shrugs

i wrote a dam long entry.
its in my draft.
i felt like shat,
read it n felt even worse.

i have a dull ache in my heart cuza fear of a decision i hafta make.
n the fear of losin tad sum1 special.
but since it has more or less been settled.
i shall not bother bloggin it anymore.
i juz had a really bad heartache wen i tot was goin to lose this person.

oh wellz.
shall blog bout more interestin things now since tad heartbreak thing no longer is of importance to your knowledge.
i shall read it in my saved drafts.:)

k.
wad happened today besides tad.
it was a pretty good day i guess.
i met her,played pool n chilled n all.
but i shant go there cuz i talked bout it in the draft.

now.
aft tad i went wit my sista to her aerobics/dance/fightin thing.
to sum up my rewards,
i haf a ankle cramp,a calf cramp AND A BUTT CRAMP.
ankle was pretty early but cuz my ankles are like designed to take punishment it didnt really matter.
:)
1st up was dance.
quite funky,
not really tiring.
alot of grindin n thank God i wore underwear today lest my ahem wobbled n came loose.
all the hip motion i tell you,
den still gotta jerk one.
so like the gals do DAM easy.
buys do got momentum so gotta take it easy.
if not sumthin mite spoil.
heh.
den not much problem,juz the ankle abit pain.
den came the killer.

sum fightin aerobics thing.
you gotta keep ya arms up n clenched to protect ya face n all rite?
juz maybe my there got no more muscles.
so they were really wobbly n couldnt take it.
den hadta keep bouncin to keep the rhythm up.
den die.
halfway thru,
the 1st song only.
my calf macham cramp.
cuz i got a dam lazy left leg so my rite leg was workin overtime,
so like yea.
cramp.
den dam unglam.
den at that exact moment,
the instructer goes "now we kick"
den i was like "shat"
den my kicks were dam unglam la.
like a duck waddlin n doin kungfu tad kinda kick cuz the muscle dam tight.
den even worse.
my left leg's like dead,
so it doesnt acknowledge tad its supposed to kick at any point in time.
so basically,
the instructor's like "now we switchover,left kick,5,6,7,8"
everyone kicks left n i kick rite.
-_-'''
den it keeps on GOIN on n ON!!!!
dam irritatin.
and den the grandmaster of cramps happened.
we were doin this punch-duck-punch combo n you hafta go really low,
den we did it so many times,
den my butt cramped.
den my kicks became really quite small motions n all.
den aft the music stopped,
i bent down to catch my breath.
bad mistake.
lagi cramp.
den kena owned.
i fell on my ass.
really quite abit the unglam.
im really dam outta shape now.
grrr.
wad else.
oh yes!
the whole place was like a stage tad like EVERYONE can see la.
so like the pple in the cafe were prob laffin their asses off at us tryin to kep fit.
so horrible ungalm.
tsktsktsktskt.
ahahah.
but it was a good workout.
den i came home to eat maggi mee n nullified everythin.
lol.
oh wellz.
cant haf everythin in life.
:)

im happy one again cuz a certain sum1's talkin to me again.
:)

its over.now the angst begins?

you know.
today defines the day of mixed emotions.
so here i am,
happily finishin up my last paper of the messed up As,
and the 1st thing i hear is my mummy callin me,
askin me how the paper went,
and then askin me to go home n pack up my room to prepare fer visitors.
tad despite me tellin her before i took the paper tad im goin to fysh's house to play wow.
never mind.
den my class won a kfc voucher.
so they wanted to go enjoy,
so i turned em down cuz i figured my mummy needed help n its the right thing to do.
so i rush home n sort out all my stuff so wen she comes back everythin can be done really quickly.
im done within 15 mins.
she called mi at 340 tellin me she was juz buyin boxes n she'll be back.
i reach home at 350.
i wait till bloody 650 till she comes home,
seethin away gettin more pissed.
in the 3 hours i could've wowed,taken kfc.
never mind.
knowin full well my intentions,
she happily keeps draggin time n draggin time.
so i choose to believe tad she forgot.
so i juz ask her if she needs my help anymoer.
if not i shall go.
and she has the bloogy angst to come scream n throw temper at me aft?
i mean like wtf.
i do all you ask me to.
aft tad i go find sumthin tad i wanan do n i get yelled at cuza it?
its not fiar ainit.

not to mention.
they keep promisin me a computer.
this saga has been told thru my sec school yrs all the way up till now.
every single time they get my hopes up n then say "next yr,study's more impt"
every yr i take the fall as it comes n dun say anithin.
well well.
surprise again.
tis yr it happens again?
the much vaunted "aft A's" time comes n hey!its not comin.
so wen you cant gimme a com,
i wanan go find means to play my game,
basically,
i do not see wad rite do you hafta be angst at me cuz basically you're juz angry tad im searchin fer things i want which i tink is absolutely ridiculous.

