's had the time to go out n socialise more which is why she can find another so quick n leave everythin behind..
maybe it'll be the same fer me once the bloody papers are over.

so many damned maybes.
everythin's meaningless.
rite now.
everyone n everyting should juz return to ashes.

"from ashes i come,ashes i will return"

tad is like so a misquote,
but like it gets my point across.
im gone.
time to go back to meaningless toil.
i really cant figure how's all this bullshat gonna help mi in my teachin of english next time.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

you wonder.

in my boredom,
i wrote tis lil ditty.

we are all victims of our own destiny,
am i e only one,who sees the irony,
battered in by the things we're supposed to do,
tired of hearin "do e rite thing,it'll all come to you"

cuz we're all victims of our destiny,
if you were tinkin,you'll agree wit me,
pple cryin out fer strength.
where's the hope to ease my pain,
where's the light to turn this hellish darkness to day.

where's the hope of this meaningless night,
where's e stars tad make the night sky bright,
future's loomin and it doesnt seem too bright,
time's not waitin should i gif u or should i fight.

so God above,
i'm cryin out,
show m e way,
to survive is rout,
take away,
my load today,
let me not fall,
in tis forsaken place.

its such a sad thing.
tad like despite all,
we're still stuck in the system tad threatens to bind us forever.
individualism is lost.
is anyone so diff from the next.
e defination of a singaporean teen.
"some one who goes to school n is constant struggle to be the best wit a thirst tad never seems to be quenched even at the cost of losin their souls"
look arnd you.
EVERY single teen is either in poly or jc.
everyone is either a mugger,or tryin to be one.
everyone strives to be the best.
and why not?
after all,
its their life to lead.
in tad sense,
look at the new rankin fer unis.
our beloved n cherished NUS,stands at a proud 8 or 9 compared internationally.
but yet in the workin world,
in a report taken,
NUS grads are not tad favored by employers.
they rank at about 30-40.
cant remember the exact thing.
juz seems pathetic tad despite havin the top uni,
we're basically churnin out robots.
mindless automatons tad go into the world to continue the grind against its system but a slave to it cuza the quintessential element called : money.
pathetic wad it has made us do to ourselves.
but unavoidable i guess.

i was readin a coupla y archives entries.
not the ones here.
as in the old blog.
speakin of which,
i should link back there.
but yea.
the tone's so different.
lil things tad made me smile to joyously now seem so plain n unme.
its weird n yet it realyl saddenin.
but oh wellz.
the world continues spinnin.
whether i like it or not,
i shall still be driven on aimlessly cuz tad is life of a singaporean teen.
only the government can stop tis mindless push,
but den again,
how do you stop the momentum built up fer 3 generations of pple believin in this mindset.
you cant.
you hear em screamin out fer tinkin pple.
den you see gahmen takin steps to promote "active tinkin"
but how can there be active tinkin wen everyone's mind's basically a cloned copy of the others'?
ridiculous aint it?

shall not whine no more.
2 weeks.
it'll all be over.
fer better or worse.
im determined to let it get me down.
i gif it all i got.
if it aint nuf,
den too bad,
imma hafta find my way in the world myself.
n so be it.
level 22 shammy.
but yet even tad's startin to pale fer me.

oh yea.
gotta advertise.

10-5 a.m,
$15 bux a tick,
1 free shot per tick
hip hop,top 40s all nite long,
shots at $5
you get to reserve tables too.
either tag me,
msg mi or tis number fer tix.

if you were pjc show a face,
its the 1st party,
if you were from mshs,
show a face,
its our very own sky's organisin,
if you're in pjc now,
show a face,
lets start havin stuff to be proud off,
if you're basically free on tad day,
show a face,
it'll be fun to see prom outfits n clubfits on the dance floor toget.

