victims of our own destiny

you know.
the way things are lookin to me rite now.
i tink even the muz enthusiastic side of me's gonna be collapsin n admittin defeat soon.
maybe tis whole jc thing really is not the route fer me.
for all my hopes,my faith in myself.
its juz not happenin.
and it really hurts.
sighz.
3yrs in tis place.
and ive grown.
loads.
but yet.
i come away with nothin tad'll stand up as potentially useful to the world.
and then again you ask.
why the hoohah about holistic education if in the end,
nothing counts fer nought except fer the papers you hold in your hand.
i figure if all else fails,
im gonna teach P.E fer about 4 yrs once im outta ns.
and then i'll save tad money to go overseas n study fer a yr or so.
i'll slowly work my englsh degree out from nothing.
sighz.
and den i'll come back n teach.
the dream life i wanna lead'll still be achievable,
but the time i haf to live it'll be shorter.
sighz.
it really hurts.
im really depressed as of now.
but then again.
no one really cares rite?:)
ahahahah.
wad a wonderful world.
we have songs screamin "spread the love"
and den we haf multifaceted facades of interests.
i really have lost faith in the wholehumankind.

hmmm.
maybe not guys.
maybe cuz i've been blessed wit good bros.
i've got fysh n alv in the recent yrs,
and my bros like dud,josh,giant,tim who've been in my life one way or the other fer the past few yrs.
strange funny perspectives.
but it sucks in the end wen you get down to it.
immma juz rambling but yet relationships are so hard to upkep even wen parties fully understand n appreciate each other.
and if its tis hard fer bro-bro relationship,
wad more a guy-gal.

gals are enigmatic creatures.
you never really can figure em out.
even wen you do,
chances are you wunt even know cuz of a thing called PMS.
so once again.
true understandin doesnt exist in relationships.
to me its more a form of mutual tolerance.
and once tad tolerance is gone,
nothing's gonna hold the two pple together.
so much fer the power of love.
im bein highly antheist,
but i really cant care about it now.
lala.
im gone.
gonna play stupid online games before i go back n study.
:@

i shall buy wow tml.
fysh-wanna come toget dude?msg mi.