Wednesday, March 29, 2006

hockey.rained out

had hockey today.
met d earlier whilst buyin my rashes cream fer camp.
i am really quite a bit scared tad my sensitive skin will like kill me in camp.
i get rashes if in contact wit loadsa dirt.
hope i wunt like get it dam bad.
if i do i dunnit be occifer alr.
oh wellz.
not tad i tink my chances are high niwaez.
flat feet plus weak ankles.

went fer hockey today.
met d earlier to have lunch.
den we went toget on the bus.
didnt really get to play cuz ms chua decided to have one of her "discipline talks" again.
which i approve of but not wen tournament is so near.
den aft tad..
went to pick baby n send her home.
tad's about it.
i sumtimes do the most ridiculous things.
oh wellz.
was back by 515 la.
so yup.

i need games.
lend me d2 cd.
anyone wit game cd lend me.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

ice skatin.

the past few days have been pretty neat i guess.
save for one really unlucky happenstance.
oh wellz.
i shall recap sunday and today!!!!

sunday was church,dance n soccer day.
church was a really good sermon on howta deal wit prono addiction n how it ruins pple.
den it was dance.
the dance is comin together at long last?
and to me its an achievement cuz its been a pretty short culimination.
everythin synced up pretty quickly so yea.
6 weeks we got a dance out.
i gotta come out wit 32 more beats,
so i'll be frettin about it once again.
oh wellz.
but its really nice to see pple comin toget,
doin your steps,
and knowin tad this lil contribution you made is gonna be expressed and celebrated wit a whole bunch of pple to make Him happy.

den soccer.
i love soccer.
the week before was my first trainin and it really wore me ragged.
but yea.
since ns is comin up so any kinda physical activity,
now is the time to ask.
i scored a goal during the 1st session and made 1 goal.
tis week,
i scored 2 and made 1!!!:))
the 1st wasnt anithin special,
juz a normal curl tad dan fumbled..
but the 2nd was sumthin im pretty proud off.
david did a back kick tad left the ball headin behind and inbetween 2 defenders.
i was center strike so i rushed into the gap,
and before the ball even landed,
with the two defenders decently close to me,
i did a volley tad went into the bottom right corner of the goal.
it was a really sweet goal i tell you.
but at the same time,
since i used the face of my foot to whack the ball,
i kinda overextended my ankle and it kinda twinges my foot wit pain wen i walk.
even now.
oh wellz.

den today.
went ice skatin wit qi.
i hobbled onto the ice n basically concentrated on keepin my balance.
twas my 1st time on ice.
and yes i know deprived n all.
but it was bloody scary n fun la.
i nearly fell 4 times but the key word is NEARLY!!:))
didnt fall at all.
quite prouda myself pls.:))
it was really fun.
im honestly really quite tired but im pushin myself on before i sleep normal hours next week.
tml's hockey.
wanna see if i can score against the combined school's gk.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

juz got home.

im home.
im feelin emo.
i shall juz start rhyming.

in the still of the night i hear you call,
you're standin here outside my door,
my heart,i hear you,wad bid thee say,
wad off these feelins,tad wunt go away,
why your silence,despite your call,
why do you fade,wen i call.
is tis all there is,is there more,
i cant believe tis is all,you're searchin for.

i wunt accept,i wunt be content,
tell me more,or i'll view you wit comtempt,
wad's really goin on,inside you heart?
why keep this silence,tad's tearin you apart?
let it loose,i bid thee say!
dun be shy,dun hide away,
why the humility,why the shame,
wen we all partake,of the same pain.

wad are the words,that are chocked inside,
lets be frank,n put thoughfulness aside,
be as caustic,as you wanna be,
for right now,its juz you n me.
heart,o heart,why the silence still,
your silence bids rise,to your death's keel,
there's so much more,you hafta feel,
why stifle it all,and yourself kill.

