Friday, June 20, 2008

pondering

at times.
i truly wonder what's going on, and what exactly am i doing.
CAYSN cant seem you set in, and i find myself in a rather similiar situation.
i guess its juz a personal trait, which in certain situations, becomes more of a flaw den an asset.

are there mistakes tad you keep making,
and keep tellin yourself you'll learn,
and still keep making the same one?

maybe when im wiser i'll learn to distance myself.
or it might be a forlorn wish cuz hard lessons in this area dun seem to work with me.

it reaches a point where i start being cynical and pessimistic.

/shrugs.
who knows.

my angst space ftw.

time really flies.
in exactly 2 days to the day, 1 year ago,
i found myself in a situation not quite unlike wad im in at the moment.
feeling the same way and having made a decision as a result of an inability to deal with it within myself.

maybe its cuz my perception of what it is really distorted.
maybe im juz spoilt for it forever and evermore,
tad i'll never be satisfied with anithing less.
maybe im just a brat.
or maybe im being juz dam grumpy and unreasonable at the moment.
i guess part of it deals with my idealistic nature.

that i will not accpet defeat till i experience it myself.

i guess its niave in certain aspects,
that if i am a certain way,
it would be this certain way becuz tads wad's supposed to happen.

but then again,
in this sorta things,its the change and differences that keep it interestin isnt it?
there will never be a definite for this sorta thing.
but the changes are sumtimes hard to take i guess.
and try as i might, i cant maintain it 100% of the time too.
but is it too idealistic of me to wish for it to be as close to that as possible?
oe maybe its me.
maybe im askin for more.

or isit juz my perceptions that are warped.
that im expectin wad isnt attainable in reality.

am i juz another victim of books and tv shows where idealism is writ large and i cant seem to accept reality.

im feeling just so sian some times.
its like de javu all over again.
same old situation everytime damn time.
how did i end up like tad again.

you know,
sherlock once said,

when you've eliminated all the possibilities,only the obvious remains.

so when ive exhausted making unfounded and needless approximations,

the fact that remains is that there is only 1 constant in it all.
and that would be myself.

so if this be the case,

i really needta do some reflecting,

and do things differently.

















yea like this hasnt been said so many times before.


/sigh.



maybe im juz destined to lived this fucked up life this fucked up way till i can finally settle for less or begin to accept that these things in life will NEVER be constant.
or accept myself better.

maybe tad's wad mature means eh?
being at peace with yourself.

which would mean my baby's right.

my bros are really quite much more mature den i am.

i sure as hell aint at peace with myself.
i dun think i'll be till i've achieved certain things i've set out to do in life.


idealism sucks shit.
sometimes i wonder if im too fuckin easy.

_____________________________________________
sigh on a brighter note,

something tad should amuse you.
it made me smile on a shitty day a few days back.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

lol.

cheap thrills.
fruits o blog trollin

_____________

Why do men die first.

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is
favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet . .. its male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ...you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape .. you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers .. you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache .. you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else.

Why do men die first ?

Because they want to.


Bloke Expertly Needing Joyful Affection and Matchless, Intense Necking


Get Your Sexy Name

Sunday, June 01, 2008

nickelback

dor some reason,
im feeling dam emo and sian now.
and i cant really place a finger on to as why.

and this began long before i started heading home,
and still even aft hours of gaming.
gettin loot and all,
im still feeling the same.
so i have decided to blog a slightly less emo post bout something i thought of whilst in the shower.

there's a line in the nickelback song.
actually,
its the dam title of the song.
which goes

"is someone getting the best of you"
which sounds normal,
the following line which then goes
"is someone taking the pain you feel, you trust too much , confess, is someone gettin the best the best the best of you"

now i thought that was just about the most telling line of the song as i revealed the true nature of line before it.

alone,
the line sounds like an accusation almost,
but then it gets all put together as actually a line of concern.
interesting i guess.

okie.
this isnt working,
not feeling anibetter.
fuck this.

okie time for bed.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

there are times.

where i really really detest myself.

for being the sad way i am,

for doubting the way i do,

for fearing the way i do,

for not having the confidence everyone says i should have.

for being too soft,

for being foolish in certain areas of my life.



maybe at times its easier to believe a lie.

cuz you dun hafta face up with the truth.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

i really need a break.

its been a gay week.
things are piling on and honestly i dun have time nor space to breathe.
with last week assignments and presentation, exam this week, a million dollar deal to prepare for, 34 levels of 46 walls per levels of system to draw, + tuition lessons to prepare for my kids.
i need time to do what i want.
and that won't come till i finish up the exam and the tender is submitted.

i cant even rest in peace anymore.
3 nights of nightmares back to back and i get less den 6 hours of sleep a night.
i cant even sleep on bus joourneys cuz i get massive headaches once i start worrying about stuff.
thinkin i should be studying on the bus, or going thru drawings.

mentally you know you need the reprieve.
but you cant spare the time nor mantal capacity nor control to order your body to rest.

i really need a break from it all.



i guess here's where army's good in the sense you never burn out cuz you can claim offs.


but in the civilian world,no such thing exists.


juz 3 more days.
till the paper.
den maybe aft that i can rest.


sigh.

im sorry baby.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

something only a singaporean would find humour in.


and im not shitting you,nor did i select only a few letters and omit the rest outta frame.
thats it.lol.
best form of advertising eh?

lol

and these are popping up all over the place.

_____________________________________________________________

Things Girl's Don't Know

Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try. (trust me on this one)

2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. (even the pimps)

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. =]

4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. (yeah, and it's usually something stupid )

5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method. (oh yes! what guy has not tried this one?)

6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. (yeah, so stop calling 300 guys a day)

7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. (yeah so stop calling 300 guys a day)

8. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are, if you're a bitch-- Goodbye. (yeah so stop calling 300 guys a day and work on your personality)

9. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. ( i can't really add anything to this one)

10. Girls are guys' weaknesses. (i wonder if it's the other way around too?)

11. Guys are very open about themselves (and if their not about something they have a damn good reason)

12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him more than anything else. (Advice is appreciated though =]

13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. (yep, it goes back to that kindergarden kid that was poking the girl he liked with a stick, all the other guy's saw and thought "wow that's a damn good idea!"

14. Guys love you more than you love them. ( yessir)

15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot. ( this is true)

16. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key. (nice asses or boobs sure help though, don't get me wrong!)

17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped. (yeah, if your not compassionate, your insensitive, but if your too compassionate your gay....)

18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant. (we really do, beleive it or not)

19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. (and what guy hasn't done something stupid?)

20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside. (this is always true )

21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. (so we mean it when we say it)

22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me." (it's pretty much the only thing we say that means something else, so know it.)

23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (yeah dude, seriously!)

24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them. (yeah, it's really annoying when you compliment a girl on her looks and then end up arguing with her!)

25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. (unless were just spacing out. so check to see if were blinking)

26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes. (so get a telescope)

27. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily. (oh yes.)

28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. (it's actually true!)

29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. (it's very strange)

30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day. (no way! well maybe leftly, but not mr. right!...okay yes mr. right...)

31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it. (yeah, so remember, if we seem overwellmed and we don't ask for help, offer it. we'll accept it)

32. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of them...just most. good guys' are a dieing breed. (i blame the damn hippies)

33. Guy's love it when girls talk about their boobs. (haha oh yes)

34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually (yeah so avoid guys who do that, they almost always turn out to be Assholes)

35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs. (this is actually true! i didn't think i was but i tested it! so we don't admit it or even crack a smile we just grab your arms and pull them away...lol)

36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts. (so true, especially after a rough day..)

37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible. ( remember this one )

38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probaly still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life. (this is very true. takes us guys a long time to get over you girls. can you blame us? your awesome!)

juz a lil sumthin

here's a lil sumthing i found rather amusing.

___________________________

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . .. . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!

Friday, May 16, 2008

quote quoted

finally had a bit of spare time to take a look arnd at coupla blogs.
and i saw this on dud's which really agreed with something i felt all along.

quoting the lines i truly agree with,

From a guys point of view:

We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.

It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.

Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you.

The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.

