sick of everything.

okiez.
im totally pissed in angsty n totally not in the mood fer anithin and EVERYTHin rite now.
im totally off la k.
here i am in school.
supposed to be studyin.
no mood.
totally.
its like i've burnt out.
and i havent even begun to really study yet.
n it pisses the shat outta mi.
the stupid ineveitability of the stupid cogs of the wooden wheel tad spells out our fates in this banal existence pisses mi off.
wad the hell am i doin here.
REALLy.
dun gimme the stupid steppin stone shat,
how i needa degree to succeed in life,
how i needta earn money to get a good wife cuz wives look fer security and all tad bullcrap.
i dun gif 2 flyin cows about tad rubbish.
look arnd.
poor ass pple still get married and have fulfillin relationships.
smartass pple still cant find jobs.
THUS,WAD IN THE FLYIN BLAZES EXISTS ALL THI STUPID BULLSHAT TAD THE GOVERNMENT PROPAGATES INTO OUR PARENTS EARS N THUS FILTER DOWN INTO OUR LIVES.
i've got a mock test fer both chem n physics next week,
and 2 weeks later.
its my midterms.
im not ready.
TOTALLY.
and im still here bloggin.
i was supposed to go out and have fun today.
to go destress.
but last min,
my plans to go sentosa were cancelled cuz fysh said it'll be AWKWARD,
d cant accompany to do shat cuz he's got sum sorta lan thing wit his classmates and if i go it'll be AWKWARD..
i cant go work out and play any kinda games cuz im sick,
i cant play com games cuz the only one i wanna play is wow and it requires a good computer and i DUN HAVE ONE.
and i cant go to a lan shop n use fysh acc cuz of fear of key loggers.
and i wanted to go buy the whole bloody game n create my own acc and heck care key loggers,den thought better of it cuz wad's the point in buyin a 120 buck games juz to play fer about 3 hours n den pay 30 bux a month and not play it at ALL.
i wanna go jam's party later,
and i got tuition.
i wanna go buy a wallet,
but im still waitin fer d to get back from his lannin.
basically.
im bored shatless.
im pissed,
i wanna hit sumbody.
i got a x box tad i cant use cuz i aint got no games to put in it.
i got anger coursing thru my veins like white blood cells,
i've GOT NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD to.
to think i was lookin ferward to today bein my fun day.
TMD.
i've got a gig to worry bout which i dun even tink we should be doin in the 1st place cuz i dun tink we'll be ready.
with everyone being in NS you tink youcan get all the songs done so quickly and easily?
go fly your own kite la.
its exactly the same as the stupid talentnite shat again.
pisses the hell outta mi.
i wanna do sumthin tad gioves mi real pleasure.
im bloody lonely rite now.
surrounded by a whole load of frens but im still lonely.
why?
cuz every sees a smiling face and they tink "WOW.ben never seems to have a bad day"
YOU BLOODY CLOWNS DUN EVEN UNDERSTNAD WHO I REALLY AM DO YOU?
BEN HAS MORE BLOODY BAD DAYS DEN YOU PROB EVEN SEEN IN YA WHOLE DAM LIFe.
and pple ask mi why im angsty.
wen pple i tink know mi all respond wrongly and i hafta tink WAD E HELL.
so much fer being understood by this buncha pple.
this bloody school's suckin the bloody life outta mi.
i wana bloody computer la.
gif mi sum games tad i can haf real fun with.
ever since i lost hockey i've been angsty.
who gifs 2 buttshecks about responsibility wen sanity's the issue here.
im dam annoyed.
really really annoyed.
i wanted to play volleyball today,
go watch h2g2.
and NO!!!!.
everyone's got plans.
they either wanna study,
they got their galfrens to go cater to,
the got shizzle to garfullzlee n all tad bullcrap.
and like i wonder abpout the truth about all that shat you ehar last time"you study in your own time,den play tad time juz go play,no such thing as pple dun wanna play one.dun let pple dictate their time to you,you decide wen to paly n wen not to play"
well,i've juz tried it.
and its BULLSHAT.
i've done all i wanted to achieve n now wen its time to paly,
im here in the bloody library angstin away like sum spoiled kiddo who juz figured out the world isnt fair.
TMD.
angst.
maybe i should go try and get myself a galfren.
HA!
i told myself to be low profile this yr,
keep things simple.
tryta shed this whole buaya image,
and then outta sudden pple are scared of mi.
i tot HEY!if i like be a good boy den mabye this whole buaya thing would go away,
maybe things would work better fer mi!
maybe !@#!@% would gif mi a chance.
but im STUPID.
cuz this kinda shat never works except in fairy tales n movies.
its the SAME OLD SHAT ON A DIFFERENT DAY.
and wad makes this CYCLE?!?!?!?!
lemnme gif nyou a clue,
it starts wit a s and ends wit a e.
GIF TAD MAN A STUFFED TOY!!!
its SINGAPORE!!!
the wonderful garden city of banal existence where pple rush arnd in the streets livin hypocritical lives,
lookin important and busy the whole time,
puttin up this front of perfection cuz to show a flaw would expose one to the evils of the world who would grasp on tad and make you regret it.
WOW!
so much fer our WONDERFUL FRIENDLY GARDEN CITY EH?
we're like this bloody shark infested waters.
only worse.
at least in the sae is simple.
you bleed,you die cuz imma eat you.
here,
you dun even know who's gonna eat you or not.
hell.
the innocent guppy you've been eyein as a snack mite juz turn out to be a bloody hammerhead sahrk tad beast you senseless.
all this shat.
and the government calls it progress.
casino my ass.
bloody government juz cares about cash cashcash and economy.
sooner of later.
this palce is gonna turn out to become sum emotionless robot-like society where emotions dun exist.
hell.
i already see it within myself at times.
DO THIS!cuz governmemt says so.
DO TAT!cuz government says so.
why governement says so?cuz it gets you more money so you can live better life.
WOW.
government so fair and thoughtful.
bloody character building's goin our the window as teachers forget they're here to nurture insteada juz teach n hurriedly rusha bout markin papers n throwin the kids outta the mind once the lessons ends.
everthin has become a CHORE.
sumthin tad is to be done cuz it HAS TO BE DONE.
where's th joy.
WAD JOY.