den my father.
domineerin sob happily asks me every single day wen i'll be lookin fer a job.
i mean fer pete's sake la.
my job has absolutely NOTHING to do with you so stfu.
ok?

sorry fer the explicit language but i hate crushed hopes.
muz of the time aft 7 yrs of failed hopes wrt to the com you'll tink i'll be jaded to it but it was really high tis time cuz there was "no other studies" behind tis.
and wen i fall i dun take it very well.
so everyone juz step the hell back n let me vent my angst if not i wunt be the nice guy i usually am.

the reason why my mummy's gettin so flustered bout the house bein spick n span's cuza sum cell group pple comin over on like the 10th of the next month.
n the point i cant understand is why its almuz a whole bloody month away n you're freakin out now.
you cant exterminate dust.
it gathers.
you'er much better off cleanin it closer to tyhe date rite?
makes more sense.
closer to the date,
less time to mess the house up,less time for dust to gather.
its sensible thing to do.
im willin to bet my left testicle tad imma hafta help her clean up the whole dam house again before the time comes.
and it hasta be spotless.
i know her standards.

anyway,
the crux of the matter is tad she hasta set a good impression fer those pple comin over.
which is totally ridiculous to me cuz it feels so fake.
im sicka hypocrites aight.
and now we hafta be ones too?
i've lived my entire life despisin em n now i bow to the pressure of the bloody world?
pple who know me know i tell it as wad i feel it is.
i dun hedge my words i cut to the crux of the issue.
i dun see why the hell i hafta neaten up the place to tad extent.
if sum was comin over,
TIDYIN up the place is understood.
aft all
its parta bein a good host.
but basically cleanin the whole dam palce up till even the walls are clean is excessive.
but tad's not wad im tryin to get at.

i dun see who the hell tis pple are to judge.
basically,
it means everyone of you lil assclowns out there who keep slef invitin yaself into other pple's sanctus sanctorum.
basically put,houses.
the reason you wanna go into the hosue is yo wanan see how the person lives n all.
but WHO THE HELL DIED N MADE YOU GOD TO GO JUDGE PPLE BY WHETHER THEY"RE NEAT OR NOT.
take tad idea n the horse you rode in on n shove it up ya ass.
its utter bullshat.
you're tellin me yuo've never left the newspaper in the toilet aft your mornin posturin on the throne?
never forgot to flush the toilet cuz its late at nite?
never forgot to fold ya towel on the rack nicely before leavin?
never forgot to arrange ya books neatly?
never left thigns lyin arnd?
WHO THE HELL gifs you the right to judge pple by the way they present emselves wen you yaself have your own flaws.
you're like a friggin pseudo perfectionist tad only feels perfect from laffin at other's fualts.
which to me makes you a bloody loer n a fraud.
basically put.
you suck n the world'll be a better palce witout pple of your trivial existence pollutin tis ecosphere.
so bsically,
everyone should juz come to terms wit emselves so pple like my mummy can sit back n relax n ENJOY bein a host insteada worryin bout wad alla you lil pricks tink.

*takes deep breath*
im done.
paper was pretty decent.
hopefully my grades are good nuf to get into uni.
anyone wit a goof job offer pls msg me?
im available till april.
im goin job huntin tml so yea.
pls holla asap aight?
good stuff.
im gone to see if wow has rebooted its server yet.:)

i hate exams.

hmmm.
things change really quickly wen you wanna take charge of ya life.
i often wonder if i had started studyin barely a coupla months earlier if things'll be so much better now.
i had a potential of about TWO whole bloody grades tad i could've gotten if i had juz had more experience,
but cuz i didnt,
i was unable to produce in the exam hall.
sigh.
ridiculous.
but its over its over.
i figure i'll be in good shape next yr if i keep it up.
to retake this stupid thing i guess.
sighz.
i hate myself at times like this.
ridiculous i say.
oh wellz.
shall not mopeth much longer.
shall return to the world of muggin dammit.
blah blah blah blah.
im rambling.
so be it.
hahahaha
i wanna watch HARRY!!!!!!
i got e funniest group ever to go watch it wit tho.
hahahah.
watchin it wit the whole group of students from my math tuition.
hahaha.
weird.
dam.
im really rambling like shat.
disjointed tots.
hahaha.
cant even rem wad i wanted to start sayin.
hahaha.
i shall blog again wen im more coherent.

hahahaah.:)
i wanna wow.

things you never tink will happen.

today was glorious math.
and thank God,
it was doable.
i haf a total of 24 marks worth of questions tad i didnt present an answer for.
but chances are,
of tad 24 marks,
i would get about maybe 5 or 6 due to workin cuz i juz found out tad i was along the rite track fer my vectors question but i gaf it up cuz i didnt tink it was plausible.
basically,
the key to the part 2 of tad questions was tad there were 3 variables.
which i had.
now how angsty am i gonna get?
none.
hahahaha.
why?
cuz im tired.
so yea.
i gotta continue burnin fer the next 48 hours flat till aft math paper 2 den i can go sleep.