Yeah, you can quote me.

Don't be mad when we hold the door open.

Take Advantage of the mood im in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you.'

Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed.

You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.

We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
Or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

at the same xroads again.

its almost ironic tad one year down the road,
i find myself at the junction, about to break a promise to myself i made one year back.
funny how the situations are quite similiar despite the vast differences.
and im guessing since the only constant is oneself,
the most obvious answer should be that it lies with me.
and as i was on the insane bus ride home (which i shall bitch about later,) i was was listenin to my reborn ipod cuza my all new UM2s which is an extravagence im only just beginning to regret, 2 songs struck me really really hard.

one was dusk and summer by dashboard confessional,which dam near made my break my promise, and the other was a song by j-holiday.

Dusk and Summer
She smiled in a big way
The way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers
And she held your eyes

Out in the breeze way
Down by the shore
In the lazy summer.

And she pulled you in
And she bit your lip
And she made you hers.

And she looked
Deep into you as you lay together
Quiet in the grasp
Of dusk and summer.

But you’ve already lost(x3)

When you only had
Barely enough
To hang on.

And she combed your hair
And she kissed your teeth
And she made you better
Than you’d been before

And she told you bad things
You wished you could change
In the lazy summer

And she told you laughing
Down to her core
So she would not cry
As she lay in your lap

And she said
Nobody here can live forever
Quiet in the grasp
Of dusk and summer.

But you’ve already lost (x3)

When you only had
Barely enough
To hang on

And she said no one is alone
The way you are alone
And you held her looser
than you would have
If you ever could have known

Some things tie a life together
In slender threads of things to treasure.
Days like that should last and last and last.

But you’ve already lost (x3)

When you only had
Barely enough
Of her to hang on.

[hang on (x3)]


now taking a few lines outta context and listenin to them sung in tad mournful tone sure as hell gets one emo pls.
but yea.

certain lines really juz stood up and poked me real hard and left me wondering what exactly is the matter with me. i mean problems dun follow you arnd, so if they do, you're the freakin problem ain-it?it aint exactly rocket science.

that being said.
ive got a plan for the next 3 months out,
and if all works well,
hopefully it'll hold a new sunrise for me.

and now for bus driver bitching.

now i dun really know if bus drivers get paid by the hour/trip/ but i freakin suspect they get paid inversely proportionate to the time they take to reach you to your destination and proportionate to the freakin no of passengers they can hold.

imagine going at about 70-80 on a expressway being crammed up like sardines in a can, being next to a really really really old auntie tad no one had the decency to gif up a seat for and who kept gettin tossed around like a twig in a cyclone and kept clingin on to you like her lifeline from a ship in a storm on ONE FREAKIN SIDE, and on the other you have a Fat-Joe sized black dude with cashflow problems he cant afford deo and apparently has no center of gravity so much so that everytime the bus stops, he literally swings like 110 kg of his weight my way. i mean yea im pretty fat myself, but no living person is gonna be able to support 110 kg bumping into him with only a handgrip to secure himself you capesh? and summore lookin aft the auntie on the other side prayin she doest get squashed by the combined weight of both of us should i lose my balance. /ANGST.

coupled with a really mood + emo + long day, im surprised i made it off the bus without screaming expletives.

but then again, ive never really been the instant explosion kinda person rite.

it takes a certain kinda special frustration and exasperation before i lose me cool i guess.

/shrugs.

not tad its a pretty thing to see.

but anyway.

screw bus drivers all you foos should be like em KFC chefs and go back for a refresher course in driving.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

afterthoughts.

tis been quite a while since i last sat down like this to juz reorder my thoughts.

and i guess its a lil overdue.

so much has happened in the past few months i guess its juz been a rush for me.

school starts in 2 weeks time and im faced with a step up or fuck off test of my ability to burn the candle at 3 ends to get everything i want in my idealistic nature.
something tells me i'll rather burn myself out before even admitting defeat in even 1 aspect, but i guess tads still to be said,despite all bravado, its gonna be fuckin hard and i juz hafta hunker down and find some hidden strength.2 years aint tad long isit?ns passed in the same amount of time.

fish steps onto tekong in 2 months time.and the shitty thing is that since he's gonna be confined for 14 days,tad means for the 1st time in about 5?6? years, i'll be celebrating my bdae without one of the closest persons in my life.a typical army term comes to mind and it screams."lan lan"

work's been bouncing along decently i guess.whilst i havent been really tested yet,im still learning the ropes and doing my best imitation of a wooden pole at all meetings,sucking in as much as possible.and listening to my big boss today, i juz have this to say.

studies is about dealing with numbers. real life business is about dealing with pple.

and hmm.
i dun know if you guys listen to radio in the mornings,
but i have this morning routine which is aft i log into my computer,i turn on my laptop to the radio.
and i cant remember if it was this morning or yest,
but they were asking if love was an investment.
and asking pple to comment on it.

now me being the boring old fart tad i am, listened and laffed at pples opinions,
cuz as usual,the ego within has the "PERFECT" answer.

and in my "humble" opinion,

any rship is an investment.

and investment of the things tad once given cannot be regained.

to wad things am i speaking about?

1stly:
the most vaulable commodity given to all men.everyone has an equal share,everyone cant change its flow and ebb. and its simply spelled, time. time with which you can be doing something else,time with thich you mite wanna invest elsewhere,but choose to invest in your only one.
2ndly:
emotions.i believe that everyone has this emo vessel within em.and yes while it refills and is technically never truly empty,i choose to believe tad everytime you're giving of yourself into a rship,its a unique part of yourself tad you can NEVER be able to replicate again.you'll always have some to give.this vessel should technically never be empty, but your willingness to dip into might be tested sometimes.and i believe its from here tad your commitment to the rship begins.and similarly(sp), this investment tad you make goes into tad persons emo vessel,which means in the ideal rship,you're constantly fillin each others cup.at least i think so.

/raise eyebrows.


okie i shall stop emoing and go play game for a while before i sleep.
its been a long long day.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

random thoughts +_+

i was on my way back from tuition,
and a thought struck me while flipping thru the pages of debt of honor.

a really sensible person once told me,
"life is hard enuf as it is without being unhappy,
why bother about being unhappy about things you cant change,
i juz dismiss it"

now true as it may be,
i realise i do that a lot.
now part of me proclaims this as foolish,
whilst another part of me puts it down to the eternal albeit low profile optimist in me that its not always as it seems and there's a way to change it after all.

and its only a matter of how much you want it,
and not so much so of can it be done.

having spent the past 3-4 years of my life in the workin world,
i daresay ive seen a whole shitload of pple who would settle for less juz cuz the exact thing they want would require them to put in a whole lot more effort.

so hence its not so much so of "cannot"

but whether they wanted it or not.

i remember an incident in ns,
where a regular's ass was on the line.
since i was a few steps below him,
mine was as well,
but he didnt see to flurried,
he was like "CANNOT LA CANNOT LA"
but he didnt seem to be lookin for a way outta it.
i suggested a few unorthodox ways to get things done,
but he refused em outright.

now im a rather opinionated person,
and when i think im right,
i dun really care wtf you think,or wad you might think of it,
i would/wouldnt just do it.

so events turned well this time,
i eventually went behind and got it done with no lashbacks wadsoever from the ave that a sought,

and suffice to say his ass and mine were safe.

but once again,
brings me back to the point of whether you want it badly enuf or thought.

just my lil 2 cents today before i head off to chill.

1)everything is achieveable.its juz a matter of whether you want it badly enuf not.

2)it may require sacrifices for you to get exactly wad do you want.how to decide.

3)prioritise and see wad's impt to you. especially in the long run. you arent gonna think the way you do right now 5 years later.think 5 years later.

/shrugs.

oh wellz.
reading time.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

rofl.

bedroom toys
Powered By Vibrating Toy


dam juz imagine its in US bucks.
Dam i pwn.

wonder if there's a million bucks per hour thing.
tad one really cock shrink.
lol.

