ROFLKEKE

now im tryin terribly not to be mean,
but now tad i started work,
here's a lil sumthin funky i saw at work.lol.
just thought i'll share it a lil.







































to be used in conjuction with another classic photo.


















and i aint tad much a bast!@# k.i made him a new sign.
juz gifs yo a chuckle eh.

now get on yo knees and thank you papa and mama for your education.
=P

things to avoid in a bad mood.

now.
as you should be able to tell,
it hasnt exactly been the best of days for me,
so to make it more bearable,
i told myself to make a mental list of things to avoid when you're not in a good mood,
so here goes,
lets start from the morning,
also since i cant use the f-word,i shall sub the word shit in its place so that i seem less vulgar,
and the irony of it is not lost on me,
since no one bothered to even explain to me the linguistic nuances bout how vulgar a word is, so i technically cant figure out how something which is a display of "love" can be more vulgar that something you excrete from a the darkest of places on a physical body./shrug.



1)avoid startin work on an upset stomach.



now there're fewer things more annoying then having to go thru a whole day on an upset stomach,so make sure you somehow force out every lil bit of shit tads gurglin within you before you start moving outta the house.that might make you late and put you in a worse mood,but hay,life's all bout choices.

2)going for a tuition class of 6 but only 2 come.

now after wakin up at some shit-ing hour to prepare lesson materials for SIX ruddy foos,the last thing i think anyone wants to see is 2 people stroll in 10-20 mins late,and ask you "ARE YOU STARTIN YET" when the other 4 have nothing heard outta them. now im not really sure wad parents are teaching kids nowadays,but im pretty dam sure its juz being polite to tell me if you're coming to class or not.in the end, them late students had the ruddy cheek to ask me wad time class end, of course business minded me told them "as per normal" but stupid teacher me continued teaching till i was 15 mins off the normal time so tad i could complete wad i wanted to teach them.

3) having a fast one pulled on you.

now signin up for this class, i distinctly told the person i was doing it as a favour as the pay is shittily low for the job scope im doing.and she promised to work out something feasible. now to make matters worse, its seems like im not going to be paid for students that DO NOT TURN UP.now tad juz shit-ing pisses me the shit off.tad was never mentioned before. if the next paycheck turns up to be a shitload small, you can be pretty dam sure im gonna fire your shit-ing ass lady.

4)being nice and then screwin up your timing.

result of being a "responsible" teacher so that you students get more bang for buck.turns my schedule upside down,results in my entire day of tuition slippin back 15-20 mins, and due to transportation inevitable hold ups, the entire day was supposed to end at 6 and i ended at 730.
go shit-ing figure.

5)shitty lunches.

in an effort to save time, going to mobil and buying 2nd rate polar puffs and 2 cans of coffee to stay alert and awake for lunch to see if i can salvage the 15 mins backfired as i became too dam alert and my stomach returned in full force to piss the shit outta me.

6)retarded students who do NOT listen nor learn.

having taught this foo for the better part of 4 months, i would've thought at least some of the shit i've explained to him before stuck in his cranium. instead i was rudely awakened to the fact that shitty retarded kids will ALWAYS remain shitty retarded kids as he happily went on and read every single thing i've thought him before and pronounced them ALL wrong. blood pressure rise, blood temperature also rise.

7)retarded mat kids on bikes.

i swear.when i get my car/van/anithing with 4 shit-ing wheels, im gonna install a rubber strip that extends from both the front left and right of my car and sticks out about 30-50 cm.why?so next time retarded mat bikers decide to skim in on my car going at a leisurely 70 km/h, i can speed up a lil, let the rubber surface of my toy stop their rear wheel(which coincidently the one providing the motor power)and send those shit-ters flying the shit down the middle of the road and THEN run over them and claim it was an accident.

8)meeting people you know

now that by itself isnt a bad thing, i mean if i see fysh/alv/g/maris bros, anyone easy to talk to, the 1st thing i'll do is start bitching and feel alot better. but this instance refers to those people whose faces you barely recognise but talk to you as if you've known them for the longest time, and want to know everythin from your army life to your working life to your present life to the day you were born,the smell of your chewin gum and down to the color of your armpit + pubic hair. and the best part? they're taking the bus/train to the same stop as you.

9)couples.

now i myself am pretty okay to pda.i mean, if both people arent exactly the related to the hunchback of notre dome and it doesnt get outta hand, its pretty much free softcore porn + quite interesting to watch this people with a startling lack of inhibition and the only bad part is that your seats are 1st come 1st server. now wad's the turn off is watching the abovementioned cousins/sister/brothers going at it in a corner of the mrt DIRECTLY OPPOSITE YOU SO YOU CANT EVEN LOOK ST8 AND HAFTA TURN YOUR HEAD TO 1 SHIT-ING SIDE LIKE YOUR NECK ISNT ACHING BAD ANUF ALR FROM CARRYING A GUIT ARND ALL DAY.and next thing you know, they vacate the spot,you breathe a sigh of relief and wad lumbers into the corner next is a 50+yr old man and his fugly 200 renminbi imported china bride in a white top and miniskirt and looks like she's a hag from the country fair's fortune telling booth and they both start speakin in some dialect that you ACTUALLY understand and they start gropin each other + DIRTY TALKIN.-_- go shit-ing believe it mang.

10)girls who think they know you.

now normally, this would be quite of a ego trip when someone who isnt fugly and actually pretty hot comes up to you and says "hey do i know you?you look really familiar". but for some reason, aft all that unwanted cheap scale public porn movie, i wasnt in the best of moods. so when you were rehearsing wad to say in a stage whisper which i could hear since you were opposite me barely 1 side of the door away,(i mean juz ask me la.-_- i don't look tad intimidating rite.im supposed to resemble this huge cuddly bear rite.-_-), i got really really pissed off.and when you finally came up to me, sorry for the "yea you look really familiar too...pioneer?" and "eh shit my stop!!hey i'll catch you later" non commital ridiculous statement. if you read this, /sorry + /pat. sorry mang.

11)buses with alot of the same race people.

now no racist bias here whatsoever, im sure ever race has its black sheeps, but there are just some really bad representatives.i remember last time no matter how "high" me and my frens were, we were always aware of wad was going on, and so long as someone glares at us or like keeps glancing in our direction, we'll pretty much shut the hell up or do something else less obtrusive. now i was in my bus,finally headed back aft a shittily long screwed up day, when 7 stops away from my mrt,we stopped outside this place,and a whole busload of non chinese came aboard.now that by itself is pretty fine i mean,/shrug mang racial diversity and all. so here i am happily in my corner.when im suddenly surrounded by female representatives of that race. now im pretty sure health education is taught in school, but understanding me says its understandable aft a hot day out you'll not be smelling your best, but for SHIT SAKE DUN RAISE YOUR SHIT-ING PITS AND HOLD THE SHIT-TIN RAILING RIGHT IN FRONTA MY SHIT-ING FACE!!!! WTS!#%!#^!@$!@$@^%)!@!&@!)$*%!)%!_$!^%!)%!@$. and this particular group of individuals startin chatterin loudly and mind you 7 stops = about 10 mins? at 2 mins i was alr dam irritated and i was alr shootin dirty looks their way. now as i said before, its not something ive never done before, but when people look your way, at least stop for a while. but noooooooooooooooooo this retards continued and continued and continued. its pretty shit-ing impressive how aft 7 mins of DEATH-BEAM version 2.0 shootin outta my eyes, the retards not only noticed me a shitload of times, still didnt get the hint. now i was reading neanderthal last nite and i juz couldnt help thinking if i could help the darwinian theory skip a couple generations right here and now.and the noise was soo dam bad, at the end of my 15 min bus ride, i had a skull splittin headache.which i had to stop to blow 6 precious bucks on panadol which i have like 25 gazillion reams at home from chao genging in army.which leads me to my next point....

12)empty ipod bty.

self explainortory.<----note the shitty spelling.i marked that today.

13)happy people.

now i guess this works differently for all people, so me being the selfish bast!@# tad i am, i get even more grouchy when i know there's people out there having fun and ive juz slaved a stupid day away, and im headed back home to place which isnt exactly the nicest of places even on a good day.so yea.this mite not apply to the more genial ones i guess who can derive happiness from other. i myself can only do it from one person's happiness and more often then not, its more satisfaction from being the source and more pleased then "OMG OMG HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!/bounce x n /yell " WHEEEEE....................""