Monday, October 31, 2005

victims of our own destiny

you know.
the way things are lookin to me rite now.
i tink even the muz enthusiastic side of me's gonna be collapsin n admittin defeat soon.
maybe tis whole jc thing really is not the route fer me.
for all my hopes,my faith in myself.
its juz not happenin.
and it really hurts.
3yrs in tis place.
and ive grown.
but yet.
i come away with nothin tad'll stand up as potentially useful to the world.
and then again you ask.
why the hoohah about holistic education if in the end,
nothing counts fer nought except fer the papers you hold in your hand.
i figure if all else fails,
im gonna teach P.E fer about 4 yrs once im outta ns.
and then i'll save tad money to go overseas n study fer a yr or so.
i'll slowly work my englsh degree out from nothing.
and den i'll come back n teach.
the dream life i wanna lead'll still be achievable,
but the time i haf to live it'll be shorter.
it really hurts.
im really depressed as of now.
but then again.
no one really cares rite?:)
wad a wonderful world.
we have songs screamin "spread the love"
and den we haf multifaceted facades of interests.
i really have lost faith in the wholehumankind.

maybe not guys.
maybe cuz i've been blessed wit good bros.
i've got fysh n alv in the recent yrs,
and my bros like dud,josh,giant,tim who've been in my life one way or the other fer the past few yrs.
strange funny perspectives.
but it sucks in the end wen you get down to it.
immma juz rambling but yet relationships are so hard to upkep even wen parties fully understand n appreciate each other.
and if its tis hard fer bro-bro relationship,
wad more a guy-gal.

gals are enigmatic creatures.
you never really can figure em out.
even wen you do,
chances are you wunt even know cuz of a thing called PMS.
so once again.
true understandin doesnt exist in relationships.
to me its more a form of mutual tolerance.
and once tad tolerance is gone,
nothing's gonna hold the two pple together.
so much fer the power of love.
im bein highly antheist,
but i really cant care about it now.
im gone.
gonna play stupid online games before i go back n study.

i shall buy wow tml.
fysh-wanna come toget dude?msg mi.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

sighz.ridiculous things to do.

im really stressed i tink.
all at the same time,
highly hilarious things i've been doin.
i've been doin ALOT of stupid stuff tad makes mi seem retarded.
sayin things,
doin things witout tinkin,
doin crazy things to tryta retain my sanity.
i shall not go into details rite now,
but suffice to say,
i'll get shot in america if i say it over the dinner table,
plus it makes me look really REALLY depraved.
really beeen doin stupid things.
but at least it'll be kept to the halls of pjc la.
i hope.
the only reason why im doin shat thar's cuz imjma leavin tad place niwae.
so doesnt matter.
unless i get back as a P.E teacher next yr.
den im screwed.
speakin of which,
i gotta apply now.
bb ina sec.

the bloody online application's not catered towards pple stressed.
bloody hell.
so darn difficult LA!!!!!!
tink i shall go there directly n apply.
nex time i go fer raf i shall head over early den go sign up.

as i was sayin.
if im talkin to you now,
pls dun take me seriously,
you're prob gonna get mighty offended.
excuse my manners.
but yea.
i really cant care.
i juz wan tis ordeal to be over.

Sunday, October 16, 2005


all you pple out there dam cartoon.
there's nuttin funny bout it wad.
its juz lame spammin.
i tot the soup kambing bit was dam funny tho.
the theme was supposed to be fast food la.
i swear if i go to a psychaitrist now i'll get myself cinically diagnosed as depressed.
tad's low low i feel now.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


this blog kinda suffered a cardiac arrest.
IT LIVES!!!!!!:) yay.
wad has been goin on.
im officially becomin a lil mugger.
its horrifyin,
i beat myself stupid all day against the table tad is COE n all the other remedials in school.
im also totally BUTT BORED.
i need sumthin in school to do besides look at books n feel stupid,
talk to my mats n feel stupid.
look at pple in class n feel lazy.
you kinda get my drift alr.
all my frens advice is the same.
one of 2 options.

