Thursday, August 30, 2007

in love with de scottish accent.

i juz finished watching 2 movies.
namely goal 2 and hannibel lector.

zomg pls.

i am sooooooo in love wit the scotish accent im droolin pls.
"do me a darl and do me a favour would you?wen you see (name), tell him he's SHYIETE."

lol.tads the best i can figuire out how to spell the way the pronounce it but zomg an accent tad wen you cuss makes me drool is an accent worth learnin please.

soooo funky!!!i cant wait for goal 3 please.sure go watch.
1 x orgas.:D
"oh mai,its hugh-mong-us"
spellin doenst do it justice you gotta watch it on your own i swear.:)

gogogog.bittorrent it.

and hannibel lector was a lil weird pls.
quite disturbin but aft watchin the whole movie im left with 2 thoughts.
i shall start with the irrelevant one 1st.

if you're a dude bent on revenge, and you have a chick like gong li pasting herself on you,
which would you choose.
continue huntin down the idiots who ate your sista so you can eat their cheeks,
or run off with a rich heiress who's no only devoted to you,but hot as well.
shyiete man i'll def choose gong li.
i mean.
your sista's prob digested and shatted out alr.
1 x MILF hotness

niwae the 2nd and more in tune thought is this.
anyone remember the george orwell book?

"all animals are equalbut sum are more equal then others"

its quite a paradoxical statement but as every single lit teacher out there will tell you,is true in all istances of the statement.

and i realise that we humans are really dam funny.
i dunno if its just me,but do you guys try to understand pple?
like truly get so in tune(i.e understand the person so much so that) taht you can anticipate his statements,motions,tad you literally can live inside that persons mind.
its quite interestin in that sense that you'll be able to anticipate the person to the sense tad you mite be able to actually manipulate the person.(zomg scary rite)
funky funky pls.and more to the point.
the point of the statement above is that....

sum pple are harder to understand than the rest.
hard to figure out and even harder to figure out how they'll react to your statements.
offhand i can think of a few of these pple in my lives pls.

oh well.
/<3 pls.
(babyface juz in case you pple dunno where dat comes from)

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

killing me softly with tis song.

juz gonna post a coupla pics,
den go take a shower,
juz came back from a 5k run.
dun ask me why.bored so decided to sweat.
den come back and see if inspiration hits me for wad i wanna do.:)

this pics are from fireworkz nitez.:)

note to self:take more photos with dudley its a lil lackin./frown.

shower time.

not really sure how this will turn out,
but i feel like a mel rhyme.
so here we go.

in life we try and try so hard,
only at the end to have to part,
we chase for fortune,assets and love,
but all we need is grace from above.

we search and search and hope to find,
sumthin at the end to truly name thine's,
only to find ownerships's a concept all in the mind,
you can only lose wad you chose to name thine's.

you only truly treasure wad you've lost,
its only then you realise the cost,
not only the cost of lettin go,
but the cost of losin sumthin tad's a part o your soul.

juz when you tink you've figured it out it your mind,
then you realise everythin rests on a dime,
a toss in the air it all turns arnd,
when it lands,all you hold dear mite be shattered on the ground.

concepts and ideals that you hold dear,
rejection and insecurities tad you fear,
like swimming underwater it only comes clear,
wen your head breaks the murky waters tad hold you down.

everyone's sellin their concept to buy,
sum of em not even knowin their's a lie,
their sales pitch just doesnt fly,
you see right thru it and pass em by.

you try so hard to make yours work,
hopin and prayin tad it aint crook,
knowin tad if it shatters rolls over and croaks,
you'll be like a homeless man witout even a shirt.

wen you wonder how much it takes,
you also wonder if yours will take the cake,
if it falls wad would you do,
wen you're feelin all shitty and like a foo.

den you realise again that life trods on,
no care and concern for the fallen ones,
you either pick yourself and ride the flow,
or get left behind and alone in the cold.

life goes on despite it all,
it cares not who rises and falls,
its the cycle of the world as the rolls around,
you move quick enuf or get grinded into the ground.

so wad do you now, wen you see the truth,
wen you've had all you nid of the livin proof,
you tell yourself to move your ass,
get up head to the room and get dressed,

spiffiest suit and accessories to go,
ipod on,you gettin in da flo,
head on out and began the show,

its your life,you're the star of your show.

okie.5 mins left before i head back to camp.
time to end of msn convos.

