Wednesday, June 29, 2005

the trauma's almuz over.

the stupid exams are nearly over.
i dun feel much like bloggin about it.
its been really quite bad.
tad together wit the fact tad im really pissed at things now.
sumthin i wrote during the leftover time of the math exam.
which im technically not supposed to have if i know hota do every question.

all hail boredom

the singaporean kid

born to study,
to fail is to die,
born into a lifestyle,
wit only 1 thought in mind.

indoctrinated to study,
muz get a degree,
den go into the workin world,
den can earn big money.

life's never fun,
its a competition,
you muz keep on fightin,
den you can always be in front.

you fall behind,
tad means you lose,
parents wunt even look at you,
so they'll say,
tell mi how much you need,
we'll tryta find a way to pay.

ppor child wit other gifts,
likes sparts n arts and dancin feet,
you'll never get a chance to see how far you can go,
mindless education the gahmen'll drag you in tow.

you get pushed in so many ways,
your inner gift's never get a chance to play,
you'll earn big bucks being hollow within,
its cuz you've never knew the gifts you came here with.

into the mundane plave of hidden poverty,
where face matters more den common sensitivity,
whereyou cant let others look down on you,
stigmatised in everythin you do.

den you wonder wad's it all fer,
throw ya hands up,stomp on the florr,
madly tearin your hair out,your teeth you'll gnaw,
the answer's simple!you were bron in SINGAPORE!

the gahmen owns you,
you're this island scarce resource!
mindless educated robots,
we'll be shipped to various shores.

at the same time we import FTs,
whose ideas "help us change our ways"
the only diff btw is,
they had a chance to become who they be.

so the gahmen cries out fer creative minds,
this pple we so need to find,
to grow and nuture so we can see,
who our potential leaders mite be.

but to slove the prob,
the revamp the edu system,
till everyone comes like lookin like identical cisterns,
wit qualifications shinin so bright,
they still end up in menial positions cuz of no foresight.

is its tad hard to see?
or is it juz mi,
am i an errant,

there's more.
but im too lazy to type alrea.
dam angsty now.
bye alls.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

its all been done..

oh wellz.
the hols are drawin to a close.
i've done quite a bit of studyin i tink.
not a lot.
but at least 1 term worth of work.
tad leaves mi with......5 more terms since the jc yr's bout 7 terms.
1st term work i can do la.
stupid chem bondin if i cant do i kill myself.
im still not prepared nuf.
i feel stupid.
i look at fysh.
happily wowwin away,
copin wit jc life pretty well.
sumhow there's a gap between us comin i guess...
dunno whether its juz wow or wad..
but yup..havent been talkin much..
life's juz different now.
the consequences of our actions never seem so vast till you make the decision n find yaself face to face wit the consequences.
i miss times hangin out wit fysh.
i miss the times we used to zaoz school n go chill out.
i miss my sec 4 bros who hung out in school everyday juz to play bball,
who used to go to school,sleep every period,den wake up durin recess to play bball,den sleep the rest of the periods,den play ball durin lunch.
who were dere wen i went thru one of the muz impactful female pursuits tad till tis day still leave a mark and helped mi.
i can still recall there was this period of time i was goin after this gal.
whose bus to school mi and tim used to ride in hope juz so i could get a glimpse of her every morn.
i was in class msgin her.
which is taboo la.
WAS maybe.
dunno if mshs allows hp in school now.
but ack then they didnt.
and even if they do now,im pretty sure you wunt be allowed to msg in class.
i was msgin her durin chem.
and im the back row dude la.
you can guess pls.
i was in the back,
leanin back,then the bros were all like peepin over n givin mi the "wad she say" look.
and i was like usin the facial communication method tad exists only between pple who see each other everyday fer a freally long time n have a special bond.
i call it telepathy brain wave leakage.
through my facial expressions,
my teacher was like" you need to shit isit?"
and i was like"huh!no la no la..."
den he continued...
then as lesson progressed...
he excused himself,"supposedly to go toilet.."
den outta sudden.
from NO WHERE.
he came from the back door,whilst i was typin a msg to here,and like all the guys were leanin in offerin their two cents worth on wad could i say to show a lil of who i am and still impress her.
mind you,juz to put in perspective.he was the teacher tad threw my bro's bag,his table and chair from the 5 storey of the school buildin into the courtyard witout a second look.
imagine bein in a class,lookin out ya window,den you see a bag,then a table,den a chair flyin down in really quick succession.
i was dam scared.
den i decided to take a risk n tell him bout the gal.
and suddenly his WHOLE face changed.
den he started askin mi to tell him the whole thing and offered his two cents worth too.:))
in the end all the msges i sent were all still 100% my own.
stupid clowns couldnt gid mi anithin useful.
but i still miss those relaxed studyin ambience pls.:))
those were really goood times.:))
miss em sooo bad...
miss bein able to score As witouts studyin...
i dunno pls.
but i digress really badly.
its been a really weird hols..
i really miss alot of things..
juz wish i could turn time back n live my past life again n enjoy the joys i use to enjoy witout fear of exams...
on my birthday even as i was out having fun..everytime i came off a ride,i started tinkin bout the papers again.
n tad juz sucks the life outta you pls.
i want my A's to be over,
my NS to be enlisted next april.
tad's all i want.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

