considerations.

you know.
sumtimes you wonder about the truth of wad you read,and seem to know.
and you wonder if its true.
and you begin to doubt.
and wonder.
and aft tad wonder if you're being a foo for doing so.

hmmm.
certain things in life are called hard truths.
and while you mite not be happy living em,
sumtimes you havent really got a choice but to accept it for wad it is i guess.

typical example = im supposed to be enjoyin ord life now.
but still im slaving like a bitch.

/shrugs.

"life's a bitch.play her."

macho words but wen you come down to it,you havent got mucha a choice either eh?
keke.

2 lines to let your enjoy.

1st line was heard this morning when i went out in my lack-o-sleep-inspired breakfast/market run at 8 in the morning aft sleepin at 6.-_-

me:Auntie,3 packet wanton mee,2 x dry with chilli,1 x soup
auntie:okay.

aft preparing the noodles,
i realised that the dry one no soup,
and since i quite fancy a nice peppery soup in the morning to get me started,

me:auntie,can you packet another small packet of soup for the dry noodles one?
auntie:eh,sorry hor,the soup kenot packet one.will spoil.

den juz now my soup noodles the soup different meh.
i tell you,
it took every single ounce of my restrain not to shoot back a retort.
grumpy me with lack o sleep,and not being to eat wad i wanna eat is not good for sum1's health,
and im juz concerned tad it aint me.
/growl.


and,
on satuday.
whilst on my way to dance,
i heard the most traumatic thing a lil boy hasta hear please.

this mummy was walkin outta the MRT pullin her lil boy with her,
boy was stumblin cuz he was playin his nintendo DS.


mummy: BOY AH I TELL YOU KEEP YOUR DS ALR.LATER I TAKE YOU CASTRATE(cartridge) I TELL YOU.den i see you play what.

im tellin you,
the look on the kid's face was priceless x 1.
and the looks on the other pple's faces?
priceless x many.
HAHAHA
zhen de lo.
really not 1 x traumatic memory

happy 21st.

happy bdae baby.=)

lil joys in life.

there are times where i feel really dam low.
and i think "wtf is this for sial.!@$!@#!@$#!@$!@#!@#"
hope dies,
i get dam pissed.
optimism fades and pessimism roars in victory.
i bottle up.
i recluse.

and then.
you come to mind.
and like the 1st beam o light over dark skies.
suddenly it doesnt seem so bad.

and i know regardless.
despite it all,
there's still sumthin tad makes it all worthwhile.

time will teach us its lessons,
and in time we'll learn how to.

at least.
its the way i choose to believe.
=)

and thats pessimism speakin.

/ponders.

ive got a naggin feeling,
that wunt go away,
and as much as i diss it,
it keeps eating away at me.
i juz wish i could be more certain of some things,
tad'll wash the doubts away,
and now there's a lil voice shouting at me to watch my ass.
and i dun wanna entertain this thought.
im contented and sated the way things are.
i dun wanna hafta worry about this.
im not the person i was before,
why do i still carry the same fear.
or do some things never change.

/frown + growl.

and for the record.

i DO NOT lumber.:@

the things tad throw you off balance.

maybe it comes about as a part of everday life tad we see and not really see,
hear and not really hear,
do but not wholeheartedly,
think but not with a proper state of mind,
juz to make the days pass away quicker.
and then there are the things you'll pay the extra attention to,
the stuff you'll see,hear,do for,think of everythin,
cuz you want tad sumtin.

interestingly enuf.
people are never what the seem to be.
i juz got an ORD present from my CO in the form of 3 extras,
for wad reason?
for using the internet computer in camp.

now i could go along justifying why its okay and shit,
but yea rules say kenot,
and yea.i dun obey stupid rules,
i had barely sat down on the dam chair and he walked in,
the person before me had juz vacated,
so the screen showed a picture of his gf.
CO walks in,
sees the girl photo and goes nuts,
listens to my explanation,
den "okay okay,dun do it again."
so me thinkin tad everythin is all good,
skips back to my workstation and hammers away.
next thing i hear my NSF officer shoutin "oi SIAO LIAO LA CO SEND EMAIL"
suffice to say i got passed up the chain of command till my s3 gaf me 3.
said sumthin about making an example outta me
now personnaly i dun really care,im hopin they're weekend duties so i can add to my off collection,
but seriously.

i always thought that in NS everyone's a brother,
we all wink toget,
we pee in the wind toget,
everythin
but lesson is learnt,
wen careers are a factor,
always use the NSF for your steppin stone.

for that matter,

my s3 made me make a sign tad prohibits EVERYONE from using tad computer witout his explicit permission and sends out an email to everyone in the unit.

now since i was on guard yest,
i went downstairs to take a look,
and i found a "history" tab and saw a scroll bar the size of my blog's
now that my frens is a freakin long list of websites.
i saw things from frenster to facebook to suggestive ones lik "iwantyou.com.#@"

example outta me?
LOL @ you pls.
a stupid rule will ALWAYS be disobeyed.

i made this sign.