Sunday, August 26, 2007


so aft my gurad duty on fri nite,
i went to service yest,
and they said sumthin i found a lil thought invoking.

goes along the lines of

"have you forgotten who you are"

and then the sermon went on to explain our uniqueness.
and how in the end,who we are relates to our callin,

and thus,the summary would relate to sumthin like

"we were created to be unique to serve a common purpose"

alot of views on it,
all rather controversial.
but shall leave it as it sounds a lil oxymoronic.


i swear all army guys are ham sap.
its juz an army boy thing.

okie i went there with the intention of it bein relaxing,
so i lagged behind my unit wit my coursemates and we juz slowly jogged the 6k.
so we were happily maintainin the pace and like in the middle of the pack.
why do i say all army boys are hamsap?

so here we were happily joggin,
when SUDDENLY,a WHOLE SHITLOAD as in a WHOLE BUCKETFULL of guys suddenly cut us.
imagine you are comfortably in the middle of your lane...
den kena cut by like 300+ guys in army singlets of various colors.
den we were all dam stunned.
we initially tot it was like juz 1 dam garang unit runnin toget.
den we realise all diff singlets,diff shorts.
den we were like quite angry la.
like insult to your pride know?
so we speeded up.
den we found the reason.

right at the front of this pack of color wolves,
was a rather hot chick in white runnin.
now to be honest,
she looks pretty sweet,nice smile(how i know?explain later),and the best legs ive seen in quite a while.
(mind you i seen my fair share this year alr)
but the HOARDS that were runnin to keep up with her was juz a lil outta point.
like seriously.
army guys pls.
deprived and all.
but it was honestly a funny sight.

so my fren was like "i think i know her"
and i was like "yea right"
and he raced off.-_-
ZHONG SE QING YOU I TELL YOU!!!THE VEILED i dun look as hot as her la!!!but abandon me!!!!

so my point is,
all ns guys are skirt chasers.short chasers in this case.
doesnt matter if the girl is question is dam hot.
girl can alr.

but one thing i was tellin em juz now was: find good lookin girls in sg not hard.
i dunno whether its the society or wad,
but our girls are generally well groomed/vain enuf to look pretty decent.
i mean.
if at a run wit 98% guys,
you can find a girl of tad standard,
quite easy to find one outside of that eh?:)

and how do i know she has a nice smile?
cuz she smiled @ me la.
and why?
cuz we ran with her all the way to the finishin line den overtook her at the last stretch.


hamsap hamsap hamsap ++++

Friday, August 24, 2007


its been 2 rather sweet days.

me being the "only concerned about myself" type of mind,
took off on thurs!!:) wheee

so aft a shitty mon - wed being overworked like hell,
i finally finished off work enough to take a break.

so what did i do??:P
i went home,
raided wow for abit and wen to visit a place i havent seen for a long time.:P
i used to go there pretty often to visit qi but hay.
times change.:P

so who did i go there to visit?
Mr Narb Cheong.

funky fun pls.
went there in a jeans and shirt and came back in jeans and a rag.

been so long since i had fun pls.
competitive juices ftw.
went there with the intention to chill,
and alv came and told me he got handball training.
so i was like "-_-
the 1st few hours were nothing much,
i sat and talked with mal bout stuff and den went to talk kok wit alv.
grats to him and ahem ahem pls.
its about friggin time.

and then...
it was off to xform my polo sjhirt into a rag.
handball is soooo dammm shiooooook.
kenot stand it.
grab..bounce..go low..wind up..*lap lou ke*

orgas pls.
its been dam long since i had physical exertion in a sense other then the mindless "run and pushups pls"
was truly enjoyable pls.
and after that..floorball.

time to relive hockey roots.
i quote the movie 300.
"amateurs.they made a lovely mess of things"
it was dam luan but that didnt take away 1 bit of the enjoyment man.:)
shiok shiok shiok.

went home past midnight*cab ftl pls.exexex.:(*
and woke up in the mornin to ruin errands for mummy.
then bein inspired by the "live healthy" motto tad seemed to have possessed me,
i went of in the afternoon to do a lil sun worship by the pool.
swam like 20 of the mini laps that contituted my pool.
and then got tired and went to bake.

shiok pls.
darker and slightly fitter then before.


now im achin all over.
fatness sucks pls.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

back to basics.

so aft my binge on sat and sunday's recovering period.:)
im finally bak to a normal state.
and here's sumthin tad hapened to me yest which once again explains the irrationality of the SAF system.

i was feelin really crappy wen i woke up as it was a dastardly cold night,
so aft going to the ops room and updating the status boards for the unit,
i decided to go upstairs,take panadol cold and take a short nap hopin that wen i wake up i can work witout having the have 1 hand perpertually pinching my nose so i dunt sneeze.
so i went up and rested.
less den 15 mins aft i did that,
my boss comes upstairs to my bunk and asks me wad am i doin here.
i explain tad im not feeling well.
he threatens to give me extras for skivin off during work time.
i tell him im really not feelin well.
den he says go report sick.
i tell him if i report sick,i'll get an mc which i dun want as i wanted to do sumthin in the office aft that.
he says if im not sick,the MO will charge me for tuangin.

so off i go.
1 day mc.
mind you,if i had juz taken my medication and rested,i would've been perfectly fine by noon time.
SAF does not trust you enoughto know how your body works despite you having been binded to this same mortal coil since birth.
go figure.
free MC ftw.
sure i really did feel and look like shit,but i know i can recover so why not trust my own judegment rite.-_-

so in the end,i went up to bunk and rested whilst waitin for my mummy to come pick me up.
by the time she arrived,i was feelin all good once again.
*gives the duh look*
so anyway,free MC /cheer.
more driving miles for me.