TAKE THE QUIZ AND POST ON BLOG FOR COMPARISON PURPOSES.

for the record,
the average is 270 bucks per hour.
lollollool

Monday, March 31, 2008

for all guys.



personally,
i think only the first one works.
but oh well.
worth a 5 sec chuckle.=P




You Are a Banana



You are mellow, easy going, and a total softie on the inside.

People find it really easy to get along with you. You suit most tastes.



And while you're very sweet, you're not boring or ordinary.

You have an attraction to the exotic, and you could show up anywhere... doing almost anything!



You are spirited, energetic, and a total kick to be around.

You're also quite funny. Your sense of humor is on the goofy side, and it fits you well.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

CAYSN

ive a new motto,
its called CAYSN.

only for the guys to know.
=D

niwae.

here's a quick reality check for everyone.

have you ever wanted to wanted somethin so bad you keep wishin it was true?
and you start thinking a whole shitload about it?


relax,
you're fine, we all do that.

buttttt.............

when you start believing all the shit you've been THINKIN is true,
tads when you're fucked.
=D

okie done with my 2 cents of the day.
fuckin bus driver pissed me off 7 ways to hell and beyond.

Monday, March 24, 2008

ringing in my head.

there's a song ringin in my head.

its by babyface.

its called 2 occasions.

=)





and its sooo soooo soooooo true.


ggnated.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

in a strange reversal of roles.

i was talkin to an old friend a while back.
strangly enuf,
the topic drifted back to our respective partners.
/roll eyes.guys ftw.
i swear every occasion would be a booze + girls conversation

and this lil thing came out by accident,

the word : heartstrings.

you know,
all my life,
i admired pple who could treat relationships with a certain distance,
to be able to detach themselves very easily,no notice, and feel absolutely no loss, no emotion.
or maybe its juz guy thing im supposed to have but yet i cant do, and hence my admiration.
but then again,there are girls who can do it.
so it set me wondering on the trip back what exactly defines an emotional attachment and this word kept poppin up in my head.

heartstrings.

you always hear the things like : key to your heart, place in your heart, opening the door to your heart etc etc billion of other heart related cliches.

but strangly enuf not one like heartstrings.

it would sound pretty weird eh?

"darling,i love you, and this here's my heartstrings."

-_-

lol the romantic in me prefers "darling i love you, and i give you the keys to my heart"

but yet the slightly more practical side of me realises that the former would probably be more of value.
maybe its cuz the latter's been cliche-ed a billion ways to hell and beyond.
/shrugs.

niwae.
the topic of the discussion came to this.
i would describe the person in question as someone pretty free spirited,
more then a lil character and all.
and one change's tads came over when the rship started was this strange deep mellowing.
suddenly the tone changes,and one hears a strange inflection in the voice.
and then the question of overseas travel came about.
and then this statement came out.

"last time if i wanted to do anithin,i juz do one leh.dun care one.but now i would think about X and how X'll feel before i do it"

and henceforth my statement,

"(insert cheery laugh here) hahah,X's really got your heartstrings la.you pwned plz."

and hence my heartstrings reflection.

i guess tad really is a true rship for him.
in a rship if both parties put each other first,
its kinda hard to step wrong eh?
of course if both parties want to gif,
one's gonna hafta "lose" and actually take,
but in the grandoise scheme,
probably doesnt matter cuz 3 steps later the reversal of roles would probably occur and then it'll start all over again and probably even out and thus the coining of the term "give and take"

and then again,
there are rships that work fine witout all this kinda stuff.
qouting another person,
"if can can lo,kenot kenot la.she understand i also suay bian one.can work can alr"

now tads a whole different kinda admiration.
of course the person mentioned fits into the abovementioned catergory,
but i for the life of me can not see how the hell a rship can exist without communication(their meeting/talkin times/sms time can be like once a week.-_-), how it can exist witout caring about the other person's emotion(like gettin back of results his partner sad and he juz said "juz apply la.results out alr.you also kenot change.okay?"/end conversation),

/boggled eyes. o.0

i guess there are building blocks to every firm and concrete relationship,
of which heartstrings,communication are defintely a very big part of,the generic chemistry i guess.

hmmm.
building blocks would be the right term i guess.
the apt term if you will.

looking at it this way.

way back in the times where the phrase probably came about,

a house was probably something you'll invest a whole shit load of time in,
building it brick by brick,
sealing up the crack seam by seam,
making sure that its strong enuf to not be shaken by external influences,
to be able to withstand the stress brought about by the elements,
to be warm and snug inside so you can find solace and a place to rest aft a bad day,
when you're building it there would be times you'll get sian-ed,
you cant even lay the bricks cuz the wind's not being nice,
you can mix your cement cuz its raining like a dog,
you're out huddling in the cold,
but yet the builder would see only the end structure and when it all blows over,
he's right back at it again.
for he knows its worth it to have a good house to stay in.
but yet,
as his house gets higher,
and he gets even more tired,
his house is even more exposed to the ails,
and he's in a lesser mood to bother about it.
food for thought eh?
but its worth it for him.=)

/shrugs.
contentment as you know it i guess.
=)

and in the case of a rship,
there are but 2 builders,and only 1 pair of hands.
why one pair??




cuz their other hands are holding each other.
it only takes 1 person to not want to do it,
and the entire structure starts gettin eroded faster then it can be built.
but..................
there's the slow and steady, and there's the fast and hasty.


wad matters is the heart of both the parties, and their love to see them true.




the sun beats down on the chosen plot,
the songbirds lift off in their flocks,
the builder marches forth and claims his land,
with his eyes he sees the work he'll begin.

each brick forged out with loving care,
love and dedication in equal share,
rain and sleet he pays no heed,
through it all he toils over the pit.

the foundations are driven in deep,
stuck in the mud are his feet,
it bogs him down and smells like shit,
he ignores it all and digs in deep.

finally its done and he stops to see,
eventually resting below a tree,
he allows himself a lil rest,
his house has passed the first test.

with a sturdy foundation he strives to build,
a house worthy of the holes he's drilled,
he fills the sides and evens the surface out,
but now appear the grey storm clouds.

the storm comes and he rides it out,
meanwhile his house's swaying like a drunken lout,
would it last he worries furtively about,
its up in the air till the storm runs out.

it clears and he's heartened to observe.
its withstood the test and has still some left in reserve,
"its worth it" he screams and jumps right back in,
piling bricks like a demon's driving him,

soon it takes shapes and its structure's formed,
he can actually hide inside should there be storms,
but still he gets soaked in the rain,
for the roof is the last thing that remains.

eventually he finishes the sides and begins on the roof,
here the winds blow about with howls sounding like wolves,
it sweeps the nails right out of his hands,
its absolute mayhem.

timber by timber he firmly nails down,
the strain is tellin his face in perpertual frown,
there's not even a single person around,
his heartbeat,his tools, the only sounds.

when its finally done,
he stops and stares.
its completed,
his house would withstand the wear and tear.
the storms and rains would never touch him.
safe and snug in his house he'll be,
happily sippin his cup of tea.




/shrugs.

its 1 alr.
/sigh

Thursday, March 13, 2008

sucha a sucker.....

im such a sucka...

























for...............
















nicely shaped girls in em tight office shirts...............



















n em same girls with those hot legs in sundresses



















lol.pwned.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

eye candy.

here' a lil eye candy for yu lazy foos.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=6Hx6TEqrzHU

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yZp2qpZtfbo&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vhgzIM-9lfA&feature=related

there's a double in there sumwhere but i cant remember which so gl.

and /whine.
i wanna be ironman.=(

Sunday, March 09, 2008

windsurfing 101.

in case you pple dun know,
ive gotten my 1 star windsurfing,
and lemme gif you guys brief idea of whats it like.
during my lesson day,
it was gay ass wind,
either too dam strong,
or too dam weak.
so we spent the lesson learning howta balance on a board runnin in line with the waveswhich is n exercise in idiocy.
or so i thought.
so thought processes last week was.
teacher : OKIE,SIMPLE.YOU STAND ON YOUR BOARD,TURN 2 ROUNDS FOR ME AND YOU CAN PULL UP YOUR SAIL AND TRY WINDSURFING.

methinks"aiyah no kick"
/kick
grab board.
board flips over on the end i rested my weight on, i fall into the water and kena boinked on the head.
methinks "(insert long chain of swearing)"
/kicks to surface
methinks "(insert long chain og swearing)wah lan eh the seawater dam salty!"