14)naggy domineering parents.

ive bitched long and hard about.lets see if i can sum it up quickly.

im 21. ive finished ns(your so called maturing process). i got my license. ive got a job. i know what i intend to do with life. i WILL DECIDE WAD THE SHIT I DO WITH MY LIFE AS AND WHEN I LIKE IT.

stop tryin to live vicariously thru me, telling me what i should do, when i should do , and when i dun agree with you, stop with the negative emotional shit. i maintain a stoic face for the world. it shitty tad i hafta remain it for family. and its even shittier when you start believin tad im immune to words.

i have emotions too.


now if you havent already realised by now, this is pretty mucha frant. so yea.

/shrugs.sorry to have made you read it.

to make it worth your while, i'll link you a really cool video once my student sends me the link. he showed it to me on his hp and it was a good 4-5 mins of entertainment. trust me, you'll never see the people in the video in the same light ever. rofl.
they be a beloved topic btw me and all my frens.

another mental niblet.

heh.as i was driving out to do another errand,
this came to mind.

i remember watching "im not stupid 2" on channel u over cny,
and one of the lines i thought was the funkiest in the profound sense was this

slightly vertically challenged auntie:

" ni de papa tai ai ni le(your father too love you alr)"

/cry

"chou le.(wrong alr)ni papa tai bu hui ai ni le.(you father too dunno howta love you)"

/cry x 2.

now pardonin the obviously horrendous direct translation,

i always thought that line was really really deep,
we always think we "omgomgomg i love jo000 long time ++xoxoxoxoxox moar moar moar",
and we do certain things we deem express our feelings,
but more often then not,
it never seems to be recieved quite the way we expected them to be.
and then we ask ourselves why liddat sial.
den you
/whine + /complain about how much obvious effort, and if sum1 had did tad for you, you'll melt etc etc etc.

now im no totally immune to my flaws,
so here's my lil 2 cents worth,


p.s: on a sidenote,i swear, driving makes jo0 emo, and emo is ftgg pls.

p.p.s : for the unenlightened, ftgg= for the gao gui.

now back to my 2 cents,

dun love a person how you want to love him/her,
not how you wanna be loved in return,
but how she/he wants to be loved.

you'll find youself saving alot of time and energy and having less disappointment imo.
and if that fails.
/shrugs.
im still workin on it myself so its still a system under work.=P

food for thought.

typed this sumwhere else,den decided to put it here too.
next time when im half senile and reading my old blog entries i can laugh at myself.

i was drawing cash outta the atm the other day.

and if you guys use uob, you should notice that they gif you this 2 lil cents philosophies.
most of the time its juz glance-worthy and tap your foot impatiently till your cash pops out den you grab and run, but this particular one caught my eye.

laozi (for the record, i have no flyin clue who laozi is,i only know suntze or sumthin like tad.confucius is wad name in chinese i dunno also.ekekeke) but anyway,

"to be loved deeply by someone gives you great strength. to love someone deeply is great courage"

now i dunno why this particular saying held my attention, but it did.
kinda answered alot of things.

kinda like "behind every successful mang is a woman",

i juz thought it apt tad i post this since vday beckons.
funky funky stuff for you to go show off.

now the thing to ask oneself is :

1: is it better to have great strength or great courage

2: is great courage silly at this point in time?

if it iz im quite sure i si teh pwned.
rofl.

oh wellz.
=)

kekekekekekeke.

to all the singles, you need great courage,

to the attached, kiss the person tad gives you great strength.
God knows the world needs a lil more love pls.=)

simply music to my ears.

if you guys have time
take a listen to this
just about my new fav track atm.
now im not usualy one for all this kinda "boy-rock-bands"

but its pretty much a new sound for them.

simple plan
when im gone


I look around me
But all I seem to see
Is people going nowhere
Expecting sympathy
It’s like we’re going through the motions
Of the scripted destiny
Tell me where’s our inspiration
If life wont waitI guess it’s up to me

Whoahh
No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
Whoahh
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Whoahh
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
Procrastination running circles in my head

While you sit there contemplating you’ll wind up left for dead (left for dead)
Life is what happens
While you’re busy making your excuses
Another day, another casualty
But that won’t happen to me

Whoahh
No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
Whoahh
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Whoahh
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
When I’m gone

Let’s go…!
Won’t look back
When I say goodbye
We’re gonna leave this world behind me
Gonna take what’s mine tonight‘cause every wasted day
Becomes a wasted chance
You’re gonna wake up feeling sorry‘cause life won’t wait
I guess it’s up to you

Whoahh
No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
Whoahh
We wont come back, the world its calling out
Whoahh
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

mtv's pretty sweet too.=)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn_dUR7IX-A

if i juz lay here.

quiet moments in the day,
look out your window and stare away,
watch the world pass you by,
watch em birdies over treetops fly,

see the paths tad lie ahead,
see the truths that you hate,
see the deceptions you've woven yourself,
see the lies tad'll condemn yourself to hell.

feel the joy tad a simple smile brings,
feel the love when your lover sings,
feel the warmth of an encircling arm,
feel the love so comfortable and then some.

so many times we take for granted,
wad we have and then regret it,
when we choose not to hold them closest,
and in the end find out you're the one tad loses.

you're searching for that perfect reason,
you're lookin for the perfect someone,
a reason for all the pain and shame,
the person to take the hurt that damns.

you search and look but it cant be found,
you're lookin but the person isnt around,
or has it been veiled in lies,
have you been looking with unbiased eyes.

open wide and see things as they are,
dun let opinions and tiredness make you see it from afar,
open wide and let yourself see,
things arent as bad, as they seem to be.

aft so long.

so here i am,
once again,
at a another critical junture in my life where i needta decide where do i head for the next 3 years.
tbh,
im really quite set on doing hotel management, and the "ideal" path is alr all "found out about"
2 years doing a hospitality course and 1.5 years doing hotel management.
ideal is the sense tad its exactly wad i wanna do, but if i get to do it i guess.
meanwhile,still gotta ensure that my other options are open,teaching,normal uni i guess.
/shrugs.
so much to think bout.
life changing decisions ftw.

been keeping busy also.
making sure that i still have enuf to tide thru the next months as well as ensuring that i got enuf to pay off my projeckt.
busy busy busy.

had dinner with the boys last nite toget with nan n vanessa and its juz amazing to see pple growing of age.
its always funny how we always meet and ALWAYS, at one point or another,
this line would come out "OMG IMAGINE when we're 40 and we're having dinner like this and we'll be saying "WHAT THE HELL WERE WE DOING AT 21!!!!"
its always fun to go out with the guys.
=)


sigh.
got lots on my mind atm.
and i cbf to blog it all down.
wait till im more emo.
/shrugs

it comes down to the simple line.

times when shit happens.
and everythin you set planned nicely all screws up.
then you realise that the solution is simple and it all revolves around you.
dun revolve your life around what isnt yours.
do that,
and you'll juz get shit all over again.
/angst.
now get the hell away from me.

1-10 of my ns life

1- month to ORD
2- no of months of clearence i expected
3- no of stripes on my sleeve
4- no of weeks of clearence i got.
5- total number of extras i signed
6- no of parades i did in unit.
7- no of fellow ops spec who die with me daily
8- no of signatures i hafta get on clearence form
9- months in training phase
10- no of mcs i taken.(ive only taken 7 so far /winkwink)

kekeke.old frens and cartoon stories.

went out for lunch with swong,dee(this 2 muz put toget.:P KEKEKEKEKE), druggie,jam and perng today.

line of the day.

we were talkin about giving tuition,
den jamie was askin whether got such thing as art tuition.
den monster students

"eh dun laugh okie.there was this mexican/brazilian(cant remember) 5 years old only leh.den my fren ask him to draw a ball. he look at her and say "i dunno how to draw a ball, but i know i got 2"

HAHAHAHAAHA

when i heard it,i chua tio for a while.lol.
den i fell over myself laughin.
seriouslky.
kids nowadays.

now for tuition joke of the day


my kid doin oral practice.

him="DEEEE-PUT--TEEE prim minister."
me="WHAT?!?!?!"
him"dee put tee prime minister "
i stun.
"eh.you got watch cartoon one not?sheriff and deputy?"
/looks at me blankly.
"eh...old western show got not"
/look at me blankly x 2

when you try to find common ground to explain and you cant find it
you find yourself doin this.