speakin of which,
i've driven an insane amount since i got my license which is orgasmic pls.
at least like 10 hours or close to that.
for a new driver witout a car,im pretty proud o that.:D
maybe its a new driver thing,(i know my sister doesnt really have much of a fire for driving atm)
but im seriously in love with driving.
*note to self: not control freak talkin here*
i dunno what it is but there's this pure serenity and calmness that comes upon me wen i drive.
its like everythin shifts up a notch.
i remember wen my sis 1st started driving,she use to tell me to shut up and not distract her.same for sum1 else tad i was fortunate to have been driven arnd by her once.prob never again but yea.o.o.p.
but wen i started driving till now,i can rattle on and on and on and its not rambling.
like how whilst driving my sister home yest from church i could be reasonin wit my mummy thruout the entire journey.
there's juz this "peace" that exists in the driver seat i swear.
i think you hafta go thru it to understand wad i mean.

i have a dream.
to haf enough cash to put down as downpayment for a car by next july.

anyone wanna buy my wow account?
its fully "zhnged" out.
anyone has lobangs for weekend jobs/weeknight jobs?
i needta find means and ways to attain savings of 1.1k a month for the next few months till july.

btw im totally serious about this dream.:)
so if you guys can help me find work for the weekend/tuition kids i <3 you big time pls.

even if not by next july,by the end of the year.
i think its highly attainable.

on another note,
im still stuck on whether or not i should go to SIM or go NIE.
both are paths i really wanna take,
but the fact that SIM now has a course that truly caters to hotel management is sumthin pretty irresistable.
oh wellz.
as my mummy said."apply to both.whichever you get into its God's will."
"den wad if i get into both"


okie random thought now.
i dunno why,but i had 2 cases of pple tellin me shit last nite,
so i shall blog about one.the other i shall not even mention cuz its not my place to do so.
so.the one i shall speak about was a pj girl.
was speakin to her before i left to pick my sister up,
and i realise that there's really a very very very very big change in concept of physical intimacy now.
gone are the days of physical purity.
i.e like peekaboo till marriage then show hand.
now it seems that everythin goes except the deed itself.
and she was tellin me how all her frens are like sliding into last base and how her own guy wants to join that league of extraordinary gentleman and how its so hard to say no.
and then i think.
is it that hard?

i dun think so.
i mean.when guys start thinkin with their small heads insteada of their big ones,
its pretty much quite simple to tell which way are they headed.
if you cant figure it out,its called headin south to the land of glory.
its pretty much how much the girl is willin to give.
then comes this point.

"guys will trade love for sex,
and girls will trade sex for love"

you know,i always thought that was a whole loada bullshit,
but now that i actually have normal female frens,
and tad ive started listenin to em(bite me.:@)
i realise that it really is true.

how much you really want that person,
and how much are you willing to sacrifice to make that person yours.
is your body a kinda currency with which to bind a person to you?

i used to think so.
blame it on my Sunday School influenced youth,
but i always had this impression that the woman you have sex with = your wife/husband.
and now,im standing here.
with frens and pple i know,
who have long lost their own and now are having 2nd and third helpings of the forbidden fruit.

i was tellin my sister before.

"once you've done it.the next time gets easier and easier.cuz you have nothing to hold back for alr."

i really think its true.
for guys and girls alike.

so aft all this happenings,
wad is the last thought in my mind?
i would juz like to say to every single girl out there who's in love/think you're in love.

you're just as pure as you were wen you came out.
pristine and untouched.
think of yourself as a gem that you're the owner of.
you decide how much to value is.
and till that ring is upon your finger.
i dun think there's a man out there in the world worthy of you.

but then again.who am i to say.
im not exactly the pope himself
with regards to the issue of physical intimacy so yea.-_-
(bite me x 2)

of course,
there are saving graces.
i call this occurence "guys with dicks attached to their hearts"
in WoW we term these pple would come under the category of "rare spawns"

this would equate to a situation where girl offers herself to boy and boy says "nope.not till we're married" or "nope..not yet" or "nope,asadasdasdasd"(you get the picture yet or you need more examples?)

all in all.
how does this affect me.
the biggest way i guess,
is that i would no longer treat physical intimacy to be the same kinda binding force as it was before.
i use to think that wen you kiss a person,wen you hold that person.
you're giving part of yourself to that person.
you're so enterwined its like Jayz & Beyonce wit R&B going in the background.
you're like freakin soul linked.
and den i realised for myself that girls can treat physical contact with the same detachment that guy can.
and that dam near gutted me like a fish.
so lesson to self is,juz cuz a girl is willin to rest in your arms, doesnt mean she's willin to love you long time.
she mite be a inner guy and be in another guys arms within a month's time and tad'll leave you gutted.
be stronger.
2nd thing?
i wanna be a guy wit a dick attached with heartstrings.
and so bite me.

done being melacholic.
bringin up things i wanna leave behind and that's never a good thing.

shall sign off with msges.

josh and dud-mambo on wed?i got 1 x due off this week i dunno when to take!!!
alv-when can i come over uncle.-_- you still haben tell me.


