Wednesday, February 27, 2008

just that one ding.

you ever realise at one point in your life.
there's one failing that you can never stop no matter how hard you try?
you keep tellin yourself tad you aint gonna walk the same way,
but in a blink of an eye you're on tad well trodden path once more.
same road,
the situation seems all too familiar.
its gotten to the point you dun even wanna try to blame it on anyone else but yourself for you know that the blame lies solely within you.
and you tell yourself you wanna make it good but it juz aint tickin over.
and you wonder to yourself : wth is going on the f did i end up here again.

its at times like tad you're really forced to look within yourself,
to examine whether all the things you say you hold dear are lies or not.
for all your self righteous values, can you really walk the walk and not talk the talk.

i used to wonder a whole lot why i am the way i am in this aspect.
and i could think of 5 hundred and 50 million spare reasons.
but the true reason lies in mistakes past i guess.
things that make it hard for me to ever ever be able to look at things in a different way.
everythin has its consequences.
back then i didnt think i'll be scarred.
certainly not in this fashion.
back then i was the f-ing shit.
had it all and when it happened i was so sure it'll bounce off me.
truth is tad it did bounce of me.
but it left a chink in the armor.
and like the chain and its weakest link, the hairline crack of a dam,
i guess when the situations presents itself,
suddenly stress is applied and i begin to crumble in this aspect at least.
and the irony of it all,
is that i cant seem to do without it which brings the stress opun the fault line.

thats the price you pay for mistakes made.
i want so badly to be able to not feel the way i do about certain things.
but the naggin feeling juz wunt quit.
and i cant even wonder why.
for as quickly as the thought forms,
its drifts barely outta my skull and immediately turns back witha big ass finger pointing right back at me.
and then again the self depreciating ccle beings once more.

oh wells.
time to try to head back to sleep again.
and for you mahjong fans out there.

join and look me up.

i'll prob use iceburnz or d12_iceburnz as my moniker so yea.

lets shuffle tiles together!!!!wheee.

work's been fun i guess.
but infinitely tiring.
ive moved from 1 teh ping being enuf to kep me up the whole day to 2.
its that hard to complete sometimes.


life goes on.
either i up my own standards or fall behind.
and ive fallen behind too many times alr.

Monday, February 25, 2008


okie this is plain out and out free advertisment but i dun care.

this movie aint even out in sg yet.
but when it is,
i sure as hell am gonna watch it again.

the movie in question?

step up 2 :the streets.

now i know i know,
before alla ya'll start beating on me,
im not exactly the most impartial judge when it comes to this kinda movies cuz im in all honestly the most biased person and as long as its got a lil bit of hip hop + black culture in it,im all for it.
i cant even remember when all this started.

honey??then the and the countless other nigga dance

but swear to God,
this is really some damn good shit.
anyone who likes black music,street dancing,breaking and is a sucker for the underdog kinda story you gonna love this shit.

if im still not tired of the movie when the dvd comes out imma go get me a copy.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

fight or flee.

finally back home aft just about the most awesome fri nite - sat this year yet.=)
thanks to the one who made it possible.

i had a rather interesting comment said to me a coupla days back,
which is rather the topic of this post.
oh a tangent,
someone mentioned a phrase to me that he thought was very apt.
he read it at the back of some novel and tad very day he came up to me and said "eh bro.this phrase represents you to a tee man.juz tad you're f-in selective tho"

the phrase utilized a russian word,
basically "you have a memory of a kulak"
now i have no clue what it is,and no desire to find out either.
prob aint a nice term,
but i guess its quite true,
sometimes i surprise myself at some of the detail i remember with respect to things said by certain pple.
every lil word i seem to be able to remember as well as the tone and expression.

quite a lil scary.
but back tot eh topic at hand.
the line said to me was "you know,when you're affected by something,its really quite obvious"

now tad was a lil unsettling to me.
having always prided myself in being able to control my emotions by keepin an impassive face,
now tho the person's one i have no reason to hafta guard my emotions arnd, it was a lil unsettling for me as if im tad relaxed i mite have let my guard down outside of this "circle" which i feel so comfortable i dun bother to watch myself.