"why do you work at wad you do mr successful?"
"cuz it pays well,thus its fulfilling"
"why does high pay make it fulfillin mr successful"
"why,cuz we've in indoctrinated this way,since i was a little kid,my parents didnt care if i had joy runnin arnd in the court,chasing after lil orange balls,it was "boy ah,.you needta achieve this..that" so yeahz.to mi,to haf achieved all this and make my parents proud by livin out the singaporean dream of being a successful if depressed person's fulfillin."
-insert mental breakdown of mr successful here-

get my picture.
im juz being angsty.
forgif mi.
God loves all kae.
wad the hell.
screwed up messed up world.
darnit.
19 yrs of damned misery and loads more to come.
birthday?
wad the hell's special about a birthday man.
nuttin's ever happened on my birthdays tad've been memorable.
lemme seee....wad the last time i cant actually remember wad i did fer my birhtday WITOUT checkin my blog archives.
hmmmmmmmmm.
lemme SEE....
wait.
i cant.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
wowo.
does tad surprise anyone?
my mummy said tad unless you take interest in yaself no one would.
HEY!!!!i DID!and NO ONE ELSE BOTHERED TOO!
HAHAHAHA
so much fer all these LESSONS OF WISDOM tad are supposed to come from our elders tad our government asks us to spend more time wit them to learn.
ITS A DIFFERENT WORLD NOW.
lemme see wad presents i've recieved in the past few yrs.
hmmmmmmmmmm.
letsbe generous and add christmas into the mix too.
HMMMMMM
fer the past 4 yrs la.lets be generous.

HMMMMMM
.
i tink a total of ...........2 stuffed toys,one from lester,one from sher,2 bars of chocolate from the same 2 pple,1 self made gift from maisie,2 bottles of perfume,and hmmmmm...YEAH!!one day worht of computer TIME!.
WOW!
and im supposed to be a socialite.
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
sumtimes i wonder wad the hell mr tham's tinkin.
"ben hasta stop bein a casanova in school so he can do well"
WAD BLOODY CASANOVA.
you're like a bloody live in don juan if im a freakin casanova la.
RIDICULOUS NOTIONs.
anyone can tell im angsty yet!
nope!!?
okiez.
i guess i can rant sum more.
so like hey!!
its 21 days away.
hmmm.
WOW.
i've got another 6 papers barely 3 days after,so the RESPONSIBOE AND RIGHT THING TO DO WOULD BE TO STAY AT HOME AND STUDY RITE!!!
CORRECT!
BRILLIANT ANSWER.
THE GOVERNMENT WOULD BE PROUD>
YOUR PARENTS WOULD BE PROUD.
hell.
EVERYone would be proud.
yeahz.
and EVERYONE would be happy too since ou're FINALLY being a responsible adult n decidin the right things and doin them witout anipone sayin anithin to you.
EVERYONE has HAPPINESS EXCEPT YASELF.
WHAHAHAHAAHAH
WOW.
IRONY OF THIS BLOODY WORLd.
i'm done rantin fer now.
still bloody angsty but if i keep on goin the com's lag's gonna piss mi off even more.
the entry's too loong see.
so the words appear on the screen like 4 secs after i finish typin em.
so before i get pissed from THIS shat,
i shall go off now and deal wit MORE shat.
MORE SHAT IN the sense of havin to ACT happy again cuz NO ONE CANT BE SHOWIN WEAKNESS NOW CAN WE?

loody singapore society.
we're all victims of our own actions.
suffer our own wrought demise.
dammit.