closure?

so the party was a success.
=)

thanks josh,dud,giant,sab for coming down and helping out.

thanks mingli and the other friends for making her night bright.

thanks to family for helping out with the food.

_____________________________________________
i wanna thank you too.
=)
for coming,
and lightin up my life for this brief few hours.
i thank you for the talk we had.
and i thank you for telling me how you felt.
if nothing,it made me understand more.
_____________________________________________

its bitterly ironic,
that in front of the ones you want to understand your emotions the most,
you always put on a brave front.
holding you in my arms was brief ecstacy.
touching my lips to your hair was a momentary memory.
the price to pay, was never really letting you know how i feel.
for tad brief moment was the price too steep?
narh.i dun think so.
life goes on i guess.
so after tad few moments,
as i drove back,
i wound down my window,
and i found myself shouting out at God.
just shouting "why?".shouting myself hoarse in pain.crying bitterly with snot streaming out my nose.(UNGLAM FTW PLZ NIGGAZ)
that love was lost even before it was lost just made it worse.
and you didnt even tell me about it so we could've worked things out.
i did too much...perhaps if you told me slack a lil i could've?
and things could've worked out?
20/20 hindsight.
lol.
so much pain.so much regret.so much sorrow and anguish.
anguish.
now tads a word not commonly bandied around.
but anguish is what i feel.
for there's a seething wound tad has festered and needs to be bound.
and its gonna leave a fucking huge scar and i doubt i'll ever be the same person again.

but doesnt matter i guess.
crux of the matter is tad i live.
or so the doctors always say.

im not gonna blog much about the way i feel now anymore.
it'll just make you more convinced tad i havent given up on you.
which isnt too far from the truth.
maybe wen you get married to some dude den i'll gif up.
kekeke.

in any case.
i resolved to write something.
and write it i shall.

_____________________________________

an ode...to my baby.. (part 1.unedited.)


________________________________

fuck man im never gona cry over a girl.
ever again.


this seriously fucking sucks.
as in absolute pits.
fuck all this love shit man.
its really a fucked up game for fools.

and i guess im one of the bigger ones at the moment.
was it foolish to love you.
nope.
was it foolish to love you so much.
nope.
was it foolish to want to do more to make me love you more.
i would've said nope.but now it seems it might've been the problem.
which is fucking bitterly ironic and just makes me wanna kill myself.

/swear.
okie im gonna cry myself to sleep and pray i dun wake my bro up.
this is dam jialat.

to be continued tmr when hopefully im not so emo.