all along,
ive always read about pple losing their temper/doing things in spurts of anger tad they regret later.
i myself have done those,
lookin back ive done my fair bit of stupid things that i thank my dear Lord that i have bros who've never rubbed my face in it.
and to be honest,
i guess along the way,
i told myself to never behave in tad particular manner again.

n now whenever im unhappy or in danger of losing control,i'll always tryta excuse myself if possible.
to take a minute to clear up my thoughts,to deal with myself before headin back into the fray.
now i dunno if its bad bahaviour/manners/shit. i honestly cbf-ed.
im not the confrontational sort.
if the choice comes to fight or flight, if a clear escape route is available, i'll run my ass off to get there.
a huge part of this is tad i find myself really really ugly when i lose control.
i dun think.i juz spit and swear and suddenly say things hurt,things tad are unfair,things tad may or may not have their basis in truth.
and i honestly dun like it.

to be honest.
when im quiet, i would only be one of 2 things.
unhappy or tired.
and why do i juz choose to keep quiet?
something my mummy once said before.
"you can be wadever mood you wanna be, but to let your mood affect another is juz irresponsible / inconsiderate."

now this was proven in REAL last time(yes i still remember the things i learnt), where a particular someone in the program let her mood affect everyone in the prog and brought things down.

and i guess in my opinion, keeping quiet's juz about the most neutral thing one can ever do.
hiding my emotions?keeping things within myself?


as i said before.
even amongst my closest pple.
should i have a good enuf reason to wanna keep the reason behind the way im feeling the way i do away from you, i dun think you'll ever find out.
certain things are never meant to be said.
if everything was spelled out,
you only leave yourself exposed and vulnerable.
and the rest of the world still has the armor value of facade ++.
and when situations turn back,
you'll be surprised how quickly they get at you cuz they know howta pierce your armor.
ive experienced it firsthand too.


truth be told.
i honestly dunno why i typed all the above.
im not exactly feeling at the top of the world at the moment.
juz like a weight that i tot was gone from my shoulders has suddenly reappeared and since i threw it off with great joy, now with the added height its gained, its suddenly weighin alot heavier then before.

wad was the quote again?

"to the ones the Gods wish to destroy, They first make great" : some greek dude.

so next time.
when you're feeling pretty much at the top of the world,
start lookin arnd for the bolt outta the blue mang.
you can be pretty sure sumthin's coming up pretty soon.
and it wunt just be one thing.

in the immortal words of a inerbriated course mate, mr(3sg ns) gary,
strangly and too true,

"when shit comes, it comes in lumps"

now tads juz about the prettiest way to sum up any shitty situation eh?

/ironic smile.

time to restring my guit and play for a while.
emo guit is always a good source of inspiration.

Monday, February 18, 2008


now im tryin terribly not to be mean,
but now tad i started work,
here's a lil sumthin funky i saw at
just thought i'll share it a lil.

to be used in conjuction with another classic photo.

and i aint tad much a bast!@# k.i made him a new sign.
juz gifs yo a chuckle eh.

now get on yo knees and thank you papa and mama for your education.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

things to avoid in a bad mood.

as you should be able to tell,
it hasnt exactly been the best of days for me,
so to make it more bearable,
i told myself to make a mental list of things to avoid when you're not in a good mood,
so here goes,
lets start from the morning,
also since i cant use the f-word,i shall sub the word shit in its place so that i seem less vulgar,
and the irony of it is not lost on me,
since no one bothered to even explain to me the linguistic nuances bout how vulgar a word is, so i technically cant figure out how something which is a display of "love" can be more vulgar that something you excrete from a the darkest of places on a physical body./shrug.