Sunday, August 19, 2007

keekke sat.

awesome awesome sat.:)
slept late,
ate hearty,
and danced the night away.
wad more could i guy ask for.
and further more,
i managed to fulfil wad i desperately wanted to achieve this year.:)


nais pls.
despite it being left overs from the NDP,
didnt make it any less spectacular.:)

watched it wit josh and zp aft the grp get kinda seperated.:)

for you who missed it,
i got a coupla small videos for ya'll.
josh will send me the bigger ones tad'll pwnzor but till then.:)
these are taken via a shaky hand + a lousy mototola phone.
it looks a lot better on the hp screen
be sated with these,
they're really small files so shouldnt take long to load.
ignore the background noise.

ah shit.
blogger juz rejected my youtube miniplayer.-_-
okie nvm 1 x links for you guys.

pardon the lousy grainy pictars but it'll hafta to till josh sends me the vids.:)
+ im bored and i wanna needta unload the files off my cam before the thing hangs and dies on me.-_-
and why arent i asleep?
im slowly hydrating my ass else i end up wit 1 x massive hangover

note to self.
will make this event EVERY SINGLE YEAR FROM NOW ON.
supposedly its a 1/2 yearly thing so yup.
muz keeep remembering to keep an eye out for it.:) WOOT.

all in all.
awesome sat.
met awesome pple,
had great fun,
danced till my legs gave out and my voice went hoarse,
<3 josh,dud,zp,leonard,aaron tan and teo and vanessa i think.
should be the right

1 x juz wanted to dance and not care about anithin else.:)
(sidenote to self.must stop grinding guys if im to have a chance to talk to girls.LOL.-_-)

i swear music and driving are like the theraputic(spelling) sources of my life la.
dam shiok.
music juz ministers to me and driving juz makes me ponder.(i am still concentratin on the road dun worry pls.-_-)

was at service today and i realise sumthin.

i realluy really really love singing.
i swear if i could do it for a living.
i would.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

cruel cruel lil twists and turns.

tad was supposed to be the last.
but i guess it warranted another.

to you:im sorry.
for the outburst,for not being able to share your joy.
i still know not where the bitterness came from.
ive been thinkin about it since last nite and i still havent figured it out.
jealousy,feelin betrayed,irritated that my pessimistic side was rite,disappointment.
but i know this.

i'm sorry.

im back in my whole new level of mel mel mel rite now.
alot of thinkin,
alot of time alone in bunk,
alot of rude awakenin conversations with bros and frens.
the most common opinion being that i was a foo to react that way.
there's the apology aight.

last nite i heard sumthin tad by my explanation to the person it related to,
mite have changed alot of things.
i would never have expected it,definitely not from you.
not aft all the repeated emphasis by you.
you really made me want to forget the past few weeks pls cuz i felt like such a foo pls.
lol.ask fysh pls.permanent emo factor in his WoW
shit i bet he'll roll arnd laffin wen i finally get around to tellin him.
but we now know it wunt happen cuza the
cruel cruel twists pls.
and when i was sharing this wit another,i got this response.
"its not yours to regret".
shrugs.i still tink it is pls.but heck.who knows.
"how many of us know what we truly want"
i think i mite have a suitable answer for you wen i finally figure out wad made my have that response.
perhaps that mite make you not be so "turn off please"

<--- 1 x optimism.niwae.what i said during that time was EXACTLY wad i felt please.
not a single word of it was untrue.
X my heart and swear its true.

there's a really really unchristian line in a movie i once heard tad deserves a mentioned right now.
"i swear the Gods created us for their own entertainment."
and its this one instance i really feel like im sum sorta cruel victim in a channel 8 drama serial.

so many many twists,so many many diff outcomes.
and so many choices if i had reacted differently,
mite have changed SO SO MUCH.

if i hadnt reacted the way i did,would you have told me?
if you had told me back then,would i have reacted the way i did?
what if i hadnt told myself it was impossible?
what if i had been steadfast?

so many many many possiblities.
pro choice society benifits all?

i had this very amusing thought while walkin back to camp last nite.
i swear all females should come wit " for dummies"
then everyone who makes frens with this particular female will know exactly wad to make of her every move.
for all the fabled "i can read and figure pple" nonsense that has been fed to me,i swear girls are not normal please.-_-
for all my experiences in this particular aspect,

here's my 2 cents worth to all guys.

dun bother reading your men are from mars,women are from venus(or sumthin like that).
juz take a coin,and flip it.chances are,you're definitely gonna get a right response with 1 side of it.
yes please its tad random.

niwae.parting statement for one.
and just when i thought i had figured you out,you surprise me once more.

cruel cruel cruel.-_-

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

and i wonder why,.

for all the bravado,why am i still feelin so gutted.

to all those who smsed me thru the day,i still havent the slightest clue.

sum things juz takes time to get through.

i guess this is one of em.


i always lag abit in this area.
i guess now tad she's moved on,
its easier for me to walk to other way.

but it still doesnt make it any less painful.

and jie before you scream at me:i know.but the heart doesnt listen to the mind.the body will obey the mind but not the heart.

to josh,dud,g.thanks.

wake the hell up foo.
the world aint waitin for you.

fuckin isle of self pity's a shitty place to be.


lfg this fri and sat nite from 9-930.
either days also can.