"dun try your luck,
people are forgiving,
SAF isnt"

i should add this to it

"SAF rules are stupid,
do it if you can get away wit it"

i remember sumthin my platoon sgt told us in sispec.

he said the unspoken rule of SAF is that you can do anithin you want,but not get caught,
but he also said sumthin tad i'll always hold true to myself,

when caught,
serve the punishment,
and move on.
this place is only for 2 years.
dun make waves.

which restrained the shit outta my on fri as i was signing the 3 extras.
not to make a mountain outtaa molehill,
but seriously,
you want best unit for 2 years runnin?
KEKE you juz pissed off the wrong dude mr co sir.
lets see all your documents go missing come audit.

/spit.

niwae.
no waves ftw.

stupid rules will NEVER be obeyed la.

yea.
thing that throw you off balance.
you tink you've seen so much,
you know o much,
and this kinda shit happens.
wadever happened to "i got your back"
liar.

but then again.
its not juz limited to the army world isit?
even in the civilian life,
you tink you've got it all figured out.
and then sumthin comes and upsets the cart.
and suddenly you're left quite stymied in the wind,
all ready to fall over cuz your thoughts are caught up in a whirlwind.

interesting how things appear,
and how they really are.

b-side

i was in a really nasty/shitty mood last nite aft a WoW so i left the game early,
and headed back to camp.
and was grumpy regarding sumthin else also but that doesnt matter.
was feeling dam dam dam angsty,
till i heard this song.
and tho ive heard it a million times before.
it was like hearing it for the 1st time.

The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most

dashboard confessional.

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by

This is one time, this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by...

Well this is one time, well this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

And you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all..or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

_________________________________

maybe you can only see the meaning the way i did last nite wen you're really feelin shitty and angry at the same time.
is so,

=)

save it for a rainy day to get emo to.

imma go stone.

absolution.

the past few weeks have been a rush.
work has been a nonstop thing,weekends have been pleasant albeit tiring,but worth every bit of weariness juz to be with her.
and now,
finally,aft something like 10 days worth of non stop rushing in the office,
i can finally take a breather and slow down for a bit.
every single one of my stupid "responsiblities" have been fully & satisifactorily accounted for.
and i realised something from the past days of working,is that tho i hate doing work,
if imma sign my name off on it,it will have "standard".

i found myself voluntarily stayin back late aft work once just so i could make one of my slides "perfect" at least to me.
and i was dam surprised as most of the time.
the instant 530 ticks,
im outta the office like diarrhoea with a vengeance.
lil changes you find yourself going thru in NS.
amusing to be honest,but not entirely unwelcome.

WELL,thats the work aspect of my life i guess.
been a bitchy week,but all sheit comes to pass,so HAY.i survived./cheer.
thanks to weekend binges and the lil ray of sunshine that ive only recently found(/hug).
every man needs something to look forward to.
=)

i feel like im in a midst of a rather important change of priorities in my life once again.
and i dun particularly like it.
im rather resistant to change(as everyone who knows me well can testify),so once again,im defaulting to my usual way of dealing with it: sit back,observe and decide.

i read a rather interesting article over the weekend,
cant remember if it was str8s times or TNP(both tabloids with NITbits),but it had a phase that strangly enuf,was a variation of something that's been foremost in my life as of recent times.
the phase in my own words,

"if life is about discovery,the biggest discovery you can make,is yourself"

now mull upon it for a minute and you mite see wad im getting at.=)
been melacholy the past few nights,just thinkin about stuff and decisions tad ive made before,
and how i myself am rather of a double standard and in that sense,been feeling all round rather crappy.

strange how we always like to think we know it all,we are prepared,and how certain things in life constantly uproot this belief and sweep you off your feet into a maelstorm of torrential emotions and thoughts.and you always say you'll know better,but find yourself fallin prey to it again,diff angle,diff circumstance,diff consequence,but from the same cause.

