cruel cruel lil twists and turns.

tad was supposed to be the last.
but i guess it warranted another.

to you:im sorry.
for the outburst,for not being able to share your joy.
i still know not where the bitterness came from.
ive been thinkin about it since last nite and i still havent figured it out.
jealousy,feelin betrayed,irritated that my pessimistic side was rite,disappointment.
but i know this.

i'm sorry.

im back in my whole new level of mel mel mel rite now.
alot of thinkin,
alot of time alone in bunk,
alot of rude awakenin conversations with bros and frens.
the most common opinion being that i was a foo to react that way.
well.
there's the apology aight.


niwae.
last nite i heard sumthin tad by my explanation to the person it related to,
mite have changed alot of things.
i would never have expected it,definitely not from you.
not aft all the repeated emphasis by you.
you really made me want to forget the past few weeks pls cuz i felt like such a foo pls.
lol.ask fysh pls.permanent emo factor in his WoW day.lol.
shit i bet he'll roll arnd laffin wen i finally get around to tellin him.
but we now know it wunt happen cuza the outburst.lol.
cruel cruel twists pls.
and when i was sharing this wit another,i got this response.
"its not yours to regret".
shrugs.i still tink it is pls.but heck.who knows.
lol.
"how many of us know what we truly want"
i think i mite have a suitable answer for you wen i finally figure out wad made my have that response.
perhaps that mite make you not be so "turn off please"

<--- 1 x optimism.niwae.what i said during that time was EXACTLY wad i felt please.
not a single word of it was untrue.
X my heart and swear its true.

there's a really really unchristian line in a movie i once heard tad deserves a mentioned right now.
"i swear the Gods created us for their own entertainment."
and its this one instance i really feel like im sum sorta cruel victim in a channel 8 drama serial.

so many many twists,so many many diff outcomes.
and so many choices if i had reacted differently,
mite have changed SO SO MUCH.

shrugs.
if i hadnt reacted the way i did,would you have told me?
if you had told me back then,would i have reacted the way i did?
what if i hadnt told myself it was impossible?
what if i had been steadfast?

so many many many possiblities.
pro choice society benifits all?
lol.

i had this very amusing thought while walkin back to camp last nite.
i swear all females should come wit " for dummies"
then everyone who makes frens with this particular female will know exactly wad to make of her every move.
for all the fabled "i can read and figure pple" nonsense that has been fed to me,i swear girls are not normal please.-_-
for all my experiences in this particular aspect,

here's my 2 cents worth to all guys.

dun bother reading your men are from mars,women are from venus(or sumthin like that).
juz take a coin,and flip it.chances are,you're definitely gonna get a right response with 1 side of it.
yes please its tad random.
:P






niwae.parting statement for one.
and just when i thought i had figured you out,you surprise me once more.









cruel cruel cruel.-_-