Sunday, November 30, 2008


i just finished reading 2 books in a rare slow sunday for me.

lyin on my bed aching from the 3 hours of bball together with itunes on shuffle,
its been pretty sweet.

speaking of which, iphone.=D
shall be mine at the end of this xmas or by new yr.
having used the iphone for a decent amount of time,
i can tell you im totally sold on its concept.
i might've had doubts but i doubt no more.

the reason for this blog post was cuza line i read in the books.

now im not much into the usual romance/day to day life kinda books.
those of you who know me know im normally buried in a thriller or a war novel,
something with high paced action.

however since i went to the library with my sister,
she picked me 2 books.
which i read..after my 2 thrillers.=D

the 2 books are "Train Man", and "the X'mas Factor".

now i dunno if anyone else has read those books before,
not exactly the most masculine of books,
but there was a line in the X'mas Factor tad really stood out to me.

a brief summary of both books before i get to the line.

In the "Train Man", we have this guy, who is a netizen, basically a no life geek who trolls online forums everyday,talkin about cows tad moo and chickens tad cluck.
and one day on the train, he has a rage fit brought about by this drunkard and becomes a "hero" to the passengers on the train.and when they go make a police report, he passes his address out to the other pple who were witnesses, and a girl sends him cups and a "thank you" note. What follows is basically the development of a typical love story, punctuated by extremely funny netizens posts and graphics tad even had the cynical me laughing.he den blows his savings, and in the end, when he comes clean with the girl tad he has been getting advice online, the girl den says to him "i see that you've been trying really hard".

"X'mas Factor " basically is a blonde book, and has a whole stream of whacky factors coming together to form a situation tad is usually untenable, but by the spirit of X'mas, bonds everyone toget and xmas still is a smiley one.

now the line tad got me thinking abit..

was from the X'mas Factor.

it goes thus :

"i may be a prize berk, but there's one thing i know Nick,old mate. Better to regret things you've done, than regret things you haven't. Get what i mean?"

i just thought i'll share tad line with you guys.

cuz it really helped me along a little.

i guess i regret alot in the past year..
but than again..
regretting tad i did too much..
is better than regretting i didnt do enough i guess.

oh wellz.
20/20 hindsight never makes one feel better.
yesterday was a pretty sweet day..
though long and tiring.

morning came by really quickly..
i met fysh and we went to play badminton at cckcc.
caught up over smashing a lil feathered ball across at each other over the net.
andi managed to smash so hard my string snapped.
so therefore i r 1337.

afterwards headed down for dance prac.
the choreography tad i did was well recieved.
so wo0t for that.
hopefully they can learn the steps quickly and watchnite svc performance will be a blast.

after tad was school where i basically vegetated for a good 2 hours cuz i didnt have my notes cuz i just paid my school fees and the material collections place was closed.
i then went home.

dumped my sweatay clothes from dance and badminton..
changed and headed down to meet the guys.

and the photos shall tell the rest of the storiez.

we met in town to just chill out.
den cuz i hadta head to the airport to send my mummy,sister and lil bro off,
we decided to wait for dud to finally reach town and be done with his stuff,
before we hopped into the "armored van" and drove down.

and as usual,
6 guys in a van with good music on and too much time on their hands,
resulted in this being created courtesy of wickmasuriya's markeys and highliters.

and they then decided to plaster if on the inside of my car's windows and scream as loud as they could to attract attention.
so we were at a turning junction next to a bus.o.0
and then.
they managed to attract attention i guess.

airport beckoned!!

and when guys go to the airport...
the only viable food option is.........

imma popeye da sailor mang!!!
spinach in a can!!!

after eating,
we headed to send my mummy n jie off..
also in the picture is my Godma/Tua Ei(biggest auntie)
this is the happy shot!!!

and den the sad shot=((((

notice that the only pple smiling are the leavers.
sg ftl plz.

and not content to be left outta the action,
the mariz streetz boyz joined in.

happy shot!

den the sad shot!!=(((
giant is like "ALAMAK WHY WAI WAI WAI WAI!!!!!!!"

and then the inevitable "bully ben" moment.

and since transportation wasnt an issue, and dudley was willing to take a break from study.
i decided to head to a place ive always wanted to bring g at night. tad we've broken up all these saved up locations to bring her to have a good time suddenly seem less romantic.
but still magical.

this be my fav shot.
everyone's at the side,
and its like they're walking into the future kinda.

the emo shotz seriez.

henceforth i kill kenneth yeo...
and present : Kenny Y.
Instrument : Extendable Flute.

we kill wickermasuriya joshua kane tan shu ya
and present : Wanker T.
Instrument : Black String Beans.

kill ivan loh ming hui..
and present : I Chui.
instrument : Rong Regs.

Aaron Tan no moarrrr
and now Mr T. A. Sye
Instrument : Browing Hairz

no more Dudley Kow,
presenting : Mooooooo..Wah Kow!
instrument : cow tail.

no more Benjamin Ng,
presenting : BeNnG
instrument : armored van

some sights from the barrage at night.
apologize for the lousy quality of shots.
and the skill of the photographer also not to good.
wanted to bring her here to be lomantic as well as let her use her dslr.
oh wellz.
if she had the photos would definitely be 100 x better.

i swear the last pavillion on this bridge will be an ideal make-out spot.

okie back to pple.

giant's sainted dick.

josh's blackhole like quality

who needs backstreet boyz when mariz streets boyz rule!

3 quick groupie shots.

and more evidence why mariz cant be good thieves.

operation : Steal Mr Droplet
Status : Failed. Caught in action.

night was rounded off in the wee hours of the morning finishing the beer keg at dudders.
to the boyz of mariz streetz.

always remember!!!
everyone has a lil bit of sexy in them.
on a seperate note...
the song of the day is slightly emo.
its a song played last night over whisky and beer.
and it hit me particularly.
cuz she once told me tad i did too much and lost sight of the main picture.
i cant say whether im wrong or right i guess.
but this song does say why i did it all for i guess.
bryan adam's everything i do...
i did it for you..