1)avoid startin work on an upset stomach.

now there're fewer things more annoying then having to go thru a whole day on an upset stomach,so make sure you somehow force out every lil bit of shit tads gurglin within you before you start moving outta the house.that might make you late and put you in a worse mood,but hay,life's all bout choices.

2)going for a tuition class of 6 but only 2 come.

now after wakin up at some shit-ing hour to prepare lesson materials for SIX ruddy foos,the last thing i think anyone wants to see is 2 people stroll in 10-20 mins late,and ask you "ARE YOU STARTIN YET" when the other 4 have nothing heard outta them. now im not really sure wad parents are teaching kids nowadays,but im pretty dam sure its juz being polite to tell me if you're coming to class or the end, them late students had the ruddy cheek to ask me wad time class end, of course business minded me told them "as per normal" but stupid teacher me continued teaching till i was 15 mins off the normal time so tad i could complete wad i wanted to teach them.

3) having a fast one pulled on you.

now signin up for this class, i distinctly told the person i was doing it as a favour as the pay is shittily low for the job scope im doing.and she promised to work out something feasible. now to make matters worse, its seems like im not going to be paid for students that DO NOT TURN tad juz shit-ing pisses me the shit off.tad was never mentioned before. if the next paycheck turns up to be a shitload small, you can be pretty dam sure im gonna fire your shit-ing ass lady.

4)being nice and then screwin up your timing.

result of being a "responsible" teacher so that you students get more bang for buck.turns my schedule upside down,results in my entire day of tuition slippin back 15-20 mins, and due to transportation inevitable hold ups, the entire day was supposed to end at 6 and i ended at 730.
go shit-ing figure.

5)shitty lunches.

in an effort to save time, going to mobil and buying 2nd rate polar puffs and 2 cans of coffee to stay alert and awake for lunch to see if i can salvage the 15 mins backfired as i became too dam alert and my stomach returned in full force to piss the shit outta me.

6)retarded students who do NOT listen nor learn.

having taught this foo for the better part of 4 months, i would've thought at least some of the shit i've explained to him before stuck in his cranium. instead i was rudely awakened to the fact that shitty retarded kids will ALWAYS remain shitty retarded kids as he happily went on and read every single thing i've thought him before and pronounced them ALL wrong. blood pressure rise, blood temperature also rise.

7)retarded mat kids on bikes.

i swear.when i get my car/van/anithing with 4 shit-ing wheels, im gonna install a rubber strip that extends from both the front left and right of my car and sticks out about 30-50 cm.why?so next time retarded mat bikers decide to skim in on my car going at a leisurely 70 km/h, i can speed up a lil, let the rubber surface of my toy stop their rear wheel(which coincidently the one providing the motor power)and send those shit-ters flying the shit down the middle of the road and THEN run over them and claim it was an accident.

8)meeting people you know

now that by itself isnt a bad thing, i mean if i see fysh/alv/g/maris bros, anyone easy to talk to, the 1st thing i'll do is start bitching and feel alot better. but this instance refers to those people whose faces you barely recognise but talk to you as if you've known them for the longest time, and want to know everythin from your army life to your working life to your present life to the day you were born,the smell of your chewin gum and down to the color of your armpit + pubic hair. and the best part? they're taking the bus/train to the same stop as you.


now i myself am pretty okay to pda.i mean, if both people arent exactly the related to the hunchback of notre dome and it doesnt get outta hand, its pretty much free softcore porn + quite interesting to watch this people with a startling lack of inhibition and the only bad part is that your seats are 1st come 1st server. now wad's the turn off is watching the abovementioned cousins/sister/brothers going at it in a corner of the mrt DIRECTLY OPPOSITE YOU SO YOU CANT EVEN LOOK ST8 AND HAFTA TURN YOUR HEAD TO 1 SHIT-ING SIDE LIKE YOUR NECK ISNT ACHING BAD ANUF ALR FROM CARRYING A GUIT ARND ALL DAY.and next thing you know, they vacate the spot,you breathe a sigh of relief and wad lumbers into the corner next is a 50+yr old man and his fugly 200 renminbi imported china bride in a white top and miniskirt and looks like she's a hag from the country fair's fortune telling booth and they both start speakin in some dialect that you ACTUALLY understand and they start gropin each other + DIRTY TALKIN.-_- go shit-ing believe it mang.

