the age old weariness.

i feel like im going thru a phrase.
one that definitely is not the best for me.

something tad would drive me into a state where i would be amazingly silent and depressed until i find a good enuf reason to not be.


hmm.

i was looking for an old song title thru my old smses.

me being the sentimental sucker,

i have quite a shitload of smses saved.

and along the way,

i just read a few of the more interesting ones.

and suddenly, this pang kinda shot thru me.

one reflected not much long later by slightly moist eyes.

and i really know not wad to feel or say.

looking back at the tones, the words, the overall feel.



i cant help but feel dismayed.


has so much changed?



why is everything so different now.



sigh.



and the only consolation is that the past will never again become the present, and all tad lies ahead is the future and wad you make of it.




but what if that is never enuf.





sigh.

its the age old weariness.

the slump of the shoulders.
the unsmiling lips.
the smile, albeit one frought with tiredness and resignation.





where did it all go.


when did the change happen.





was i the cause of it all?





am i the reason for the present situation?






did i by some means or methods, screw myself up by removing the very elements i loved.





sigh this isnt gettin me anywhere.



accounting time.







im such a terribly emo fucker i swear.
sigh.