/smack forehead with flat of your palm and say "Wth deprived childhood"

and he chuckles and say "hurrhurr hurr"

den you juz =_=''

welcome to a day in the life of ben.
rofl.

its amazing sometimes how family juz strips away everythin you hold dear and count individualistic juz so they can see you conform to the fuckin world and fade into nothingness.
does it matter so much?
sumtimes i feel like my own dam home is a prison.

considerations.

you know.
sumtimes you wonder about the truth of wad you read,and seem to know.
and you wonder if its true.
and you begin to doubt.
and wonder.
and aft tad wonder if you're being a foo for doing so.

hmmm.
certain things in life are called hard truths.
and while you mite not be happy living em,
sumtimes you havent really got a choice but to accept it for wad it is i guess.

typical example = im supposed to be enjoyin ord life now.
but still im slaving like a bitch.

/shrugs.

"life's a bitch.play her."

macho words but wen you come down to it,you havent got mucha a choice either eh?
keke.

2 lines to let your enjoy.

1st line was heard this morning when i went out in my lack-o-sleep-inspired breakfast/market run at 8 in the morning aft sleepin at 6.-_-

me:Auntie,3 packet wanton mee,2 x dry with chilli,1 x soup
auntie:okay.

aft preparing the noodles,
i realised that the dry one no soup,
and since i quite fancy a nice peppery soup in the morning to get me started,

me:auntie,can you packet another small packet of soup for the dry noodles one?
auntie:eh,sorry hor,the soup kenot packet one.will spoil.

den juz now my soup noodles the soup different meh.
i tell you,
it took every single ounce of my restrain not to shoot back a retort.
grumpy me with lack o sleep,and not being to eat wad i wanna eat is not good for sum1's health,
and im juz concerned tad it aint me.
/growl.


and,
on satuday.
whilst on my way to dance,
i heard the most traumatic thing a lil boy hasta hear please.

this mummy was walkin outta the MRT pullin her lil boy with her,
boy was stumblin cuz he was playin his nintendo DS.


mummy: BOY AH I TELL YOU KEEP YOUR DS ALR.LATER I TAKE YOU CASTRATE(cartridge) I TELL YOU.den i see you play what.

im tellin you,
the look on the kid's face was priceless x 1.
and the looks on the other pple's faces?
priceless x many.
HAHAHA
zhen de lo.
really not 1 x traumatic memory

happy 21st.

happy bdae baby.=)

lil joys in life.

there are times where i feel really dam low.
and i think "wtf is this for sial.!@$!@#!@$#!@$!@#!@#"
hope dies,
i get dam pissed.
optimism fades and pessimism roars in victory.
i bottle up.
i recluse.

and then.
you come to mind.
and like the 1st beam o light over dark skies.
suddenly it doesnt seem so bad.

and i know regardless.
despite it all,
there's still sumthin tad makes it all worthwhile.

time will teach us its lessons,
and in time we'll learn how to.

at least.
its the way i choose to believe.
=)

and thats pessimism speakin.

/ponders.

ive got a naggin feeling,
that wunt go away,
and as much as i diss it,
it keeps eating away at me.
i juz wish i could be more certain of some things,
tad'll wash the doubts away,
and now there's a lil voice shouting at me to watch my ass.
and i dun wanna entertain this thought.
im contented and sated the way things are.
i dun wanna hafta worry about this.
im not the person i was before,
why do i still carry the same fear.
or do some things never change.

/frown + growl.

and for the record.

i DO NOT lumber.:@

the things tad throw you off balance.

maybe it comes about as a part of everday life tad we see and not really see,
hear and not really hear,
do but not wholeheartedly,
think but not with a proper state of mind,
juz to make the days pass away quicker.
and then there are the things you'll pay the extra attention to,
the stuff you'll see,hear,do for,think of everythin,
cuz you want tad sumtin.

interestingly enuf.
people are never what the seem to be.
i juz got an ORD present from my CO in the form of 3 extras,
for wad reason?
for using the internet computer in camp.

now i could go along justifying why its okay and shit,
but yea rules say kenot,
and yea.i dun obey stupid rules,
i had barely sat down on the dam chair and he walked in,
the person before me had juz vacated,
so the screen showed a picture of his gf.
CO walks in,
sees the girl photo and goes nuts,
listens to my explanation,
den "okay okay,dun do it again."
so me thinkin tad everythin is all good,
skips back to my workstation and hammers away.
next thing i hear my NSF officer shoutin "oi SIAO LIAO LA CO SEND EMAIL"
suffice to say i got passed up the chain of command till my s3 gaf me 3.
said sumthin about making an example outta me
now personnaly i dun really care,im hopin they're weekend duties so i can add to my off collection,
but seriously.

i always thought that in NS everyone's a brother,
we all wink toget,
we pee in the wind toget,
everythin
but lesson is learnt,
wen careers are a factor,
always use the NSF for your steppin stone.

for that matter,

my s3 made me make a sign tad prohibits EVERYONE from using tad computer witout his explicit permission and sends out an email to everyone in the unit.

now since i was on guard yest,
i went downstairs to take a look,
and i found a "history" tab and saw a scroll bar the size of my blog's
now that my frens is a freakin long list of websites.
i saw things from frenster to facebook to suggestive ones lik "iwantyou.com.#@"

example outta me?
LOL @ you pls.
a stupid rule will ALWAYS be disobeyed.

i made this sign.

"dun try your luck,
people are forgiving,
SAF isnt"

i should add this to it

"SAF rules are stupid,
do it if you can get away wit it"

i remember sumthin my platoon sgt told us in sispec.

he said the unspoken rule of SAF is that you can do anithin you want,but not get caught,
but he also said sumthin tad i'll always hold true to myself,

when caught,
serve the punishment,
and move on.
this place is only for 2 years.
dun make waves.

which restrained the shit outta my on fri as i was signing the 3 extras.
not to make a mountain outtaa molehill,
but seriously,
you want best unit for 2 years runnin?
KEKE you juz pissed off the wrong dude mr co sir.
lets see all your documents go missing come audit.

/spit.

niwae.
no waves ftw.

stupid rules will NEVER be obeyed la.

yea.
thing that throw you off balance.
you tink you've seen so much,
you know o much,
and this kinda shit happens.
wadever happened to "i got your back"
liar.

but then again.
its not juz limited to the army world isit?
even in the civilian life,
you tink you've got it all figured out.
and then sumthin comes and upsets the cart.
and suddenly you're left quite stymied in the wind,
all ready to fall over cuz your thoughts are caught up in a whirlwind.

interesting how things appear,
and how they really are.

b-side

i was in a really nasty/shitty mood last nite aft a WoW so i left the game early,
and headed back to camp.
and was grumpy regarding sumthin else also but that doesnt matter.
was feeling dam dam dam angsty,
till i heard this song.
and tho ive heard it a million times before.
it was like hearing it for the 1st time.

The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most

dashboard confessional.

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by

This is one time, this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by...

Well this is one time, well this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

And you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all..or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

_________________________________

maybe you can only see the meaning the way i did last nite wen you're really feelin shitty and angry at the same time.
is so,

=)

save it for a rainy day to get emo to.

imma go stone.

absolution.

the past few weeks have been a rush.
work has been a nonstop thing,weekends have been pleasant albeit tiring,but worth every bit of weariness juz to be with her.
and now,
finally,aft something like 10 days worth of non stop rushing in the office,
i can finally take a breather and slow down for a bit.
every single one of my stupid "responsiblities" have been fully & satisifactorily accounted for.
and i realised something from the past days of working,is that tho i hate doing work,
if imma sign my name off on it,it will have "standard".

i found myself voluntarily stayin back late aft work once just so i could make one of my slides "perfect" at least to me.
and i was dam surprised as most of the time.
the instant 530 ticks,
im outta the office like diarrhoea with a vengeance.
lil changes you find yourself going thru in NS.
amusing to be honest,but not entirely unwelcome.