10)girls who think they know you.

now normally, this would be quite of a ego trip when someone who isnt fugly and actually pretty hot comes up to you and says "hey do i know you?you look really familiar". but for some reason, aft all that unwanted cheap scale public porn movie, i wasnt in the best of moods. so when you were rehearsing wad to say in a stage whisper which i could hear since you were opposite me barely 1 side of the door away,(i mean juz ask me la.-_- i don't look tad intimidating supposed to resemble this huge cuddly bear rite.-_-), i got really really pissed off.and when you finally came up to me, sorry for the "yea you look really familiar" and "eh shit my stop!!hey i'll catch you later" non commital ridiculous statement. if you read this, /sorry + /pat. sorry mang.

11)buses with alot of the same race people.

now no racist bias here whatsoever, im sure ever race has its black sheeps, but there are just some really bad representatives.i remember last time no matter how "high" me and my frens were, we were always aware of wad was going on, and so long as someone glares at us or like keeps glancing in our direction, we'll pretty much shut the hell up or do something else less obtrusive. now i was in my bus,finally headed back aft a shittily long screwed up day, when 7 stops away from my mrt,we stopped outside this place,and a whole busload of non chinese came that by itself is pretty fine i mean,/shrug mang racial diversity and all. so here i am happily in my corner.when im suddenly surrounded by female representatives of that race. now im pretty sure health education is taught in school, but understanding me says its understandable aft a hot day out you'll not be smelling your best, but for SHIT SAKE DUN RAISE YOUR SHIT-ING PITS AND HOLD THE SHIT-TIN RAILING RIGHT IN FRONTA MY SHIT-ING FACE!!!! WTS!#%!#^!@$!@$@^%)!@!&@!)$*%!)%!_$!^%!)%!@$. and this particular group of individuals startin chatterin loudly and mind you 7 stops = about 10 mins? at 2 mins i was alr dam irritated and i was alr shootin dirty looks their way. now as i said before, its not something ive never done before, but when people look your way, at least stop for a while. but noooooooooooooooooo this retards continued and continued and continued. its pretty shit-ing impressive how aft 7 mins of DEATH-BEAM version 2.0 shootin outta my eyes, the retards not only noticed me a shitload of times, still didnt get the hint. now i was reading neanderthal last nite and i juz couldnt help thinking if i could help the darwinian theory skip a couple generations right here and now.and the noise was soo dam bad, at the end of my 15 min bus ride, i had a skull splittin headache.which i had to stop to blow 6 precious bucks on panadol which i have like 25 gazillion reams at home from chao genging in army.which leads me to my next point....

12)empty ipod bty.

self explainortory.<----note the shitty spelling.i marked that today.

13)happy people.

now i guess this works differently for all people, so me being the selfish bast!@# tad i am, i get even more grouchy when i know there's people out there having fun and ive juz slaved a stupid day away, and im headed back home to place which isnt exactly the nicest of places even on a good yea.this mite not apply to the more genial ones i guess who can derive happiness from other. i myself can only do it from one person's happiness and more often then not, its more satisfaction from being the source and more pleased then "OMG OMG HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!/bounce x n /yell " WHEEEEE....................""

14)naggy domineering parents.

ive bitched long and hard about.lets see if i can sum it up quickly.

im 21. ive finished ns(your so called maturing process). i got my license. ive got a job. i know what i intend to do with life. i WILL DECIDE WAD THE SHIT I DO WITH MY LIFE AS AND WHEN I LIKE IT.

stop tryin to live vicariously thru me, telling me what i should do, when i should do , and when i dun agree with you, stop with the negative emotional shit. i maintain a stoic face for the world. it shitty tad i hafta remain it for family. and its even shittier when you start believin tad im immune to words.

i have emotions too.

now if you havent already realised by now, this is pretty mucha frant. so yea.

