thoughts

another uber late sittin in office bloggin entry.rofl.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH.
eeeittt was about....9 days ago.
HAHHAHA.
awesome awesome for the guys to all join up again man.
and it was good drinkin.lol.

"WHAT HAPPENS IN THE CLUB STAYS IN THE CLUB"
stop postin my half drunk pictures on your msn please.:@

but yes.
tired me + available bottles of chivas makes for ALOT of crap coming from my mouth.
juz imagine witout booze the amount tad alr spews forth.wen i got high,it get loads worse.
hahaha.
BUUUUUTTT i was still sober nuf to play wow wen i came back.
so there.

im tellin you drinking witout moving makes you drunk.
tads why i keptin askin you guys to go dance lo.
stupid booze maniacs.
where got pple drink den dun dance one.
sure get drunk one can.
:@
grr.

niwae.
happy birthday me bro of way too many years.
yours is bro-ship i've always cherished and will always cherish for years to come.
for that matter.
same to all my maris bros.
but niwae its you bdae so i shall not get melacholic.
rofl.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY NIGGA WITH SO MANY DIFF SHADES OF BLACK I DUNNO WHICH IS THE RITE SHADE.
much love pls bro.
here's wishin you get whiter and become like micheal jackson,
get a place in your uni(hopefully wit me and giant HAHAHAHAHAHA.SIM SIM SIM)
hopin you get bulkier and buffed so that wen you get outta army you'll start to sag and all the chicks will stop lustin aft lean sinhalese meat.
and last of all.:)
here's wishin i stay your bro forever cuz im the best thing tad can happen you.:D

hahaha.
1 x buay hiao bai!!.

niwaez.
bros for life man.
*punches heart 2 x

respect for bros and none for hoes.

thus ends the bdae post
------------------------------------------------------

niwae.
ive been mullin about certain stuff and i realised sumthin someone told me a long time ago is rather true.
im am quite the spoilt person.
in the sense that i always get wad i want.
what i see,what i want,i'll juz go out and get it.
regardless of whether or not its an impossible thing,without pause i'll juz "whack"
but all the while stayin aware of who i am and wad im doin.
i recall this phase that i was telling my frens.
"you tell me wad you want, and i'll gif you wad you want"
which is quite ironic cuz i pride myself on being rather much a person who doesnt change much.
jus like within 5 mins of meetin my frens they'll be like "wah &*)(, ben's still the same like last time"
so its kinda like and oxymoron.
but at the same time.
its still rather true.
have you ever felt that you can be soo many diff pple all at one time.
like you entire person is seperated into diff compartments.
i think everyone has a lil portion of emselves which is like that at least.
the comman division being the part of you which is the part the world sees you, and the part you keep private and share only with your life partner.
so back to my point.
how many diff compartments do you have.
i myself havent the faintest clue.
with my guys im def the same person.
lol.
senseless rubbish ftfw.
YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS ala MC Hammer.
with my church frens im sum1 else,
wit my relatives im sum1 else,
wit my female frens im sum1 else,
wit diff grps and diff persons,
do you ever find you're being a chameloen rapidly changin skin tones?
while at the core you're still the same lil bug juz retraining/flashin out diff aspects of who you are.

so my question/thought of the day is this.
WHO are you really.
the easiest answer to that question is "the core" as mentioned above.
but honestly?
which do you feel comfortable in.
i have days where i love jumpin arnd wit my frens in the club, i have my days where i find myself a quiet corner and think.
i have days where i listen to black bouncy music,yet there are days where i get in touch wit emo rock.
there are days where even christina's songs make sense,days where buble will make you wanna be him.
so who are you really.for that matter who am i?