stop the selflessness,it brings me no joy,
stop the foolishness,you silly lil boi,
come to me,i'll hear your woes,
and unto 1 person,you would've told,
tho 1's a small number,it'll make a difference,
in this world,there's no such thing as self sufference,
we were made,to make that difference,
be it fer 1 person,or the whole population.

so speak up now,dun hold you tongue,
let those heavy laden,words be sung,
let those lips,tad be so tightly prised,
be loosened up,as i pry.
the truth hasta be told,it will be said,
better it be now,den wen on death bed.
wen all the words,will come to naught,
where too late are made known,the desires one sought.
let not thyself,be in this web caught,
lets stay toget,n sail thru these waters fraught.

in this time n age,who can be trusted,
wen all arnd are traitors,and their bas*****,
generation upon generations,of successive fools,
who look upon trust,as mediums or tools,
foolishly sellin em off,fer temporal gain,
all witout,the slightest bit of shame.
not tinkin about,the hurt n pain,
they happily pawn others' trust,fer social fame.

heart,o heart,juz let me say,
nothing ever happens,tomorrow today,
nothing lasts ferever,lets be on our way,
along tis road,we'll make it fade away.
never again,will the silence be kept,
let not water be,kept in by silly taps,
of self righteousness,n foolish thoughts,
but expressed and recieved,wit respect earned n fought.

the end.

Friday, March 24, 2006


am i one tad's really really easy to underestimate?
i dunno is it cuz im always never serious,
whether i always dun seem to gif two flyin shats,
whether its juz the way i look,
the way i am.
but i find tad i always get underestimated.
even by the pple who SHOULD know better.

i dunno it be whether my abilities be in question,
or my perseverence tad be in question.
but one thing tad is true is tad wadever i put my effort in,
it will not be for nought.
i believe all tad i've achieved so far has proven tad at least.
i mite not demand excellence in much.
but you pple will see the difference in the ones i really think matter to me n the ones i dun think matter.

its highly disappointin.
do i really look tad inept?
i honestly dun tink so.
its an insult to me i swear.
like a cold water splashed into my face to sumtimes hafta deal with the shat tad by all rights,
shouldnt exist.
you pple who profess to haf adequate knowledge to call yaself my close frens should know better.
i mite knowinly make mistakes sumtimes.
i dun profess to be perfect.
i haf my wilful desires too.
but they are by no account a measure fer me to be taken into account by.
if you havent made your own identical mistakes in areas you believe to be less important in your life den congrats.i believe you belong to the elite world wit population:1 which is youself.
if i grated you amongst the hot coals tad you drag me thru,
will you pass your own tests?
if not,
do not claim a right to come n even underestimate me by my failins.
its not only appallin to my nature,
but outright hypocritical too.
and trust me.
i will despise you.
im not my beloved Jesus.
and i beg His forgiveness fer being harsh but i WILL despise you irregardless of myself not wantin to.
i will snipe at you like a hound in heat n claw off visceral chunks of your proverbial flesh n feed you to the rats fer only those lowly creatures deserve you.
i repeat again to those who would cross me,underestimate me or do anithin tad doesnt respect me as a human bein with faults.

you havent a clue who you're messin with.
and trust me,
you dun wanna find out.

i have come to the end of my angsty blog entry.
i shall not go rip pple to shreds in gb.
i know its an old game.
but wad the heck.
its cheap amusement.

p.s:dun state the bloody obvious to me?
it bloody pisses the shat outta me.
esp wen you dun grasp the concept.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

v fer vendetta

extreme ends of a spectrum.
i've seen certain things in the past few days tad've really shocked me.
shall blog about em another time.

watched v fer vendetta.
the show moves along rite quick so guys dun go watch it with gals.
highly annoyin wen pple are tryin to kill other pple n the girls like "WAD"S HAPPENING"
but qi aint tad bad.

kinda forgot wad i wanted to blog about.
i kinda got so scandalised by findin wad i was lookin fer tad i kinda totally lost focus.

