just that one ding.

you ever realise at one point in your life.
there's one failing that you can never stop no matter how hard you try?
you keep tellin yourself tad you aint gonna walk the same way,
but in a blink of an eye you're on tad well trodden path once more.
same road,
the situation seems all too familiar.
its gotten to the point you dun even wanna try to blame it on anyone else but yourself for you know that the blame lies solely within you.
and you tell yourself you wanna make it good but it juz aint tickin over.
and you wonder to yourself : wth is going on man.how the f did i end up here again.

its at times like tad you're really forced to look within yourself,
to examine whether all the things you say you hold dear are lies or not.
for all your self righteous values, can you really walk the walk and not talk the talk.

i used to wonder a whole lot why i am the way i am in this aspect.
and i could think of 5 hundred and 50 million spare reasons.
but the true reason lies in mistakes past i guess.
things that make it hard for me to ever ever be able to look at things in a different way.
everythin has its consequences.
back then i didnt think i'll be scarred.
certainly not in this fashion.
back then i was the f-ing shit.
had it all and when it happened i was so sure it'll bounce off me.
well.
truth is tad it did bounce of me.
but it left a chink in the armor.
and like the chain and its weakest link, the hairline crack of a dam,
i guess when the situations presents itself,
suddenly stress is applied and i begin to crumble in this aspect at least.
and the irony of it all,
is that i cant seem to do without it which brings the stress opun the fault line.

well.
thats the price you pay for mistakes made.
i want so badly to be able to not feel the way i do about certain things.
but the naggin feeling juz wunt quit.
and i cant even wonder why.
for as quickly as the thought forms,
its drifts barely outta my skull and immediately turns back witha big ass finger pointing right back at me.
and then again the self depreciating ccle beings once more.

oh wells.
lates.
time to try to head back to sleep again.
and for you mahjong fans out there.

www.viwawa.com.

join and look me up.

i'll prob use iceburnz or d12_iceburnz as my moniker so yea.

lets shuffle tiles together!!!!wheee.

work's been fun i guess.
but infinitely tiring.
ive moved from 1 teh ping being enuf to kep me up the whole day to 2.
its that hard to complete sometimes.

/shrugs.

life goes on.
either i up my own standards or fall behind.
and ive fallen behind too many times alr.
/shrugs.
pwned.