happy birthday to me.:))

imma 19 pls ya'll.:))
im happily old.:)) hhahaha.
you'll never believe wad chapter of the 40 days book as i term it lesson was.
"we are part of a community"
i.e:no man is an island.

tor peng.
i knew sure got sumthin special on my birthday.
zhun zhun.
the same msg tad sista becky's been wantin to impale within my brain cells.
my goodness pls....:@
how angsty.

today was pretty fun.
i woke up really early and made my way to escape to join a fren who was having a chalet.:))
met up,den introed myself to the frens,
who were really REALLY nice.
and frenly.
and den we went escape to play.

lemme tell you bout escape.
it is awesome.:))
if you've never had ya heart in ya mouth and dropppin out before.
go escape.
you'll freak.
and the haunted house too.
i went in wantin to be macho man but ended up screamin once.
dam good shat.
and the rides are dam fun too.:))
i've never screamed nor laffed so much fer such a long time tad my mouth ached.
its such a welcome sensation tad i tot i had lost ferever.
oh wellz.

to sum it up,
t'was probably the best birthday ive had in yrs.:))
and tad's no joke.
i've had shabby birthdays the past few yrs.:))
today was awesome.
and the saddest part of it all was tad it happened wit a buncha stragers but ended wit mi makin loadsa new frens and having an awesome time.:))
great stuff pls.:))
im loving it.:))

tis was a pic of mi taken whilst i was playin pool.:))
i like the glowin lightbulbs things.:))

Image hosted by

wishes granted:
study bible.:)) YAY!!!!!MUMMY N JIE BOUGHT IT FER MI.:))

other presents got:
no more days of wearin the same swimmin custume i've worn since sec 1 till now.
and i've grown alot mind you.:))

boxers!!!:)) from zara.:)) runnin outta em aniway.
keep tearin em by accident cuz i keep playin bball in em.

pencil case.:)) those of you who've seen the pencil case i use,
its my sista's old one.:))
i've got a new MAMBO PENCIL CASE.

cookies.:)) from angela n jamie.:))
yum yum.:))
tad bout sums up everythin.:))

thanks to the fren tad invited mi over.
im not puttin the name cuz it makes things really awkward cuz of the other pple tad could've been invited but werent.
thanks to my mummy n jie jie n ernest fer makin me a lovely card.:))
i love my bro man.
praise the Lord fer He is good.:)) nite all.:))
tml muz mug again liaoz..

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

in my depression over my uselessness in serving in the band.
i turned to lookin to see if my violin could be a source where i could be required.
and here is my new aim fer the end of the yr.
forget the acoustic la.
there're loads more guitarists.
all better n richer den mi.
but violinist.
now there's a real rare one.
check this baby out niwae.
i shall aim to get it after my exams n start prac fully.

