emo-kid

i guess deep down inside.
i really am a emo kid.

i realise that i have alot of plans.
the more down to earth mite call it "head up in the clouds"
and i dun really deny that.
cuz in know my feet still are rooted on the ground in reality with regards to the way i'll reach this plans.
and i realise i expect quite alot.
in a sense im pretty much unreasonable as a person.
its either my way,or it doesnt mean much.

i dunno if this means im unreasonable or just spoilt.
but the thing if achieved is not to my dreams,
i really wunt care too much about it already.
everythin is specific.
everythin has a reason/purpose.

if it cannot serve its purpose at that point in time in my dream,it makes it superflous.
have = have.
dun have = dun have.

i really dun care 2 shits about it anymore.

likewise as it is with alot of other stuff.

in my pursuit of my dreams.
i always keep working fuckin hard to get there.
but then when things dun turn out as planned,
i fall.

hard.
and it really pisses the shit outta me cuz so much effort has gone into it.

and now i realise,
that becuz so much of my dreams are based on others.
and the others might not share my dreams of how things should be,

in a sense,
i've condemned myself to fallin hard lots of times by no fault but my own.

on hindsight i dunno whether is juz me being foolish,
or me bring unreasonable to expect certain things,
or being too demanding to expect things to happen and go my way.


all i know,
is that all that im doing at the moment.

has suddenly lost is meaning.
alot of things have lost their meaning.

i dunno what im fightin for already.
i dunno what im working so hard for already.

the textbook answer is that im working and fighting for myself and my future.

but the answer that i need doesnt lie within.