WELL,thats the work aspect of my life i guess.
been a bitchy week,but all sheit comes to pass,so HAY.i survived./cheer.
thanks to weekend binges and the lil ray of sunshine that ive only recently found(/hug).
every man needs something to look forward to.
=)

i feel like im in a midst of a rather important change of priorities in my life once again.
and i dun particularly like it.
im rather resistant to change(as everyone who knows me well can testify),so once again,im defaulting to my usual way of dealing with it: sit back,observe and decide.

i read a rather interesting article over the weekend,
cant remember if it was str8s times or TNP(both tabloids with NITbits),but it had a phase that strangly enuf,was a variation of something that's been foremost in my life as of recent times.
the phase in my own words,

"if life is about discovery,the biggest discovery you can make,is yourself"

now mull upon it for a minute and you mite see wad im getting at.=)
been melacholy the past few nights,just thinkin about stuff and decisions tad ive made before,
and how i myself am rather of a double standard and in that sense,been feeling all round rather crappy.

strange how we always like to think we know it all,we are prepared,and how certain things in life constantly uproot this belief and sweep you off your feet into a maelstorm of torrential emotions and thoughts.and you always say you'll know better,but find yourself fallin prey to it again,diff angle,diff circumstance,diff consequence,but from the same cause.

lol please.
discovery of oneself.
strange to be the one thing you wanna know about but yet cant?=)
but then again,
is it truly possible to know oneself?
considering that when it comes to the root of it,
we're all monstarz(i juz love this dam word.monster/star!!!!) of change.
so if we're a constantly changing thing,then wadever you think you've learned mite not be true the very next instant.
funky eh?
/shrugs.
thats why i hate change i guess.
i always smile within when i meet up with frens and they same "still teh same old ben/dou nian mei jian hai she lao yang de *********"or sum variation.=)
in this sense,
i do know myself a lil bit i guess.=)
till sumthin comes along and sweeps me off my feet.

but then again.
change does not neccesate that its sumthin bad.
i once lol-ed at this expression when we were discussing it over booze but here it is.

to be said in the most pompous preacher voice for entertainment value.

"CHANGE MY BROTHERS!!! IS LIKE DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME.ITS DAM UNCOMFORTABLE GOING INTO IT,IT MAY EVEN HURT!!!BUT ONCE YOU'RE IN IT,ITS PRETTY COMFORTABLE, AND PRETTY DAM SHIOK,THAT YOU KEEP WANTING TO GO IN AND OUTTA IT!!!!"

lol.llololololoolloo.
sheit i cant remember who was it alr.
lol READIN IT NOW I STILL LAFF.
but yea.
pretty much sums it up.
its amazing how nonsense you can think of when you start gettin mel.
/chuckle.

/<3 booze inspired sermons.

i wish there was more i could say to properly express some of what im feeling within,
but sometimes words juz seem inadequate.
juz thinkin makes it slightly better i guess.
life is made of many lil things that make you smile exteriorly,
and fewer,more precious things that make you smile within.
while the smiles on the outside radiate happiness,
the ones within don't always do so,
the smiles on the outside mite be fake,
but not the ones on the inside.
wad makes the smile inside?

a contented,sated heart.=)


niwae in tune with my previous coupla posts,
1337 songz for youz!!!

this songs is by the "hey there delilah" dudes,

called : Let Me Take You There.=)

I know a place that we can go to
A place where no one knows you
They won't know who we are
I know a place that we can run to
And do those things we want to
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there

I know a place that we forgot
A place where we won't get caught in
They won't know who we are (they won't know, won't know)
I know a place where we can hide out
And turn our hearts inside out
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there

I know a place we'll be together
And stay this young forever
They won't know who we are
Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there


We can get away
To a better place if you let me take you there
We can go there now cause every second counts
Girl just let me take you there
Take you there

____________________
some awesome "smoke" girl lyrics rite there mind you.
but as i always tell my girl,
just cuz its cliche,doesnt make the emotions/meaning behind the words any less real.=)

that stated,now turn to your loved one,look him/her in the eye and go:baby,can we go there?

and enjoy the chuckle it'll bring you 2.=)
shall end here alr.
needta go prepare to run and lose a lil weight.
fei de no more pls.
not if i can help it.=)

enjoy the song,
msn me if you want it.=)

/ponder

waking up at 6 am in te morning,
rubbin your eyes awake,
eyes dun wanna open.
you lumber arnd squintin outta 1 eye cuz the other is still asleep.
stumbling your way into the toilet to wash your face before grumpily trudgin to the kitchen
rummage thru the drawer
and find the Godsent "KOPI 3 IN 1"
make it with warm water,
stir stir
den whack ice into it.

drink
/eyes open halfway.
grab your jacket.
look at your phone.
no msg = sian.
den you sit and stone.

cold as hell morning.
on a public holiday.
you wanna snuggle up and sleep.
and you hafta go out.

welcome to my morning.
lol.

niwae.
it was dam fun pls.
worth the sacrifice o sleep.
tho it was raining,
sure as hell didnt dampen the time family had toget pls.
no tv,no computer,
juz talkin to each other.
=)

and the big + side is?
i drove all the way down in rainy weather pls.
shiok only.=)
seriously,
driving in chilly weather wearing your darlin brown pullover,
all snug and comfy and juz the emptiness of the roads,
everyone else more or less asleep,
you feel like you're all alone and thinking.

awesome stuff.
and my talkin to my sista.
well.
very very telling affair.
shall blog about it more in depth wen im more coherent
rite now im gone 3 ways to sunday alr.
lol.

/frown.

Sat was a blast.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDLEY!!!!!
heh.
awesome time all around man.
=)

/<3

welcome to the land of 21 where the booze is like water and the chicks are free.

okie back to reality.

hahaha but seriously man.
we needta do more of this kinda shit toget.
sittin,drinkin and catching up + talkin bout each others' problems over chivas + green tea makes for a strangly oxymoronic kinda therapy.=)

/<3 maris bros.

okie now to the main reason why im bloggin.

I AM DAM DAM DAM DAM DAM DAM DAM SICK OF ALL THE RSAF SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt.

i juz spent an entire day,
DOING ONE BLARDY DOCUMENT,
which i kept explaining that it was wrong way to be doing.
and my boss "JUST LISTEN" in the same stupid self sure way that rank and authority seems to instill in the ones in power.
so FINE.
i listen.:@

do do do dodo.
then he takes tad document in his "CONFIRM CORRECT FORMAT" and goes to present it at a high level meeting.

3 hours later.
comes out with his ass alight.
and proceeds to tell me"EH BOSS WANTS IT THIS WAY"
and guess wad way it is?
its the one i've been tellin him the whole DAM MORNING TAD ITS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE IN.

and since the meetin is over,
and the next meeting is on thurs.
i tell him "MSG,now 530 alr la.i tml morning do for you"
HE HAS THE BLARDY CHEEK TO COME AND "EH YOU'RE A SOLDIER LEH,*points to his rank and pulls my 3 lil stripes"

okie.
so fine.
here i am.
slogged ym ass for you the whole dam day,
havent even broke for a meal.
im still hungover,
having a dam nasty headache and a dry throat tad no water seems to be able to wet,
now there's few things in the world nastier than ben when he's hungry.
add the fact im having a headache,+ a dry throat which means i cant even scold pple properly,
totally makes for a grumpy me x ALOT.

so yea.
makin me work late was definitely not one of his smartest choices.

suffice to say when i left,
he didnt dare to look me in the eye.
he got wad he wanted in a proper slide.
but the time i took to do it.(it was fast trust me,since i wanted to come out)it was perfect by the standards im used to signin my work off,but he didnt really enjoy watchin me do it "quietly"

/swear pls.

okie.
shall not keep angsting.

shoppin list.

FYSH LETS GO NEXT MONTH PLS.

belt.-i wanna get a cloth belt.rainbow,n plonk a nice rustic lookin buckle on it.
WHEE.
jeans-wanna get sumthin brown again.kinda like how my jeans looked like before the wash made them grey.
shoes-zomg need a new pair of air force ones soooo dam badly.brown.sexy.o0o0o0o0o so comfortable.
shirts-simple,neat lookin polos.=)

swee.
and the money shall drop from the heavens.
time to buy 4D.-_-

sumtimes.

from an old post.

this line juz pops out rite at me now.

"you cant lose,what you dun alr have"

i really dunno what to think,
and tbh,
im startin to think tad ive been doing alotta wishful thinkin.
_____________________________________________
on a happy note,

GRATS DUDLEY BABY!!!!!!!
heh it took long nuf.
i suspected it the day we met....
but as you vehemently declare "I DIDNT LIKE HER THEN YET"
i shall furiously nod my head and say "I BELIEVE YOU"
LOLOLOLOLOL
took long nuf pls.
=)
its been like wad?
6-7 weeks rite?

and on a slightly more unhappy note.

im feelin a lotta frustration rite now.

work is being a bitch.
try coming to work every mornin in tad same shithole,
doin things you DUN wanna be doing.
AND having to do it well.
thats responsibility.
not gettin appreciated for it?
tads called SAF.
gettin SCREWED LEFT RITE CENTER BACK FRONT aft the shit is done and handed up for not cc-ing 1 idiot?
tads called f-ed up.
and im gettin way to close to ORD to wanna hafta put up with this shit.