option 1:go study la.

up yours.

option 2:get a new trix la.
which my answer would be a resoundin "WHO."
its really dam hard to find a decent lookin gal in school pls.
maybe i really have set my standards too high.
i dun understand why everyone tells mi "you should really lower your standards"
like gee pls.
i know how much im worth.
i believe tad God has the best for me.
why should i settle for sumthin less.
it juz doesnt make sense.
added to the fact,
i've come a long way from the days where my body was tight n like muscular.
so like yea pls.
the no of glances i get in school have dropped drastically.
gee pls.
i make it sound like imma pop star.
life's juz weird la.
i shant comment further.
it juz sucks.
plus the fact tad i havent "played the field" fer so long i prob cant remember howta start.
oh wellz.
there's always university WEN i get there.
*all note the confidence injected in the above statement*
im bored shatless.
i aint got a new trix.
to sum it up.
imma in a rut,
tad's gonna last another 1 month n 2 weeks.
till the A's are over,
i doubt there're be genuine happiness in my life fer the indefinite future unless sumthin unexpected n wonderful which i've been hopin fer happens.
which i dun even know wad it is.
but it kinda goes along the line of a really hot gal comin up wit a really cool device tad lets me store all my A level stuff within and hour within my brain,den i'll marry her n we'll earn lotsa money n go travel the world n make lil hot babes n dudes.

i wanna 40 yr old virgin.
any old nuf person wanna go watch.
its fer >18 pple pls.
angst angst frustration frustration.
imma go write a song tonight.
tml's farewell assembly.
gee pls.
cant wait!!!
i wonder wad's ins store fer us.
lemme guess.
fer all the good tad'll do.
everyone's got so much make up on it look like krusty the clown did make p on em.
but at least the make up helps.
imaginary temporal eye candies fer amusement.
im always highly bemused by corny dance steps pls.
i end up laffin at the dance steps insteada check the chicks out.
but its relaly butt hilarious.
sorry but i got high expectations wen it comes to dance to pls.
cuz i dance.
i tink imma bit psychotic now.
i shall juz stop rambling incoherent rubbish here.
here's the bored jokes i came up wit in clas to amuse myself.

why did the potato go to france?

S:to become a french fry.

why did the cod swim across the river?

S:to become filet-o-fysh

why did the cow run across the road?

S:to become Whopper.

why did the chicken cross the road?

s:to visit KFC or become a Mchicken

why did the mushroom scurry to switzerland?

S:to become mushroom swiss.

why did the lamb roll across the road?

S: to become soup KAMBING.

hail bored stupid lazy boy.
i wanna WOW.:@
my shaman's in stasis.
i need to reawake the BEAST!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

its been really long sinced i last blogged.
im here,
im still alive,
wad else.
pineapples suck on pizza.
im still allergic to kfc.
prelims results suck.
didnt even achieve sum of my goals.
but i was qim fer ridiculous ones niwaez.
ou dun go from an F to an A in 3 weeks.

gotta go off soon.

juz use to com to transfer sean paul n bon jovi's album.
now i shall go.