lol please.
discovery of oneself.
strange to be the one thing you wanna know about but yet cant?=)
but then again,
is it truly possible to know oneself?
considering that when it comes to the root of it,
we're all monstarz(i juz love this dam word.monster/star!!!!) of change.
so if we're a constantly changing thing,then wadever you think you've learned mite not be true the very next instant.
funky eh?
/shrugs.
thats why i hate change i guess.
i always smile within when i meet up with frens and they same "still teh same old ben/dou nian mei jian hai she lao yang de *********"or sum variation.=)
in this sense,
i do know myself a lil bit i guess.=)
till sumthin comes along and sweeps me off my feet.

but then again.
change does not neccesate that its sumthin bad.
i once lol-ed at this expression when we were discussing it over booze but here it is.

to be said in the most pompous preacher voice for entertainment value.

"CHANGE MY BROTHERS!!! IS LIKE DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME.ITS DAM UNCOMFORTABLE GOING INTO IT,IT MAY EVEN HURT!!!BUT ONCE YOU'RE IN IT,ITS PRETTY COMFORTABLE, AND PRETTY DAM SHIOK,THAT YOU KEEP WANTING TO GO IN AND OUTTA IT!!!!"

lol.llololololoolloo.
sheit i cant remember who was it alr.
lol READIN IT NOW I STILL LAFF.
but yea.
pretty much sums it up.
its amazing how nonsense you can think of when you start gettin mel.
/chuckle.

/<3 booze inspired sermons.

i wish there was more i could say to properly express some of what im feeling within,
but sometimes words juz seem inadequate.
juz thinkin makes it slightly better i guess.
life is made of many lil things that make you smile exteriorly,
and fewer,more precious things that make you smile within.
while the smiles on the outside radiate happiness,
the ones within don't always do so,
the smiles on the outside mite be fake,
but not the ones on the inside.
wad makes the smile inside?

a contented,sated heart.=)


niwae in tune with my previous coupla posts,
1337 songz for youz!!!

this songs is by the "hey there delilah" dudes,

called : Let Me Take You There.=)

I know a place that we can go to
A place where no one knows you
They won't know who we are
I know a place that we can run to
And do those things we want to
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there

I know a place that we forgot
A place where we won't get caught in
They won't know who we are (they won't know, won't know)
I know a place where we can hide out
And turn our hearts inside out
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there

I know a place we'll be together
And stay this young forever
They won't know who we are
Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there


We can get away
To a better place if you let me take you there
We can go there now cause every second counts
Girl just let me take you there
Take you there

____________________
some awesome "smoke" girl lyrics rite there mind you.
but as i always tell my girl,
just cuz its cliche,doesnt make the emotions/meaning behind the words any less real.=)

that stated,now turn to your loved one,look him/her in the eye and go:baby,can we go there?

and enjoy the chuckle it'll bring you 2.=)
shall end here alr.
needta go prepare to run and lose a lil weight.
fei de no more pls.
not if i can help it.=)

enjoy the song,
msn me if you want it.=)

/ponder

waking up at 6 am in te morning,
rubbin your eyes awake,
eyes dun wanna open.
you lumber arnd squintin outta 1 eye cuz the other is still asleep.
stumbling your way into the toilet to wash your face before grumpily trudgin to the kitchen
rummage thru the drawer
and find the Godsent "KOPI 3 IN 1"
make it with warm water,
stir stir
den whack ice into it.

drink
/eyes open halfway.
grab your jacket.
look at your phone.
no msg = sian.
den you sit and stone.

cold as hell morning.
on a public holiday.
you wanna snuggle up and sleep.
and you hafta go out.

welcome to my morning.
lol.

niwae.
it was dam fun pls.
worth the sacrifice o sleep.
tho it was raining,
sure as hell didnt dampen the time family had toget pls.
no tv,no computer,
juz talkin to each other.
=)

and the big + side is?
i drove all the way down in rainy weather pls.
shiok only.=)
seriously,
driving in chilly weather wearing your darlin brown pullover,
all snug and comfy and juz the emptiness of the roads,
everyone else more or less asleep,
you feel like you're all alone and thinking.

awesome stuff.
and my talkin to my sista.
well.
very very telling affair.
shall blog about it more in depth wen im more coherent
rite now im gone 3 ways to sunday alr.
lol.