i was watchin oc juz now.
and like.
it was the episode where seth makes out with both anna and summer.
it was bloody hilarious.
and tho its bloody outta point,
while i was in the shower,
i was wonderin.
if i was seth,
who would i choose at tis point in my life.
would i choose anna or summer.
and den.
i decided.
between anna or summer.
i would choose summer.
cuz summer's a hell lot hotter.
i know im bloody immature.
but she;s really bloody hot.
but then again.
there's a really fine line between hot n slutty.

i tink guys would agree wit me.
there are sum gals you see ina club,
sum tad dun wear anythin tad reveals much but are bloody hot n sexy n appealin and wad not.
juz by the way they are.
and den there are those tad show alot of skin,
blatantly showin off their body.
and tho they be really hot n sexy,
you dun feel like you wanna get to know em?
but they be good fer tad one night kinda.
and sumtimes you really feel so bloody wasted.
this hot ass gals be sellin emselves short.
but den again.
if i make the choice of summer,
i guess their choices work ina diff sense i guess.
oh wellz.

for the record,
i tot the line in the next episode where he's havin to choose's really funny.
"i tink he has a case of SUMMER flu,maybe he needs sum ANNAbiotics"

dun really know wad's my point.
shall go surf arnd a lil more den head to bed.

Sunday, March 19, 2006


today i shall recap on 3 days of the last week.

namely the 14th,16th and 18th.

on the 14th,
i got a blessing in the form of a pair of tickets to Disney on Ice.

it was kinda mixed blessing cuz we were out durin the day..
and i was juz reachin home wen suddenly her fren called.
1 hour before the show.
and offered us the tickets.
den we hadta rush ina cab over to her fren's place,
get the tickets n go to stadium.

the show was really magical.
its kinda amusing tad the magic of disney on ice is basically the magic tad resides in one's soul.
in recent times,
we always speak of the devil within.
but disney on ice concentrates on the angel within.
the one wit the values.
the one wit the morals.
the one wit integrity.
it was a really enjoyable exp.
i loved it.
i bounced arnd in my seat.
it really brought out the child in me i swear.
the innocence n all.

the next day,
went back to work in the bar.
so much fer morals.

was really good stuff.
danced till my legs cramped den came home.
thanks to sky,sal the ruggers the dancers n the crazy shats like me who made it good.

which was yest.
i was really amused yest.
there was a function at my bar.
kinda like a mini party.
and it flopped miserably.
cuz all the tix buyers were underage.
i really felt loadsa pite fer the organisers?
cuz bascially.
the turnout was pretty good,
but all were stuck outside.
so like.
70 plus pple millin all outside,
20 a tix,
you got 1.4 k walkin outside in money tad's not gonna buy the tickets to get in.
i mean like......
but i couldnt help bein amused.
2 pple asked me fer my no tho.
a guy n a girl.
the girl was the organiser.
who claimed i look familiar,
but i swear she's gonna complain me fer laffin.
and the guy was the organiser who wanted me to do bar fer him the next time he has a party.
but supposedly the girl's sum really big shot person.
so yupz..
sum model dunno wad dunno wad.
dun really care.
up till today,
no msg from ibu(my boss)
so im safe.
tad's all i care.

wad else..
not much.
i shall go HUAT WIT FYSH!!!

oh yea.

Monday, March 13, 2006

dam im cheap.