Friday, September 23, 2005


exams are over,
sorry to all my classmates fer not makin the outin today..
parents would've kick a fuss.
wad else.
yest was a crappy day.
seems like everyone hadta take a whack at mi.
probably it was "shat on ben day" yest.
cant remember wen was the last time i got scolded so many times in one day.
clubbin was pretty sad,
but it prob was the best club ambience tad i experienced alr.
compared to the clark quay one,to china,
tis prob was the best place to club.
not too crowded,
the shots are decently priced.
was really a much better place to dance.
the floor was pretty spacious,
but i guess it was cuz its a thurs.
so in all.
managed to dance and get pretty relaxed.
wen i got enough space to move imma happy man la.
due to family complications,
it was a very short time clubbin.
only properly clubbed fer a really short time.
go figure.
im quite angsty about it.
but oh wellz.
wad to do pls.
at least i could dance fer a while n chill i gues.
we went to momo 1st.
den it was a ridiculous queue,
so we went over to double o.
and man.
things were alot better there.
tho i didnt get to se how momo's like.
i haf this strange affliction towards double o cuz of the ambience.
sumthin relaxin about it tad puts mi at ease.
made a couple of auz dudes as well.
ended up talkin quite long wit em cuz the dance floor was closed fer a while due to sum performance.
i tellyou.
i like foreigners more den local clubbers.
they're somuch more frenly.
tad's wad it should be like.
pple juz comin toget to chill n dance n have a good time.
not get drunk,
smoke n get stupidly high.
oh wellz.
i've made my stand on clubbin pretty clear a coupla posts ago.
so i shall not do it again.

and i wanted to bring up tis issue.
its another hard question.
wad makes a bikini less stumbling..
i heard the opinion of my pastors tad she tinks tad bikinis are stumblin n tad gals from church shouldnt wear em while out wit church guys.
wad i cant get is tad if the're gonna wear it on other occasions,
its not any less stumblin to the guys on the beach,
so mite as well benefit the church dudes and let us see rite.
after all.
at least its your frens tad ogle at you.
dunno pls.
one of the stupid things tad you remember during your prelim period.
its like suddenly ive been havin stupid flashbacks of this kinda stupid shat.
thus my 3 questions way below,
my perceptions n all.
who cares.
imma go take a shat.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


its over!
prelims are over.
its time to party.
i am so psyched.:)
added to the fact tad i got my own wow acc courtesy of matt n fysh.:)
ten day pass wit a level 20 cap.:)
imma hit tad cap.:)
i really tink tad game is da bomb pls.
the prelims are over.
imma due a break.
imma go tan tml.
and if all goes well.
wen te nite comes.
fat boy here's headin to club.:)
i need to really relax.
imma be tryin to put music on my blog.:)
and its amusing how no one said anithin bout my 3 questions.
no one wanna face up with hard truths i say.
advice to all.

imma go tan tml.
11-130 bakin session.
den i wunt be so dam white anymore.:)

to all ipod lovers who hate itunes.
and hate downldin stupid programs,

access you ipod in ie.
go to music under the hidden ipodcontrol folder,
see all the hidden folders.
den you'll get dam angst tryin to find tad specific song juz like mi.
cuz findin one song outta nearly 3 k is ridiculous.
GO TO SEARCH in your windows explorer,
include all hidden files,
den let her rip!
you're instantly the owner of a normal ipod insteada a selfish and normal one.
hate itunes.
lookin fer one file to send.
from folder 00-49.
guess where it was?
folder 48.


Friday, September 16, 2005

blasted heat.

i've got a tune fer the song.
mite be a lil pirated but waddaheck.:)
i tink it sounds really good.:)

one of my best so far if i may say so myself.:)
i wanna WOW.:)
i was checkin out the com ads.
and dell's got this really nice one tad's goin fer like 1.4 k online.
cant wait fer the A's to be over,
get a job,
get a com,
get my license,
get a level 60 n go get fit wit SRC n church soccer.:)

tad is the life as far as i can see.
plus next week if all goes well i can get to go momo wit josh.:)
was in the library this mornin study.
den on my break i read this.

plus i was tinkin about it durin test hours..

wad IS true love?

is it:
acceptance that the person does not have feelins fer you?
stickin on n hope of winnin her over?

is it:
stickin through thick n thin?
knowin wen to call it quits?

is it:
puttin the other's emotions first n lettin go?
persistin till the end?

it all seems so simple at the start.
clear vision.
"i will love tis person"
but yet wen the problems arise,
its relly time to be able to answer these questions.
dunno pls.
it aint any of my problems.
juz wonderin.
wad do YOU pple tink.
tag your response or comment.