IPPT's being a bitch.
every single dam week.
1 meal a day isnt workin the wonders its supposed to.
im tink imma start skippin mails on an laternate day basis.
/angst.

i juz think of my workload and i get dam turned off.
and when i get a chance to break,
i get shit from home.

and then a phase from all things,
a bloody comedy comes to mind.
"home is where you make it"

so wad am i supposed to do now.
i cant come to relax cuz i get shit loaded at me
i cant stay in unit cuz arrows come flyin my way.
wth should i do.
stay in the goddamn lan shop so i can do WHAT i wanna do,WHEN i wanna do it in peace.

shit man.
taking OFF juz to get sum personal time and i still get shit.

/asdadasdasdasd

angst.

okie im juz plain ranting.

excuse me pls.
but this is my blog.
if you dun like it,

/point
on your top is your "back" button,and on the right are "links"
mouseover and click k thanks.

stoic expressions

its been a long time since ive posted...
so finally im gonna turn off wow and msn for a bit and sit down and juz type.
its a forma therapy and it gets pple off my back when they complain about lack of updates.
KEKEKE.

1st of all,
here's a lil sumthin to brighten up your days from the "Ben Teachin Stories"

this lil verses are from my darling student's FINAL YEAR EXAM.

Q:The issue of global warming and its consequences can be easily resolved. Discuss.

waste and deforestation and limit the number if vehicles on the road. Industries should not try to cut cost by disposing waste products illegally. Individuals can reduce global warming by buying environmentally friendly products and use both sides of the paper for writing as trees are cut down or even burnt to produce these papers.

Q:Why are many people throughout the world worried by the increase in global warming? Give examples to support your answer.

One of the consequences is the melting of polar ice caps and expansion of seawater that leads to a rise in sea level. Thus, this increases the chances of flooding in low-lying areas like Bangalore. It has also brought about extreme weather conditions and climate change. This results in frequent floods and droughts followed by heat waves which in turns cause the death of many people like the recent heat waves in Europe. Extreme weather has created many weird events like the flooding of Sahara desert. Many people has experienced these consequences and thus were worried by the increase in global warming as they knew that global warming will definitely bring about undesirable consequences.

LOL i totally ROFL-ED when i read it pls
i asked him "EH HOW YOU BURN TREE TO GET PAPER.COME WE GO NOW.GO FIND LIGHTER WE GO BURN TREE FOR PAPER.BRING CRAYON ALSO LATER WE DRAW ON THE PAPER."
and he juz kept chucklin away.zomg/faint ftl.

he's currently my hero pls.

but then again
nothin can beat the kid that essay went "1st few lines."SPOT was BARKING AND WAGGIN HIS TAIL" and "last few lines "SPOT WAS MEOWIN AWAY"
-_-

tad one is ultimate.

_______________________
n hmmm.
1 song tads been singin to me please.

not the original rod steward one,
but the dolly parton and kenny rogers duet.

words may/may not ring true.

but all the same.

touches a chord in me.=)


You ask me if I love you
and I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
in what you say or do
I'm only just beginning
to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all it's strategy
leaves me battling with my pride
But through all the insecurity
some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you till I die
till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
and drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
and hold you endlessly
At times I understand you
and I know how hard you try
I watched while love commands you
and I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
still searching for a friend
a brother or a sister
but then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
and I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold ya till I die
till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

blue-me
red-you(im assumin)
green-possibly both of us.

/shrugs pls.

as i told you.
=)
every minute pls.
every single minute.=)
and loving it.

sucker for romance pls.

sometimes.realisation comes really suddenly.
heh.
and you realise.
so what.
either way,it aint all tad bad.:)

3 monhts to ORD lo.

the official whine.

reasons why i hate my ns life.

1)we operate on the early bird mentality.
n this does NOT apply to the rest of the civilian world.
wad do i mean?
we sleep mostly before 12,and wake up when 80% of singapore is still snoring for exercises and work.-_-
which means you're basically outta sync with the world.
and yea.
i juz hate that.
especially now i guess.

sigh.
okie no heart to blog.
another time.
juz gripin.

taking the one second.

sometimes..
you get caught up in the flow of things.
and when the shit hits the fan.
and you get your ass screwed till inwards is outwards,
and thats when you needta check for a sec and take stock.:)
not just about the situation at hand.
but everythin else.
and keep doing what you think is right.
and being true to yourself.
cuz when it all fades away.
besides the ones you love,
everything pales in comparison.

cherish the things you love,
they be the ones worth protecting.
just cuz the world flows this way,
dun mean you hafta as well.
love your loves.
our God made you different.

so long as you're happy,
you got love,

the world can throw everythin at you and it mite not matter a whit.


sum lessons you thought you had learnt long ago.
juz refreshed in me this morning.

screw the SAF man.
its time to ORD.

but then again.
if it didnt happen,would i have thought about other stuff?
been so busy with shit.
hmm.
oh wellz.
1 hour lunch break sittin still + ipod + thinkin can make alot of things come into sharper focus.


and the deepest and darkest fears mite not be that dark after all.
heh.
cryptic crpytic.
kekeke.

simplified.

screw SAF.

there you go.instant translation.

okie.
back to camp i go.
nite.

lost.=)

i just read the funniest thing in a book bout humour.

"my relationship with this girl was fast and furious"
"i was fast and she was furious"

ROFL its dam funny pls.
okie.
fine.
maybe its juz me.-_-

its been a crazy week o ups and downs man.
last sat was awesome.
nothing else has come close to achieving the same effect in a dam long time.

the effect being smiling like a dickhead and smilin stupidly wen i sms.

but yes pls.
i be slightly more cheery again.
it always is better to wake up to be able to look forward to sumthin besides the "okie work.den run 6 k..tryta run faster..den okie wow..den erm.okie.go back to sleep" routine.
been pretty sweet pls.sleepin wit a smile and awaking SLIGHTLY LESS grumpy.okie maybe not less grumpy.but at least the grumpiness doesnt last as long.maybe till the 1st msg comes in.kekeke.

so this week was the semi's for SAFSA 11-A-Side hockey which yours truly was representing RSAF.
the 1st round was played against the eventual champions,Guards, (DARYL I HATE YOU:@)
which we were leading in the 1st half...but in the 2nd half,we got 2 players sent off, and in the time that remained,they plonked 3 past us.:((((((
so we were left with 3rd and 4th place to fight for.:(
we ending up going a mindef side wit a coupla runners(yea yea my bane.-_-)
and i was asked to play mid.(lagi sian.-_-.moar runnin ftl.)
so yea.
ran my balls off,got my goal in the 1st half (btw top scorer fer airforce,5 in 7 appearences);)
and in the 2nd half,they equalised from sum fluke referee call.
and we went to strokes,the hockey version of penalties.=P

aft 3 conversions by our side,
their national team palyer steps up...and swings the ball off target.

air force = 3rd in the inter-formation competition,the 1st time a top 4 has been reached since 1983.:)
tad was before i was born.:P
as our captain kept reminding us,we made history.=)

im pretty satisfied.
2 x hockey tourneys in my NS life,both i walk away with a trophy,losing only to teams with more den a few national/safsa players.
reads as an accomplishment in my book any way i read it.=)
so yup.
i'll get a pic of the trophy to let you guys see it once i get my lazy ass arnd to doin it.
but im really really v satisfied with the results.=)

tis week's been full o ups and downs.
work has been a bitch.
i hadta experience the full screwed upness of SAF once again,
where suddenly the medic which was all along done by the conductin side was suddenly supposed to be indented by me,and i was scrambling all over the place from camp to camp tryin the beg and borrow a medic for 3 hours.:@ cuz my own camp is undermanned medic wise.
wth man.
the answers that you get really not 1 x piss you off.:@
"good afternoon chongpang medical center"
"hey,3sg ben here,need a favour from you guys,i know its last minute and all.....etcetcetc..."
"erm...i think cannot.we got no medics available.they will be out"
"out?out on wad"
"im not sure..but they'll be out"