so pray fer mi?
its gonna be a hard 48 hours.
imma be chuggin down tea,coffee n chicken essence.
i ish i had a camera to take my eyebags with.
i tink they're really impressive.:)
like WHOA kinda impressive.:)

i kinda haf tis fatalistic mentality goin on in my head now.
hmmm.
i really miss a certain person.
its really funny how barely a month later aft you make a decision,
wen the repercussions n the real impact of tad choice hits you,
wen everythin fades away,
you kinda feel morsels of regret.
its seems so highly ironic.
i really tink my latest lyrics are so dam true.
we're all victims of our destiny.
bound by the things we hafta do,
bound by the so called "rite ways of goin about life"
can a man change his fortune?
can i man actually change God's plan for him?
if our lives are actually all planned out alr,
den its unfathomable tad our dear God above actually planned an existence fer us in which tad we suffer so much.
lessons wen learnt should lift us to a state in which we should become happier.
but yet?
lessons pile upon lessons.
if the statement tad the learnin never ends,
does tad not mean we're bound to live life in misery ferever?
tad's really such a bitch ainit.

the new situation now tad my muggin has slowed down and i finally realised it sucks.
things changed so much.
barely a coupla weeks.
n everythin's changed.
part of me's happy tad she listened and moved on.
part of me bemoans my decision despite its "righteousness"
maybe its time fer me to move on as well.
maybe its juz cuz im feelin so tired n weak now.
maybe its juz she's had the time to go out n socialise more which is why she can find another so quick n leave everythin behind..
maybe it'll be the same fer me once the bloody papers are over.

so many damned maybes.
probabilities.
inconsequential.
meaningless.
everythin's meaningless.
rite now.
everyone n everyting should juz return to ashes.

"from ashes i come,ashes i will return"

tad is like so a misquote,
but like it gets my point across.
im gone.
time to go back to meaningless toil.
i really cant figure how's all this bullshat gonna help mi in my teachin of english next time.
sheesh.

you wonder.

in my boredom,
i wrote tis lil ditty.

v1:
we are all victims of our own destiny,
am i e only one,who sees the irony,
battered in by the things we're supposed to do,
tired of hearin "do e rite thing,it'll all come to you"

Chorus:
cuz we're all victims of our destiny,
if you were tinkin,you'll agree wit me,
pple cryin out fer strength.
where's the hope to ease my pain,
where's the light to turn this hellish darkness to day.

v2:
where's the hope of this meaningless night,
where's e stars tad make the night sky bright,
future's loomin and it doesnt seem too bright,
time's not waitin should i gif u or should i fight.

bridge:
so God above,
i'm cryin out,
show m e way,
to survive is rout,
take away,
my load today,
let me not fall,
in tis forsaken place.


its such a sad thing.
tad like despite all,
we're still stuck in the system tad threatens to bind us forever.
individualism is lost.
is anyone so diff from the next.
e defination of a singaporean teen.
"some one who goes to school n is constant struggle to be the best wit a thirst tad never seems to be quenched even at the cost of losin their souls"
look arnd you.
EVERY single teen is either in poly or jc.
everyone is either a mugger,or tryin to be one.
everyone strives to be the best.
and why not?
after all,
its their life to lead.
in tad sense,
look at the new rankin fer unis.
our beloved n cherished NUS,stands at a proud 8 or 9 compared internationally.
but yet in the workin world,
in a report taken,
NUS grads are not tad favored by employers.
they rank at about 30-40.
cant remember the exact thing.
juz seems pathetic tad despite havin the top uni,
we're basically churnin out robots.
mindless automatons tad go into the world to continue the grind against its system but a slave to it cuza the quintessential element called : money.
pathetic wad it has made us do to ourselves.
but unavoidable i guess.

i was readin a coupla y archives entries.
not the ones here.
as in the old blog.
speakin of which,
i should link back there.
hmm.
but yea.
the tone's so different.
lil things tad made me smile to joyously now seem so plain n unme.
its weird n yet it realyl saddenin.
but oh wellz.
the world continues spinnin.
whether i like it or not,
basically,
i shall still be driven on aimlessly cuz tad is life of a singaporean teen.
only the government can stop tis mindless push,
but den again,
how do you stop the momentum built up fer 3 generations of pple believin in this mindset.
you cant.
you hear em screamin out fer tinkin pple.
den you see gahmen takin steps to promote "active tinkin"
but how can there be active tinkin wen everyone's mind's basically a cloned copy of the others'?
ridiculous aint it?

shrugs.
shall not whine no more.
2 weeks.
it'll all be over.
fer better or worse.
im determined to let it get me down.
i gif it all i got.
if it aint nuf,
den too bad,
imma hafta find my way in the world myself.
n so be it.
niwaez.
level 22 shammy.
lololol.
but yet even tad's startin to pale fer me.
sheesh.


-----------------------
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