the papers have been interestin to say the least.
math was really amusing.
paper one encouraged mi like mad,
paper 2 discouraged me like mad.

chem-so far its only been paper 3.
im pretty encouraged so far.
if i dun screw up too badly,
im pretty sure i can pull off a pretty good result.

phy-mcq was madness,
paper 2 was madness 2.
my physics'smad alr.
needta mug smart fer it soon man.

the golden goose man
my supposed golden subject mite be screwed.
here's wad happened.

accordin to my G.P tutor,
to write a cohesive g.p essay,
i hadta come up wit an essay plan.
so tad's wad i did.
and den i wrote a WHOLE essay.
n reread it.
didnt flow nicely.
so i crumpled it up,
den wrote a new one.
time elasped at this point was bout 40 mins.
wrote to the 3rd para,
read it,
tot i really looked lke shat,
crumpled it up.
den i gave up,
wrote on a WHOLE new topic.
and finished it with about 2 mins to spare.
quite ridiculous.
im not expectin anythin spectacular from tad paper man.:@
and like my paper 2,
for once i tink i can get more den like 2 marks fer summary.
wad an irony.
fer one i do well fer tad section,
den now im screwin up my paper one.

im titlin the song :waitin.
gonna record the song usin sum creative mp3 player n if it turns out well,
find a place to host it n link it to my blog so i can share it wit the world.

here are the more refined lyrics tad fit in with the beat.


19 yrs have come to pass,
on this road tad is my last.
my heart it yearns fer you alone,
fer all my wrongs can i atone....

i've been waitin fer so long now,
i've been waitin to hear i do from you,
been waitin to hold you in my arms,
been waitin.........
im still waitin..

everynite before i close my eyes,
wish tad you were by my side,
n wen i wake up to the dawn,
your eyes will be my light...

i've beeen waitin fer so long now,
i've been waitin to hear i do from you,
been waitin to hold you in my arms,
been waitin..........

gal why cant you see,
tad you belong here with me,
in my arms,i'll keep you warm,
its here where you belong,
how long do you wanna,
wanna drag things out..
fer while you were thinkin...

i've been waitin fer so long now,
i've been waitin fer so long,
juz to hold in my arms gal,
juz to hear you say you do,
i've been waitin,waitin fer so long now..
i've been waitin,waitin fer you,
i've been waitin,waitin fer you gal,
i've been waitin fer so long..

and im still waitin...

that's it.
here's sumthin fer all cheap thrillers.

fysh'll love this one.:)


Wednesday, September 14, 2005

things do pple.

was talkin to an old fren recently.
and its really funny how time changes a person so uch.
esp those you've been away from for so long.
all your percieved connotations about this pple you tot you knew like the back of your hand suddenly change.
and suddenly the person's like so different.
look at the old maris crowd.
my nigga bro be quite a frequent clubber now.
n tad's sumthin i would've never expected of him.
but things be good.
we still can clcik really well.
hopin we'l be bunk mates in ns.
i really am.
miss chilling out wit him.
ad the rest.
tim,dudley,giant,kev li,kev kwok,ken yeo.
they all seem like such a distant passin now.