lookin for company to head down to marina to watch fireworks festival.
i promised myself i'll head down this year aft i was stuck in camp last year wen it happened.
promised sum1 we'l do toget too.
but since tad's obviously outta the question now.

any takers?

desperate nuf to take guys too pls.
list of promises to be kept to self.

if not boh pian sat before i meet the guys i'll ask my jie to go wit me to watch.hahaha.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

the final nail in the coffin.this last's bits for you.the last ode.

i would like to start it off by sheddin of all pretense.
its said that music only makes sense wen you're experiencing strong emotional trauma.
if you've been following my blog entries,you would've noticed a strong melacholic twinge in the way its been running.
the songs and all.

im sick of acting,
i dun care if you dun even read it.
its my bloody blog.
im gonna rant and rant for once till im spent
imma slap a 1 x big NC(16) rating on the frickin entry.
NC (16)

now back the hell up.

and wen you called me on sunday,this was the song i was singing to you.i doubt you heard,nor made sense of it.
its a pity.
you asked me why i stopped singing to you.
but wen i did with the song that told you how close things were,
you werent listening as usual.

normally i would bold the words that make particular reference in my life and let you guys figure it out.
but this whole song juz spells it out so simply that i'll juz let it speak for itself whilst at the same time,put my comments in brackets.

this song is from 30 seconds to mars, i relatively new emo band.
if you havent downld/heard this song,get it now.
dun get lost and miss out sumthin tad sings true pls.
it mite juz sing true for you and you'll find that like a vacuum,it sucks the pain out and leaves a spic and span new inner you.

here goes the lyrics.
excuse the short form im actually typin this out as its indie enought that a-z lyrics database doesnt have it.

the kill-

wad if i wanted to break,
laugh it off in your face,(and i did)
wad would you do.

wad if i fell to the floor,
couldnt take this anymore,(i fell so many times i had scabs,and valleys etched into my face from the hot acidic tears)
what would you do.

come ,break me down,(your words they really did)
bury me bury me,(and that was wad i seeked today)
i am,finished wit you.(and this is my position now)

wad if i wanted to fight,
beg for the rest of my life,(i cant even remember how many times you reduced me to this state)
wad would you do,

you said you wanted more,(i was never good enough was i.not buffed nuf,not smart nuf,not with a future unsaid expectations were all so evident from your comparisons you juz never realised i knew you enough to see what you were really thinkin.i was so much into you i even had your thought processes down want evidence?your specs today.i didnt even hafta look.i knew exactly where you had left them)
what are you waiting for,(you obviously arent waitin for now so yup)
im not runnin from you.(i never did.but now im walkin away.much as it would've hurt me to said this before,the song has sucked my emotions and left it void,im never lookin said you'll ka chau cant ka chau wad you cant ran the other way in the last 5 mins that we had toget remember?)

come break me down,
bury me bury me,
i am finished wit you.

look in my eyes,(did you even that know what eyes are?they're windows into your soul.i never wanted to tell you how i feel.and till today i didnt.vainly hopin that you would for ONE BLOODY TIME, be able to know how i was feelin witout spellin it out.and eyes tell all.and they arent hard to look into unless you've done "tui bu qi" me things.but did.doesnt matter now pls.its no longer tui be qi alr have my blessings)
you're killing me killing me,
i am finished wit you.

i tried to be someone else,(you suggested it,i was so desperate i tried it.)
but nothing seemed to change i know now ,(it didnt bring out wad you promised me it would)
this is who i really am inside,(it dun matter i still am the same softy i always was inside.weak shit but dw imma guy i'll get on my own 2 feet.ive done it before,i'll do it again.)
finally found myself,(enlightenment?doubt so.more wisdom? walkin away arent i)
fightin for a chance i know now,(i was so dam lost while doin it,so single minded,but in the end,)
this is who i really am.



this is where it begins to get ugly.
parents turn your heads away.

all along,
i always had this concept of love.
and once again.
rudely awakened that this concept is not one that is shared.
this concept was taught to me by the one person with whom i was together wit for 4 years.the only relationship i have emotional regrets.

and you know sumthin.
pple like you defoul the whole ideals of love.
you and your shoddy imprecations of wad is "fallin head over heels",
being swept of your feet,
losing grip of yourself,
this is not love.
its juz a lack of brain power.
weak willed.

you said i swept you off yours.
and now?you sweepin your own feet off juz in case he cant?

the words are a far cry from the truth ,
they like bloody searing thunderbolts,
the contrast between the words before and the actions after are like the darkest storms and the clearest skies.

you cheapen the ideals of a relationship,
you cheapen you own words,

blessed are you wit looks
and even now i still say you lookin dam fine.
but your insides are fill with so much deceit with the allowance of pure obliviousness that may pardon you from the sharpest edge of my tongue.
but man you are one chick in need.

you said independance.
you concepts are so alien.wad is independance?leaning upon your pillars?
you bounce from pillar to pillar if you were in ancient greek the greeks would run outta pillars to let you lean on.
and you call that shoddy attempt a form of independance?
wen i heard those words, it was all i could do to stifle my instant reaction.
you know when i know you're independant?
when being alone doesnt scare you,doesnt trouble you the least.
you dun go gropin in your bag for a phone once you're alone.
that would be the biggest indicator to me that you're independant.