Image hosted by


in my depression over my uselessness in serving in the band.
i turned to lookin to see if my violin could be a source where i could be required.
and here is my new aim fer the end of the yr.
forget the acoustic la.
there're loads more guitarists.
all better n richer den mi.
but violinist.
now there's a real rare one.
check this baby out niwae.
i shall aim to get it after my exams n start prac fully.

more wishes.

wad more could i wish fer.
more realistic stuff i guess..

i wish fer....

1)a set of ipod socks...

2)a ipod skin..from the place at junction 8 tad ive been hearin about..

3)nokia 6230 i
it has a camera.
its funky lookin yet stylish.
and i wanna stop havin bok kai ring tones.:@
and since i dun have gprs enabled,
i need bluetooth.

4)a bike.
fer nite cycling.
nuf said.

ya know.
i really feel useless at times..
i went fer e gig briefing juz now.
and i watched the band perform.
and there was this hollowness within i KNEW i shouldnt have.
but yet.
i couldnt help feelin tad i should be up there.
and den again.
i looked at wad i had to offer.
i've got a voice tad aint anithin spectacular,
my guti skills pale in comparison wit liang,dan,ricky,
my piano's outta point,
i cant drum all tad well.
and i aint got anithin to bring to the table tad they dun already have.
i can blame the pastors.
why look any further wen there's a better one infront of you.
it doesnt make sense.
but yet.
i feel so wholy inadequate.
and tad juz sucks.
im gettin depressed again.
its gonna be a sucky 19 birthday.
48 more hours.
less actually.
wad have i done to deserve such a joyless life.
i havent achieved much.
im not anithin special.
i'm juz your average guy next door.
not really good lookin but thank God im not fugly.
i aint got a good figure.
i cant drive.
i havent done much wit my life.
i aint got much experiences tad pple respect mi fer overcomin.
or maybe i dun gif myself nuf credit.
who knows?
this sucks.
i need a life.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

my birthday list.

its tad time of the yr again.
its my birthday.
and since i realise loadsa pple haf birthday wish lists,
i shall create one fer myself.
but then again.
its pretty pointless cuz imma guy.
and guys juz wanna have toys.
and guys thoys are really expensive.
i shall rank em in terms of how expensive they are i guess.
from the cheapest to the muz expensive.

1)a digital camera.preferable an exilim.

which is currently sellin fer $600 bucks cuza the great singapore sale.
i wanna be able to take pics of my and my frens.
im sick and tired of takin photos,
den realising "HEY,its not my camera,i've gotta go wait fer the person to send mi"
which doesnt really happen cuz
no. 1,pple've got better stuff to do den go thru all the photos they have in their albums juz to send insignificant ben one lil photo.
no.2,eh....send how?via snail mail isit?cuz even if i do get a com,which is highly RARE,i cant do much except see em fer a while eh?

2)$ build myself a computer.

cuz i dun have one.
so i can downld my kinda songs n use my ipod they way i want to.
insteada of goin arnd like a beggar askin fer songs,
i can have an ipod where i've got 3000 plus songs all tad i love.
and enjoy.
tad's wad i wish fer.
its like the ultimate.
i wunt hafta rely on my mood swingish dad,
or my sista's sumtimes can sumtimes kenot cuz she's got studyin stuff to get songs on my ipod.
i can join fysh in the WOW.
i can communicate wit more pple.
need i expound further?

3)i wish to have a study bible.

this is the cheapest but yet the muz priceless.
cuz its an object tad has value beyond wad the world can offer.
so yup.:)) a nice study bible would help mi grow a long way in the Lord.