i dunno why.
but i really haf a bad impression of clubbers.
as in the really frequent ones.
like those if dun club or go to a party at least fortnightl will die tad kind.
i guess its sumthin to do with my upbringin la.
i really cant stand the thought of pple under the influence of alcohols and losin control of emselves.
i love clubbin as much as the next person.
prob more den the next person cuz i dun get many chances to go club.
but i really cant stand clubbers tad go one night,
blow a coupla hundred bucks in an effort to get high.
and aft tad wake up findin tad dey did sumthim stupid last nite.
i often ask gals who go club tis question "do you remember wad you did last nite?or is it all a blur?"
and more often den not,
the gal replies"no lehz..not really"
its no surprise considerin the amount of pure you've indulged in at the expense of guys.
and guys always go there wit fat wallets n come back wit wallets tad look like they've been passed thru the slim ten pill treatment wit the side effects still active.
i dun see the thrill in uyin 8-15 bucks shots wen you can buy a bottle of pure fer a bout 60-120 bucks,mix it to even more concentrated den you get in the club,
get yourself truly high instead of those half assed drinks tad you buy in an effort n cant even make it cuz its so diluted PLUS you "GOTTA" buy drinks fer your female frens.
ask mi why i dun like goin to clubs with gals.
i really go to clubs to dance.
i dun buy more den a coupla of drinks.
n by coupla i mean i can count the no on my finger.
i dun see the point in losin so much of your conscious mind tad you cant even remember wad happened the nite before.
if you're gonna spend sum major dough,
you mite as well make sure you remember wad happened rite?
like if you see this fine gal n you dance wit her,
you're gonna wanna remember how she looked like n the way she danced insteada this blank spot and the knowledge tad "HEY.i danced wit a hot chick last nite" only.
im done.
pple change.
time really has this forgone effect.
im done.

19 yrs.

havin screwed my math paper 2 to a form beyond recognition,
i decided to be creative n write a short song.

19 yrs have come to pass,
on this road tad is my last,
my heart yearns fer you alone.
all my wrongs,can i atone,

been waitin so long fer you now,
waitin to hear i do from you,
waitin to hold you in my arms....
im still waitin....

(verse 2)
everyday before i close my eyes,
tink of you n visualise,
wishin you were here by my side,
you eyes will be my light..



gal why cant you see,
you belong to me,
in my arms,
i'll keep you warm,
how long do you wanna drag it on...
juz how long....cuz while you were tinkin...


lesson learnt.
if you cant do math paper,
fully utilize your time by writin aimless songs.
tad way.
at least you'll have sumthin to blog about later.
math paper was screwed,
my stats are screwed,
hopefull i'll still pass overall tho im highly doubtful.
chem paper 3 was pretty decent.
next up g.p.
im hopin to get my A grade back again.
at least the report sheet'll look better.
hate studyin.

serene:heh.been a long time since we last talked.:)
heh.n its not like i got a choice.
whether i want to or not i gotta stick it thru man.its 3 yrs.:)
maybe thing's 'll be easier wen i get to uni.:)

Friday, September 09, 2005

its funny

its funny how life turns me upside down,
whether i'm wearin a smile or a frown,
with worries stacked inside of my head,
they pile up wit the fury of an undead.
juz wen i tink nuttin more can be worse,
i find there's still another verse,
another line delivered terse,
another burden laden upon an overworked back,
wonderin if tis'll be the straw tad breaks my neck.
stress piles up from an uphill source,
gravity pullin em down like molasses up to my jaw,
surprises pile up one by one,
wad exceptions?bar none.

.........nose slowly drops below the surface,
furiously kick to free up my face,
take a deep breath,hold it down,
pulled below till you can summon enuf strength to move up again.
gulp in another breath of air,
before it pulls you down again.....

vivid pictures painted in your mind,
yet not all that hard to define,
relate to or identify,
inevitable in singapore.

originlly things were flowin pretty well.
til ym stupid sista hadta start talkin to me n interupt my rhythm plus tryta cheer mi up.
so thus my "morbid" poem cant be completed.
at least to my satisfaction.
after like the half the 1st stanza everythin not nice alr.
all her fault.

life sucks.
i hate studyin.
i wanna quite school n play WOW fer a living.

i wanna get the ipod photo.
i figure i shall write a letter in to ipod n see if i can trade in my ipod fer an ipod photo.


uncanny how sum things happen over n over again,
things'll prob end up the same way once again,
lesson tad shouldve been learnt been shelved up against the wall with the rest,
wad's more impt is a temporal alleviation of stress.
its happened more den once before,
this time wunt be any different.

i wanna watch a movie tad's been showin in the US during april but has only made it to our shores last week.
i wanna watch a movie tad is a remake of a 60's classic.
i wanna watch a funny movie.
wanna watch a movie with violence n sports.
wad do i wanna watch??

scroll down fer answer.

i wanna watch....LONGEST YARD!!!!

