Friday, July 18, 2008

keke.

On my 65th birthday, I got a gift certificate from my wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a shaman living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, I drove to the reservation, handed my ticket to the shaman, and wondered what I was in for.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion. He handed it to me, and with a grip on my shoulder, warned, “This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say, ‘1-2-3′. When you do that, you will be longer and harder than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”
I was encouraged. As he walked away, I turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4′ when she’s had enough,” the shaman replied. “But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
I was eager to see if it worked. I went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited my wife to join me in the bedroom. When she came in, I took off my clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, I was the manliest of men.
My wife took one look at me. She was so excited she began throwing off her clothes. She jumped onto the bed and excitedly asked, “What was the ‘1-2-3′ for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition.

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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar turn and stares at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which, he responds at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean, $200?”

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