i like to think that as we go thru life,things you do/see/exp, things tad leave an impact on your life,they help shape the way you'll be.
i like to think that im more certain of who i am then i was 2 years ago.
i was tellin my mum coupla days ago in a car ride.
she was askin me why i'm so "girl crazy"
mind you im not.i was juz purposely pasting my head on the window everytime i see a girl juz to irritate her.
den she started preaching to me about the "1 partner for life.marry your 1st"
den she ask me how many girls ive had.
den i looked at her and told her she was nuts to marry the 1st person.
reasonin thus so.
--------------------------------------------
as you're together wit a person,
the initail period is 1 x orgas.
everything is smple,you live for her,she live for you kinda shit.
any problem can be overcome.
as time comes along,
more factors come into play.
tiredness makes you revert to a whole diff person.(juz fyi,wen im tired,im either nuts,grumpy,emo but always cranky)
diff situations bring out diff sides of you (possessiveness ftl.)
all this things you will NEVER NOTICE if its just your first.
and what more,
as you go thru this kinda shit,
you'll begin to realise what truly matters to you.
things you've never thought would matter cuz you're "oh so strong, so determined in the face of troubles" all that crap,
when you're down,you realise that you need sumthin.
and its this lil things tad you realise become so impt.
for one,i juz realised how impt it is to have sum1 who knows howta say the right things to bring you outta the slump.
it doesnt hafta be nice words.
sure you mite wanna be pampered and shit,
but sumtimes you too need a splash o h20 in the face to jolt your ass from the isle of self pity and get back on the road.
the ahrd aprt is finidin the one who knows when to do what.
and tads juz one of the qualities im def lookin for now that ive never bothered considering before.
so many itty witty bitty things that you'll only find out about yourself and wad you need aft you've been thru all it.
so aft all of this my mummy juz said"okay.juz dun get too attached"
den i looked at her and told her she was nuts again.lol.
how can you be in a relationship and not be attached pls.-_-
alien concept.
shrugs.
i told her i'll rather truly care for sum1 and hurt den play games.
den she said i was not wise.
den juz juz gave her my "LOOK TO END ALL ARGUEMENTS"
den she "okay wad you want for dinner.
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

okie.
niwae.
i dunno wad the point of all this is for.
but yea.
juz random thought spilling forth.
Q_Q is ftw.
if it speaks to you,hurrah and hooray.
if it doesnt, LISTEN TO THE SONG BELOW ITS NAIS.

hahaha on a funnah note, lets end this wit sumthin i found esp quirky.
spewin shit wit a fren den rephased it for blog readin purposes

________________________________________
ADVERTISTMENT

LOOKING FOR A PRICELESS FEMALE WHO WILL <3 ME BIG TIME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE,IS EVERYTHIN I WANT.
________________________________________
REPLY

AND HOW WOULD YOU PAY FOR SUMTHIN SO PRICELESS
________________________________________

WITH SUMTHIN EQUALLY PRICELESS.
myself.
________________________________________

how much will you do to get wad you want?:)
how much you desire it will be the tellin point.
how much do you desire it?are you sure that much?


thats
one last mental titbit nibble for the day.:)

peace out.

Yours truly,

3SG (SOON TO BE MR OMG I ORD) Benjamin Ng
3DA Bn Ops Spec
63184933

song of the moment

ciara's i found myself.

gimme a msn msg if you want it.
its worth the time to send it trust me.:D





I Found Myself lyrics

So long
Farewell


Hello, to the new me
The better me
That's right
My Life...

[Verse 1:]
21, and I've realized,
Everything you want's not meant to be.
21 then you qualify,to stand up to responsibilities.
So I tried to prioritize
By deciding what I know is best for me.

And then there's always, love that tries to trip you up.
You try to catch yourself before you hit the ground.
But nothings promised.
Friends are there to cheer you up,
To give you strength and mend you up when you are down.
So I set sail emotion

[Chorus:]
I saySo long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been throughI found myself.[

Verse 2:]
22, I hope that I'm,
With someone who truly cares for me.
If I'm not, I'll be alright,
I'll accept the time i know God has for me.
One day I'll be the perfect wife.
That's what destiny,
And i won't be afraid to trythough is always....

Love that tries to trip you up
But then someone who sweep you off the ground,
But nothings promised.
I'm not gonna give it upJ
ust because the last one let me down.
So I set sail emotion.

[Chorus:]
I say
So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
My ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been through
I found myself.

[Verse 3:]
I'm looking out for me,
Taking care of my needs.
Life isn't guaranteed,
It's time to start living.
It wont always be the same,
Can't be afraid of change.
You wanna have your way,
Demand till your Satisfied
You lower your self esteem,
You gotta live your dream.
It's all bout confidence,
To let them know that you can stand up.
You never try,
Learn to express you mind.
Sometimes you gotta fight,
It's your life so don't you give up.