Thursday, November 27, 2008


its more or less been 1 year.
and today would've been our 13 month.
alas things havent worked out.
and i've spent the best part of the last month beating myself up over it.
and as aunty mingli put it, sometimes you don't really have a choice.

this is the song of the day i guess.
im sorry tad you guys have to click it, but imeem doesnt have the track and i cant figure how to get the full song to stream so yup.


it really is a fitting song.
and takes me back to the past 1 month and sums it up really nicely.

the song is robin thicke's cry no more.

sets the tone for my day and my present direction i guess.

my fav song from his album.=)
yet another non-single gem.



extracted lyrics from the song tad ring for me..

I took the picture
I faced the truth
I lived a lifetime,
a lifetime with you
Now I watch you fall asleep smiling
And I lie awake

And I am a hero
I'm not made of steel
And I'm not the smartest man
But I know the deal
And I'll bleed for your lips
If you'll bleed for mine
And I can't escape it
Cause I do love you

Ooo so I don't cry,
I don't cry no more
Girl I know you want this
So I don't try, I don't try no more
Girl I know you want this
So I don't lie, I don't lie no more
Girl I know you want this
So I don't cry no more

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

hopes and dreams.

today's song a lil more emo.
hopefully it makes you guys sit up and take a listen.

the song is Heaven by Jamie Foxx.

i shall go into the lyrics a lil bit lower, but for now lets talk about hopes and dreams.

nirvana and heaven..
both seemingly unattainable things.
places where dreams come true, and you feel contented.

i guess im quite the idealist.
and i have really big dreams and hopes.
all along i've always told myself to dream big and hope even bigger.
cuz how far you set your sights, is how far you will push yourself.
cuz no one cares about your dreams.
they don't care if you do well, you achieve the life you wanna achieve.
so long as it doesnt benefit them in any way,
the average person in your life pretty much won't give a dam.
beyond vocal support.

and it is due to this very nature.
that i believe that one of the things tad most pple hold close and as secretive as possible,
is their very own dreams and hopes.
and sharing tad dreams and hopes only happens with pple tad you trust,you love, and you feel comfortable with.
pple tad you know will not betray you, pple tad will be there to help you reach those goals.
pple tad you believe in.

it is the very nature of the sensitivity of these personal things,
tad makes it such a tender subject to bring up.

and bringing it up.
makes you oh so vulnerable.
to teasing,
to the criticism,
to the ridicule.

have you shared your dreams with a random person in your life.
i highly doubt so.

i was going thru the past year in my head the previous days..
wondering where the hell i screwed up..
and i realize that part of the reason why i found it so hard to let go..
was cuz she really was a dream girl to me.
she's smart, she's beautiful, she's got a sense of humour,
she knew how to tease me, and a poke from her would get a smile on my face.
she would brighten up my day with single sentences, she would accompany me on my days n nights,
keeping this grumpy bear smiling,contented.
and time in her arms were juz heavenly.
and i couldnt be happier nor want anithing else.
all the shit i went thru everyday in camp, or at work, getting shit on by everyone in higher positions, would all fade away when my eyes found her.
and tad wry smile she would gimme as she anticipated the grouchy rant tad was incoming.
hahaha.=) those were perfect days.


there's dream number 1.before things changed i guess..hence "was"

dream number 2 was a little more difficult to achieve.
dream number 2 was in line with the chinese idiom " ai wu ji wu"
which to the best of my chinese memory,
means "love house love crow"
and the crow in this instance was her family.
i never felt so at ease with another family before.
be it even my own brothers-from-different-mothers families.
never ever so at ease.
we would go out for meals together..
i can still remember that one night when we drove out..
we went to kallang's shopping center..played arcade...
even her mummy joined in.=)
and then we went over to east coast..
and we walked...
in the darkness,
her sister and her mummy walking slightly ahead..
and with her just slippin her hand into mine...
and just walking along the walkway beside the beach.
i dun know anyone other family i tink i would've been able to do that with.

that was dream number 2 realised.

dream number 2 is an in-law family tad i feel at ease with.
a family tad i feel so comfortable,
that extended family dinners are commonplace, insteada the usual once a year reunion dinner.
i dunno if it applies to everyone,
but i've always wished for a close extended family.
like with both sides of my relations,
we ONLY meet during chinese new year and christmas.
i've always wished for a closer extended family.

and tad dream was realised with her family.

and im not being biased.
i've met up with qq's family before..and we've went for meals together..
i could never relax there.

so i do know wad im talking about.

dream number 3 was tad the girl would fit in comfortably with my bros.
and she was amazing.
tad night eating burgers out...
with my beloved timmy there.=)
man that nite was fantastic.
and then the nite of my birthday..
a girl tad would fit right in with these pple i hold dear..
a girl tad would be loved by them too.
i can still remember the comments after tad dinner..=)
still brings a slight warmth to my innards..before the grim reminder that she's someone else's now sends a gusty chill right over it and knocks it right over.
oh wells.

so yup.
there were 3 dreams tad i found in her.=)
at least while it lasted.

i found it highly amusing,
tad when we broke up..
and i was talking to her mummy,
thankin her for taking care of me this past year..
her mummy told me this "don't just disappear. you've become more a part of this family than anyone else has before. even thought she's made her choice, you'll always be welcome here."
she went on "when may(her lil sister) found out, she told me to ask you to be my Godson. cuz she's always wanted a brother. and you're everything tad she could ask for in a brother."

which i found bitterly ironic and brought a tear to my eye, cuz the very thing i was aiming to achieve in winning her family over... i achieved..

and yet i lost the most important person.


oh wells.
i do have 1 final gesture for them before i really take my bow outta that particular area in tampines..=)

but yea.
the point of this post in not to remind myself of pain so moving along....

i remember there was 1 night..
it was a saturday night..
and we were chilling in her room, me lying on her beanbag as usual,
and her in her bed..
and we were listening to music as usual.
i LOVED those lazy times.
it felt like a home away from the stress and bustle of the world you know?
but yea.
and that one night..
we talked about our dreams and hopes..
and we made a list of things tad we hoped to achieve together as a couple.
which is one of the things i asked for when we broke.
reason will be revealed when i finally get it.
which by then..
should be xmas time.