2nd attempt.
/kick,this time spreading my weight.
this is much more successful, tho i end up scrabbling up the board like a 20 month pregnant crab.

whilst on the board,
turn 180.
me thinks "WAH SEH MAI LAI HOR LIMZ BEIZ GOTZ SKILLZ"
wave hit the board.
methinks"SHIT."
/fall into water.
repeat climbing onto board experience.
on board, now i face the waves.smarter alr mah.so i move when the wave pass.or so i thought.
wave go over.
/turn!!!!!
methinks.shit.now i face this way how the hell am i gonna see the wave.
wave hits.
methinks"SHIT"

tis experience continues for a good hour,everyone falling into the water before the 2nd 360 can be achieved.
finally.
coach: OKAY WIND'S UP!!!YOU ALLL ALLLL ALLLLLLLLL FAILLL BALANCING.NOW GO PULL UP THE SAIL AND GOOG OOOOO
i guess its enuf to say we didnt get much windsurfing done since we were mostly falling into the water.
lol.
however,
this week.
nice wind,nice sun,everythin was juz about as perfect as one could hope for it to be.

1st attempt.
/scrabble up board.
hoist sail into neutral position.
balance.
wind grabs hold of the sail and nearly rips it out my hand.
i turn to giant and shout "SIAO LIAO THE WIND SIBEI HIONG"
/watch giant laugh,forget he's supposed to be balancing,
and falls into the water with a big splash.
i start laughing,
forget im supposed to be balancing,
fall into water myself and the boom comes down rite o top of my head and smacks me silly.
/kick to surface
/swear really loudly.
/turn to giant and i see laffin his head off at me and he starts scolding me for making him laugh n now he cant stop and focus nuf to get on his board.

okie so nvm.
one shall not be daunted despite the magnitude of the task.
so i scrabble on board once more,
bring the boom to neutral position,holding it there..
and slowly start shifting my legs to the move off position,
and then smack the boom into the lift off position....
n............
start inching forward, slowly...
and i remember the words of my coach.

"IF YOU WANNA GO FASTER, BRING THE BOOM TOWARDS YOU TO CATCH THE WHOLE WIND."

and i pull the boom towards me bravely.
now this happens in a micro second.
i pull it into me in 1 motion,
suddenly the force pulling the boom forward quadruples. AT LEAST 4 x.
before i can scream or swear,my board accelerates like a jackrabbit whose balls juz got prodded with a electric prod.
i desperately tryta hang on,
and next thing i know,the wind pulls me ALL THE DAM WAY OFF THE BOARD TOGET WITH MY SAIL.
im not shitting you it lifted my ass.
of course it helped tad the wave motions prob left my CG a lil higher,
BUT SHIT MANG ITS JUZ WIND!!!!
i flew off the dam board.
landed a good distance away from my board.now if i was on land,
the expressions would be "shocked flat on my ass"
but since i was in the middle of the sea, i was "shocked flat on my lifejacket"

well,
enuf with the failures,
so lets gif you the true windsurfing 101 experience.
you climb onto the board,
and ride the waves 1st.
you bring up the 15 kg sail and slowly lift it and let your board straighten out,
and then shift your feet to the move off position.you wait for the wave to hit,quickly balance out and shift the boom forward and into the vertical position and maintain your balance.
you begin to feel your board rushing forward.
swish swish swish it goes,smackin its head on incoming waves as it heads out to sea.
you hang on for dear life till your movements r secure against the wave motion.you then reach and put your other hand on the other end of the boom,and sloooowly,inch it in towards you.
every lil bit you pull in,you feel your board tryin to run from under you.
the wave motion start to get even more hiong,as your board starts going up them at speed and literally flying outta water for that bit of time and landing before mounting the next wave.
finally when you're leaning all the way back,and you're confident,you pull the sail to the full face of the wind.
then you feel the wind on your back,your sail angled forward,your board making surf as it speeds along the surface of the water and you speed out to sea,and you lean all the way back,the sail and its wind taking your full weight,and you really speed,i swear i was up to a good 3 x of my sprinting speed.
that my dear frends.
is windsurfing at its best.
=)


now if i could learn howta turn properly,
i wouldnt hafta keep doing a paddle recovery back to shore.lol.
oh wellz.
2nd lesson only.
i shall improve.
but its the best decision for an outdoor activity ive made in a long time.
/love to giant.
awesome shit.
=)
more to come more to come more to come.
some pictures for jo0 pple.




















Saturday, March 08, 2008

long weekend.

since my kid cancelled on me and i got my guitar timings rearranged,this is the longest weeked ive had in a long time.
=)
good 2-3 hours to myself.
to be honest i was supposed to leave home a while back,but yea.
/shrugs.
the best laid plans.
and since im sitting down all dressed up and no where to go,
ive decided to share this article.
its from teh weekend today.

in love and in war.

how do 2 individuals,with all their differences,make it work?

by crispina roberts.

last month,i celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary.well,sort of.
the day started moderately well, i didnt yell at my husband to wake up but nudged him gently instead.we also had a lovely buffet lunch.but by nightfall,we were sulkin over a silly argument.
it got me thinking about what makes a marriage strong ad ahow 2 pple ciwht all their unresolved issues from childhood and adulthood come together everyday and make it stick.
i turned to some reading and chanced upon a Harvard Business Review article about rships.
John Gottman, executive director of the Rship Research Institute, has been studying marriage and divorce for 35 years.His studies are serious stuff, pple are taped,heart monitored,and biofeedback devices attached to their very beings to measure reactions to conflict and intimacy.
this are some of the findings.

Successful couples tryta say yes alot.

this means they look for the positive by saying things like : "thats a good idea, why dun we try it?"
to find out more aout a union, Gottman used a "Paper Tower Tsk" couples are given materials to build a tower in half an hour.
succesful couples bask ech other for ideas.the unhappy ones were negative and someone would say "would you be quiet while i figure it out?"
i pictured myself and my husband doing this and i can see us running into problems. He likes to take the "scenic route" while i need to get things done yesterday.if i had to do "amazing race", he'll be the last person i'll pack.he'll say the same.

once we made the mistak of kayaking in the open sea toget. i gave up halfway and he had to do all the paddling. we yelled at each other and eventually,we juz waited for someone to come and get us. needless to say,this is one activity we've never done since. so we arent the "yes" kinda couple.

there are 4 bad horseman of the apocalypse.
Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Comtempt.

of the 4, contempt is the worst as it leads to disgust, and eventually kills the rship.
now this was a lil troubling for me. for one,i dun know anyone who is not critical of their spouse, not defensive of their own action and stonewalls.
who else can you call names and stew for a few days juz to show o're upset?not your boss,coleagues nor frens.

contempt,however,can be deadly.

there are coupels who dont seem to respect,admire of even like each other.
and that seems real unpleasant to me.
not matter how annoying my husband is, i admire many things about him. his intelligence,his wit,his generosity and the sheer adoration he has for his sons.
i am cheered tad i do not have the most wicked horseman.

the last point is alot of crap so im not gonna type it out nd go str8 to the the summary points.


What makes or breaks a rship.

1) say yes.

successful couples always look for the positive and tryta say yes as often as possible.pple in good rships embrace conflict and work thru them. in troubled partnerships,there are many "no"s.

2)learn to give in.

how accepting a man is of his wife influence is crucial. Men who say to their wives " Gee thats a good point" or "Yea i guess we could do that" are more likely to be in happier unions.

3)laugh it out.

most conflicts are over minor thigns. its how we fight and patch things up tad makes or breaks a rship. using humour, affection,silliness,lust and touch can make profound connections.

4)remember the lov, Part 1.

things that make it stick. show respect and affection for thy partner. pay compliemtns,show interst, listen to their ideas and touch.