4)i wish fer sum1 to open up to mi.

if this person even remembers my birthday i'll be surprised.
but yup.
one can hope.
but i haf decided tad if this person doesnt?
i shall have a really drastic change of heart.
cuz all this time,ive been tinkin of her as God's choosen gal tad i 'll prob get in the future.
but yup,it came upon mi one day tad it mite be tad interpretin things wrong.
and maybe vestin my emotions in a misguided ideal's not exactly the wisdom the Lord would wish upon mi.

5)i wish to encounter the Lord and be full of praise fer him.

self explained.

more as i can tink of em i guess.:))

see ya'll.
i shall go shower and den go sleep.
my family's comin back tml nite.
i miss em.
imma be preparing dinner.
its been a really interestin week.
of all the things i had planned,
in the end,
fysh didnt stay over,
i didnt go club at all,(which im pretty proud of)
no wild parties thrown.
which many pple feared.
highly amusing.
sumhow i turned down everythin.
oh wells.
the Lord works in mysterious ways i guess.
im gone fer now.
the Lord bless n keep you.

cheap entertainment.
Your Sexy Brazilian Name Is
Your Birthdate: June 23
With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.
You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas.
You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.

You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable.
Your mind is quick, clever and analytical.
A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine.
You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility.
Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.
With respect to money, you save for a rainy day.
You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you.
You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

as timee goes on...

life's simpler now.
i tink i've changed quite a bit during these few days.
its juz saddenin.
i've never had such an experience where i've had to fend fer myself fer so long witout no close help.
and i realise that there's still so much fer me to master before i can go live away from my family,
go away to study and all.
fer one..
i spent the 1st few days bein totally unproductive.
no one pushed mi.
and i realised that if no one pushed mi,i dun do shat.
but i started to get freaked out cuz the dates keep marchin on and like i dun wanna fail ALL my subjects again.
so i started to mug.
not mug,
but at least i began to study.
its really scary living alone.
there's really no one to watch you.
you realise the duty to keep everythin orderly is yours alone.
and fer once,my life was really in my control.
and after doin a couple of rebellious acts.
i began to realise how silly it was.
i turned out to be rebellin against myself.
so im kinda happy.
i tink ive learnt alot in these few days.

readin the purpose driven life has also changed a bit of my perspective on life..
is really my lil existence here important?
i highly doubt so.
instead of worryin bout how my future's gonna go.
how bout i start worryin bout wad i can do wit my life at present?
and how best to represent Him.
ther'll always be "another person askin you out"
there'll always be tad sum1 tad doesnt like you.
always sumthin you wish you could do.
but in the long run..
does it really matter??
i really dunno.
readin the book's givin mi loads to contemplate about.
i shall finish all 40 days of it and give my words then.
pray fer mi studyin to work out yeah??:)
thanks ya'w.

Monday, June 13, 2005

be careful wad you wish for.

its really ridiculous.
you ask yaself wad you've been wishin fer soo long and i bet you'll be like "i'll love it if i had this,had that,if my life was this way,if i had no parents to keep buggin mi"
i got my wish.
n im regrettin it.
its been barely a day since they've left mi home alone..
n being alone at home sucks.
it gets really old,REALLY QUICKLY.
cookin fer yaself.
really funky.
cookin fer yaself 2nd time in a empty silent house.
cookin the 4 and fifth meals fer yaself ina really TOTALLY QUIET HOUSE juz sucks.
living by yaself sucks.
no wonder i've heard loadsa stuuf bout how all the singles wit homes dun realy spend much time in aniway.
its juz too darn quiet n you WILL feel dam lonely.
no kddin.
the knowledge that there's ABSOLUTELY NOBODY HOME FER YOU SUCKS.
im lonely.
i really regret not goin up fer retreat now.
but still.
i hafta keep to my word as a growin dude.
thus,its back to studyin i go.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

honesty or fallacy.