I am worth $1,941,610 on

there are pple worth billions!!:@


went out wit baby today.
was really realy tired cuza trainin yest.

lets whine bout yest 1st.
let it fo down on the record tad i promised myself tad i would never stop runnin altogetehr fer too long a time.
i didnt really keep to tad very well.
since i stopped runnin about exactly a year ago,
at least pure all out sprintin continously,
the last time bein after tournament,

suffice to say,
it wasnt a very nice sight to see me,
tired from work,
den wakin fer church,
an hour plus of fast paced dance,
followed byt 2 hours of ghey soccer,
by the end of the session.
i was pantin so badly i couldnt swallow.
i hadta spit out my saliva.
those pple who exercise aft a long while gheyly prob understand wad i mean.

but pride n all demanded i couldnt gif up halfway so stuck it thru.

thus i had aching back n legs n neck today wen i went out so i was really really grumpy.
plus my money's growin wings again so im really frustrated.
i needta keep my cash flow down i swear.
we watched shaggy dog today.
n the movie's really good.
its a kinda fimaly show kinda.
so twas pretty sweet.
plus it was nice to sit down n juz relax fer once insteada runnin all over the place as usual.
den we walked arnd a lil bit n all.
had this really sinful choc cake from nydc,
sumthing called the "THAt sumthin stumhin"
but its ghey.
but its really sweet.
if only the place was aircon it would be better.
warm choc cake plus warm weather dun make it really feel good yea??
wad else.
n i came home.
n im restin my ass now.

i wanna get the stupid usb wire fer my phone.
shall go searchin fer it tml.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

everybody do the mess around.

ray is showin on HBO today at 9.
yummy yummy.
but im woarkin.:@
oh wells.

life's kinda taken on its mundance form again.
procrastination rules in the form tad i havent started trainin fer ns YET.
oh wellz.
soccer tml should take care of my lack of motivation to start i guess.
tml this boots shall eat grass!!!:))

bartendin's kinda gettin a bit stale to me cuz the pple seem to haf their zest of me to take over bar flattened down by in office politics plus tad they have a whole loada new staff to train.
fysh is also bein primed to take over bar cuz they need bartender next month.
whilst i enter in the patriotic duty of nation serving.
i have decided to chiong like hell durin the 1st 3 months.
den if they dun offer me ocs,
i shall opt fer safsa n play hockey fer my whole national service.

money's a really pain in the ass i swear.
i need moar money,
i need more driving lessons,
i need more time in life.
i need more rest,
i need more love,
i need more God,
i need more grace n mercy.

oh wellz.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

the march onward into inevitability.

im in the stage of emotional numbness tad basically is explained as a sponge.
i.e im wrung dry.

i've been on an emtional roller coaster tad's basically pissin me off n for once,
i really feel so pissed off with everyone n everything arnd me tad at the slightest provocation,
i'll go off like a ton of dynamite.
which leads a ton of bricks fallin.
which is how i'll come upon tad unfortunate person/thing tad gets in my way.

isnt it such a bloody irony tad wen you want the whole world to stop by and ask you juz wad is the matter,
it marches on,
oblivious to everything?
and you find yourself trudgin on,
numb to it all,
lurchin forward,
till the time where you finally find your feet.

there are certain things in life tad really bother me.
my low self esteem being one.
and sumtimes it bugs me tad pple seem so oblivious to it n their words which should bounce off,
actually permeate and do some damage within.
i dunno.
do i look very strong,
hostile against the world?
but then again.
if i dun,
i prob would get stomped all over by everyone so im not exactly repentant.
if i hadta choose btw lookin strong n having to deal with my probs myself,
i would choose to remain lookin strong n aloof.
lonely shat > too much shat.

i really dunno wad to say or do.
thank God work's comin up so i can relax in the false security of routine again.
i wanan go beach.
for vball.
if you dun play,go away!!!!:))
dam it rimes.:))

i remember a qoute of mine from way way way back.

the isle of self pity is never fun when you're alone.

you ready to leave there?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

C D n weep.