12^$%&^^%*%$^&%$&*#^#

"good aft PLC medical center"
"copy n paste"
"im sorry,there is a directive that prevents us from supportin other units."
".............."
*at this point in time,i wanted to swear over the dam phone "EH YOU TRYIN TO BE FUNNY ISIT.THIS IS SAF LEH.AIR FORCE ALSO SAF.YOU FIND ME THE $%$^IN DIRECTIVE NOW.BLOODY CPL TRYIN TO BE FUNNY ISIT."

this was aft like 4 other air force camps told me they cant support and i was already at wits end,+ i was rushin down to my hockey game, + i was doin sumthin else,i had more then enuf of a shitload on my mind and they gimme this kinda last minute shit.

really not 1 x angst.

thinkin back on it now still makes my bloody boil.
rofl.

oh wellz.

and i realised sumthin.

people,despite the best intentions,
will do things for a reason.

if you work hard,you'll want to be noticed and respected for your work.
if you're nice to a person, no matter how pure your intentions are, you'll want that person to be nice back to you.
you know?
the basis of acknowledgement.
the word isnt the best but for want of a more suitable word,
imma need more sleep before i get you one.

but niwae.
i was juz thinkin.
my fren asked me this over teh-oh-peng and chicken cutlet + fries this afternoon.
"eh siao eh.why you bother so much"
*i was angsting over my work cuz of the medic thing and the recall shit tad i was singly handling.
and i realised the answer was really simple.
im workin hard for :
1)self satisfaction:i know im good at what i do.now its time for you to see it too and respect me for that shit.
2)ORD in peace: now this mite not sound like much, but i am prayin for 8 weeks of clearence pls.
ive hard the hope of 3 months drop all the way to 9 weeks till now its 6 weeks,its HALF of its original figure.
im juz hopin my understudies come asap man.
my life is traumatic nuf as it is alr.

being in NS has minused at elast 5 years off my lifespan, and definitely sent my brain back to the stone age again.
i half expect to wake up one morning and go "OOGAAH BOOGAH.ME TARZEN.YOU...YOU..YOU NOT JANE.JANE GOT PAPAYAS"
*cheap poke at total male environment but yea.
you get the idea pls.
i wake up every morning grumpier.
lol.

my mshs frens should know wad i mean.
in jc it lessened quite abit,
but zomg.im reachin a whole new level in grumpiness.
=)

WHEE.quite proud of myself pls.
as i constantly extol,
GRUMPY BEAR > ALL.

so yea.
dun call me in the morning pls.
3 words to prepare you for wad you'll get....

NASTY, NASTY, NASTY.

okie nwiae.
sidetracked like hell again.
i juz wanted to say that its kinda a really sad thing.

you do sumthin for sumthin you desire,but if you didnt desire that thing in the 1st place,would you have even put in so much effort in the 1st place?and even if you did,please dun tell me you absolutely do not hope for sumthin pls.
tads a lie tad even mother theresa will go to hell for la.

she was was geng cuz she wanted her love to be followed.
there's a hope rite there.
even osama had his hopes pls.
he wanted more less educated muslims to follow the originals into doin more stupid things while he hid and got rich on oil money pls.

everyone has their own goddamn hopes despites how noble your intentions may be la.
so yea.suck thumb if in the end,you put in your heart and soul into sumthin and you dun get appreciated for it,maybe you should've asked rite from the start if tad would've been wad you'll stand a chance to get.
but you didnt.why?cuz you were tryin to build character and more importantly,you told yourself it didnt matter.
then when you dun get it,den you QQ,den you realise it did matter and more importantly,you juz got pwned by the end product of hope which is a 4 syllable word of UTTER PWNAGE.

its called,

DISAPPOINTMENT.

So climb off your high horse alr.
sick of having to deal with all you people with your own agenda man.
you pple are the reason why i work so hard every single dam day,just to hear the letters ORD.

in other areas.
i guess im pretty much as fine as can be.
juz slightly disillusioned regarding sumthin,
more then slightly confused,
and quite abit angry at myself for mistakes done in the past.

i remember this phase in the Bible.

"Lord gives us the wisdom to accept the things we cannot change"

and that was all i had for sole comfort.
witout those words,it would've been a shitty night beyond belief.

its incredible how the things you think dun matter would pop up coupla months down the road and pwn you tombaleh.

looked to innoculous rite the start,all "its nothin la"
and den "BLAM"

"Past action crits you for 12091724986124781297213 dmg"
"You suck thumb and die."

yea.
im more den a lil confused i guess.
i really dunno what to think alr.
heh.

oh wellz.
thats wad makes it so interestin i gguess.
no 2 people are the same in the way they deal with things.
its a whole new world to figure out.

just imagine,
6 billion pple out there,chances are in your lifetime,you'll meet about 50000 faces.
you'll hafta figure how this 50000 tick.

sounds daunting eh?
dun worry,you're prob thru 9000 already.;P

okie.
im gonan go crash.
stupid ass recall tml.
:@:@:@:@:@:@@:@

WTB EARLIER ORD DAMMIT.:@

/angst

emotions and realisations.

heh.
words.
its amazing how juz the simplest of them can turn so much arnoud so quickly.

heh.
and as a ode to my previous post.:P
they be the powers of manipulation.
on sun i had a chat wit my church leadership regardin my return to playin guit for service.
and i said sumthin tad was refuted almost instantly.

the line was,

"you wouldnt know wad im feelin unless i desire to let you know so"

and they said this

"you mite not wan to let us know.but we can tell"

now not to undermine wad they said mind you,
but honestly,
ive spent all my life hiding my emotions and dealin with em myself.
you would think i would know wad im talkin about rite?
-_-

like honestly.
the only pple i totally am at ease with showin exactly how i feel are my bros.
like yea.
possibly the only 2 females on earth tad i mite show em too are my mum and sista and tads cuz i trust em + i'm prob needin their advice.

stems from this reasoning.

if i tell you, so wad?would you be able to gif me exactly wad im lookin for?would you know wad to say.
if i tell you,i add to your mental burden.wad for.as the cck trolls line goes." SEEEEEAAAAAAOOOOOW"

to me,
alot of the emotions you feel can be resolved amongst yourself.
at times,these emotions are honestly childish even in your eyes.
den why entertain em by giving them a voice.
juz beat it down,be unhappy till your logic kicks in again,and you'll be perfectly fine.
1 x conflict/ potential unhappy incident avoided rite?

i had one of the abovementioned today and likewise i did the same.
i juz shut the hell up.
and yea as i said,you wouldn't have known unless i choose to tell you.
so pfft pls.
n even wen i tell you,ever heard of half truths?=)
i may sound like im dam full of myself pls but please dun get me wrong.
unless i really wanna tell you,you really wouldnt know.
i mean like.
geez man.
its been a part of my life all along.-_-
you would think i know better den to come and question me with regards to that right.

niwae.
i conceded that point,
and hopefully within a year or 2,i'll be back on stage playin again.=D

but seriously,
i wanted to do sumthin i always do in camp to them.
no offense meant,but

person in question"then how?"

me : /lifts up my hands and raises ONE of the 5.
"suck this"

for all you pre ns/females you're prob thinkin its the vulgar finger.
wrong pls.its the thumb.

why?
cuz all is not good,
so you wanna put a thumbs down,
then you realised the shit has hit the fan and you're gonna get screwed aniway,
you revert to your baby days and stick a finger into your mouth and suck,
and since you were in the motion of puttin a thumbs down,
the thumb was alr sticking up,so you sucked it pls.

the ultimate gesture of helplessness.

tads how i feel it is pls.
1 x impassiveness pwns anyone tomaleh.
its called a poker face for a reason.
if not,the expression wouldnt have come about in the 1st place eh??

hmm.
2nd thing i wanted to mention was sumthin i was thinkin about on my bus ride back from my traumatic tuition session juz now.shall talk about it later.

but its this.
you know,
i would like to believe that having spent 21 years upon this plane of reality,
i would be able to handle myself in most situations.

like meetin established pple "Good evening Sir.", or frens "eh siao eh",pple i dun like /avoid eye contact and walk the other way, you get the idea?
like i just know how to deal the situation tad i mite find myself in you know?

but i realised that there is one situation that im definitely still a nub at.

for all the those idiots waitin with bated breath to laugh at me for being a nub,

/shit on you pls.

niwae, the situation is the one of the heart.
i realised tad despite being the hard nosed, stingy bas*^&%/3SG, mean,grumpy,angsty emo potato, etc etc etc etc etc etc...

i get pwned once it comes to girls pls.
i shall blame this on my all boys school education.
6 years of SAPS and 4 years of MSHS = 10 years no girls.
of which in this 10 years, 4 of which was the point in time you realise girls exist for a reason and you experiment and learn howta communicate to them.

now not that im having problem communicatin mind you,my mummy think im too glib tongued,
but i realise, tad i get dam emo with regards to certain females pls.-_-
and it pisses the sheeeeeet outta me.-_-
hello.where's mr Ice pls.-_-

annoyin annoyin annoyin.
shall stive to be a lil more impassive.
its like a crack in this UBER GENG armor that protects me from the world and its atrocities.
:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@:@

in the words of IRONMAN.