5)remember thy love part 2.

things that unravel a union: Criticism,defensiveness,stonewalling and contempt.


to you,if you should read this,lol,we're so far disconnected but oh wells,
there's still so much hope,if this can speak to you,dun let the silly things get you down mang.
despite your own battle,at least he's willing to make the effort still rite?
so no harm rite there man.
but in the end,if its meant to be, its meant to be.
but as i told another close friend before.
if it has to end, dun let it be becuz you didnt try hard enuf.you wunt want to live with the regret and wondering "what if". give everythin you have, and if it doesnt work out,you can always pick the pieces up and rebuild.i'll be here to loan a helping hand.
smile.=)

pretty insightful article for me tbh.
i was readin this on the train and it nearly made me drop my phone which i was msging on.
lol.how do you study marriage.
i wonder if that dude is married himself.

"honey before we start,lets tape this electrodes here..here..here...here...here...there.okie we're ready"
wife screams " I SAID YOU'RE TOO OBSESSED WITH YOUR DAM WORK!!!!!!!!!! YOU JUZ PROVED MY POINT!!!"
/rips off electrodes and castrates husband.
ggnated.

lol
okie imma go get ready and head out.oh wellz.
windsurfing here i come.
=)


and maybe the decision's been made all along,
i juz didnt wanna accept it.

Friday, March 07, 2008

emoz nemoz.

i've been chattin up to certain pple ive neglected for the longest time.
pple tad came into my life from the weirdest directions.
and somehow the topic always drifts to the person's love life.
lol.
love truly iz all around eh?
and its juz seems to me tad it really is all a matter of time and place.

i read this from someone's blog,

"is love really tad complicated,or is it us human beings that make it so"

i juz dunno.
being really tired makes you really really emo.
sleeping less den 5 hours will day will wear you down eventually.
esp since im on my self inspired project.
heh.and insteada of dropping off to bed the instant i put down the phone everynite like i used to,
i find myself rolling it over and over in my head till i doze off from weariness.
and still no solution
in all honesty to myself,
there prob isnt one,
the only solution would be as time moves on i guess.

___________________________________________________________
okie
lol
lost my train of thought.
shall continue when i get home.
been rushin meetings all round the clock.
10 mins to knock off!!!
_____________________________________________________________

hmm.okie,im too tired to really blog coherently.
still got stuff to do before tmr comes.
imma come back another day.
=P

Thursday, March 06, 2008

mourn.

i was reading my old blog entries.
to think ive been bloggin since may 2003.
tads a good 5 years.
lol.
niwaez.
i realised ive written a whole SHITLOAD of poems.

and wad do i mourn.
i mourn the me tad was a hell lot more happy and carefree.
no wonder pple dun wanna grow up.

lol
mourn happy me.
cheer sad me.

wth irony.

pretty lyrics.

i was listening to radio.
and this song came on.
hahaha im not sure how many of you are like me,
but i tink a goodly portion of us are guilty of listenin to music but not hearing the lyrics.
buuuuuuuut,
since her first song was pretty decent lyrics wise,
i decided to pay close attention to the words.
and im glad i did.=)
one line really caught my attention.
lets see if any lines speak to you guys as well.

colbie colliat's - realise

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Well didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Oh ooo oh ooo oh
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, but


It's not the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it too
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other

Just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now


btw, featured on the song is a really nice harmony,
and i was wondering who the hell was tad,thinkin it was like another no namer like tony tony tony who's been on alicia keys's harmonies so many times with pple thinkin he's usher,
but surprise!!
its james blunt.
no wonder.=)


which line speaks to you?=)


______________________________________________
i woke up really early and went to msia today to talk business,
and on the drive up,
just struck me.
a few posts back i was talkin about the situation ive found myself in once again and how if thru so many different circumstances,
the problem still exists,
then the constant is the problem,
in the immortal words,
once you eliminated the rest,the answer is obvious,
and tad constant is me,
and i do believe my brainwave at 5 in the morning was....
tad i be lookin for something that i shouldnt be lookin for,
not for the next 7-8 years at least.
and with this lies my discontent.

how retarded of oneself pls.
/shrugs.

and then.....
on the way back,
i had a flashback when along the 2nd link.
i looked out at my old training ground,
facing our neighbours,
remembering how we took the v200 for a joyride down the hill and the thrill of sittin in the gunner hatch,with nothing protecting you but a lousy helmet,riding a 7 ton vehicle at 80?90kmh down a hill.
rofl.
and den aft,once we set up our AO,sittin down and talking cock around the messtin fire.
and i remember one of the discussions.

btw,
for all females,
the stereotype is quite true,
guys in ns do really talk about girls alot,
but in this case,
the question was asked.

"to wad extent would you go to do things to make your girls happy"

now tad kinda loaded question,
is the kind you NEVER EVER hope to hear from your girl/wife,
cuz you know no matter wad kinda answer you gif,you're screwed either way.

typical responses your partner'll shoot back.

"i'll do anithin"---no zhi qi.wad a pushover.no kick living with him
"wad i feel is rite"---he still puts himself before me.how to love someone who doesnt put you first.
"i'll climb the mountains to bring ice for her coke if she's hot"---romantic...but not sensible.how to survive the singapore society.

lol.

you get the idea.

but niwae,
as the discussion went on,
i realise one thing.

for those of you who havent watched p.s i love you,
imma spoil a lil bit for you by quoting a line.

"lemme tell you the secret to what women want"
"do tell"
"the secret.....is that women themselves dun know wad they want"

so in all honesty,
there's a bunch of "politically correct" answers available.

emo kid : i'll love her,gif her all she mite want(even tho it changes like a baby's diaper),for her smile is all tad matters to me.

now that is pure bullshit cuz tad's asuming the emo kid doesnt have feelings.
its juz tad he doesnt reckon it's even close to being important to him compared to the way his girl feels.

prac kid : i'll love her, gif her wad i think is practical.i wunt gif into her whims, as she'll juz change her mind an hour later, and sometimes wad's spent cant be recovered.

now thats pure bullshit cuz tads asuming your partner's as practical as you.2 practical pple in a rship is like a boardroom you know?decisions okay?everythin else all screwed up.can you imagine??

"dear lets have sex"
"okay."
"9 oclock can?"
"hmm.is that too soon aft dinner?muz have 2 hour rest before vigorous exercise"
"hmm.10 oclock okay with you?"
"yup that should be fine.lemme jot it down in my diary"
"yup i'll put it in my scheduler also"
"wait is it safe?"
"i think so.*rustling in background as she counts days since last period* eh cant.abit risky."
"you want pill or condom or tampon"
"lets analyse"
"pill 100%,condom 99%,tampon*80++%"
"lets take the highest odds"
"okay later go see doctor"

IT JUST DOESNT WORK.there has to be irrationality in a rship.its like 2 monks gettin married man.pratical as hell,but there sure as hell aint gonna be smiles man.all wise words wont do shit if you aint happy.tranquility aint all as hyped up as it is.and neither is contentment,we're bloody singporean.which singaporean can come to terms with emselves.sheeeeit.

the middle kid : i'll gif in to her sometimes,sumtimes not, but i'll still love her all the time.

now tad's absolute suicidal plot rite there man.
i juz learnt yest that girls DO BITCH a hel lot about their partners.
a small lil girl i was talkin to was like "eh cant,my blog's like pure bitching about my bf"
i was like "WTF?!?!?! wad you complain about sial?girls got complain bout tis kinda shit one meh"
yea go figure.
path of indecision.
i can hear it alr ."he blows hot and cold one,sometimes i dun even know he loves me not.its like he has love swings.and we thought mood swings and pms was bad enuf.his loves swings are like both combined"

5 letters : pwned.

doesnt seem to be the right answer ainit?
lol.
if someone can come up with a safe plan of action tad still shows your girl you love her,
share the word man.
its only decent to help the rest of the male population out.

lets leave my favourite titbit as a parting statement.