[Chorus:]
I say
So long, farewell,
My life's moving forward.
That ship has sailed,
And I'm so glad it's over.
My heart is well,
After all that I've been through
I found myself.
After all that I've been throughI found myself.........

why?

sumtimes i wonder why i bother,why i care.

and then it comes to me.

its a choice.

so why bother
so why care.

screw this shit.

1 x emo post.:D

okie.
emo post.
im feelin very very very emo.
very very very very sian.
very very very down.

/cast icebox
/cast wipe mind.
/cast forget about shit
/cast do other stuff
/cast auto pilot mode.

end of post.
on another note.
i got my musiq back.
woot.lagi househ emo mood + my old music lagi emo.shiok.

tragedy loves misery.

how would you tell a person you've been tinkin of him/her all day wen you cant.
hahahaha.
its been a shitty day
aao over so things been slowing down,
back to the usual TUANG TUANG TUANG lifestylezzzzz
which is good cuz ive been about driven half mad by the high pace lifestyle as of recent days.

was dam shiok day yest.
was DIM SUM BUFFET DAY.
went to this hotel and for like 18 bucks total,ate a whole shitload of har gao,cheee chong farn and lotsa other stuff.was dam shiok pls.

much thnx to Mr Troll,fyshie,alv,g for invites pls thanx.
dam value for monies pls.
next time pple wanna get fat i sure bring ya'll there.:D

den we juz walked and chilled for such a long time,
walkin from there till esplanade and sat at the seaside and juz talked.:D
its been such a long time since da guys had juz time out to chill and talk about shit besides wow.
i mean we talk in game and all,but bein in the meat is juz sumthin diff i guess.:P
not gonna change my lifestlye tho.
hahaha.:D

niwea.
kudos to bros.

shall hit wow now.
needta farm my primals for my cloth.cya.

backdate 1 week.:D

before readin the entry below,backdate it one week.
its been on ice in my mailbox.
was waitin for fysh to send me pics but he was too lazy too,
so ignore all the references to pictars,
cuz i wanna know where to slide em in when he eventually does.
:D

________________________________________________________________
okie.
im finally sittin in my office so this should be a rather complete entry insteada of the 1231241231415212412312312313 billion drafts on my blogger that ive abandoned halfway due to multitude of reasons the most prominent of them being WoW.
niwaez.

lets do a quick recap of the highlights in the past few weeeeeeekkkzzz.

1)added to my list of things to make me sound old and wise to my kids next time.

"ah boy,you know,i was there wen the grand lady of kallang decided to die and i was there when she woke up again"

aye,
thanks to philipy and his 1337 contactzz,
me and fyshie were there to watch ah cheks of le lao jiao sg team draw with the ah peks of le tiger team from malaysia,before the new generation got ripped apart by the likes of viduka.

it was dam shiok nite,
ended off wit a stroll down memory lane,
with me remembering the man u matches i watched there,
my times in the press box with daddy covering sleague games,
grandstand wit mummy watchin those good ol malaysia vs sg matches where even the entire grandstand area would all take part in the kallang wave.

however,
i juz have this funny feelin that wen she next arises next,
it'll juz start with "EFFIN DO THE WAVE NUBS WAVEEEE WAVEEE WAVEEEEEEEEEE" and lol.
the whole fury will be there again.
kekekeke.stir emotions up ftw.

then there was SAFD parade for me,
a 100 min torture for all parade participants on teh square,
representing our nation.
and now tad its all over,
proud?aye,
worth the pain?aye.
but whilst doing it? = *mutters mutters curse curse*
part i liked most about it?

troopin of colors.
if you juz closed your eyes for a sec and imagined,
bonfires for light,darkness all arnd,you @ salute as your colors march thru your lines.
even the most cynical NSF will get a tingle.

if he doesnt,then he juz has sucky imagination.
:D

next notable thing...XFROMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!
omfomgomgomgomfomgomgomfgomfomgo.
awesome show pls.
caught it with fysh n ian and it was dam shiok.
WTB BUMBLEBEE PLS.
den i zhng with green pain ftw.
part i liked most was "if he's such an advanced robot and all,why does he transform into sucha lousy piece of junk"
and den bumblebee threw their asses outta the car.ROFL.

cant really remember the rest...
but next activity up on the list should be tonite's outing with g and fyshie.
hopefully can catch harry potter but g caught it with her trixssssss so dunno.
maybe hafta ask alv and see if midnite showz.