Sunday, September 04, 2005


Biomechanical Electronic Neohuman Justified for Assassination, Mathematics and Immediate Nullification


"Love Song For No One"
Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jadedI hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking forI'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

think i'll ever reach the stage where i can write such a nice song witout anyone in mind.
tad's talent man.
old songs.
got muz of my old com songs back in my ipod.*grinz*
listen to all my old schol songs.
but john mayer is THE man.
i guess the grammy means sumthin.
love song writen fer sum1 witout havin the person in mind.
it really is harder den it sounds.

hmmm.its been a long time

its been a long time..(long time)
since i left you..(left you)
witout a domain to step to..(step to)

its a wonder why tad lil riff from the late aliyah sticks in my mind even after yrs.
it really has a funky beat.

time passes quickly like the changin of tides,
time passes like the slow movin molasses from height,
each from one's own perspective,
which one works fer you?

God's fair in all he puts us thru,
lil comprehension on our part of wad we see n do,
yet we seem to willingly acknowledge the presence of the Holy one,
in respect of the divine power held in his arms.

by faith we're lil soldiers marchin forth,
by faith we believe in the best till its lost.
lil wonder thru the perils we face,
we rarely stick on unless forced.

here i sit on a wooden stool,
in the heat wit juz consumed food.
i begin to tink n wonder wad e hell im doin here,
forsaken job of studyin juz followin the peers.

i dun like to study,
well tad's a fact,
e only person tad wants to,
muz definitely be mad.

i wanna play soccer,hockey,basketball,
i wanna run away,far far away from it all,
i wanna take flight,to soar into the skies above,
to seek solace,in the One above.

to find nirvana,
n this forsaken plane,
existence seems meaningless,
yet so filled wit pain.

how can sumthin tad matters so little,
yet cause so much harm?
how can sumthin so be insignificant,
yet influence everythin tad you become.

now i shall end wit qoutes form the book of truth,
"everythin is meaninless",
the truth is said,
we believe in the eternal,
but wad to say if eternal exists.


mindless rambling.
sick of havin to study.

Friday, September 02, 2005

lallaa.its all over.

the pics are still here if ya'll bother to go take a look.
but now things are finally over.
the funny thing is.
im still gettin ignormous headaches.
which basically piss mi of.
cuz i dun see why im still stressed.
i shouldnt be as stressed as i was like juz before teacher's day but i still am.
i guess the prelims really is this bigass subconscious load on my mind.
gotta study study study.
gettin really frustrated.
if you know howta study,
why the hell are you still failin?
im like in tad stasis zone now..grrr.

n like after the performance.
lke everyone's sayin:"ben...popular alr la...famous now..."
all tad kinda stuff.
t aint true.
before n aft its still the same.
nuttin's changed.
im still the same crazy person rite?
n no.
nobody's asked fer my no. and i aint got any ew admirers.
so thus.
relax ppls.
go study fer math test kkz?
hate math.:@

Thursday, September 01, 2005


my pics are all messed up.
bloggerbot muz be laggin.:@
oh wellz.