you know.
i went there today with 2 goals.
achievin either one of em would sufficed.
and you help me achieve one.

goal number 1)
to see if as you said,the change in me wrong bring about sumthin in you.and if it did,to sit down and sort things out.

goal number 2)[this being the one that was achieved in the be honest i knew it was gonna be this niwae]
to crack my heart totally open to that the shards became powdered residues that would be swept away in the river of time allowin a new one to rise from the ashes in peace wit bright new hope again that the cynical me knows will be crushed but i cbf to stop it from happening.

and that was wad the thanks was for.
for helpin me move the hell on.
i was speakin to fysh the other day.
and he was like tellin me about him and this girl.
but anyway.tads beyond the point.
and i realise sumthin.
while fysh mite not have had many relationships in his life (kudos to him and the power of WORLD OF FREAAAAAAKIN WARCRAFT)
he knows exactly what he wants from a girl.
just in case you are interested in fysh,
here's a checklist of the things he likes in his girl

assets on the upper level.(imma lower level assets man juz in case you're interested in me)
and muz be a bit 'clingly' in his own words

aniway,the point is this.
he knows exactly wad he's lookin for and he's not gonna do nithin till he finds tad exact combo.
( least i think so la.his recent scandals not quite there.GAHAHAHAHAHA)
/hug fysh
lol.sayin that reminds me of giant and his lil

okie sorry sorry to giant and fysh pls.
but seriously,
if you got the abovementioned qualities,make yourself known to fysh.i swear sum1 needsta break him outta WoW man.

okie i juz realised i outta topic.-_-
by a hell lot.

where was i.
right.the point is that there are those of us who can deal with it like me bro right there,and sum of us who only know wad we're lookin for thru experiments.
unfortunately,im the latter,which means i'll prob experience a whole shitload of drama in my life before i finally settle down.

good bye pls.
i juz hope you know what you're doin now.
if you don't, sorry,but you have 1 less pillar to lean takin back the promise of "being always there no matter wad"
which you've used a coupla times alr.
im sorry but this is wad i feel is best for sick of being a 20-30 call boy before the next activity takes you away.

am i finished ranting.
lemme check.
okie nvm.if i sleep and think of more i'll come back and rant somemore.
its finally so good to return to being frank on my own space.


on a final and much brighter note.
to every single one of you that prayed for me.
ask me out for your ice cream treat pls.
im a card totin driver now.:)
time to learn howta drive my parents arnd.:)

thanks to g who gets a special mention not cuz of anithin but for the sheer fact that she was the ONLY ONE WHO MSGED ME and wished me luck.
and not those bros tad aft that "HAHAHAH you )(*)&*&)&* i knew you'll pass grats bit!%"
you lil bros can go take back seat.

1 x cheer for GROWLIA PLS.


now i shall go shower aft my rather angsty evening,
and den come back and pray my beloved WoW server is back on,
den level my twink to level 29,and go into battlegrounds and start blasting alliance to blow away more of the rage within.

and once again.

in about 3 weeks time pls.
"your photograph drivin license will arrive in 3-4 weeks time via REGISTERED post"
at tad point in time i was happily lookin at the paper that said i can drive,
but now im wondering got such thing as unregistered post meh.
you unregistered post means your mail come from nowhere.
no where = terrorist rite?-_-

okie dam outta point pls.


Monday, August 13, 2007

falalalalalaalal.tis the seaon to be jolly falalalalalalaalalalalaa.

She said "I've gotta be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."
And I said "you must be mistaken,
I'm not fooling... this feeling is real"
She said "you gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for?
Some kind of easy mark?
"You've got wits, you've got looks,
You've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."
All wrong.All wrong.

But you got me...
I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.

This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?

And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.

You've got wits... you've got looks,
You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

But you've got me...
I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.

This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?


sweet emo Q_Q song ftw.

another boring day in office,another 45 mins before i can go for my lunch break/lunch sleep.
dam shag pls.
i swear i sleep more in camp on a daily basis den over the weekends.
reason is simple : body clock.
once you start waking up at abnormal hours in camp everday,
you wake up at the same times on weekends regardless.
den every sat i wake up at 7 wondering wth im supposed to do and where i am,
den swear den tryta go back to sleep but doesnt work cuz the body is used to moving about by then.
and thats the reason why im log onto WoW so early.
and i sleep at like 3,4 on fri and sat nites.
how gay pls.
wtb more sleep.
40 mins more....zzzz
on another note.
tml's my drivin test at 3.
im not really all that confident but as usual,
optimistic me inside says " HAY BEN YOU CAN DO IT LETS PASS ON THE 1ST TRY"
pessimisitic me goes "SIAO LIAO LA.HOWS HOWS HOWS."
pray for me if you can pls.
hopefully i'll get my degree in chaffuering tml.

car=endless possibilities.

but got car, no license = nothing.
thats why get license 1st.
wad nonsense.
okie im rambling.
cant help it pls.
im bored shitless but i still gotta "MAN" the ops room till someone comes back in and takes over.