AND ON AN AWESOME NOTE,JIE IS BACK!!1
/CLAP CLAP CLAP + /CHEER CHEER CHEER
1 more person @ home to irritate!
wooot.

okkie
im a lil high on my painkillers now.
ponstan or sum sorta shit.
why am i on painkillers?
cuz ive a root canel,
which means now i hafta eat using the left side of my mouth,and basically wen i eat,you'll see me tilting my head to the left and lookin like a quizzical squirrel.:@

PAIN SUCKS PLS THANKS.:@


on a more serious note,
im totally addicted to icebox by omarion la.
dam shiok soing pls.
and you can emo to it too.:)

but honestly,
i tink im at a xroad in my life again,
and i hafta make a choice.
quandory of possiblities aye.?
man i juz love these multi-syllabic phrases that can sum up everythin you're tinkin about.
okie.
i shall now go on lunch break cuz its my time and if i dun go,i'll lose out on sleepin time.
NSF is FTL.
more updatezzzzzzz.laterz..



p.s the painkillers are wicked la.
evilevil.

update.:D

as promised,photos and a runnin commentary.:D



the work behind the scenes.











































thanks again fyshie,alv,ian,druggie.:D

the beast and teh beauties.
smile on my face easily explained.:D
















same here. /raises eyebrows towards the left 2.KEKEKEKE.




























family by trust, love and loyalty,














family by loyalty and brotherhood and WAY WAY WAY TOO MUCH INTIMATE LOVING..

demonstrated thus...my unglam raped-on-bdae-experienced.

bros via WAY WAY TOO MUCH SWEAT.

roll call done.:D

the cake.:)

the best family in the world,and wads more,by BLOOD.:D

the girls and uncle chivas,who was empty before the cake was cut.lol.

cck trolls/pioneer ftw.

where one rape is never nuf.:P

once again,thank you all for makin it awesome.

and g.you owe me a pic.bdae entry aint done till we get a pic.delayed but nonetheless.

much love.and more updates once im done with wow.:D

bdaE!!!!

im 21!!!!
not old nuf to be wise, not young nuf to be stupi.
thus enters a new stage in life.
:D

as im about to go back to camp,aint really got much to say,
juz gonna put a shoutout.
will post pics next time i get home.
which will prob be this fri.:D

thanks:

1) to mummy,daddy,sister.:)
for helpin me make the food tad you guys wolfed down.:)

2) relatives,
blood is thicker then water, Godma,5th uncle,3rd auntie,2nd auntie,everyone who came.:)

3rd) Fysh,Alv,Est,Ian,
for helpin me set up stuff and chillin wit me before the party.:)

4th)Qi,Mail,Per,Angela
for being the smileys at a seriously too many guys party.:D
but imma guys' guy so :P

5th)maris stella hoes.
dud,wickermasuriya joshua kane ta- shu ya,giant and kenneth.:P
no thanks for teh raping you guys gave me tho.
still got bruises.:@

6th)ming and ziyang.:P
my ns f-buddies.:P

7th) last but not least.tad special girl tad told me she wasnt coming but still travelled from TAMPINES all the way over to come over to sleep @ fyshes house.rofl.:P Thanks GROWLIA!!!!!much love kplstnx.
mai angst me kthnx bye:D


thank you all for makin my 21's sumtin special.:D

BDAE BDAE DAE

YHALLOTHAR

G'day all yee who beckon at me blog's doorstep..

You are cordially invited to be amongst the " DEARLY BELOVED GATHERED HERE TODAY TO WITNESS" me 21 years of life on this miserable place.:D

please keep your 23 of this month free(tads 23rd June for you civilians, 230607 for ns nutwits), prob arnd 7+ like tad ba(230607 19XX for the nutwits).
my place.
come casually dressed pls.
dun come all pimped out cuz if i dun feel like it,you niggas gonna be cookin your own food.KEKEKE.
i intend to have....
YUMMY SAMBAL SOTONG + STINGRAYS!!!!!!!!!
sotong/fish/meat/ balls to eat.
sausages,beef,pork(no halal kthanxbye)chicken.
1 x yummy ++.
chicken wings i guess.never liked em but yea.a must have at a bbq eh?-_-
SO NO FANCY FANCY CLOTHES.
if not i will throw thee into dey pool.