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: INTP

The Thinker
You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Your #3 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer
You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

under blogthings.
there's a really funny one tad says "Di** name generator.*
fer curiousity,
mine's called "curious george."
tad;s juz a sad name

when i point the mike your way ya'll GO "GO!" Posted by Picasa



ya'll go look at the pics from the bottom up aight.
imma lil happy so i decided to bother to change the color of my words.
teacher's day performance's one tad i'll never forget.
the instant we hit the stage n started singin to the end was one big high tad i really up to now can still relive.
its really like the time we won talentnite.
tad kinda unforgettable high.
totally outta control,
beyond my wildest expectations.
we all arrived in school at 645 tad day wearin the same stuff,
t shirt n black pants,
den we all started mass tunin our guits to one standard,
den we hit the speakers to start runnin thru the songs,
den we got shoved off the stage by the band.
den the anxious waitin n waitin fer the band to finish their item.
den the show started
the band played their one song,
den it was keon's turn.
and durin tad time,
all the bands startin movin the equipment on stage.
cuz you juz cant trust the stage hands wit your stuff.
other instrumentalists'll know wad i mean.
den it was nervous waitin as the sudden panic ensued cuz outta sudden the P.A said NO BASS AMP.
and everyone's like "WADDAHALLL"
den the finally resolved it wit seconds to spare wit a DI.
which stands fer Direct Input fer those of you who dunno.
at least tad's wad i tink.
so the curtains open n fahdils' band starts the crowd goin by singin a slow song den wake mi up.
tad kinda set the mood.
den next was my turn alr.
me,matt n ivan stepped out to a pretty loud cheer fer sum weird reason.
if i recall correctly,
the emcess said sumthin like "no strangers to us"
den wen the curtains opened it was like "WAHH!H!H!H!H!H!"
so yeahz.
tad by itself made my stomach flip.
still does to be honest.
its juz did.
den we plugged in
and started off wit you're beautiful by james blunt.:)
wen ivan played the intro n matt started the guit line,
ANOTHER ROAR came from the crowd and i was like...okie ben..relax..relax..
den i zao xia.
but never mind.
i made it look natural.
about half a semitone la.
but to mi it was like such a dischordant sound i nearly flinched.
den the song went on pretty well.
next we brought out hafiz n haziq,
our two Hs in HBIHM.
which was our band name.
it stood fer "horny boys into happy men"
so they came out.
i bourhgt out THAT GREEN SHAKER.
n finally,
we did tad song fer real.
are you gonna be my girl.
it was awesome fun.
except fer the part where i went "i said..are you gonna be my gal" n outta sudden the A03,4 classes went "NO!"
and i was like kanakarbok.
but it was fun..
yea man.
den we finished tad song..
den the curtains closed.
out came the finale act.
all the other band members waited anxiously in the wings,
and den...
johnny be good came on.
and man.
tad was the penultimate act of the whole performance already.
it got to the point during the solo where i tried to do sumthin ive never done before.
i tried interactin wit the crowd.
cuz durin the chorus of the song,
there's a point where there's a pause where an echo could be put inside.
so i decided wad e hell.
so durin tad pause,
i told the crowd i'll point the mike at em.
and everytime i point the mike at em they muz shout "GO!"
so it went like "go.....(GO!!!!) go johnny go go go..(GO!!!)
tad kinda.
i tel yo.
the 1st time they went go.
i nearyl dropped the mike.
here i was pointin tpo the students n crossin my toes.
n outta sudden the teachers went GO!
and i was like WHOA!.
tad's the cuase fer my smile n haziq's in the photo below.
and the chorus went on.
and then..
the last act.
wen that chorus ended,
out secret act finally came out.
and den the wings became a flurry of activity as the dancers cum ex performers all came out n did a synchroed ah go go dance tad was choreographed barely 12 hours before by yours truly.
my goodness.
the instant i finished my words n the 1st dancer came out,
it went wild i tell you.
one big uncontrolled roar from the crowd n the whole audience was lit up wit smiles.
tad was awesome.
the curtain call fer my performance life in pjc could have been any better.
at least i tink so.
but it was still awesome.
i still get goosebumps over it.
view the pics from the bottom up yeah?
sorry bout the mess.
but was takin too darn long.
it was awesome.
happy teacher's day to all teacher.

imma go get the full video from the photography club n mr riduan.
and if i do.
ill holla here.
those intersted can come to mi if ya'll wanna see.:)