long weekend.

since my kid cancelled on me and i got my guitar timings rearranged,this is the longest weeked ive had in a long time.
=)
good 2-3 hours to myself.
to be honest i was supposed to leave home a while back,but yea.
/shrugs.
the best laid plans.
and since im sitting down all dressed up and no where to go,
ive decided to share this article.
its from teh weekend today.

in love and in war.

how do 2 individuals,with all their differences,make it work?

by crispina roberts.

last month,i celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary.well,sort of.
the day started moderately well, i didnt yell at my husband to wake up but nudged him gently instead.we also had a lovely buffet lunch.but by nightfall,we were sulkin over a silly argument.
it got me thinking about what makes a marriage strong ad ahow 2 pple ciwht all their unresolved issues from childhood and adulthood come together everyday and make it stick.
i turned to some reading and chanced upon a Harvard Business Review article about rships.
John Gottman, executive director of the Rship Research Institute, has been studying marriage and divorce for 35 years.His studies are serious stuff, pple are taped,heart monitored,and biofeedback devices attached to their very beings to measure reactions to conflict and intimacy.
this are some of the findings.

Successful couples tryta say yes alot.

this means they look for the positive by saying things like : "thats a good idea, why dun we try it?"
to find out more aout a union, Gottman used a "Paper Tower Tsk" couples are given materials to build a tower in half an hour.
succesful couples bask ech other for ideas.the unhappy ones were negative and someone would say "would you be quiet while i figure it out?"
i pictured myself and my husband doing this and i can see us running into problems. He likes to take the "scenic route" while i need to get things done yesterday.if i had to do "amazing race", he'll be the last person i'll pack.he'll say the same.

once we made the mistak of kayaking in the open sea toget. i gave up halfway and he had to do all the paddling. we yelled at each other and eventually,we juz waited for someone to come and get us. needless to say,this is one activity we've never done since. so we arent the "yes" kinda couple.

there are 4 bad horseman of the apocalypse.
Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling, Comtempt.

of the 4, contempt is the worst as it leads to disgust, and eventually kills the rship.
now this was a lil troubling for me. for one,i dun know anyone who is not critical of their spouse, not defensive of their own action and stonewalls.
who else can you call names and stew for a few days juz to show o're upset?not your boss,coleagues nor frens.

contempt,however,can be deadly.

there are coupels who dont seem to respect,admire of even like each other.
and that seems real unpleasant to me.
not matter how annoying my husband is, i admire many things about him. his intelligence,his wit,his generosity and the sheer adoration he has for his sons.
i am cheered tad i do not have the most wicked horseman.

the last point is alot of crap so im not gonna type it out nd go str8 to the the summary points.


What makes or breaks a rship.

1) say yes.

successful couples always look for the positive and tryta say yes as often as possible.pple in good rships embrace conflict and work thru them. in troubled partnerships,there are many "no"s.

2)learn to give in.

how accepting a man is of his wife influence is crucial. Men who say to their wives " Gee thats a good point" or "Yea i guess we could do that" are more likely to be in happier unions.

3)laugh it out.

most conflicts are over minor thigns. its how we fight and patch things up tad makes or breaks a rship. using humour, affection,silliness,lust and touch can make profound connections.

4)remember the lov, Part 1.

things that make it stick. show respect and affection for thy partner. pay compliemtns,show interst, listen to their ideas and touch.

5)remember thy love part 2.

things that unravel a union: Criticism,defensiveness,stonewalling and contempt.


to you,if you should read this,lol,we're so far disconnected but oh wells,
there's still so much hope,if this can speak to you,dun let the silly things get you down mang.
despite your own battle,at least he's willing to make the effort still rite?
so no harm rite there man.
but in the end,if its meant to be, its meant to be.
but as i told another close friend before.
if it has to end, dun let it be becuz you didnt try hard enuf.you wunt want to live with the regret and wondering "what if". give everythin you have, and if it doesnt work out,you can always pick the pieces up and rebuild.i'll be here to loan a helping hand.
smile.=)

pretty insightful article for me tbh.
i was readin this on the train and it nearly made me drop my phone which i was msging on.
lol.how do you study marriage.
i wonder if that dude is married himself.

"honey before we start,lets tape this electrodes here..here..here...here...here...there.okie we're ready"
wife screams " I SAID YOU'RE TOO OBSESSED WITH YOUR DAM WORK!!!!!!!!!! YOU JUZ PROVED MY POINT!!!"
/rips off electrodes and castrates husband.
ggnated.

lol
okie imma go get ready and head out.oh wellz.
windsurfing here i come.
=)


and maybe the decision's been made all along,
i juz didnt wanna accept it.