however,im quite open to the idea of headin out to a nights out in town aft tad soo.......
hmm.
never mind.
tad problem you solve yourself.
kekeke.
i go upstairs and shower kan alr.:D

just in case ya'll wondering wtf is this directed to,that means YOU reading this thing.
guys,girls,straight,lesbian(/drool) -no gays pls thanks.if you gay pls read sumthin else kthnxbyeb4ibitchslapyou.
wow buddies,maris,church,pjc,kindergarden,st andrews primary,family, the girl i met on da street and never spoke to before come please thanx.
no NS PPLE EXCEPT FOR COURSEMATES PLS THANX:@
i intend to leave my workplace for a good 5 days.
!!@!@!#!@!^!@)!*@!)!@&!^!@)!@&#!@)#*!@#

ns can go suck my hind tit.

back to the invitation.
DO NOT COME EMPTY HANDED K THANX.
EVERY YEAR NO BDAE PREZ IS 1 X LE SIAN.
every year also same excuse.
"dunno wad you want"

OKIE NVM I TELL YOU NOWS.

1 x ipod video.(my !@#!@#! ipod died on me.need new life pls kthanx.juz inc case you smartasses have a line to say.MUSIC = my life.):@
1 x levis 512 jeans.bleached patterns please.dun worry about altering imma guy i ownself go goadim.
1 x sony viao lappy(dunno model name,but its 2.7k).(this one if a girl buys for me i propose to you please kthanx.shit.if a guy buys me this i also propose.)
1 x acoustic guitar(self explained.mat rock ftw pls thanks)
1 x lifetime supply of WoW subscription cards(KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE)
1 x guitar effects pedal(if ya'll know wad its called,i want the blue cream tone one.wanna play blues ftw thannx)
many x shirt/t-shirts. (please dun be a kok and buy M please i'll slap you tombaleh..me = slightly big thanx.dun intend to stop breathing while i walk down the raod entirely and faint from hypoxia(tink i spell wrong but dun care))

eh.tads all i can tink of now,in work so thought processes a lil gimped.
it is my official policy that whist workin,i only use the brain cells on the little head and not the big one.

HOWEVER.
should you chose to come empty handed.
DUN WORRY!!!!!!
i got instant solution.

1 x money.(if you aint got no moneh take yo broke ass home.okay no kiddin pls please stay.i know all guys are broke and being left alone in a party of girls is not exactly fun.eh wait.maybe not.okie take your broke ass home thanx.:D)

1 x hugs.guys,girls wadever pls thanks.thanks to alla you for being there at 1 point or another and helpin me cling on to/lose my sanity.:D

1 x kisses. girls only pls thanks.on any orally accessible spot tad is pg.i tink ym parents will be there.:D any male foo comes and plants one on me imma slap you stupid.(ESP YOU MARIS !@#! . i know my kissin prowess legendary but not for you kthanx)


If all else fails,
nvm come empty handed,:)
your presence there will mean the world to me.
i mite not always be with you(so many diff grps of pple to speak to/thank)
but every single one is appreciated.:)
much love pls.

23 June 07,
Palm Gardens.
Opposite Keat Hong LRT.
if you kenot see it,buy a dog tad can read.
if cannot find a dog tad reads,buy a hungry dog,he oughta be able to smell the food.
Call me to get in,
you wanna come earlier and help juz volunteer so my parents dun hafta help so much.:)
i'll prob be takin off on 21,22,24,25 so yea.lets go have some fun please.:)

adulthood beckons and to be honest,with the exception of being ready to settle down and really study,the rest can go fly kite pls.:D
life has just begun.:)

thanks for readin.
gimme a reply if you comin so i know agar agar how much food to prepare.

pictars.

jie n me...

