painful.

i never thought it would hurt this much.

not at all.

i knew i loved you.
perhaps even more den anyone previously.
but not till this point.

but then again.
realisation is too late isnt it.

i told myself a long time ago, that i would never allow myself to regret something like that again.



but now all i feel is regret.

regret that i allowed the headiness of the moment to get away from me.
that night was supposed to be a night for us to work out things.
instead i lost you.
instead of getting stronger in our love, i lost it entirely.

i really never expected this.

and i guess that's just the way things go.
in this game that we played.
it can swing anyway, any time i guess.


i just wish the loss didnt hurt so much.
tad your tone and words now wouldnt seem like lances piercing right thru me.
that i didnt feel like a fool for tryin.

and for once i find myself unable to numb myself to wad im feeling.

i find myself creating delusions for myself so i can deal with things better.
and then smashing them apart a few minutes later for i know the truth.
for i dun like deluding myself.



the icy cold

it sweeps across the open plains,
claiming all it passes as its domain,
and where it goes it leaves a trail,
the mark of a hunter on its kill.

it shows no mercy nor emotion,
its a force in constant motion,
one that touches and casts in stone,
everything it touches it calls its own.

it has the power to stop time in its place,
to hold wounds open in time and space,
to stop teardrops from rolling down,
to freeze the eyebrows before the frown.


okie fuck this
zero inspiration and i really cant continue.


summed up.

pain.

pure and unadulterated.

tears.

slow and warm.

the empty feeling inside.

ever present and constantly stabbing.



i didnt think i'll hurt so much.
to hafta let you go.
i never thought you would be the one that'll i'll end up crying over.
more then i have ever done before. never ever before so long, so often.
simple cuz i knew you right from the start and i knew wad to expect.
but why are the tears falling.
more then ever before.
i find myself with tears brimming at the most random of times,
with this aching loss that extends beyond the heart and mind.
i never thought i would reach a state of being attached where i would lose sleep over another.
and for 2 nights now ive laid in my bed tinking about us and all that is lost.

(on the flipside, do you know why pillows have 2 sides? 1 side's for you to wet with your tears, and the other is for you when you tink you are able to go back to sleep. so its cry,stop,flip,tryta sleep,about to cry,flip,cry.cry finish,flip,tryta sleep..you get the idea.:D i r brilliant.=D)


can i block it out?
yes i can.

do i wish to block it out?
nope.

why?
because it tells me how much i really did love you.
and if it hurts so much. it only means tad for that period of time,
it really was perfect and right. in every meaning of the word love.
did we cheapen the word at any point in time in our relationship?
nope.
i tink we did pretty aight.=)