/shrugs.sorry to have made you read it.

to make it worth your while, i'll link you a really cool video once my student sends me the link. he showed it to me on his hp and it was a good 4-5 mins of entertainment. trust me, you'll never see the people in the video in the same light ever. rofl.
they be a beloved topic btw me and all my frens.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

another mental niblet. i was driving out to do another errand,
this came to mind.

i remember watching "im not stupid 2" on channel u over cny,
and one of the lines i thought was the funkiest in the profound sense was this

slightly vertically challenged auntie:

" ni de papa tai ai ni le(your father too love you alr)"


"chou le.(wrong alr)ni papa tai bu hui ai ni le.(you father too dunno howta love you)"

/cry x 2.

now pardonin the obviously horrendous direct translation,

i always thought that line was really really deep,
we always think we "omgomgomg i love jo000 long time ++xoxoxoxoxox moar moar moar",
and we do certain things we deem express our feelings,
but more often then not,
it never seems to be recieved quite the way we expected them to be.
and then we ask ourselves why liddat sial.
den you
/whine + /complain about how much obvious effort, and if sum1 had did tad for you, you'll melt etc etc etc.

now im no totally immune to my flaws,
so here's my lil 2 cents worth,

p.s: on a sidenote,i swear, driving makes jo0 emo, and emo is ftgg pls.

p.p.s : for the unenlightened, ftgg= for the gao gui.

now back to my 2 cents,

dun love a person how you want to love him/her,
not how you wanna be loved in return,
but how she/he wants to be loved.

you'll find youself saving alot of time and energy and having less disappointment imo.
and if that fails.
im still workin on it myself so its still a system under work.=P

food for thought.

typed this sumwhere else,den decided to put it here too.
next time when im half senile and reading my old blog entries i can laugh at myself.

i was drawing cash outta the atm the other day.

and if you guys use uob, you should notice that they gif you this 2 lil cents philosophies.
most of the time its juz glance-worthy and tap your foot impatiently till your cash pops out den you grab and run, but this particular one caught my eye.

laozi (for the record, i have no flyin clue who laozi is,i only know suntze or sumthin like tad.confucius is wad name in chinese i dunno also.ekekeke) but anyway,

"to be loved deeply by someone gives you great strength. to love someone deeply is great courage"

now i dunno why this particular saying held my attention, but it did.
kinda answered alot of things.

kinda like "behind every successful mang is a woman",

i juz thought it apt tad i post this since vday beckons.
funky funky stuff for you to go show off.

now the thing to ask oneself is :

1: is it better to have great strength or great courage

2: is great courage silly at this point in time?

if it iz im quite sure i si teh pwned.

oh wellz.


to all the singles, you need great courage,

to the attached, kiss the person tad gives you great strength.
God knows the world needs a lil more love pls.=)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

simply music to my ears.

if you guys have time
take a listen to this
just about my new fav track atm.
now im not usualy one for all this kinda "boy-rock-bands"

but its pretty much a new sound for them.

simple plan
when im gone

I look around me
But all I seem to see
Is people going nowhere
Expecting sympathy
It’s like we’re going through the motions
Of the scripted destiny
Tell me where’s our inspiration
If life wont waitI guess it’s up to me

No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
Procrastination running circles in my head

While you sit there contemplating you’ll wind up left for dead (left for dead)
Life is what happens
While you’re busy making your excuses
Another day, another casualty
But that won’t happen to me

No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
When I’m gone

Let’s go…!
Won’t look back
When I say goodbye
We’re gonna leave this world behind me
Gonna take what’s mine tonight‘cause every wasted day
Becomes a wasted chance
You’re gonna wake up feeling sorry‘cause life won’t wait
I guess it’s up to you

No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

mtv's pretty sweet too.=)