"how much can you gif,before you lose yourself and not know where you start, and you the bf begins"

now that shocked em flat on their asses.
lookin at the amount of shit i talk in ns, a proper statement outta me was like looking at a mosque and seeing a swastika insteada of a crescent.

lol.bak to work.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

hoot hoot

there's a line in a song tads pretty much a build up line tad goes to

: i feel like a hero.....blah blah blah blah.







i feel like an stray owl.

hoot hoot.hoot hoot./flap arms.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

just that one ding.

you ever realise at one point in your life.
there's one failing that you can never stop no matter how hard you try?
you keep tellin yourself tad you aint gonna walk the same way,
but in a blink of an eye you're on tad well trodden path once more.
same road,
the situation seems all too familiar.
its gotten to the point you dun even wanna try to blame it on anyone else but yourself for you know that the blame lies solely within you.
and you tell yourself you wanna make it good but it juz aint tickin over.
and you wonder to yourself : wth is going on man.how the f did i end up here again.

its at times like tad you're really forced to look within yourself,
to examine whether all the things you say you hold dear are lies or not.
for all your self righteous values, can you really walk the walk and not talk the talk.

i used to wonder a whole lot why i am the way i am in this aspect.
and i could think of 5 hundred and 50 million spare reasons.
but the true reason lies in mistakes past i guess.
things that make it hard for me to ever ever be able to look at things in a different way.
everythin has its consequences.
back then i didnt think i'll be scarred.
certainly not in this fashion.
back then i was the f-ing shit.
had it all and when it happened i was so sure it'll bounce off me.
well.
truth is tad it did bounce of me.
but it left a chink in the armor.
and like the chain and its weakest link, the hairline crack of a dam,
i guess when the situations presents itself,
suddenly stress is applied and i begin to crumble in this aspect at least.
and the irony of it all,
is that i cant seem to do without it which brings the stress opun the fault line.

well.
thats the price you pay for mistakes made.
i want so badly to be able to not feel the way i do about certain things.
but the naggin feeling juz wunt quit.
and i cant even wonder why.
for as quickly as the thought forms,
its drifts barely outta my skull and immediately turns back witha big ass finger pointing right back at me.
and then again the self depreciating ccle beings once more.

oh wells.
lates.
time to try to head back to sleep again.
and for you mahjong fans out there.

www.viwawa.com.

join and look me up.

i'll prob use iceburnz or d12_iceburnz as my moniker so yea.

lets shuffle tiles together!!!!wheee.

work's been fun i guess.
but infinitely tiring.
ive moved from 1 teh ping being enuf to kep me up the whole day to 2.
its that hard to complete sometimes.

/shrugs.

life goes on.
either i up my own standards or fall behind.
and ive fallen behind too many times alr.
/shrugs.
pwned.

Monday, February 25, 2008

/gush.

okie this is plain out and out free advertisment but i dun care.

this movie aint even out in sg yet.
but when it is,
i sure as hell am gonna watch it again.

the movie in question?

step up 2 :the streets.

now i know i know,
before alla ya'll start beating on me,
im not exactly the most impartial judge when it comes to this kinda movies cuz im in all honestly the most biased person and as long as its got a lil bit of hip hop + black culture in it,im all for it.
lol.
i cant even remember when all this started.

honey??then the and the countless other nigga dance movies.lol.

but swear to God,
this is really some damn good shit.
anyone who likes black music,street dancing,breaking and is a sucker for the underdog kinda story you gonna love this shit.

serias.
if im still not tired of the movie when the dvd comes out imma go get me a copy.
=P

Sunday, February 24, 2008

fight or flee.

heh.
finally back home aft just about the most awesome fri nite - sat this year yet.=)
thanks to the one who made it possible.
/love.

i had a rather interesting comment said to me a coupla days back,
which is rather the topic of this post.
oh a tangent,
someone mentioned a phrase to me that he thought was very apt.
he read it at the back of some novel and tad very day he came up to me and said "eh bro.this phrase represents you to a tee man.juz tad you're f-in selective tho"

the phrase utilized a russian word,
basically "you have a memory of a kulak"
now i have no clue what it is,and no desire to find out either.
prob aint a nice term,
but i guess its quite true,
sometimes i surprise myself at some of the detail i remember with respect to things said by certain pple.
every lil word i seem to be able to remember as well as the tone and expression.

quite a lil scary.
but back tot eh topic at hand.
the line said to me was "you know,when you're affected by something,its really quite obvious"

now tad was a lil unsettling to me.
having always prided myself in being able to control my emotions by keepin an impassive face,
now tho the person's one i have no reason to hafta guard my emotions arnd, it was a lil unsettling for me as if im tad relaxed i mite have let my guard down outside of this "circle" which i feel so comfortable i dun bother to watch myself.

all along,
ive always read about pple losing their temper/doing things in spurts of anger tad they regret later.
i myself have done those,
lookin back ive done my fair bit of stupid things that i thank my dear Lord that i have bros who've never rubbed my face in it.
and to be honest,
i guess along the way,
i told myself to never behave in tad particular manner again.

n now whenever im unhappy or in danger of losing control,i'll always tryta excuse myself if possible.
to take a minute to clear up my thoughts,to deal with myself before headin back into the fray.
now i dunno if its bad bahaviour/manners/shit. i honestly cbf-ed.
im not the confrontational sort.
if the choice comes to fight or flight, if a clear escape route is available, i'll run my ass off to get there.
a huge part of this is tad i find myself really really ugly when i lose control.
i dun think.i juz spit and swear and suddenly say things hurt,things tad are unfair,things tad may or may not have their basis in truth.
and i honestly dun like it.

to be honest.
when im quiet, i would only be one of 2 things.
unhappy or tired.
and why do i juz choose to keep quiet?
something my mummy once said before.
"you can be wadever mood you wanna be, but to let your mood affect another is juz irresponsible / inconsiderate."

now this was proven in REAL last time(yes i still remember the things i learnt), where a particular someone in the program let her mood affect everyone in the prog and brought things down.

and i guess in my opinion, keeping quiet's juz about the most neutral thing one can ever do.
hiding my emotions?keeping things within myself?

/shrugs.

as i said before.
even amongst my closest pple.
should i have a good enuf reason to wanna keep the reason behind the way im feeling the way i do away from you, i dun think you'll ever find out.
certain things are never meant to be said.
if everything was spelled out,
you only leave yourself exposed and vulnerable.
and the rest of the world still has the armor value of facade ++.
and when situations turn back,
you'll be surprised how quickly they get at you cuz they know howta pierce your armor.
ive experienced it firsthand too.

/shrugs.

truth be told.
i honestly dunno why i typed all the above.
im not exactly feeling at the top of the world at the moment.
juz like a weight that i tot was gone from my shoulders has suddenly reappeared and since i threw it off with great joy, now with the added height its gained, its suddenly weighin alot heavier then before.

wad was the quote again?

"to the ones the Gods wish to destroy, They first make great" : some greek dude.

heh.
so next time.
when you're feeling pretty much at the top of the world,
start lookin arnd for the bolt outta the blue mang.
you can be pretty sure sumthin's coming up pretty soon.
and it wunt just be one thing.

in the immortal words of a inerbriated course mate, mr(3sg ns) gary,
strangly and too true,

"when shit comes, it comes in lumps"

now tads juz about the prettiest way to sum up any shitty situation eh?

/ironic smile.

okie.
time to restring my guit and play for a while.
emo guit is always a good source of inspiration.

Monday, February 18, 2008

ROFLKEKE

now im tryin terribly not to be mean,
but now tad i started work,
here's a lil sumthin funky i saw at work.lol.
just thought i'll share it a lil.







































to be used in conjuction with another classic photo.


















and i aint tad much a bast!@# k.i made him a new sign.
juz gifs yo a chuckle eh.

now get on yo knees and thank you papa and mama for your education.
=P

Saturday, February 16, 2008

things to avoid in a bad mood.

now.
as you should be able to tell,
it hasnt exactly been the best of days for me,
so to make it more bearable,
i told myself to make a mental list of things to avoid when you're not in a good mood,
so here goes,
lets start from the morning,
also since i cant use the f-word,i shall sub the word shit in its place so that i seem less vulgar,
and the irony of it is not lost on me,
since no one bothered to even explain to me the linguistic nuances bout how vulgar a word is, so i technically cant figure out how something which is a display of "love" can be more vulgar that something you excrete from a the darkest of places on a physical body./shrug.



