not blaspheming.(edited)

there have been many times in my life,
where ive felt lonesome in that sense of the word.
where you feel really really alone, that its so hard to find the pple or person that can truly understand you for what you are and all.
and you begin to wonder if such a person exists.

in any case,

this has been the shittiest week for as long as i can remember since i got uncerimoniously pulled out from the hockey team to my ultimate shame by my form teacher who had my best interests at heart in terms of emotional unhappiness.

and for some strange reason,
these few lines of a christian song ring in my head.

the words are meant to be a worship to my God and Saviour,

but in all honesty,
when they ring in my head now,


they're only dedicated to that one person who's definitely not up in heaven.


the song is "take me deeper"

and the lyrics go sumthing like this.



There is a longing,
only you can fill,
a ragin tempest,
only you can still..




and sometimes the emptiness you feel from a result of a person's absence,
is a physical pain that you can feel.

kinda like a dull ache in the middle of your chest,
and the wet eyelashes when certain things come unbidden into your mind as you contemplate what could be.



i was talkin to fysh on sunday,
and we came upon this subject

f : don't you just wish that life had this vcr function,that you could pause and go back and live life differently.

and yea.
we both agreed that we wouldnt have screwed our jc life as badly as we did,
but then again without having screwed it up toget, we probably wouldnt had have the bond we share today.
at the same time, we wouldnt have met julian,and hence my darling girl.
so all in all, i would leave that aside.

while this general path i wouldnt want to stray too far off for the things i know have benefitted me;

meeting g,
gettin my national's trophy after 6 years of lusting for a sportin accomplishment since i was in primary school and got teased for being soft cuz i wore choir robes,
actually passing all my a level subjects despite my amazing streak of Fs i got in prelims,
learning alot about pple and how mean the world is.

but at the same time,
i have quite a few things i would turn the clock around for to change.

the first priority i would definitely attribute it to Ms Tan.
i would go back and change everything.

the second thing would be my studies.

3rd would be how i spent my ns money in terms of taxis and other stuff.
that money could've defined alot.but at the same time it taught me a few lessons i have learnt and put into my new living.

what are the things you would like to change.




if i had a magic lamp with a genie,

i would wish that saturday night didnt happen.
and that things would go back to the way they were before right at the start when we first held hands so apprehensively.where the laughs came so easily, the warmth and cosyness never left.
where the jokes and blushes and chuckles flowed like a never endin stream, and where the world seemed to stop and part to pass around us two without distracting us from drinking in each other's company and lost in each other's eyes and laughs.

ive tried to live life with no regrets,
but ive come to learn that if you don't have any regrets,
you havent lived life to the fullest.
unless you've lost something treasured,you won't regret.
but in treasurin the person, you begin to live life and feel alive.

here's a song i would like to share before i go

its from the script.
the pple who brought you the song "the man who cant be moved"

and this song is for all the guys out there,
for you to sing to the person you love in the world.

sing it along with these lines.

"ours is not perfect, i know it'll never be,
we fight,we bitch,we quarrel and cry,
we share our happiness and our woes,
but at the end of the day,
we know we mean each other no harm,
becuz we love."

this song hit me in the car driving back alone just now.
and i hence call it the wet eyelashes moment.

the script : i'm yours.

You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart

You wrap your thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You healed these scars over time
Embraced my soul
You loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came my best friend died
My knees went week and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
I know I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours

i just think this is a beautiful and REAL song.
that when it comes down to it.
for all our inperfections,
it is our dedication and love that is our best value in my opinion.
to that one special person.

__________________________EDIT_________________________
there's this little story in this song.
that with this special person, going thru life's journeys, taking on the responsibilities that come along with growing up feels perfectly worth it.

you opinions are of such clarity they define my path and guide me along.

i may not be the most gentle of men
i might not be the most capable of expressing wad i feel,
definitely not the best looking,
tho i have lotsa of faults,
i know and i feel insecure,
but all i have to offer,
is myself.

you took away the scars left behind,
and gave me new hope,
you loved me for who i am,
you're the angel in my life,


there's always this one moment in the attraction cycle.
this one moment that a person passes from being just another person,
to being the person that catches your eye.
a single act,a single word or gesture.
that suddenly brings that person into new light.
of as the cliche goes, the moment you know.
and i still think the moment for me,
happened during my 21st bdae.

sigh.
________________________________________

life is too much to touch everyone's life.
but i wouldnt mind parting the sea to touch 1 person's life and make it better.

fleigning w/o wings.

in light of alot of recent things in my life,

this song ran in my head last night as i laid in bed trying to get to sleep.
cheesiness of the lyrics aside,
i guessed it really expressed alot of what im feeling.

which lines speak to you at this point in time in your life.
lol.



Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends

I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings





nothing like it, nothing like you.

lol.
THIS IS 1337 shit.
for all guys only.
worth about 2-3 mins worth of incredulous lafta once you get going.
lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtToSNGiHV8
and now that you're a fan,

watch this.
he's fugamazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0g2HWmCXX3M

GOTTA LOVE THE PIANIST HE's DAM GENG TOO.
ESPECIALLY THE ENDING.ROFL.
and more...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgyeshD8RJY

just shows you that there is no real performer without a proper backup person in the background.=D


and 1 last one for keke
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5E_YTrTtLPE

don't bother bout the rest not as nice tho

LHC ANGELS AND DEMONS

lol
everyone needs to watch this.
like seriously.
then read the comments.
its fuckin hilarious.

its about CERN bringing their LHC (Large Hadron Collider) to reality and their goals.
quite cool shit.
lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM

2 songs.

2 songs hit me in the span of the past few days,
new release that hit a spot i guess.

jason mraz ft colbie calliat
Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water
across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky,
oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday



leona lewis - footprints in the sand
You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way

And just when I
I thought I'd lost my way
You gave me strength to carry on
That's when I heard you say
I promise you I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair
And I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

When I'm weary
Well I know you'll be there
Cause I can feel you
When you say I promise you
I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand


hmmm.
the first song really struck me.
cuz not too long back,
when things were looking wavery,
you told me that first and foremost we should be best of friends,
and then we worked things out and this song comes along.
haha.
seems apt i guess.
=)

and the 2nd song is juz beautiful.=)

/smile.

if anyone wants the song it me on msn