i walked into school.
with false enthusiasm.
wit silent dread within.
walked into the canteen n felt a lil better upon seein the hockey guys.
they made me feel like i had come home.
talked to em a lil while.
saw hafiz.
screamed at him "did they call you"
my humble bro nodded.
my heart leaped fer him.
str8 As fer this bro tad helped me immeasureably durin tad span of time.
time ticked by inexorably.
time arrived.
i headed into the hall.
cheered on frens who attained their st8 As.
finally the time came.
ran to the table.
wantin to get it as fast as possible n get it over with.
was 3rd in line.
saw my teacher's face beamin at me.
hope began to rise.
i tot i had reached the elusive C average.
genuine happiness was upon his face.
he was so happy i had actually attained all passes.
and so were the other teacher's present.
i didnt know so many of em actually bothered to check.
they came to say hi n congratulate me.
all pleased tad i had passed.
tad the impossible had happened.
from FFF to CDE wit no failed subjects.
genuine pleasure.
and wen i got the result slip.
i screamed within myself.
"wad the hell are these goddamned results.
wad in the flyin f am i gonna be able to do wit em.
why the hell are all of you congratulatin me!!
im a man witout a school.
im a man witout prospects.
one whose future lies in lieu.
i called my mummy.
she was glad fer me too.
genuine pleasure tad i had passed.
i called my girl.
genuine pleasure from me to her.
pride oozed from me.
i got a smart baby.
i called my sistter.
she heard from mummy alr.
also happy fer me.
all this while.
i looked over at druggie.
pretty good results.
envy flooded my heart.
i genuinely was jealous of her.
dun be angry at me druggie.
here was suym1 wit an overseas option.
i didnt haf tad.
why didnt i get those grades.
den i remembered.
did i really put in the effort to justify those results being mine?
i shut up,
cut off voice to the inner demon within me.
and tried to remain calm.

i remember starin down at the field in a daze.
wonderin wad the hell to do.
den she called sayin she was comin to look fer me.
my 1st thought was "i had better get out of this goddamned mood before i screw up her celebrations which she definitely deserves"
2nd thought was how to achieve that.
i called my boss.
i needed action so as to stop feelin sorry fer myself.
asked her if i could work a coupla hours.
she agreed./
thus i only ruined my baby's day fer about an hour or 2.

went to work ina daze.
with her by my side.
sat at 7-11 and had my meal.
stayed in her arms n really felt so lost.
so lonely.
so bloody homeless.
there is no feelin like bein hung up dry n awaitin the stroke of judgement to fall.
that feelin of helplessness in knowin tad all the time where actions could've changed your present situation has passed.
waitin fer the knife to fall.

the day passed witout comment.
ibu(my boss) saw a need,
an opportunity cuz the bar was quiet,
and sent fysh home with me.
n once again i thank God fer havin fysh in my life.
fer there is no one in the world i can be so totally honest n truthful wit my emotions too.
he listened,
knowin tad he neednt say anithin.
God bless your soul bro.i honestly pray one day you'll get to know my God n acknowlodge him.
and yea.
all the things i cant say to my family were said to him.
all the things unmutterable to my baby were spilled to him.
the anguish manifested itself in a tirade tad had no end.
till i was spent.

did i mention?
my g.p results.
the one thing i was relyin on.
came up dry.
a lousy c5.
she got an a2.

that nite,
i talked to her,
litstenin wit half a ear as self centered worries took centerstage.
wonderin wad the hell was my path supposed to be from here.
wad was a supposed to do.
where could i possibly go.
and once again,
thank God fer puttin her in my life.
i know not her final meanin,
but i know her presence is no mistake.
despite all the religious complications,
its still His will.
and i Thank him fer providing me sum1 to lean on.

the next day i awoke.
went to work openin the bar.
left early to have dinner with her.
we went to this rest along clark quay.
the place was amazing.
the ambience,
these lil old school boats chuggin away in the wayer,
the lights reflectin of the water surface.
it was magical.
we ate crab n scallops,
spent a bomb,
and i sent her home, n arrived home wit time to spare.