1)avoid startin work on an upset stomach.



now there're fewer things more annoying then having to go thru a whole day on an upset stomach,so make sure you somehow force out every lil bit of shit tads gurglin within you before you start moving outta the house.that might make you late and put you in a worse mood,but hay,life's all bout choices.

2)going for a tuition class of 6 but only 2 come.

now after wakin up at some shit-ing hour to prepare lesson materials for SIX ruddy foos,the last thing i think anyone wants to see is 2 people stroll in 10-20 mins late,and ask you "ARE YOU STARTIN YET" when the other 4 have nothing heard outta them. now im not really sure wad parents are teaching kids nowadays,but im pretty dam sure its juz being polite to tell me if you're coming to class or not.in the end, them late students had the ruddy cheek to ask me wad time class end, of course business minded me told them "as per normal" but stupid teacher me continued teaching till i was 15 mins off the normal time so tad i could complete wad i wanted to teach them.

3) having a fast one pulled on you.

now signin up for this class, i distinctly told the person i was doing it as a favour as the pay is shittily low for the job scope im doing.and she promised to work out something feasible. now to make matters worse, its seems like im not going to be paid for students that DO NOT TURN UP.now tad juz shit-ing pisses me the shit off.tad was never mentioned before. if the next paycheck turns up to be a shitload small, you can be pretty dam sure im gonna fire your shit-ing ass lady.

4)being nice and then screwin up your timing.

result of being a "responsible" teacher so that you students get more bang for buck.turns my schedule upside down,results in my entire day of tuition slippin back 15-20 mins, and due to transportation inevitable hold ups, the entire day was supposed to end at 6 and i ended at 730.
go shit-ing figure.

5)shitty lunches.

in an effort to save time, going to mobil and buying 2nd rate polar puffs and 2 cans of coffee to stay alert and awake for lunch to see if i can salvage the 15 mins backfired as i became too dam alert and my stomach returned in full force to piss the shit outta me.

6)retarded students who do NOT listen nor learn.

having taught this foo for the better part of 4 months, i would've thought at least some of the shit i've explained to him before stuck in his cranium. instead i was rudely awakened to the fact that shitty retarded kids will ALWAYS remain shitty retarded kids as he happily went on and read every single thing i've thought him before and pronounced them ALL wrong. blood pressure rise, blood temperature also rise.

7)retarded mat kids on bikes.

i swear.when i get my car/van/anithing with 4 shit-ing wheels, im gonna install a rubber strip that extends from both the front left and right of my car and sticks out about 30-50 cm.why?so next time retarded mat bikers decide to skim in on my car going at a leisurely 70 km/h, i can speed up a lil, let the rubber surface of my toy stop their rear wheel(which coincidently the one providing the motor power)and send those shit-ters flying the shit down the middle of the road and THEN run over them and claim it was an accident.

8)meeting people you know

now that by itself isnt a bad thing, i mean if i see fysh/alv/g/maris bros, anyone easy to talk to, the 1st thing i'll do is start bitching and feel alot better. but this instance refers to those people whose faces you barely recognise but talk to you as if you've known them for the longest time, and want to know everythin from your army life to your working life to your present life to the day you were born,the smell of your chewin gum and down to the color of your armpit + pubic hair. and the best part? they're taking the bus/train to the same stop as you.

9)couples.

now i myself am pretty okay to pda.i mean, if both people arent exactly the related to the hunchback of notre dome and it doesnt get outta hand, its pretty much free softcore porn + quite interesting to watch this people with a startling lack of inhibition and the only bad part is that your seats are 1st come 1st server. now wad's the turn off is watching the abovementioned cousins/sister/brothers going at it in a corner of the mrt DIRECTLY OPPOSITE YOU SO YOU CANT EVEN LOOK ST8 AND HAFTA TURN YOUR HEAD TO 1 SHIT-ING SIDE LIKE YOUR NECK ISNT ACHING BAD ANUF ALR FROM CARRYING A GUIT ARND ALL DAY.and next thing you know, they vacate the spot,you breathe a sigh of relief and wad lumbers into the corner next is a 50+yr old man and his fugly 200 renminbi imported china bride in a white top and miniskirt and looks like she's a hag from the country fair's fortune telling booth and they both start speakin in some dialect that you ACTUALLY understand and they start gropin each other + DIRTY TALKIN.-_- go shit-ing believe it mang.

10)girls who think they know you.

now normally, this would be quite of a ego trip when someone who isnt fugly and actually pretty hot comes up to you and says "hey do i know you?you look really familiar". but for some reason, aft all that unwanted cheap scale public porn movie, i wasnt in the best of moods. so when you were rehearsing wad to say in a stage whisper which i could hear since you were opposite me barely 1 side of the door away,(i mean juz ask me la.-_- i don't look tad intimidating rite.im supposed to resemble this huge cuddly bear rite.-_-), i got really really pissed off.and when you finally came up to me, sorry for the "yea you look really familiar too...pioneer?" and "eh shit my stop!!hey i'll catch you later" non commital ridiculous statement. if you read this, /sorry + /pat. sorry mang.

11)buses with alot of the same race people.

now no racist bias here whatsoever, im sure ever race has its black sheeps, but there are just some really bad representatives.i remember last time no matter how "high" me and my frens were, we were always aware of wad was going on, and so long as someone glares at us or like keeps glancing in our direction, we'll pretty much shut the hell up or do something else less obtrusive. now i was in my bus,finally headed back aft a shittily long screwed up day, when 7 stops away from my mrt,we stopped outside this place,and a whole busload of non chinese came aboard.now that by itself is pretty fine i mean,/shrug mang racial diversity and all. so here i am happily in my corner.when im suddenly surrounded by female representatives of that race. now im pretty sure health education is taught in school, but understanding me says its understandable aft a hot day out you'll not be smelling your best, but for SHIT SAKE DUN RAISE YOUR SHIT-ING PITS AND HOLD THE SHIT-TIN RAILING RIGHT IN FRONTA MY SHIT-ING FACE!!!! WTS!#%!#^!@$!@$@^%)!@!&@!)$*%!)%!_$!^%!)%!@$. and this particular group of individuals startin chatterin loudly and mind you 7 stops = about 10 mins? at 2 mins i was alr dam irritated and i was alr shootin dirty looks their way. now as i said before, its not something ive never done before, but when people look your way, at least stop for a while. but noooooooooooooooooo this retards continued and continued and continued. its pretty shit-ing impressive how aft 7 mins of DEATH-BEAM version 2.0 shootin outta my eyes, the retards not only noticed me a shitload of times, still didnt get the hint. now i was reading neanderthal last nite and i juz couldnt help thinking if i could help the darwinian theory skip a couple generations right here and now.and the noise was soo dam bad, at the end of my 15 min bus ride, i had a skull splittin headache.which i had to stop to blow 6 precious bucks on panadol which i have like 25 gazillion reams at home from chao genging in army.which leads me to my next point....

12)empty ipod bty.

self explainortory.<----note the shitty spelling.i marked that today.

13)happy people.

now i guess this works differently for all people, so me being the selfish bast!@# tad i am, i get even more grouchy when i know there's people out there having fun and ive juz slaved a stupid day away, and im headed back home to place which isnt exactly the nicest of places even on a good day.so yea.this mite not apply to the more genial ones i guess who can derive happiness from other. i myself can only do it from one person's happiness and more often then not, its more satisfaction from being the source and more pleased then "OMG OMG HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!/bounce x n /yell " WHEEEEE....................""

14)naggy domineering parents.

ive bitched long and hard about.lets see if i can sum it up quickly.

im 21. ive finished ns(your so called maturing process). i got my license. ive got a job. i know what i intend to do with life. i WILL DECIDE WAD THE SHIT I DO WITH MY LIFE AS AND WHEN I LIKE IT.

stop tryin to live vicariously thru me, telling me what i should do, when i should do , and when i dun agree with you, stop with the negative emotional shit. i maintain a stoic face for the world. it shitty tad i hafta remain it for family. and its even shittier when you start believin tad im immune to words.

i have emotions too.


now if you havent already realised by now, this is pretty mucha frant. so yea.