you know.
you've really gotta wonder what you do wit your life wit regularity.
like honestly.
juz stop,take a coupla days off,check yaself n see which way your goin..
i swear its a singaporean custom to juz keep goin in whatever direction at max spped witout even know where in the world they're headin..
i feel a lot better since last fri..
maybe its cuz my dad's away,
maybe its cuz of the new resolutions ive made..
the rules ive set for myself to make sure i improve in my christian walk despite not goin fer camp and all..
comin clean about past mistakes n faults..
tryin to live like a christian again..
watchin every step i take fer i know im accountable to one above..
plus the 40 day improvement thing my church doin..
sumhow i juz feel at peace now..
as in really a t peace..
no more more frsutration..
i realise when you hide certain things you do..
it juz eats you up inside..
n you're only truly set free wen you've confessed it out to someone..
i find it kewl la.
it juz makes you tink alot in a sense..
hmmm.but suffice to say..
twas a really changin weekend fer mi...
from the pinnacle of angst to being so quiet's sumtin tad doesnt come easily..
all credit to Him i guess.

yest was pretty fun for mi..
not fun..
i would say enjoyable..
after the STUPID PHYSICS test,
went to meet maise to prac fer skit on sunday..
really short skit..
ran thru it a coupla times and then we juz relaxed i guess..
at least i did..
i managed to kap like bout 900 plus songs from their com..(their bein maisie n joey's)
so YAY!.
broken the 2K barrier..
but i still gotta sift out al those good songs n all..
sianz.i've got like my notebook wit mi so loong as the pod's plain..
then ani song's tad's too noisy fer mi i shall delete once i can..
den once again i neednt worry bout hearin funny noisy songs wen i put it on random play mode.
i juz found yest supremely calmin n relaxing..
tad DESPITE knowledge tad i had a chem test today..
which i after leavin her house came back to school to continue studyin..
yeah.i did..all ya'll wit the jaws open agape can no shut your traps..
i already said..
it was a queer weekend.
i needta find pple tad i can chill out wit..
maise's one,
fysh's another.
tim n josh..
all wonderful buddies of mine..:)
but really..
time n distance even tho we live in such a small city makes fer hard bondin space..
oh well..
its singapore i guess..
i shall go back to stuyin now den..
bye alz.

Friday, June 03, 2005

sick of everything.