was a pretty good weekend tho.
for reasons unknown and circumstances,
i was logged into WoW but didnt really feel any urge to wanna play.
so i took my guitar out and started gettin 1 x mel.
not bad pls.:)
songs done over weekend.
iris,home,hey there delilah,the kill,here is gone,torn(as suggested by sum1 in WoW i wouldnt bother playin sum chick song please.but desperate for songs.-_-)
wad else.
oh yea.
bourne ultimatum.:)
aft feelin rather crappy the whole day,
went to meet fish at lot one and watch special sneaks of bourne ulitmatum.
shiok please.
its a dam nice movie for the fact that it wraps up so many loose ends from movies 1 and 2.
good shieeet.
i still tink he should've gone for the chick lo.

i always found her quite spunky aft watching her in the "10 things i hate about you" show.
spunky chicks ftw pls.
sumtimes you wanna slap em sumtimes you wanna hug em.

30 mins more.
i swear time is like crawlin on la.
its tad kinda feelin you have wen you're on the toilet bowl pushin but nothing comes out kinda helplessness.
you know its there but you cant do anithin about it.
you know its tickin away but you sure as hell cant make it faster.
wtb sanity.
okie i shall stop here before i ramble into more nonsense.

if i pass 1st time the pessimistic side of me will thank you and buy you ice cream.
the optimistic side will thank you and start being egoistic and boasting over the ice cream that i knew i could do it all along.

zomg im so blatant i love myself pls.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

in response to fysh's blog,

Dedicated, cold, perfectionist
Very logical in all aspects.
The only way to defeat (or win over) him/her is through reasons.
Has a lot of pride, and feels strongly about doing the right thing.
If they are your friends, they are very trustworthy.
However, if they are your opponents, they will be very tough to deal with.
Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist,
they usually leave a bad impression of being hard to deal with when first met.\

with leaves me with this response....

you can only long for sumthin that you don't have,
and you cant lose wad you cant have,
you cant cherish wad you have till its lost,
but you cant have sumthin lost unless you've had it before.

cynical post for you.
take time to process that.
one of the cruel circles of life.
wad do they call it?

vicious cycles.


sumtimes wen you tink you're over it all.
den you realise you arent.
sumtimes you hope against all hope.
and den it pulls your cloud and down you fall.
sumtimes you want nothing more den to tear your innards out and be totally immune and numb.

and that sumtimes is now.

i need a drink please.

Lord take me away from it,
Lord gimme peace.
Lord take thine emotions,
Lord take my heart and mind.

lose it all to gain tad inner peace,
lose it all to gain sanctity.
take away thine desires,
take away my hopes,
dun wanna feel anithin anymore.

so so so juz so sickened of it all.

tired of pretending its all okay.
even facades get worn down by tiredness.
tired of being political,tired of actin im cool wit things.

pass me the drink.

Monday, August 06, 2007


another uber late sittin in office bloggin entry.rofl.
eeeittt was about....9 days ago.
awesome awesome for the guys to all join up again man.
and it was good

stop postin my half drunk pictures on your msn please.:@

but yes.
tired me + available bottles of chivas makes for ALOT of crap coming from my mouth.
juz imagine witout booze the amount tad alr spews forth.wen i got high,it get loads worse.
BUUUUUTTT i was still sober nuf to play wow wen i came back.
so there.

im tellin you drinking witout moving makes you drunk.
tads why i keptin askin you guys to go dance lo.
stupid booze maniacs.
where got pple drink den dun dance one.
sure get drunk one can.

happy birthday me bro of way too many years.
yours is bro-ship i've always cherished and will always cherish for years to come.
for that matter.
same to all my maris bros.
but niwae its you bdae so i shall not get melacholic.
much love pls bro.
here's wishin you get whiter and become like micheal jackson,
get a place in your uni(hopefully wit me and giant HAHAHAHAHAHA.SIM SIM SIM)
hopin you get bulkier and buffed so that wen you get outta army you'll start to sag and all the chicks will stop lustin aft lean sinhalese meat.
and last of all.:)
here's wishin i stay your bro forever cuz im the best thing tad can happen you.:D

1 x buay hiao bai!!.

bros for life man.
*punches heart 2 x

respect for bros and none for hoes.

thus ends the bdae post

ive been mullin about certain stuff and i realised sumthin someone told me a long time ago is rather true.
im am quite the spoilt person.
in the sense that i always get wad i want.
what i see,what i want,i'll juz go out and get it.
regardless of whether or not its an impossible thing,without pause i'll juz "whack"
but all the while stayin aware of who i am and wad im doin.
i recall this phase that i was telling my frens.
"you tell me wad you want, and i'll gif you wad you want"
which is quite ironic cuz i pride myself on being rather much a person who doesnt change much.
jus like within 5 mins of meetin my frens they'll be like "wah &*)(, ben's still the same like last time"
so its kinda like and oxymoron.
but at the same time.
its still rather true.
have you ever felt that you can be soo many diff pple all at one time.
like you entire person is seperated into diff compartments.
i think everyone has a lil portion of emselves which is like that at least.
the comman division being the part of you which is the part the world sees you, and the part you keep private and share only with your life partner.
so back to my point.
how many diff compartments do you have.
i myself havent the faintest clue.
with my guys im def the same person.
senseless rubbish ftfw.
with my church frens im sum1 else,
wit my relatives im sum1 else,
wit my female frens im sum1 else,
wit diff grps and diff persons,
do you ever find you're being a chameloen rapidly changin skin tones?
while at the core you're still the same lil bug juz retraining/flashin out diff aspects of who you are.

