back once again.

sighz.
wassup pple.
its been eternity since i've blogged gues.
wad's been up.
nuttinmuch.
school's boring,
my life's gettin tragically dismal again.
my christian walk is slippin.
its juz amazin how much things can change in the short span of a week or two..
or three.
its juz amazing how things juz wunt work out.
you can read the signs n hope..
and then circumstances come about n rob you of the very hope tad drives you own.
sgh.
sorry fer the typos.
usin a whole new keyboard standard.
hmm.
yeahz.
robs you of the very hope tad keeps you driving on.
if there's anithin i hate in the world its responsibilty.
the quintessential value tad makes us singaporean i guess.
my sista's in east asia,
doin God's work.
every nite i pary fer her n the team safety.
and yet.
i cant seem to attain my nirvana and sustain it.
my area of perpertual bliss.
i dun mean contentment.
contentment's a sinch compared wit bliss pls.
how to be content.
simply accept life fer wad it is i guess?
lower your standards.
i know loadsa pple who do that.
wen they cant attain wad the seek fer,
they juz lower their standards,
being satisfied wit wad they have n juz bein in anti loco.
i'll much rather be a grumpy person searchin fer sumthin better in life to make mi happy den be content wit my own inadequacies.
the way i see it,
if God has sumthin good and perfect fer mi,
it sure as hell aint gonna be easy to attain.
so if you alow yourself to be content n stay in stasis,
you mite never reach tad level pr perpertual bliss tad's been planned out fer you.
or mi fer tad matter.
which juz angers me.
i really cant help but feel really hateful n spiteful to this world tad i live in.
wherein lies my nirvana.
wherein lies my solace.
i know in the Lord is the peace tad encompasses all.
but yet.
im really havin trouble acknowledgin my religion now pls.
i relly cant help it.
my walk is in shambles.
and i dun tink i can continue pushin on if i gif it up cuz i know its all tad is left of my driving force.
i dun wanna kid myself.
i'll prob end up wit a BBC wit muz prob a B fer gp but imma hopin fer an A.
tad's a really optimistci grade outlook alr.
i cant say much else cuz plainly there's not much to look forward to.
sigh.
i was readin this book by meg cabot in school.
(dun even begin askin my why i read it,the bimbo who sits next to mi had it,i was bored,i kapped it and read it.)
i wanna be a qoute "modelizer" unqoute.
go figure.
sighz.
havin to gif up a certain person tad i was told to,which i know is the right thing to do,which i know is incredibly hard fer mi to do havin been enamoured by her fer so many yrs has left an anticiator empty space within myself.
and the truth of the matter is,
i aint gonna get much in the way of gorgeous gals in the next 3 yrs.
aft A's,
imma play wow,join src hockey,join rage soccer.
in other words,
imma be in the same societical circle tad ive been in,
hence,
wad new gals?wad prospects.
i.e-O.
next 2 yrs,
imma be in ns.
and i've sen evidence within my present social circle tad NS men are indeed desperate.
dun kid yaself.
if your in Ns and you dun know tad,
go get a grip.
you're obviously in dreamland,
OR.
you club your days outta NS away,grab any chick tad'll spread her nest fer you n kid yourself tad you're not lonely n you dun feel empty inside.
hence,
wake up.
chances are you'll prob get aids.

sighz.
i dunno la.
i read a book.
it said sumthin bout "findin the truth towards our cosmic loneliness"
fer lmi.
im still tryin to solve my own earthly loneliness.
i really cant figure.
social creature tad i am,
able to talk to muz ple,
offer tad listenin ear,
and havin my (if i may) not exactly trivial wisdom,
i cant figure wh i cant find my ideal clique of beautiful pple.
as in like in the pure un adulterated sense of the word.
simple put,
beautiful both within and witout.
i seem to find tad true inner beauty lies within pple tad i dun consider gorgeous,
and true outer beauty lies within pple who seem so shallow n insignificant within it seems like its a well of emptyness.

where is this clique of truly gorgeous pple tad i've been searchin fer.
i feel like i've got sumthin to prove,
but yet deep inside i know its really quite insignificant.
but its like my own guilty pleasure i guess.
i reall cant hep it.
the good lookin guys i've been in contact with with the exceptions of my bros are all so dam ass SHALLOW n tink they own the whole world cuz they're good lokin
their concept of the world bein their present surroundins n countin how many gals check em out.
the good lookin gals are even worse.
they tink the very land the walk upon should be worshipped by a posse of desperate men.
notice i didnt say with the exceptions of my sistas.
cuz basically,
no gals i've met can fit within my defination of sistas.
wit the exception of my blood sista i guess.
i really cant help it.
all my exposure to the world of females has taught mi tad females are juz sad.
they border on both extremes.
but yet imma modelizer.
sighz.
like wad more can i say pls.
juz sucks pls.
where is my nirvana?
hahaha.
i sumtimes really tink i'll die before i can find her.
how ironic eh?
i spend the 1st 20 yrs of my life figurin out wad kinda gal i wan,
the next 20 hopin i'll find her,workin my ass off juz in case if she caomes along sh'll be impressed,
the next 20 figurin where i went wrong,
the next 10 in retirement wonderin wad e hell happened to my dream.
den i die.
gee.

sighz.
sorry.
pessimism runeth over.
but all i've seen.
i really cant hope fer much.
maybe bein in a foreign land'll ake things easy fer mi.
maybe i'll find my nirvana there.
and if ya hvent figured,
my nirvana bein in a woman'a arms,
a gorgeous individual tad i love n loves mi back,
one tad's accepted by my family,frens,who'll all be there to support mi wen i wait at the end of tad matrimonial aisle.
one tad'll be able to help mi in all i do.
one tad'll help mi be at peace wit the world.
dos she exist?
aft seein all the singaporean gals.
i hafta say,
i'll prob end up wit and angmor.
HAHAHA
and den mummy'll kill mi.
hmm.
i'll settle fer sum1 as oxymoronic as mi.
i.e,
open minded but still rooted enough in conservative asian values.
sum1 who loes goin ou but yet cherishes family time at home.
sum1 who knows the world but concerns over home.
all the kinda stupid oxymorons tad make mi who i am i guess.
*shrugs*
im weird.
i need a weird hot gal.
go figure.
im not ashamed to say i need a hot gal.
i really cant figure.
i mean.
who wouldnt wanna hot gal.
im juz voicin out wad i really feel insteada wat the pple need to hear.
those guys tad say:i juz wan sum1 wit a nice smile"
they be yankin your chain.
aint no such thing pls.
if tad be the case,
gif him a fat lad wit a big smile.
seeif his face turns in horror.
den i'll laff at all your ill concieved pre-notions bout how nice n real this guy is.
pfft.
gonna sto here before i offend more sensibilities.
not tad i exactly care rite now.
wad a difference 2weeks makes.


p.s-i love the new foo fighters song.
sighz.:)) AWESOME.