31 days to christmas.

okie back to topic..
but yea.

dreams and hopes.
and she's been the closest to being tad person who's had it all.
as close to perfect as anyone has ever been i guess.
hence why its hard for me to just walk on and move away.

i guess while she's been tad 99% dream for me,

i wasnt no where near to being even 50% of her dream guy i guess.
oh wells.
when i started out i already had 3 strikes against me alr.

okie thought of the day " so who would you confide your dreams to. who are the pple you would trust enough. if you have these pple...TREASURE them.tell them today tad you appreciate them."
everyone needs a lil reassurance from time to time.

the song today is a rather simple song.

its a beautiful love song.
and a song i sang to her once too.
in the first few months tad we were toget.=)

being a family oriented dude like my other weak-assed-bros
a fair portion of my dreams and hopes...
would lie in finding the person i can feel perfectly comfortable around.

the lady tad would make this bit of earth that this grumpy bear walks on....

a little piece of heaven.
and that little angel tad made it all possible.

check out lyrics under the link.
listening to the lyrics of this song really hits a tender spot.
its like the story of my past year...

Tell me have you heard the story
That took place not long ago
Bout an angel up in heaven
They say she up and ran away from home
Word is she had unfinished business
So back on earth she had to flee
Well you know I'm so elated
Because she's laying right here next to me

when we first heard this song together..she was really right there next to me...

Always dreamed that it would happen
I just didn't know exactly when
All my life I'd been waiting for something amazing

Said it took a while but now I know
So tell me can I get a witness
If you believe in miracles
And the proof I have is living

And my life will never ever be...

always dreamt of finding someone like her, just never thought i would find her now..i have always been waiting in a sense..for this ideal companion..and when i really felt like a miracle.

At times it seems we take for granted
How precious life can be
Just hold on and I'm sure you'll understand it
Bringing into this world
A precious boy or girl...

when God brings that someone special into your life..don't ever take it for granted..

cuz when tad angel takes flight..

your heaven wont EVER be the same again.


on a seperate note..
a coupla months back..
when baby moved into hall,
after the first month.
when it became evident that she wouldn't have much time to spare for me..
i bought myself a bball!
and started shooting hoops again.

and now 2 months down the line..
i feel like im gettin my old rhythm back.=D
the hang time may not be as long as it used to be..
neither am i jumping as high as i used to..
but i hope if i keep playing i'll lose a lil more weight and jump higher like last time.

today i played bball with a XLB team.
4 on 4.
XLB is like the unofficial nationals tourney.

so imagine this buncha bball dudes..all dam tall..all dam big..
and there's something dam primal about just CHARGIN you ass right into the middle of 4 guys who are taller den you,bigger den you ANNNNNNNDDDDDD


i swear there's this primal gorilla/bear within me tad cries for release.

its like box defense..
and only someone as retarded or insane like me would bunny hop right into the middle,
pray to allah tad i dun get flattened,fake here fake there fake here fake there...
praying someone takes the bait and gives me a hole to shoot.

so the ego boosting thing of the day was......

the guy..(i tink he was the captain)..
in any case he was like directing the defense.
and he was like(in not about to HYPY the entire thing) "eh watch left..keep the zone steady.. sure can hold them one.."
den things were going well for them..
they were like 10-2 in a race to 17.
den i was like "cb la.all use height and mass to play one."
my team were all their point guards and shooting guards.
so i decided to be an ass.
and start rampaging.
so i started charging right into the middle.
and suddenly the score was 14-15 to us,courtesy of a coupla ridiculous charges into the paint and somehow getting the ball into the net in the midst of 4 wannabe-Giants.
and he was like "eh cb ya'll start watching properly.hold the box.beat one means its next guy pick up.ya'll dunno howta play meh!"
and as he was shouting that, i being my charge in the paint again..and den i fakey here and there..
and den did a fadeaway shot into the hoop.
and den he was like "wah lan eh cb the fuck you defend tad kinda shit.fuck la i boh wei gong already."
den the other 3 guys starting laffing like well as my team members.
which was dam fun for me.

ego + 1 point.

its dam good to be back in the zone for at least 1 sport.

its always been a dream of mine for my girl to watch me do something im good at.
and up till today,
there's been 2 occasions tad i felt dam good playing sports.

one was when fish and crystal(i tink) came down to watch my match against tpjc.
during tad match i scored 2 goals.
and it felt really reall good having someone there who you love(fysh pls.not crystal) there to see you excel.

the other time was during hockey too.
where the girls team came down to watch our match.
i tink i scored 3 in tad match.=)
with pple who you actually give a dam about there to watch you play..
just makes you wanna perform better i guess.
pple like jamie and loi.
the 2 pple singularly responsible for my entry into the hocker world.

i've yet to have someone come down to see me play ball tho.
i was hoping tad baby would be tad person..
but oh wellz.
i shall juz keep improving till someone new graces my life again i guess.

but then again..
i dun think i'll ever allow someone to trod so much into my life again i guess.

arms length seems to be the safest.

its amazing how quickly you can lose faith.

i found this interesting quote from B&P,

"When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life. "

do you understand life?

Monday, November 24, 2008


im overdue for a song of the day update i know.
but been busy like a one-legged man at an ass kicking derby.
will be back most probably tmr.


hopes and dreams.

good luck to baby n dud n all who are having exams.
gambate and study hard!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

passing it on.

every exam day follows the same routine...
i reach home early on fri nite..
take out my books and sit and stare blankly at them.
i then read story books, play com games till i feel a lil better.
den i look at my books.
and den repeat.
den at about 10 i'll go mentally "WTF CCB GG SIT YO ASS DOWN AND STUDY"
and den i'll open my books,flip to a random page,
and den start playing computer again.

and before i know it.
its already midnight.
and i go "fuck this.go sleep first.i'll wake up early tmr to study before dance"
i'll den set my alarm clock at about 7,8 and den wake up on time.
and somehow i'll convince myself tad i need a good breakfast before studying.
so i'll drive out for breakfast, and then by the time i come back,
its time for a shower and going down for dance prac or school.
and then i'll head down to school early and den "study"
wad normally happens then is that i'll read abit,
jot down notes a bit.
and den start chuggin down coffee and try to stay awake.
invariably i'll den find myself taking 30 mins naps in the study lounge as my brain completely shuts down.

today i set a new record.
i slept a total of 3 and a half hours.
and i took a total of 6 x double espressos.
and i still slept.
which doesnt bode well for the lack of effect coffee is having on me.
i tink i needta switch to tea soon.

in any case.
all went well and my exam was quite the breeze.
i should be able to maintain my A average.

so in this case,
i'm passing this on,
i mean something good happened to me,
so i shall write a happier post.
and hence why the song of the day is switched to something a lil more lifely.

its still a lil emo,
but most of all....

its my favourite yellowcard song.
i love this song with a ridiculous amount of passion.
it brings me back to my jc days,
where screaming yellowcard music in my room with the headphones on was like the coolest thing for a lil emo kid in the grooming.=D

so this is the song of the day.

cigarette by yellowcard.=D

this song is dedicated to the pple in my life who are still happily attached.
reminding them to always give their all to each other.=)
for the idealist in me still believes this truth.

there is no obstacle that love, and 2 pple working together, cannot overcome.

i love the lyrics.

love and cherish the special person in your life aight.=D
if you both believe and truly cherish each other.

its NEVER EVER too late.


Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go
You built me up and you broke me down somehow
Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)
And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah)

Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core
I blushed the first time that you blushed the last time my eyes hit your mind
Regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore
You built me up and you broke me down this time

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)
And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah)
How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

How can you say


this song was the song that first came to mind.
on the sunday after we broke up.
and i wanted so much to sing this to her.
hoping tad it would change her mind.
but i guess i should've known better.

oh wellz.

its really really beautiful.

and upon hindsight i guess wad i said is true.

love is something meant for two.
and if 1 person ever believes that its too late for something to happen.

den i guess something else negative will happen instead.

amazing lyrics.

in case you pple havent realised,
purple is a color im reserving for lyrics/words tad i wish i could've said/sung to her.
but hum chee boy i guess.


Friday, November 21, 2008

a simple question.

warning : emo ahead. if reading the particular rants of a slightly grumpy and (c)hunky bear is not to your interest, please skip or wait for tmr.=D

today was a pretty aight day.
i signed a new contract.
one totally new,no relation to my company before, nor my mother company before.
a company tad i went out,
nurtured the entire client - supplier relationship over many lunches, site visits and long phone calls.

and when the PO came (purchase order, basically like the signature on the form),
i was really elated.
and the first thing i did was reach for my phone,
and den in the all-too-familiar motion, put it down and continued on.
for the person i wanted to msg wasnt mine anymore.
so yup.

i then decided to reward myself,
and decided to do a little shopping.
and since both my running shoes and t-mac 4 broke,
i needed new shoes niwae,
so i went to buy myself a new pair of shoes.=D

so i drove down to queensway, and there i shopped and bought my first ever less-than-$150 pair of basketball shoes.=)
and the reason why i bought em is dam ah beng.
adidas has a series called the "pro series".
and this particular shoe, has a dam 1337 feature.
it can change the color of its stripes.
and it has like 20 diff colors to whack.

okie in any case.
tads not the reason for this blog post.
so yup.
i headed home,
and den i changed and headed to the bball court.

now there's this ritual that happens whenever i play bball.

1)i'll park my car,
2)grab my ball from the box
3)grab water bottle
4)hide wallet and hp
5)lock car doors
6)reach court and throw water bottle down.
7)take off ring and hide it together with my keys. (hagrid r ring keeper)
8)start balling.

now i dun really know the guys at the bball court,
they just know me as the fat dude who has "hang time" and tad i do the most ridiculous shots and i have a dam XL playing style.

the question posed to me today was dam interesting.
it was made by this dude fresh outta ns.
he has an 8 pac btw.
chinese cheena dude.

so he comes up to me n the following ensues.

"eh brudder.tad ring engagement ring ah."

"no la.just a ring between me and my ex girl."

"ex already still wear?expensive not."

"of course la.i so jai why got buy not expensive stuff one 3-pointer you also kenot pei bu qi."

"(insert hokkien swear words about my "skills")"

he then continues.

"eh break alr den why still wear.stupid ah?"

"buy alr den wear la.if not put at home gather dust meh"

now tad more or less sated his curiousity as the game went on.

his parting statement was "eh if you dun wan ring gimme okay. i be your gf"

now coming from the frenly neighbourhood ah beng,
his intentions were probably he just wanted to freeload my ring.

however it left me with a few questions.

of late,
pple keep asking me this question.

" feeling okay not"

to which i would always reply the same answer just to irritate the shit outta em.

"you wan macho answer or honest answer"

now i tink tad's juz about the most annoying thing a person can do la.and hence my doing it.=DD
but its really true imo.

there are answers tad :

1) you need to hear.
2) you want to hear.
3)you dont want to hear.
4)you don't need to hear.
5)you really wish you hadnt asked the question in the first place.

and me, believing myself to be quite the adriot word twister,
would naturally give the answer tad fits option 1 or 2.

den as i was driving back,
i being asking myself a few questions.
and then i realize.
tad ive been giving myself answers tad i myself need or want to hear as well.
not answers that are necessarily the true honest answers tad i actually require.

and im reminded of "house MD" the series, where bad answers from patients normally screw things up terribly.

and den i wondered "fuck am i gettin the wrong diagnosis for myself sial."

/me has been watching House M.D season 1,2,3,4,5 since the start of Nov.

which left me wondering alot.

now i dun exactly consider myself of stellar mental capacity,
but i've been called stupid so many times in the past 3 weeks.
and this time by stranger.
which is quite infuriating.

"stupid" to me, is wad "asshole" is to hancock, is wad "crazy" is to his girl.
it totally sets me on my edge, i get fucking pissed off.
i can remember the time when me and g were in our courting stage and we were walking along bugis,
den she said "sometimes i really wonder if you're really stupid or just acting"
/flip switch.

i got dam tulan and black face.
den she was like "what?"
and i was just pushing her forward with "walk.its nothing".
while desperately tryin to get my rage under control.
tinking about it now brings a smile to my face plz.
dam cartoon.
she couldnt figure out wad set me off and i didnt tell her cuz its such a trivial thing to me as well, but i cant really control it?
see her expression also wanna laugh plz.
as a matter of fact i am grinning like a idiot just thinkin about it.
oh wellz.

but yea.
in the past 3 weeks.
i have been called stupid a RIDICULOUSLY high number of times.

and surprise surprise, its regarding certain decisions ive made, or things i've decided to do.

and it kinda sucks honestly.

makes me wanna take a swing at some pple.
and these pple are those tad i tot WOULD understand.

amogst this list are family members, and really close frens.

to alla you who care.
and to myself too.
just so once and for all i can put this at rest.