at night,
once again.
my thoughs strayed towards my own problems instead of enjoyin her multiplicity of choices with her.
worryin bout where would i find a door open.
knowin tad with my results doors have already been closed.
sorry baby.:(

i met her frens on tues night n we had dinner toget at dilly bombers i believe.
and i began to fully appreciate the person im with.
and even more so now.
the truth has juz pronounced itself even more clearly to me.
i honestly cant avoid feelin this way be it silly or not.
as a result of my results,
my self confidence is at an all time low
the inferiority complex has attained megaphone level of clarity.
and wen i was tellin my sister about her fren's results,
plus her,
(btw,tink st8 As n yea.juz str8 As n a smatterin of Bs.)
she gave voice to this lil stupid naggin voice within me.
she said tis " better be prepared.tis kinda gal,tis kinda standard,very soon wunt wanna play wit better get prepared"
be it in a jokin tone,
i was really stunned as my doubts were given voice.
baby's assuaged me that it'll never happen,
but at the same time,
im prepared fer that eventuality.

and then now.
my sister believes tad her chances fer a scholarship are really good.
n baby'll be able to attain the dream of bein a medical doctor should tad be the case,
to study overseas.
which i believe will spell the end of sumthin really magical that's been the very thing i wake up fer every mornin.
ns plus not even meetin my gal on teh weekend is impossible.
but i believe tad should she be offered the chance,
she should take it.
and i'll be behind her all the way.
dreams are meant to be fulfilled.
n i hope the Lord presents me wit His grace again.
and with the faith tad it'll be enough fer me.

watchin the world go by,.
the pple wit the A's discussin their prospects.
never again will mistakes of this severity be made.
upon my life n my love fer my God.
i henceforth solemnly delcare that should a door into an institute of higher education provide itself n if God wills it,
is one of my likin,
i would be instill wit a gratitude like no other n a passion n desire to do well like never before seen.
but the doors are still closed.
and i'll be left hangin fer the next 4-5 months.
will i be able to take it.
God knows.
but i'll sure as hell hafta endure it.
and the goin these few days haf been tough.
but i believe the Lord'll help me overcome.

but the feelin of uselessness.
wanton plain stupidty.
all my life.
i've been stated to be intelligent.
not the usual bs compliments given to students.
wen the teachers see my parents i could tell which said it fer real cuz they felt tad way n which said it as a standard line.
n many did mean it.
and now.
look at where i've ended up.
im sorry all who believed in me.
sorry all whom i've let down once again.

i know its stupid.
but it still nags within.
my brain's doin a pretty good job of silencin the voice.
but wen it fails.
pls hold me up.
i dunno how long more can i stand this.

mucho thanks to ppple like baby,fysh,joey,rah,g,druggie,loi,jie n all who've called,msged,
to all who've expressed concern.
to all who care.
im sorry fer the snide tones.
the monosyllabic replies.
i love you all mucho mucho.
im sorry fer bein immature.
but i really feel lost.
forgif my childish behavior.
but still be here fer me should i really require it.
baby's provin equal to the task fer now.
but should tad time comes.
pls be here.
i really appreciate every one of ya'll.

its been a long nite.
i shall head to bed.
i'll be goin to career fair tml.
hopefully an option'll present itself.
and the Lord bless me with it.
night allz.

here's a photo on tues nite before doomsday arrived.
as usual i look clownish.
this be the bunch with the goodass ghey results.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


tml marks sumthin grave in my life i guess.
3 yrs ina school
would it amount to anithin???
i hate the wait.
and mr tham better not drag it out or else i'll slap him.:@

pray fer me.
else you'll see me in the papers.

im finally behind the bar.
come arnd sumtime i'll make you a drink if i can.

went to the beach today.
fer about 2 hours.
wasted trip.
no vball no frisbee n shat.
oh wellz.
shall find more siao geng pple to go wit next time.

wad else.
i completed my driving stage one today.
in a grand total of 5 lessons wit the 5th bein today's review.

today was pretty fine a guess.
met her aft the beach,
went out wit her fer a while,
celebrated her fren's birthday wit her n her frens n came home fer dinner.

checkin dance moves fer dance now.