the idle thoughts of a bus journey.

certain things in my life have been happenin tad've made me stop n realise sumthin.
i had a talk wit a certain sum1 last nite aft i put qq to bed.
sum1 who's been in my life fer the past 4 yrs.
gif or take a few.
sum1 who's seen the people in my life drift n change.
and yea.

i realised last nite tad i really am a selfish person.
and tad dealin wit me especially if you actually care fer me can be highly hurtin.
esp if you actually hope fer me to become sum1 respectable.
sum1 tad you can be proud off.
i realise there have been people in my life tad i've let down.
pple in life tad i've lost the respect of.
and the only way imma ever get back tad respect is if i finally become the person tad you pple see me bein.
i can name a few offhand witout even tinkin.

and to this few.
to those who actually cared about me in the past.
the ones tad i've constantly paid lip service to but havent ever been able to bring the goods.
i offer up sincere apologies.
fer i am not yet the man you percieve me to be.

and its funny tad i find myself in a similiar position now.
if only on the wrong side of things.
i've found myself in your shoes.
n now tad i know how it feels.

i regret not appreciatin you all last time.
i regret self centeredness.
watch n decide fer yaselves if you deem me worthy of your interest again.
i am tryin.once again.
but at the same time.
pls look not with tinted glasses.
i can try.
but still.
circumstances still rule the life of ben.

at the same time.
i would like to beseech those wit pple interested in your life.
do not take their interest fer granted.
take me as your example n repeat not my mistakes.
my story is yours should you ask.
but do your best to cherish these people.
should they leave.
i can assure you.
you will not be half the person tad you can and should be.
take my word fer it.
treasure these people.

in other news,
i've bought an organiser.
to basically keep track of my life.

A levels are comin out soon.
im lookin forward to irt.
hell.
i dun wan anithin now but juz an option to have.
any next higher institution of study will do.
juz gimme a path to take.
sighz.