tbh i really cant be certain why i made the decisions these ways too.
there might come a day where i'll look back and think "dam tad was really dam stupid"
but why i do wad i do now,
is cuz i think its needed now.
needed by me,or whoever else the decision mite concern or affect.
i mite burn a coupla bridges tad i mite regret later,
but for the time being,
just let me be me i guess.

its not tad hard.
ive been living with quite a few of these regrets in any case.
a few more won't matter.

i've learnt the most important lesson of all already.

so tolong pls stopp using the word "Stupid" around me before i /redrage and pwn your ass.

grumpy bear swipe crits you for 9898798798 dmg. you die.







go baby!its your birthday!!!
we gonna party like its your birthday!!!

yea with and an exam tmr for the both of us.
phail plz.=(


edit at 2.01pm

the song today is dedicated to josh..
to those who're looking for something.

sometimes we look and search so hard for this elusive thing called love.

when all we really needta do is bid our time and wait patiently.

i can't explain alot of things bro.
nor can i claim to know alot.
i may dispense advice like a pharmacy,
but i can't live my own advice.

but what i can tell you from my grand total of 3 relationships and 7 yrs is that..

love hurts.
and love is.

love is not a rational feeling.
it doesnt make you think.

love is not a logical thing.
it doesnt make sense.

it just happens.
and when it does, grab it and savour it for its worth.

the only thing worse den love lost is regret tad you didnt give it your all.

n the most painful lesson love can give is one tad i've personally juz went thru.

love isnt forever.

it may last a lifetime, but death takes away love for 1 person in any case.

but the cynic in me says, love isnt forever.
so enjoy it whilst it lasts while hoping fervently tad it really lasts a lifetime.=)

preferably she'll die at 100, and you'll die 2 mins later so you wunt hurt that much.
now tad would be ideal.

the song is melee's she's gonna find me here.

and i love the lyrics.

makes the supressed depressed dude within feel slightly better.


you shouldnt have to do all that much.
you should be loved for who you are.
and loved the way you wanna be loved.=D
and when 2 pple do alla that.
den its true love.

and that's the way you'll find me right here.
patiently waiting for the abovementioned love.

zomg cynic
edit at 3.00pm

okie fug the song refuses to stream more den 30s.
if you guys want the full thing gimme a msg i'll send it to you.

its beautiful.=D

Now I don't have to climb the highest mountain
And I don't have to sail the seven seas.
Now I don't have to push myself through desert sands
'Cause she's gonna find me here.

And I don't have to put on all my best clothes
And I don't have to put on a show.
Now I don't have to act like a total stranger
'Cause she's gonna find me here.

When she finally arrives
It will be right on time.
And I'll know that it's real
'Cause the light in her eyes
Will look through and show what a fool I had been
To search far and wide with my heart in my hands.

And I don't have to worry about her
'Cause I know she's fine, now, on her own.
Now can put my mind on things in my own life
'Cause shes gonna find me here.
You know that she's gonna find me here.

And when she finally arrives
It will be right on time.
And I'll know that it's real
'Cause the light in her eyes
Will look through and show what a fool I had been
To search far and wide with my heart in my hands.

Now I don't have to cut up my heart
Into pieces so small
And give them to those who don't care.
Now I don't have to search for one girl
In the depths of my soul
'Cause she's gonna find

You know she's gonna find me here.

n i loved your eyes.
oh well.

okie stop.
its supposed to be for josh so yea.
okie househ.=)

lub choo long long time.=D

Thursday, November 20, 2008

fer e less savwyyyy???

i love stfu and wtf.

baguette anyone?


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

a song for us.

today i shall share a very personal song.

this song was personal cuz it's the first song ive ever sung to a girl.
as in try to serenade a girl kinda singing.
without the aid of any kind of music.
it was kinda like a personal rule for me,
tad i would never ever sing a song for a girl unless i wanted her to be "the one"
and well..i guess musta screwed up in tad estimation and tad first is gone.

in any case...

the time was a lazy sunday afternoon.

the place was her room,

the company was her..
and she was lazing and half snoozing in my arms when i told her in my studiedly casual voice.."have you heard this song before...?this is the song i wanted to sing you...cuz its really true...and i really think it says alot of things i wanna tell you.."
and she shook her head..and there i took a breath and took tad leap.

and this was wad i sang to her.
still believe in alot of the lines tho.

lauryn hill's - can't take my eyes off you.

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.


wah jialat.

now tad i have the official lyrics.
den i realised how badly i fucked up my version.

my version is as follows.
maybe tads why it didnt work.

but i tink mine fitted wad i wanted to say loads better..

you're just too good to be true,
can't take my eyes off you,
you feel like heaven to touch,
i wanna hold you so much,
at long last love has arrived,
and i thank God i'm alive,

you're just too good to be true,
can't take my eyes off you.

Caught in the way tad it stands,
there's nothing else to compare,
the sight of you leaves me weak,
there no words left i can speak,
and if you feel like i feel,
please let me know that its real,
you're just too good to be true,
can't take my eyes off you.

i love you baby,
and if its quite alright, i'll need you baby,
thru all my lonely nights, i'll love you baby,
trust in me when i say.....
oh pretty baby,
don't bring me down i pray,
oh pretty baby now tad i found you stay,
and let me love you baby, let me love you....

i really thought i had found the love of a lifetime...
and i really wanted her to believe me when i told her those 3 words...
tad i personally fear the most...
cuz i know from that moment on there's no turning least for me..
and most of alll...
i really wanted her to stay by my side forever...
oh wellz.


enjoy and stay tuned!
tmr beckons a piano track.=)

and for the record.


in the immortal words of an 13 yr old ranter who had just discovered swearing about....i tink 9 yrs ago..22 -13 = 9..okay correct...


3 perfect words to symbolize my current feelings towards the module.

business stats.

hate it hate it hate it.
summore im sick with my stupid nose running away like its pants are on fire.
no time to really blog today.

but new song discovered.
an emo song to rival the "im yours" by the script.

i present to you..

storm by lifehouse.

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head
If I could just see you
Everything would be allright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright
And know everything is allright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be allright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright
And know everything is allright

Everything is allright
Everything is allright

hauntingly beautiful song.

the lyrics tad i feel?

If I could just see you
Everything would be allright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

(for you lit up this dreary world of mine..)