im totally pissed in angsty n totally not in the mood fer anithin and EVERYTHin rite now.
im totally off la k.
here i am in school.
supposed to be studyin.
no mood.
its like i've burnt out.
and i havent even begun to really study yet.
n it pisses the shat outta mi.
the stupid ineveitability of the stupid cogs of the wooden wheel tad spells out our fates in this banal existence pisses mi off.
wad the hell am i doin here.
dun gimme the stupid steppin stone shat,
how i needa degree to succeed in life,
how i needta earn money to get a good wife cuz wives look fer security and all tad bullcrap.
i dun gif 2 flyin cows about tad rubbish.
look arnd.
poor ass pple still get married and have fulfillin relationships.
smartass pple still cant find jobs.
i've got a mock test fer both chem n physics next week,
and 2 weeks later.
its my midterms.
im not ready.
and im still here bloggin.
i was supposed to go out and have fun today.
to go destress.
but last min,
my plans to go sentosa were cancelled cuz fysh said it'll be AWKWARD,
d cant accompany to do shat cuz he's got sum sorta lan thing wit his classmates and if i go it'll be AWKWARD..
i cant go work out and play any kinda games cuz im sick,
i cant play com games cuz the only one i wanna play is wow and it requires a good computer and i DUN HAVE ONE.
and i cant go to a lan shop n use fysh acc cuz of fear of key loggers.
and i wanted to go buy the whole bloody game n create my own acc and heck care key loggers,den thought better of it cuz wad's the point in buyin a 120 buck games juz to play fer about 3 hours n den pay 30 bux a month and not play it at ALL.
i wanna go jam's party later,
and i got tuition.
i wanna go buy a wallet,
but im still waitin fer d to get back from his lannin.
im bored shatless.
im pissed,
i wanna hit sumbody.
i got a x box tad i cant use cuz i aint got no games to put in it.
i got anger coursing thru my veins like white blood cells,
to think i was lookin ferward to today bein my fun day.
i've got a gig to worry bout which i dun even tink we should be doin in the 1st place cuz i dun tink we'll be ready.
with everyone being in NS you tink youcan get all the songs done so quickly and easily?
go fly your own kite la.
its exactly the same as the stupid talentnite shat again.
pisses the hell outta mi.
i wanna do sumthin tad gioves mi real pleasure.
im bloody lonely rite now.
surrounded by a whole load of frens but im still lonely.
cuz every sees a smiling face and they tink "WOW.ben never seems to have a bad day"
and pple ask mi why im angsty.
wen pple i tink know mi all respond wrongly and i hafta tink WAD E HELL.
so much fer being understood by this buncha pple.
this bloody school's suckin the bloody life outta mi.
i wana bloody computer la.
gif mi sum games tad i can haf real fun with.
ever since i lost hockey i've been angsty.
who gifs 2 buttshecks about responsibility wen sanity's the issue here.
im dam annoyed.
really really annoyed.
i wanted to play volleyball today,
go watch h2g2.
and NO!!!!.
everyone's got plans.
they either wanna study,
they got their galfrens to go cater to,
the got shizzle to garfullzlee n all tad bullcrap.
and like i wonder abpout the truth about all that shat you ehar last time"you study in your own time,den play tad time juz go play,no such thing as pple dun wanna play one.dun let pple dictate their time to you,you decide wen to paly n wen not to play"
well,i've juz tried it.
and its BULLSHAT.
i've done all i wanted to achieve n now wen its time to paly,
im here in the bloody library angstin away like sum spoiled kiddo who juz figured out the world isnt fair.
maybe i should go try and get myself a galfren.
i told myself to be low profile this yr,
keep things simple.
tryta shed this whole buaya image,
and then outta sudden pple are scared of mi.
i tot HEY!if i like be a good boy den mabye this whole buaya thing would go away,
maybe things would work better fer mi!
maybe !@#!@% would gif mi a chance.
but im STUPID.
cuz this kinda shat never works except in fairy tales n movies.
and wad makes this CYCLE?!?!?!?!
lemnme gif nyou a clue,
it starts wit a s and ends wit a e.
the wonderful garden city of banal existence where pple rush arnd in the streets livin hypocritical lives,
lookin important and busy the whole time,
puttin up this front of perfection cuz to show a flaw would expose one to the evils of the world who would grasp on tad and make you regret it.
we're like this bloody shark infested waters.
only worse.
at least in the sae is simple.
you bleed,you die cuz imma eat you.
you dun even know who's gonna eat you or not.
the innocent guppy you've been eyein as a snack mite juz turn out to be a bloody hammerhead sahrk tad beast you senseless.
all this shat.
and the government calls it progress.
casino my ass.
bloody government juz cares about cash cashcash and economy.
sooner of later.
this palce is gonna turn out to become sum emotionless robot-like society where emotions dun exist.
i already see it within myself at times.
DO THIS!cuz governmemt says so.
DO TAT!cuz government says so.
why governement says so?cuz it gets you more money so you can live better life.
government so fair and thoughtful.
bloody character building's goin our the window as teachers forget they're here to nurture insteada juz teach n hurriedly rusha bout markin papers n throwin the kids outta the mind once the lessons ends.
everthin has become a CHORE.
sumthin tad is to be done cuz it HAS TO BE DONE.
where's th joy.

"why do you work at wad you do mr successful?"
"cuz it pays well,thus its fulfilling"
"why does high pay make it fulfillin mr successful"
"why,cuz we've in indoctrinated this way,since i was a little kid,my parents didnt care if i had joy runnin arnd in the court,chasing after lil orange balls,it was "boy ah,.you needta achieve this..that" so mi,to haf achieved all this and make my parents proud by livin out the singaporean dream of being a successful if depressed person's fulfillin."
-insert mental breakdown of mr successful here-