1 x photowhore .-_-















the queen and her brood.















ernest tryin to master the art of smilin 2 the camera















oh hell no.not the naggin AGAIN!!!!















stage 2 of naggin = sleepin.















monkey see?monkey hear?monkey say? all masi kenot.















once again.:P















gah again.:((


heh.
mummy's day was awesome.:) for more msn me pls.:)
i shall regale with you tales.:)

wow.

heh.

this is for those pple who wonder wad ive been up to.:)

1 x nasty maiden down.:)

joke of the day

juz remembered this joke wen i came abck from my uncle's COA installation parade

ah beng was in america and he went to the bank with 200SGD and asked fer US bucks.
he got back 90USD and was grumbling away at the exchange rate.
he then wentt out and realised he had not anought money and hadta go back too the bank again.
so the next day he went back to the bank wit 200SGD and asked fer US bucks.
this time,he only got back 85USD.
den ah beng was dam tulan alr so he asked the cashier "EH WHY LIKE TAD.YOU TRYIN TO CHEAT ME ISIT."
the cashier den replied "fluctuations" and pressed fer the next person in line.
den ah beng was dam pissed off den wen he left the bank he shouted bank "FLUC you americans too!"

lolololol

ponders n jokes

hmm.
its been a dam long while since i last blogged so yea.:)
its about time.
im currently sittin on a lean back chair in my ops room mannin it during the lunch break hours where everyone goes off to sleep.:P

hahaha.
niwaez.
i've realised sumthin recently about asians.
its this thing called image.
i dunno isit cuz of my dealins with pple from other races,
but i realise asians are extremely particular about how they are viewed by others.
im not say that others arent,but asian chinese especially..
like they need to feel like they are frens n liked by everyone,
will do things that they dun like/hafta make a huge effort juz to be in that person's good books.
which doesnt make alot of sense to me unless that person has umthin to offer you.
tke it as im calculative or what,but i juz think that sumtimes one juz needs to be honest wit oneself to achieve alot more.

i look at couple non asian chinese frens of mine n they totally dun care about pple that they dun wanna care about.
the rules are there to be abided but now becomes subjects of.
if they like you,they gonna chat with you,take time to chillout with you,generally show interest to you.
on the other hand,if they dun have any particular thing to do with you,they wunt really other at all.
which will not happen fer us cuz we have the mentaility that we hafta please everybody.
i tink its sumthin to do with the fact that we always think of pple as business contacts.
like we muz alwayts maintain good relations cuz we never know when sum1 will be of value to us and all that kinda nonsense.
but the hassle about it sumtimes givers me pause as to the overall feasibility of it..
i dunno.
but as off late i figure im gettin more n more heck care about the things/pple that ive always cared about as a matter of mentality as now i feel like ive been foolish all that while.
frenships are nice.
but i tink brotherhoods rule.
on hindsight.
i tink i did th right thing in being in an all boys school all my life.
sure i may be hopeless at understanding girls n communicating to em.
but i'll take 1 close knit og brothers over 1 huge grp of normals frens.
tou know wad i mean?
like brothers that'll on your" eh $%@!# . kin. go out pls."
they'll reply "^*$%&%$& dun wan la.go where.NO MONIES "
or " huh.okie lo.do wad"
but eventually the reply = "wad time where.confirm den tell me"
simple communication n minimal hassle = good time out there enjoyin each others company.:)


oh wells.
anough pondering for today.
used up my aily allocation of brain cells there alr.
juz food for your thought.
take it back n digest.

life's been good today.
since my S3 is on leave.
today = slack day.
i have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING except come into office,update the BN strength n duty list for today,
and then sit down to read SAF forums.
SAF forums = jokes + WoW stuff.
HAHAHA
but ive juz about exhausted the jokes pages.
read too dam fast i swear.
its like 100 pages n ive done abouu 70 since last thurs wen i found out about it.:(

heh.
weekend was good.
sat was STOMP THE YARD DAY!!!!!!
with fysh n mudkip.
extremely good time out wit em please.
watchin fysh drool over his crush n mudkip naggin us about school work-_-
fun fun fun.:)
felt dam good to get outta the house n juz go out to relax.:)
WoW gets you stressed sumtimes too.:P
hahaha
who's mudkip?
mudkip=g
i have a picture that'll explain all but its currently on hold status while i see if she upholds her bargain.:P
if she doesn den you'll see sumthin akin to nightmare vale photo on fysh's blog.
HBAAHA.
mudkipmudkipmudkip loloolo.:P











































on a totally seperate page.
i finally got the trophy fer soccer alr, and i won 2nd in the SAFSA hockey tourney.:P
scored 7/9 of the team's goals so im feelin poretty good.
flip side is that my knee is kinda screwed and still is kinda screwed.
hruts like hell.
the circle is gold.:P
1st fer soccer in the RSAF compition.:P

check it out n drool over MADE IN CHINA trophies.:P
new additions to the ones gatherin dust in my cupboard.:P





































































last but not least.
my 3 jokes fer today.:)


ah beng joke number 1.