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And know everything will be allright
And know everything is allright

(cuz you have the prettiest eyes in a girl ive ever dated...=) and in them i see this thing tad always reassures me that things will always be aight..=))

Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

(cuz i hafta move on..lesser than i was before with you beside me.=) and im had become so used to your being beside me it seems weird and strange now..)

gorgeous song.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

broken hearts.

i as re-reading an earlier post.

and i wondered to myself just how much things have changed.
yes dudley.changed.
/disapproving frown.

exactly 1 month ago,
my heart was broken in a way tad i would've never thought possible.
not possible cuz i didnt tink i would ever so earnestly get so emotionally involved with an individual after previous lessons.

but things have moved on beyond the way i would've thought possible.
and bit by bit i find myself moving on i guess.
2 weeks ago,
i asked myself a question.
and i didnt know the answer.

the question was this "even if she wanted us back together right now.would i be willing"

2 weeks ago, the answer was "i really don't know."
yesterday, after finally sleeping properly from exhaustion from many sleepless nights,
i asked myself the same question.

and i finally have a yes or no answer.
and the answer is "no. not right now.not for the forseeable future"

i was driving back from guitar tuition as per normal..
and it hit me full force just how much she's been a huge part of my life.
before we broke, every monday, on the way back from tuition, i would stop at the junction of clementi road, whip out my phone, and gif her a call asking her out for dinner.
and now..
everytime i reach that junction, i reach down for my phone..and den i put it back down and accelerate outta the turning onto the expressway home.
that stings...
all the little things tad make a relationship so much more den just a word.=)

sad but things change i guess.=)

druggie asked me a poignant question when i was dealing with my emotions after the initial break up.
and back then,
i gaf the same answer "i honestly don't know"

but now tad i've dealt with my emotions.
i think i can safely blog and not fear that anything i say will undermine who i am in your eyes.

the question was "你是真的很爱她吗??

and now, 1 month later..

the answer is "我真的的确很爱她。"


life moves on.=)

on a seperate note,
ive decided to make my blog into sumthing like a music blog.
song of the day widget is making life interesting.
come check in for your music fix daily.
i promise jo0 nice song.=D

Monday, November 17, 2008


this is like eons ago la.
iirc it was '05.
the painful growing up yrs.
its kinda cute but yet painful to watch.
i remember really being dam scared shitless and trembling like a fool during the entire onto the mike so i wouldnt like start shaking like i'm having seizure.
the decibel meter to measure the crowd's way of deciding
we won by about 2 decibels iirc.
narrow margin of victory.
but winning this thing..the celebration afterwards...
this kinda things you don't easily forget.

really remembering and seeing how much ive changed as a person and a performer.

but the reason why i dug this vid out and edited it..
is cuz of the song.

song of the day.=D
check out the widget it changes too!!!!
r 1337.

Here without you - 3 Doors down.
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

that being said,
there are always certain lines tad make me wanna listen to it over and over again cuz it speaks to me...its kinda like how i feel every night..if i go to bed sober and emo..

But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love


its quite ironic that only when you're feeling shitty do this kinda songs make


just came back from the dentist.
and my freaking video still hasnt fully loaded up. /swear.

i was driving back in the rain.
and i swear driving in the rain is therapeutic.
makes you feel so much more laid back about stuff.

went to go polish my teeth.
now i swear my teeth hate me.
its like they purposely require all this high expense treatment just to stay in place.
most pple have like 1 or 2 wisdom teeth tad come out at an angle.
i have ALL FOUR growing at an angle.
which means basically im pretty much screwed in the sense of wisdom teeth.
probably explains my stupidity.

i have something else to say, but i'll get back to work and be back later at night before blogging it.
2 entries in 1 morning is a bit of a stretch.=D

oh yea and i forgot a mention for sat's nite party.
Thank God for the weather.

there were but 2 things i was worried about.
the weather which has been dam erratic at its best in the past few days.
and the other was whether or not she'll actually show up.

thank goodness both turned out in favour.=D

on another note...

i feel the realisation of another dream close at hand.
lets keep working things out josh and giant.
lets really go make sure we go.=D

and slowly the list of things will dwindle.
im mostly going by memory at the moment, but wad i can remember i shall strive to do.
with the passing of last weekend, tad's one down too.=D

truly smile.

i was thinking about happiness and sadness on my walk around my estate last nite.
its quite interesting how these 2 words are often mistaken,misused,misrepresented.

obviously right now im feeling sad and all,
but den i told myself to move the fuck along,
and tried to remember when was the last time i was truly happy and smiled.

not the smile that comes from amusement,
not the one tad comes when someone tickles your funny bone.
its the one you smile to yourself, secretly in your own corner as you savour tad moment,
cheekily chuckling within, a smile tad's both pleased with yourself, and with the way things are at that very moment in your life, where you're satisfied, wanting nothing more in the world, and you absolutely at the moment cant for the life of you, think of anything else you might want.

thats the smile im talking about.

so i tried remembering the last time i felt truly happy and smiled tad smile.

and since she's been such a major part of my life in the past yr, chances are of course that i'll involve her i guess.

the last time i felt so afloat on clouds so puffy light,
was slightly less then a year ago..
4 days before christmas...
i had booked outta camp,
and went over for dinner and the usual chill out time..
and we had dinner etc and etc..
and den we were both quite tired, me from ns nonsense and her from her school,
and i was laid out on the beanbag on the floor snoozing.
and den i felt something snuggle into the crook of my arm,opened one eye,and lo and behold!

my very own radiant angel.

but yea.
and as i lay there on the beanbag with her snoozing on my chest and watching her sleep(which she hates),just stroking her hair and listening to her breathing...i guess there's where i last smiled a truly happy smile.despite both our weariness, outta darkness does love sprout i guess.hahaha.

a smile tad was private tad even she didnt know,
a smile tad was cheeky cuz she didnt know i was looking and thought i was asleep too,
a smile tad was savoured as i treasured the moment for its worth,
a smile tad was smiled in the corner,
a smile tad was contented with the way everything is,
a smile tad was certain that it didnt need anithing else in the world.

a truly happy smile.

when was the last time YOU smiled a truly happy smile.

i know just remembering this brightened up my night last nite tremendously.

and even as i typed this, it brightened up my day loads already.
suddenly business stats doesnt seem like such a bitch.

remember your last truly happy smile.=)
hope it brings a cheer to your day like it did mine.=)

not one born of cheer,
nor born of the absence of fear,
one born of pure joy and delight,
one tad's radiant at the sight,

one that lights up one's face,
as one is slowly amazed,
at one's good fortune,
amidst the cloudy haze.

one tad seems to stretch from ear to ear,
one tad thrives in the absence of fear,
one tad makes you wish will never pass,
one tad makes your heart beat really fast,

one that makes you warm from deep within,
one tad fill your core with what has been,
a warmth tad covers you like your beloved blanky,

the smile...that is truly happy.

on a side note..
just read your entry josh.
mai depressed too plz nigga.
1 sad person is already 1 too many.=D
i love jo0 long long timeee

Sunday, November 16, 2008

lan yan lan.