I MUST IMPROVE MY ARMOUR.IT MUST BE STRONGER THAN BEFORE TO DEAL WITH THIS NEW THREAT.

kekek marvel comiks ftw.:D

okie lastly before i head to bed.

my harrowing tuition lesson.

this is excepts mind you from my lessons.
imagine fierce grumpy me.(not tad requires much imagination it being my usual self, but yea.)
now just to put things into perspective,
this kid has his final year exams TOMORROW.
i thought i was gonna be just helpin do a lil brush up + teach him answerin techniques


me " What is a destructive plate boundary?
him " a volcano"

/jaws agape.
later in the lesson.

me " Whats the difference in the leaves of a tree in a tropical rainforest and that of a monsoon rainforest"
him "the leaves are thinner."

/jaws agape x 2.

me "whats the diff btw the roots of a tree in a tropical rainforest and monsoon"
him"the roots are bigger.buttress roots"
me /stunned "which is buttress roots"
him"mangrove"

/jaws agape x 3.

this one take the effin cake.

me " your longshore current travels along the coast rite?"
him"yea"
me"YOU SURE??????" *giving him the "you have gotta be shittin me look"
him"errrrrr.."
me "you better think carefully,if not im gonna call your mummy down"
him " eerrrrr..."
me i went to draw out a coastline for him, gave him normal waves and longshore to draw directions.
you guess which direction he draw?

--------->
--------->
coast --------->
--------->
--------->

at this point in time,i slapped my forehead and panicked.-_-

i asked him "eh,you christian,buddhist,islam any kind of religion??"
he " yea.buddhist"
me"okie,now,you go revise,later burn the textbook and drink.but whatever you do,PLEASE REMEMBER TO PRAY TONITE K THANKS."
and juz in case you pple think im being mean,
he juz looked at me and giggled.

/roll over and die.-_-

hired 3 weeks before exams,wad you expect from me pls.
im not God.
im juz a grumpy tuition teacher.-_-

to you.

just when i tot everythin was heading down,
you came and turned it all around.

wad lies ahead only time will tell,
but rite now im feelin like i'll walk hand in hand wit you into the gates of hell.

toget,hand in hand aight?
lets keep discovering each other toget,every night.=P

imma foo i know.
kekekeke.
wad to do pls.
hopeless romantic ftl.=P

manipulation

in life.
have you reflected upon how your actions mite actually affect another's decision makin process?
not the come right out and "im unhappy if you choose to do this,but its your decision"
but more like the "yea man.i'll be happy if you do it and wish you all the success man...but..aiyah nvm.:) good luck"

you get wad i mean.
its the kinda subtle mind games that you paly to try to make things go your way.
be in in courtship(i believe they call it seduction/shrug)relationships(emotional games)
whatever you call em.its still highly a manipulative game.
and i realise that i myself do it. a scaringly lot.
if we're 1 meter apart, and i want you to walk to me,i dun mind makin a 250 km deviation and waitin that long till when you finally make the step to me,you're truly convinced that it was your intention in the 1st place.
scary sial.

but yea.
sumtimes i wonder if this quality is a good thing or a bad thing to be honest.
more often then not,i get exactly what i want.
it may in a form where both parties are happy,either are happy or none at all,but i get it in the end.at whatever cost.
hence my conclusion that im really dam spoilt in certain areas of life.
point of this is nothing.
juz empty reflections.

humans are really dangerous.-_-

okie scrub this post.
pointless.
juz had this brainwave and im bored during lunch hour so bite me.
but interesting food for thought eh.





you make me smile for the weirdest reasons,
mite you be the one to make me smile thru all if life's seasons?

50 cents.

i had a dream,
a dream of you,
it was tad kinda dream,
juz meant for two.

in the sun were you and me,
happy as can be,ironically.
despite the strains of past follies,
yet still was the time spent peacefully.

i poked fun at you and you smiled at me,
such a change from sumthin tad 'was' to 'be'
would such changes take place naturally,
tads sumthin that only time will see.

its dreams like that tad make you ponder,
dreams like that tad have no other,
this dreams make you think and wonder,
attainable things lie juz yonder?

am i a foo to think again,
have a too soon forgotten the pain,
would you gaze upon me with disdain,
or in righteous emotion will i find no shame.

i know the game n played it before,
am in no rush to enter it once more,
but the chance remains you might be wad im lookin for,
should i try again or juz ignore emotion's call?

words like heart and love make no sense,
pple use and not understand,
the depth of its meanin and its power,
if they knew,would they cower?

i myself wunt claim to know,
but of myself i'll keep in control,
i'll hold you close,i'll treat you right,
just dun play games,i dun wanna hafta fight.

love should be simple,love should be kind,
love should be a matter of the heart and mind,
love is felt and love is given,
love is definitely is a a kinda mutual heaven.

one sided love is hell,
2 sided love makes you melt,
3 sided love means you're screwed,
4 sided love means you're on tv.

okie since my beloved 3SG HOO YUAN SHYUAN WANTS TO USE THE COMPUTER.
i SHALL STOP NOW.
TA.

1 week of stuck ness.

hiaz.
i have a bright and happy week of no nights out in camp cuz we got ops.
zzz.
1 x annoyed pls.
ever since ive been giving tuition ive been stuck busy runnin up and down.:(
i havent had a chance to sit down and properly WoW the whole time.
not so much so that i really wanna play,but its always good to have a lil of the routine to get you comfortable and snug i guess.
not much zest in me to play now.:)

WTS WOW ACC ANYONE WANNA BUY.

niwaez.
weeks been pretty decent i guess.
couple things that im unhappy about and the most anooyin one is the fact tad im now called "bear" in camp as well.
i mean its bad enuf that girls think im like a huge grumpy bear,but now in camp, im also called a bear by my CO.
i mean.
look at me pple.
wad part of me resembles a bear pls.
-_-

even my maris pple think im a bear,but tads cuz im dam grumpy last time.
highly annoyin pls.
:@

niwae.
/<3 tuition.
work work ftw pls.
teachin kids is really dam fun.
the responsibility is a lil daunting,but it really makes you work for it.:) i like.
niwae.
going back to camp.
constantine ftw.




i know i shouldnt even be thinkin about it,but i still am.shit.

every week.
in camp.
there will be a time,
where i listen to my ipod
and outta sudden,
a song hits me and i feel emo.
this songs are <3ed pls.
so yea.
this is the one that made it this week.

dusk and summer by dashboard confessional
She smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

But you've already lost
Wen you only had barely enough to hang on

And she combed your hair, and she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you'd been before
She told you bad things you wished you could change in the lazy summer
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap
She said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

She said, "no one is alone the way you are alone"
And you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have known
Some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough of her to hang on

to be honest.
the words that caught me was the chorus itself.

But you've already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

all along,i always wonder how cynical can a relationship get always bases itself in how much you're willing to give.
and this song basically sums it up.
the guy is mortally(yes im using it in the correct context L2LIT) in "love" with this girl.and he finds himself bein swept up in this whole euphoric high and then you hear it from the girl's lips a whole differenct concept of how she looks at it.and when it comes down to the crunch of it,ot didnt last and then the whole summary is in those 2 lines of the chorus.

simple but lines with amazing depth.
you're already lost-

lost?
what have you lost to:
yourselves for allowin yourself to be swept away?
to her for lettin her get the better of you?
to love for givin you the false hopes once again and lettin you crash?

when you have barely enuf to hang on.

now this line is juz prophetic in the sense that i'll be usin it myself as a gauge.
wad kinda relationship do you enjoy atm.
the one where you're givin so much to a person that you barely hang on to who you are?
the one that you are so caught up in the doin you're barely handing on to wad is the remnants of your own life before the relationship?
the one that is driving you totally insane you're barely hangin on to your sanity?

and then you realise that this "her" might not actually be a female/male partner in yourlife,
but pretty much everythin that YOU choose to admit into your life and embrace.

and here im gonna be dam cynical and end by saying this.
when the clock ticks on your life' midnight,and you look back.would all this shit matter?

and as usual since my life is a whole example of contradictions i shall conclude with opimism via

but if you are at the closing hours of your life,and you lookin back. and you think to yourself,without all this shit that you choose to go thru last time,would you be half the person you are today?