/shrugs.sorry to have made you read it.

to make it worth your while, i'll link you a really cool video once my student sends me the link. he showed it to me on his hp and it was a good 4-5 mins of entertainment. trust me, you'll never see the people in the video in the same light ever. rofl.
they be a beloved topic btw me and all my frens.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

another mental niblet.

heh.as i was driving out to do another errand,
this came to mind.

i remember watching "im not stupid 2" on channel u over cny,
and one of the lines i thought was the funkiest in the profound sense was this

slightly vertically challenged auntie:

" ni de papa tai ai ni le(your father too love you alr)"

/cry

"chou le.(wrong alr)ni papa tai bu hui ai ni le.(you father too dunno howta love you)"

/cry x 2.

now pardonin the obviously horrendous direct translation,

i always thought that line was really really deep,
we always think we "omgomgomg i love jo000 long time ++xoxoxoxoxox moar moar moar",
and we do certain things we deem express our feelings,
but more often then not,
it never seems to be recieved quite the way we expected them to be.
and then we ask ourselves why liddat sial.
den you
/whine + /complain about how much obvious effort, and if sum1 had did tad for you, you'll melt etc etc etc.

now im no totally immune to my flaws,
so here's my lil 2 cents worth,


p.s: on a sidenote,i swear, driving makes jo0 emo, and emo is ftgg pls.

p.p.s : for the unenlightened, ftgg= for the gao gui.

now back to my 2 cents,

dun love a person how you want to love him/her,
not how you wanna be loved in return,
but how she/he wants to be loved.

you'll find youself saving alot of time and energy and having less disappointment imo.
and if that fails.
/shrugs.
im still workin on it myself so its still a system under work.=P

food for thought.

typed this sumwhere else,den decided to put it here too.
next time when im half senile and reading my old blog entries i can laugh at myself.

i was drawing cash outta the atm the other day.

and if you guys use uob, you should notice that they gif you this 2 lil cents philosophies.
most of the time its juz glance-worthy and tap your foot impatiently till your cash pops out den you grab and run, but this particular one caught my eye.

laozi (for the record, i have no flyin clue who laozi is,i only know suntze or sumthin like tad.confucius is wad name in chinese i dunno also.ekekeke) but anyway,

"to be loved deeply by someone gives you great strength. to love someone deeply is great courage"

now i dunno why this particular saying held my attention, but it did.
kinda answered alot of things.

kinda like "behind every successful mang is a woman",

i juz thought it apt tad i post this since vday beckons.
funky funky stuff for you to go show off.

now the thing to ask oneself is :

1: is it better to have great strength or great courage

2: is great courage silly at this point in time?

if it iz im quite sure i si teh pwned.
rofl.

oh wellz.
=)

kekekekekekeke.

to all the singles, you need great courage,

to the attached, kiss the person tad gives you great strength.
God knows the world needs a lil more love pls.=)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

simply music to my ears.

if you guys have time
take a listen to this
just about my new fav track atm.
now im not usualy one for all this kinda "boy-rock-bands"

but its pretty much a new sound for them.

simple plan
when im gone


I look around me
But all I seem to see
Is people going nowhere
Expecting sympathy
It’s like we’re going through the motions
Of the scripted destiny
Tell me where’s our inspiration
If life wont waitI guess it’s up to me

Whoahh
No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
Whoahh
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Whoahh
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
Procrastination running circles in my head

While you sit there contemplating you’ll wind up left for dead (left for dead)
Life is what happens
While you’re busy making your excuses
Another day, another casualty
But that won’t happen to me

Whoahh
No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
Whoahh
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Whoahh
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
When I’m gone

Let’s go…!
Won’t look back
When I say goodbye
We’re gonna leave this world behind me
Gonna take what’s mine tonight‘cause every wasted day
Becomes a wasted chance
You’re gonna wake up feeling sorry‘cause life won’t wait
I guess it’s up to you

Whoahh
No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
Whoahh
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Whoahh
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

mtv's pretty sweet too.=)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn_dUR7IX-A

Saturday, January 26, 2008

if i juz lay here.

quiet moments in the day,
look out your window and stare away,
watch the world pass you by,
watch em birdies over treetops fly,

see the paths tad lie ahead,
see the truths that you hate,
see the deceptions you've woven yourself,
see the lies tad'll condemn yourself to hell.

feel the joy tad a simple smile brings,
feel the love when your lover sings,
feel the warmth of an encircling arm,
feel the love so comfortable and then some.

so many times we take for granted,
wad we have and then regret it,
when we choose not to hold them closest,
and in the end find out you're the one tad loses.

you're searching for that perfect reason,
you're lookin for the perfect someone,
a reason for all the pain and shame,
the person to take the hurt that damns.

you search and look but it cant be found,
you're lookin but the person isnt around,
or has it been veiled in lies,
have you been looking with unbiased eyes.

open wide and see things as they are,
dun let opinions and tiredness make you see it from afar,
open wide and let yourself see,
things arent as bad, as they seem to be.

aft so long.

so here i am,
once again,
at a another critical junture in my life where i needta decide where do i head for the next 3 years.
tbh,
im really quite set on doing hotel management, and the "ideal" path is alr all "found out about"
2 years doing a hospitality course and 1.5 years doing hotel management.
ideal is the sense tad its exactly wad i wanna do, but if i get to do it i guess.
meanwhile,still gotta ensure that my other options are open,teaching,normal uni i guess.
/shrugs.
so much to think bout.
life changing decisions ftw.

been keeping busy also.
making sure that i still have enuf to tide thru the next months as well as ensuring that i got enuf to pay off my projeckt.
busy busy busy.

had dinner with the boys last nite toget with nan n vanessa and its juz amazing to see pple growing of age.
its always funny how we always meet and ALWAYS, at one point or another,
this line would come out "OMG IMAGINE when we're 40 and we're having dinner like this and we'll be saying "WHAT THE HELL WERE WE DOING AT 21!!!!"
its always fun to go out with the guys.
=)


sigh.
got lots on my mind atm.
and i cbf to blog it all down.
wait till im more emo.
/shrugs

Saturday, January 05, 2008

it comes down to the simple line.

times when shit happens.
and everythin you set planned nicely all screws up.
then you realise that the solution is simple and it all revolves around you.
dun revolve your life around what isnt yours.
do that,
and you'll juz get shit all over again.
/angst.
now get the hell away from me.

1-10 of my ns life

1- month to ORD
2- no of months of clearence i expected
3- no of stripes on my sleeve
4- no of weeks of clearence i got.
5- total number of extras i signed
6- no of parades i did in unit.
7- no of fellow ops spec who die with me daily
8- no of signatures i hafta get on clearence form
9- months in training phase
10- no of mcs i taken.(ive only taken 7 so far /winkwink)

Saturday, December 22, 2007

kekeke.old frens and cartoon stories.

went out for lunch with swong,dee(this 2 muz put toget.:P KEKEKEKEKE), druggie,jam and perng today.

line of the day.

we were talkin about giving tuition,
den jamie was askin whether got such thing as art tuition.
den monster students

"eh dun laugh okie.there was this mexican/brazilian(cant remember) 5 years old only leh.den my fren ask him to draw a ball. he look at her and say "i dunno how to draw a ball, but i know i got 2"

HAHAHAHAAHA

when i heard it,i chua tio for a while.lol.
den i fell over myself laughin.
seriouslky.
kids nowadays.

now for tuition joke of the day


my kid doin oral practice.

him="DEEEE-PUT--TEEE prim minister."
me="WHAT?!?!?!"
him"dee put tee prime minister "
i stun.
"eh.you got watch cartoon one not?sheriff and deputy?"
/looks at me blankly.
"eh...old western show got not"
/look at me blankly x 2

when you try to find common ground to explain and you cant find it
you find yourself doin this.

/smack forehead with flat of your palm and say "Wth deprived childhood"

and he chuckles and say "hurrhurr hurr"

den you juz =_=''

welcome to a day in the life of ben.
rofl.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

its amazing sometimes how family juz strips away everythin you hold dear and count individualistic juz so they can see you conform to the fuckin world and fade into nothingness.
does it matter so much?
sumtimes i feel like my own dam home is a prison.