1337 song for jo0z.

i have decided to link a thingamajig to my blog tad basically allows a mini player to play out the song tad im currently emoing to.=)
look at the right!

and today's track is.....

lan yan eric clapton.=)


i tink its beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifuuuuuuuuuuuuuul.

lan yan lan

I thought that you'd be loving me.
I thought you were the one who'd stay forever.
But now forevers come and gone
And Im still here alone.

Cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.

It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you who made the tears fall down.
It was you who broke my heart in pieces.
It was you, it was you who made my blue eyes blue.

Oh, I never should have trusted you.
I thought that I'd be all you need.
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heavens gone away
And Im out in the cold.
Cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie.

Guess I couldnt see it,
I guess I couldnt see it till I saw goodbye.

Cause you were only playing,
You were only playing with my heart.
I was never waiting,
I was never waiting for the tears to start.
It was you who put the clouds around me.
It was you.

Oh, I never should have trusted you.have trusted you.


i love the whole feel of the song .

take a listen.
its but 1 mere click away.
its really beautiful.
despite the lyrics being slightly angsty,
the music is strangly mellow.
and i loved the lines..

i thought tad you'd be loving me,
i thought tad you'd be the one who'll stay forever..
but now forever's come and gone,
and im still here alone.

In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven.
And now my heavens gone away
And Im out in the cold.
Cause you had me believing,
You had me believing in a lie.

heart wrenchingly beautiful.=)


i find it pretty amusing.
tad im going thru such a rapid see saw of feeling.
when it comes in a downer,
i really get dam affected.
but elsewise im fine.

its the 2nd time in a month ive been unable to sleep.
i spend last night walking around downstairs after coming home,
looking up at the stars to olivia ong on my ipod.

step by step i guess im finally leaving it behind and moving on.
cuz honestly there's nothing left for me to hold on.
its kinda like trying to climb up a 90 degree wall with no handholds.
there used to be handholds in the shape of your hands.
but now they arent there anymore.
and sometimes as someone once told me.."you really don't have a choice in the matter"
and hence.

life trudges on in its mindless drudgery.

its quite amusing how many different opinions i get from different pple,
those who are close to us and those not.
everyone professes to know something the other doesnt, and gives me this "trust me i know wad im talking about look"
and i'm like "waddafyck"
cuz all opinions are divided.
but ive more or less decided tad i'll trust in the one person i chose to believe in.
no point in me doubting now right?
after all i would've trusted this person with everything and anything.

oh wellz.

anyone knows howta do business stats.
im pretty much fycked.
being emo and walking outta lectures is definitely not good for your module.
i tink this sem my A average is gonna be fucking hard hit.


so the party was a success.

thanks josh,dud,giant,sab for coming down and helping out.

thanks mingli and the other friends for making her night bright.

thanks to family for helping out with the food.

i wanna thank you too.
for coming,
and lightin up my life for this brief few hours.
i thank you for the talk we had.
and i thank you for telling me how you felt.
if nothing,it made me understand more.

its bitterly ironic,
that in front of the ones you want to understand your emotions the most,
you always put on a brave front.
holding you in my arms was brief ecstacy.
touching my lips to your hair was a momentary memory.
the price to pay, was never really letting you know how i feel.
for tad brief moment was the price too steep?
narh.i dun think so.
life goes on i guess.
so after tad few moments,
as i drove back,
i wound down my window,
and i found myself shouting out at God.
just shouting "why?".shouting myself hoarse in pain.crying bitterly with snot streaming out my nose.(UNGLAM FTW PLZ NIGGAZ)
that love was lost even before it was lost just made it worse.
and you didnt even tell me about it so we could've worked things out.
i did too much...perhaps if you told me slack a lil i could've?
and things could've worked out?
20/20 hindsight.
so much much much sorrow and anguish.
now tads a word not commonly bandied around.
but anguish is what i feel.
for there's a seething wound tad has festered and needs to be bound.
and its gonna leave a fucking huge scar and i doubt i'll ever be the same person again.

but doesnt matter i guess.
crux of the matter is tad i live.
or so the doctors always say.

im not gonna blog much about the way i feel now anymore.
it'll just make you more convinced tad i havent given up on you.
which isnt too far from the truth.
maybe wen you get married to some dude den i'll gif up.

in any case.
i resolved to write something.
and write it i shall.


an my baby.. (part 1.unedited.)


fuck man im never gona cry over a girl.
ever again.

this seriously fucking sucks.
as in absolute pits.
fuck all this love shit man.
its really a fucked up game for fools.

and i guess im one of the bigger ones at the moment.
was it foolish to love you.
was it foolish to love you so much.
was it foolish to want to do more to make me love you more.
i would've said nope.but now it seems it might've been the problem.
which is fucking bitterly ironic and just makes me wanna kill myself.

okie im gonna cry myself to sleep and pray i dun wake my bro up.
this is dam jialat.

to be continued tmr when hopefully im not so emo.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


a little more den a year ago,
this song found itself a way to me.
now a little more den a year later,
i find myself wishin it was true.
went back to my old pc outside to find this track.
such an emo nemo.


jennifer paige's - get to me.
Don't misread the silence
And take my distance as a sign
There's only one heart that's confused
And it's most likely mine

I always make the rules
And I change 'em all the time
Always stayed a step ahead
'Til you looked into my eyes
My thoughts are frozen
Can't you hear me screaming inside
As you come closer
Don't know where to run this time

I feel weak, I'm never weak
I always know what to say
Don't look at me, I can't speak
How did you get to me this way?
All I know is what I feel
And what I feel is way too real
Who I am is what you see
Baby how did you ever get to me
ever get to me, ever get to me