get my picture.
im juz being angsty.
forgif mi.
God loves all kae.
wad the hell.
screwed up messed up world.
19 yrs of damned misery and loads more to come.
wad the hell's special about a birthday man.
nuttin's ever happened on my birthdays tad've been memorable.
lemme seee....wad the last time i cant actually remember wad i did fer my birhtday WITOUT checkin my blog archives.
lemme SEE....
i cant.
does tad surprise anyone?
my mummy said tad unless you take interest in yaself no one would.
so much fer all these LESSONS OF WISDOM tad are supposed to come from our elders tad our government asks us to spend more time wit them to learn.
lemme see wad presents i've recieved in the past few yrs.
letsbe generous and add christmas into the mix too.
fer the past 4 yrs la.lets be generous.

i tink a total of ...........2 stuffed toys,one from lester,one from sher,2 bars of chocolate from the same 2 pple,1 self made gift from maisie,2 bottles of perfume,and hmmmmm...YEAH!!one day worht of computer TIME!.
and im supposed to be a socialite.
sumtimes i wonder wad the hell mr tham's tinkin.
"ben hasta stop bein a casanova in school so he can do well"
you're like a bloody live in don juan if im a freakin casanova la.
anyone can tell im angsty yet!
i guess i can rant sum more.
so like hey!!
its 21 days away.
i've got another 6 papers barely 3 days after,so the RESPONSIBOE AND RIGHT THING TO DO WOULD BE TO STAY AT HOME AND STUDY RITE!!!
EVERYone would be proud.
and EVERYONE would be happy too since ou're FINALLY being a responsible adult n decidin the right things and doin them witout anipone sayin anithin to you.
i'm done rantin fer now.
still bloody angsty but if i keep on goin the com's lag's gonna piss mi off even more.
the entry's too loong see.
so the words appear on the screen like 4 secs after i finish typin em.
so before i get pissed from THIS shat,
i shall go off now and deal wit MORE shat.
MORE SHAT IN the sense of havin to ACT happy again cuz NO ONE CANT BE SHOWIN WEAKNESS NOW CAN WE?

loody singapore society.
we're all victims of our own actions.
suffer our own wrought demise.


its tad time of the year again.
where ben gets melacholic n starts writin really long aimless entries in an attempt to lift one's spirit up.
so once again.
i shall write on one of my more favoured topics...
it bein how being a sinaporean sucks out joy from ya life.
you know.
you always hear pple sayin that even the rich arent hapy n all tad shat..
n like how the poor can be TRULY happy wit a happy family.
i tink tad's all a load of bullcrap.
i believe the word tad should hbe used is SATISFACTION.
its juz a whole loada bull la.
happiness doesnt exist in singapore.
its juz tad simple.
cuz everyone's juz lookin out fer the next step to get ahead n not botherin bout everythin and ANYONE else.
gettin stupidly angry over dumbass shat.
shall not bother.
bla blah blah.

i often wonder why the things tad i so wanna recieve never ever come.
and den it juz came to me tad mabe the reason why these things dun comeis cuz of the face or the outook i put on these things.
or plainly put.
the way i present myself.
i dun really care rite now.
im kinda angsty.
excuse the really blurry enigmatic entry.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005


gah.oh yeahz.
fer those tad care.
im sick.:(
i got a flu plus throat infection.
lessson learnt.
dun eat funny food.
i wanna wow.

22 days and countin.


its been a dam long time since i blogged.
nuttin's much been goin on recently.
i guess the only two worthy stuff to talk bout's my pioneerama effort n tad jam's leavin.
oh wellz.
seems like everryone's leaving.
highly annoying.
pioneerama was pretty okay i gues.
nuttin much special la.
wasnt half as good as our jammin sessions.
n tad's sayin sumthin.
rite now the sch's keyboard's pissin mi off.
now ya'lll understand why i need my own com.
highly annoyin.
saving up saving up..
i shall go buy meself a pair of oakleys n a new wallet once my card arrives n fish tells mi so.
funky shat.
i shall go back to figurin out how the rest of this shat works.