BUUUUUUT.this is assumin you like the person you see in the photo that they gonna put on your coffin. (im assuming your relatives will NOT entertain your request to look in the mirror cuz they prob think you're going starkin raving mad)

if you dun like the photo,means you died not at peace with yourself and its juz too dam sad you should've done more to live with less regrets now you dying and its too late.

family sunday/mummy and daddy bdae cele

hahaha.1st time im seeing my "wth" face.quite nice pls.












my lil bro starti his drinkin career at the kiddy's bar with......milkshakes.rofl.












and my mummy wonderin if her kids are really above 20.:P












karate ernest vs .........................the dino dustbin!!!













the cutest guy in te world,albiet the naughtiest as well.:P
ya'll go decide whom im talkin about.
HAHAHAHAAH













sibling love.











papa and mama love

owwwwwwwww.:( /wince.

extracted my tooh on monday.
how big was tad thing?
look at your last finger and imagine the whole of the tip tad portion.
yea.
tad was how big it was.
if you got small hands
imagine mine,
its bigger den my last finger's last *digit*(i tink tads wad its called)
niwae.
wen i finally looked at it.
my 1st reaction was stupidly directed at the doctor"that's mine?its dam big la"den he looked at me with the same expression"yea its quite huge actually."

sheeeett.
and now?
ive discovered a whole new world of pain.
like cuz it was "not crowned" which meant tad it basically hadnt seen the light of day,
it was DAAAMMMMM deep inside.
so wen he drilled,
my frickin jaw was vibrating in unison.
-_-
and i tell you,
wen i saw the shiny scapel in fronta my eyes,
i nearly fainted.

<---- definitely not a doctor sorta person.
hahaaha.
i kenot understand why im scared of this kinda shit but i shudder like hell wen too much is exposed.
i mean like flesh wound and shit is oaky,
but nce i see the white of bone.
i will shudder and shake and autoturn away

crapz.-_-
1 x weeeeaaaak sheeit.
hahaha
oh wells.
everyone's made for a diff purpose.:P

wheee.
and niwae.
lets get back to my pain.
well.
i was doin fine yest,
till i got back,
and then i wowed...and the anaesthetic(spellin i cbf to check dictionary.com) wore off.
and then...
i died pls.
-_-
like seriously i was blanked out from the pain and feverish and basically i felt like shit.
immediately popped the painkillers given to me AND panadol for good measure.,
and i juz lay down and prayed to God and told Him "it isnt my time yet im still dam young,i havent had sex wit my wife,i havent fainted at childbirth,i havent graduated, etc etc etc"
basically i ran thru the whole list of things i havent done.
which is quite a shitload.
i kept runnin thru it till the painkillers kicked in and i could at least type coherently.
1 x seh pls.

and at night..
when the painkillers wore off again.
i kinda crashlanded in the torture chambers of hell pls.
and then began contemplating if the 1 week mc was worth this.
-_-
but then again,
if i didnt extract,i cant do the final stage of my root canal treatment.
sheiiiiety.:(

1 x btw rock and hard place.
so now,
i talks wis a lispss tad nos ones cans barelys makes outs and i ams 1 xs irritated.:@

how annoying pls.
my jaw is like swollen beyond recognition,
have no clue how im gonna play the game on thurs and not die from the thuds i'll DEFINITELY take.
hiaz.
mite hafta sit it out aft all.
gee man.
-_-

niwae.
photos from the last outing before timmy boy went back.:(















your mama told my mama tad your mama said to you to say to me not to play on the escalators but it got lost in translation.















just way WAY WAY too much gay elation in this picture i had to put it up.rofl.















had to get my lil bit of gay action in too you see.dudleys like the ultimate gay magnet.;p















whoohoo.cramped.-_- all photowhores.















my brother from another mother.black mother to be precise.















well.another bro.this one from a white mother.much love pls.















the maris english love.:P















with the chinese love...which im not inside cuz my chinese sucks.:P

okay i was the one takin the photo so buzz off,stop nodding and laffin to yourself.
/growl.















and its ALL bout groupie love.
and josh hittin on the waitress who took this photo for us.
LOL.

hahaha everytime i see this photo i tink of how josh was supposedly hittin on her and how we kept suanin him and he kept denyin it.
zomg.i miss sec sch days.lol.

reliving old days.

this week has been sumthin akin to homecomin foir me.
its been juz pure sports sports and more sports.
sun soccer with r-age,tues hockey for RSAF,wed soccer for 3DA WOSAs,fri hockey once again.
and i really enjoyed the whole roller coaster ride of it all please.
sunday was more of a warm up den anithin else but it gave me rashes all over as sensitive skin + open field with no long sock and no shirt + rollin like a tarb of larb wen you get tackled is definitely not a good thing.

tues was a sweet match.
despite it bein so dam long since i played hockey,
we still won it comfortably,5-1 of which 3 of which was scored by yours truly.
very very fun.:D

then wed was the WOSA vs Officer soccer match.
now to be totally frank,i wasnt much of a major factor thru the match,the officers were dominatin due to their better stamina.
we had the run of the 1st half,but 2nd half was just horrific.
but sumhow we held em to 2-2.

then came the penalties.
now im not much of short distance kicker i like to do my beckham shots which means i find space,and shoot from outside the box and place it nicely.if my balls dun get airtime,the skin will cease to be a factor and it becomes 1 x miss.
and sumhow i got chosen to take the last kick.
so it went 1-0
1-1
1-1(our guy missed)
1-2(they converted)
and at this point in time i was like "HOUSEH LA NO STRESS LIAO" and i was joined by the other waitin penalty takers.
2-2
2-3
3-3
3-4
4-4,
4-4(THE GOALIE SAVED)-_-
den i was like wah lan eh mai lai pls.

i look to the right,den i see all the WOSA laughin at me "EH YOU MISS RITE,i recommend you 7 extra,you score, i buy you breakfast whole week"

i lok to the left,my CO"you score,i gif you 21"

-_-

1 x suck thumb situation + the stress pls.
geee.
den i went up,den i took a conservative shot,low,hard and to the left.
keeper stretches,and fingers tap the ball.
my heart stops.-_-
den he cant hold it due to the power of it,and it rolls.........

off the left post and into the net.-_-

wah i tell you.
balls shrink for tad split second pls.
like seriously "WHOAAAAAAA"
den wen it rolled over the line,you look at the goalkie's face was like "sheeeeiiiiityeeee"
and the officers groan and the wosas run to me like im sum sorta hero in a EPL game like tad.
rofl.
dam funny.

kekeke free breakfast for the next few weeks.
HAHAHAHA.

alas the high didnt last long,
yest was a terrible match against 9 div.
we only had 9 players to their 11 and it was terrible.
we held em the 1st half,but the 2nd half was sheeeeeeiiiiiiiiite.
all their players were jc and poly players,
and all we had going was teamwork.
and when the enciks started quarreling amongst themselves,
it was pure crap from then on.
i got so disgusted i went to make frens with their defender.
he played last man for acjc so yup.:)

juz brought back nostalgic memories from pj days where everytime aft a won match,the team would be heroes for a while,you walk arnd sch,pple will congratulate you,and as a scorer it was more den quite fun for me pls.:P

niwae.
be postin pics of tim's sending off once i get em.:)
am v bored and sleepy.shall go take a nap.

pondering.

have you ever wondered,
what the song "ghost of you and me" is really about.
its kinda like a hazy sheen dat you cant really see the end off but yet you keep searching,and at the end of it all,you would rather pass it by then actually view it.

i guess im living with my own ghosts.


wtb ghostbusters please.


~i would rather not look,den to be reminded of you

frankie j's how do i deal has this lil part i find fitting.

in tune with the whole ghost part.

"How do you cope when
The one you love is with somebody else
And there's nothing you could do about it"

cancel away the love and replace it with sumthin less severe and it might make sense,
but al;l in all,its a really really sweet song.

niwaez.

JOSH DUDLEY TIM MONG TEEEEEE TML WE GOIN TO PARTEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.