so my question/thought of the day is this.
WHO are you really.
the easiest answer to that question is "the core" as mentioned above.
but honestly?
which do you feel comfortable in.
i have days where i love jumpin arnd wit my frens in the club, i have my days where i find myself a quiet corner and think.
i have days where i listen to black bouncy music,yet there are days where i get in touch wit emo rock.
there are days where even christina's songs make sense,days where buble will make you wanna be him.
so who are you really.for that matter who am i?

i like to think that as we go thru life,things you do/see/exp, things tad leave an impact on your life,they help shape the way you'll be.
i like to think that im more certain of who i am then i was 2 years ago.
i was tellin my mum coupla days ago in a car ride.
she was askin me why i'm so "girl crazy"
mind you im not.i was juz purposely pasting my head on the window everytime i see a girl juz to irritate her.
den she started preaching to me about the "1 partner for life.marry your 1st"
den she ask me how many girls ive had.
den i looked at her and told her she was nuts to marry the 1st person.
reasonin thus so.
as you're together wit a person,
the initail period is 1 x orgas.
everything is smple,you live for her,she live for you kinda shit.
any problem can be overcome.
as time comes along,
more factors come into play.
tiredness makes you revert to a whole diff person.(juz fyi,wen im tired,im either nuts,grumpy,emo but always cranky)
diff situations bring out diff sides of you (possessiveness ftl.)
all this things you will NEVER NOTICE if its just your first.
and what more,
as you go thru this kinda shit,
you'll begin to realise what truly matters to you.
things you've never thought would matter cuz you're "oh so strong, so determined in the face of troubles" all that crap,
when you're down,you realise that you need sumthin.
and its this lil things tad you realise become so impt.
for one,i juz realised how impt it is to have sum1 who knows howta say the right things to bring you outta the slump.
it doesnt hafta be nice words.
sure you mite wanna be pampered and shit,
but sumtimes you too need a splash o h20 in the face to jolt your ass from the isle of self pity and get back on the road.
the ahrd aprt is finidin the one who knows when to do what.
and tads juz one of the qualities im def lookin for now that ive never bothered considering before.
so many itty witty bitty things that you'll only find out about yourself and wad you need aft you've been thru all it.
so aft all of this my mummy juz said"okay.juz dun get too attached"
den i looked at her and told her she was nuts
how can you be in a relationship and not be attached pls.-_-
alien concept.
i told her i'll rather truly care for sum1 and hurt den play games.
den she said i was not wise.
den juz juz gave her my "LOOK TO END ALL ARGUEMENTS"
den she "okay wad you want for dinner.

i dunno wad the point of all this is for.
but yea.
juz random thought spilling forth.
Q_Q is ftw.
if it speaks to you,hurrah and hooray.

hahaha on a funnah note, lets end this wit sumthin i found esp quirky.
spewin shit wit a fren den rephased it for blog readin purposes





how much will you do to get wad you want?:)
how much you desire it will be the tellin point.
how much do you desire it?are you sure that much?

one last mental titbit nibble for the day.:)

peace out.

Yours truly,

3DA Bn Ops Spec

Friday, August 03, 2007

song of the moment

ciara's i found myself.

gimme a msn msg if you want it.
its worth the time to send it trust me.:D

I Found Myself lyrics

So long

Hello, to the new me
The better me
That's right
My Life...

[Verse 1:]
21, and I've realized,
Everything you want's not meant to be.
21 then you qualify,to stand up to responsibilities.
So I tried to prioritize
By deciding what I know is best for me.

And then there's always, love that tries to trip you up.
You try to catch yourself before you hit the ground.
But nothings promised.
Friends are there to cheer you up,
To give you strength and mend you up when you are down.
So I set sail emotion

I saySo long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been throughI found myself.[

Verse 2:]
22, I hope that I'm,
With someone who truly cares for me.
If I'm not, I'll be alright,
I'll accept the time i know God has for me.
One day I'll be the perfect wife.
That's what destiny,
And i won't be afraid to trythough is always....

Love that tries to trip you up
But then someone who sweep you off the ground,
But nothings promised.
I'm not gonna give it upJ
ust because the last one let me down.
So I set sail emotion.

I say
So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been through
I found myself.

[Verse 3:]
I'm looking out for me,
Taking care of my needs.
Life isn't guaranteed,
It's time to start living.
It wont always be the same,
Can't be afraid of change.
You wanna have your way,
Demand till your Satisfied
You lower your self esteem,
You gotta live your dream.
It's all bout confidence,
To let them know that you can stand up.
You never try,
Learn to express you mind.
Sometimes you gotta fight,
It's your life so don't you give up.

I say
So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
That ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been through
I found myself.
After all that I've been throughI found myself.........