It could be so easy
If you'd make just one mistake
Then I won't feel the way I do
And I'll say it's fate
But this emotion
I keep tryin' to leave behind
Keeps getting closer
Don't know where to run this time

hmmm.i guess i made the mistake.

on a happier thought, i saw MADAGASCAR ALR!!!!

i wish i was melman tho.

for the reason?
watch the show.
its terribly bad pun.
42 days to xmas.
despite the fact tad i mite not be in sg to celebrate much of it.
its still cause for something to remember.
xmases are always amazing.
its like this rain that washes away everything.
giving new hope to life.

i was driving in the rain just now.
and this popped up into my head.

windscreen wipers are like the sands of time,
ceaselessly washing everything away.
into the corner of your mind,
never forgotten but always with thine.

would you look upon the spaces we shared,
miss me and remember the times we had?
would you listen to the songs we sung,
with your head upon my chest.

white christmas-es may come and go,
and many more would then follow,
but till the end of certain strokes in time,
silence would rule this patch of my mind.


sorry its ingrained into me to love christmases.
its really ftfw.

im dreeeeeaaaamin...
of a whiiiiite christmassssss...
just like the ones before....=)

wtb snow in sg.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

flat tyre.

i had a singularly interesting experience.
i was on my way home aft buyin stuff in anticipation for this sat,
and my tyre blew on out me.
and it was raining like shit and the road was slippery and i was semi speeding at about 90?thereabouts.
i didnt really go into shock, i was like "CHECK BLIND SPOT (insert multiple f words)" as i filtered all the way to the breakdown lane.
now considering that my tyres are pretty much new, i was more then a little peeved.
and since it was raining dam heavily,
i was like "fuck should i call the rescue pple or should i just fix this shit myself."
den i thought " aiya fuck want car, you gotta deal with all the shit yourself too man"
so okay, i opened the door and headed out in the rain.
instantly drenched and dripping.
(insert multiple curse words at stamford tyres for giving me defective tyres)
so since this a relatively new car for me, ive never really taken out the spare tyre before,and since i was just back from shopping my entire backseat was filled to the brim.
so thinking it was like any normal civilian car where the tyre is below the false bottom, i started moving everything infront till it was filled to the brim, den i started removing the false bottom,
den i hit shitsky 1.
i couldnt unhook the thing.
as i analysed the nut more, i realized i needed an allen key.
den i thought "fuck.they cant be tad retarded to expect everyone to bring an allen key with them, confirm wadever is needed for the spare tyre is in the kit."
so i angsted summore, and told myself to calm down.
and seriously considered calling for help.

so there i was, in heavy rain, with a broken down car,
feeling like a dumbfuck cuz i had a spare tyre and didnt know how to get to it,
and cars were speeding by me on my left.

and wad does my brilliant mind come up with?

"wah fuck sial. machiam like channel 8 drama. now all i need is a girl to come by, pick me up and bring me home for hot chocolate."

and den reality set in again as the rain got even heavier.

i then decided to consult my car manual to figure out how to take out the dam tyre.

and i found out that fiat ingeniusly decided to hide the latch tad locks the tyre in position UNDER the fucking car.
they obviously didnt consider that you don't really wanna get down on your fuckin hands and knees in the fucking rain on gravel and asphalt and search blindly for a latch tad you needta use the dam nut tool to loosen before the latch would come free.

so short story shortened,
after much cursing and swearing, the tyre was out.
and i was pretty much elated and pleased with myself.
i mean.
so i rolled it to the spot and started jacking up the car.
now i dunno if anyone else has played with that dam tool before,
but its my third time already,
and jacking that mutha up is no fucking joke.
even tho its made simpler with the tool, its still fucking hard to jack the car all the way up.
so i was sweating,and sneezing cuz the rain was chilling me like shit,
and i was pretty dam sure im gonna get a cold tmr,
and then when the car was high enuf, and i tried to loosen the nuts and bolts, i realized that i couldnt.
cuz when the mechanics tightened the nuts, they used the dam pneumatic thingamajig tad zips it dam tight.
and everytime i tried to jack the nut, the entire tyre would turn as well.
kept tryin, cuz after spending so much time in the fucking rain already, i might as well give it all i got before giving up and wasting all the effort.
so i thought up of this, i lowered my entire car back down,tearfully i might add cuz tinking of jacking it up again later was enuf to make allah cry.
den since the entire weight of the car was on the tyre, it couldnt turn.
i den locked the tool on the nut, and den i stood on it.
and bounceed..and bounced summore...
and finally it gave.

repeat x 4.

repeat jacking car up. (insert lotsa cursing)

finally got the tyre in, crawled in the under carriage to fix the dam tyre back in the replacement slot,tightened the latch again, and moved everything into the backseats, and then drove off feeling pretty dam good about myself.

wad this experience has taught me.

anything that you think is worth doing, should be done to the best of your ability.
it dont matter wad your purposes are. in this case was it ego?wanting to save money?not wanting to trouble my parents?not wanting to concede this responsibility?
it was worth doing.
and thus it was to be done with all i had.

and i realize this mentality follows me in alot of places.
in a rship, i always throw myself in with single minded determination to make sure its as perfect as can be. and sometimes in this single minded pursuit, i lose sight of wad it really is, a bond between 2 pple.
and instead of building and enjoying that bond, i make it into something oppressive, more responsibility den emotion and enjoyment.
i guess tads just a little extreme and needsta be tuned back, but wad im gettin to is that it is worth it and should be given everything i got.
there should be nothing held back.
tad's wad love should be i guess.

tads wad anything worth doing in your opinion should be done by you i guess.
single minded pursuit BUT without losing sight of wad its all about.
kinda like no point chasing after the car but not knowing wad to do once you caught up with it.

oh wellz.

time to think of how im gonna swear tmr at stamford tyres.

time to relay the shit down 1 more level.

oh yea imma bitch.=D

okay wow this post was quite random.
dunno how the hell did the lsson come about.
i sure didnt think about it during the rain.
its amazing how sittin in front of the computer instantly puts you into bullshit mode so you can throw out multiple smoke bombs machiam its your assignment.
so much bullshit just to explain a busted tyre.


i wanna watch madagascar 2.
any takers.