ah beng bought himself a brand new nissan skyline and went to ZHNG it until swee den den took it to ah lian to show off.

ab:Eh check out my new car.sibei swee can.it goes so fast even faster den ma ta qia
al:wah really ar?
ab:really.it go so fast you macham like racing like tad.sibei song one wen you tak the you.
al:eh you let me try can???
ab:okay lo.you wait i go straight road.
on the straight road ah beng lets ah lian take the wheel.
ah lian puts the car in gear,slams the accelerator to the floow n promptly the car zooms backwards n slams into a lamp post.
ah beng freaks outs n SPRINTS OVER screamin " SIAO CHAR BOR WAD DID YOU DO?AN ZHUA YOU GO BACKWARD!!!!!!"
ah lian den sheepishly replies"but i tot the r = racing wad."


ah lian calls ah beng up 1 day
al:eh beng ah.come n help me lehz.i got this jigsaw puzzle very hard to do lehz.
ab:huh.where got hard.juz mix n match the edges can alr wad.
al:i know lehz.but it ver hard can come help me?
ab:hiaz.wad kinda picture so cheem one
al:sum pic of a boy eatin sumthin loz.
ab:aiyah okay la limbei come n help.
so ah beng drives over to the ah lians house n ah lian lets him in n shows him the puzzle.
ah beng turns arnd on her n tells her
"eh siao ah.put the cornflakes back in the box can?"


and for the more politically astute.

1 day the pope n queen e were on this balcony lookin at the crowds below.
the queen said"i bet with 1 wave of myhand i can make all the nglish below us scream wild n wave madly back at me"
the pop doesnt agree n take the queen up.
the queen den proceeds to gently wave at the crowd n ture enough,the entire street of english start cheering madly,waving frantically n basically doin everythin but go beserk.
the pope stares in disbelief.
den he tells the queen"double or nothing.i bet witha nod of my head,i can make all the irish cheer madly fer a whole WEEK"
the queen thinkin its impossible takes him up.
the pope den leans close to the queen n nods his head,in the processin headbuttin the queen to the floor.

kekeke
enjoy.
wow time.:)

realism

okie.
lets start of by dispellin the 1st myth of today.
there is no such thing as "healthy pain"
i refer to the aches that come aft healthy exercise.
had a SAFSA hockey tourney yest.
man.
outta shape wunt begin to cover it.:(
i juz learnt a new level of pain with regards to sore muscles.
and my knee is bent outta shape so much so wen i roll over in sleep i bite off a scream of pain cuz i can literally feel my joints grating.:(
pain pain pain.
but it was worth it as i won a silver medal.:P
this comin from a team that nearly didnt field cuz we didnt haf enuf players.
the average age of our team was 38.lol.
agains all 20+s from Guards,Navy n the other divisions.
all my team were warrant officers.all dam outta form.left me n this OCT to run arnd the entire pitch.
by the end of the 1st game i was so winded i was twisted in half.-_-
boh kui pls.:(

i would show you the trophy but since my sister happily took both the digital cameras in the house.i cant.

juz got back from watchin 300 with fysh.
who drags me outta the house away from the com nowadays.lol.
cuz i refuse to do anithin but focus on gettin my axe in WoW.
its a pretty sweet show.:)

but i still wanna watch the will smith show.
anyone wanna accompany please?:)

niwaez.
im gonna go back to gaming.
cya next post wen im emo.:P

hope n hurt

hmm.
this is gonna be one of those long emo posts.
so yea.
if you aint in da mood dun bother.:P


life really is such a cruel lil bit of humanhood aint it.
without hope,
one hardly finds joy in living.
wakin up is a chore,
goin thru your daily motions is a chore.
you have nothing to look forward to.
on the other hand,
wit hope,
comes this word and event in life tad happens all too often:
disappointment.

disappointment.
dictionary defined:to fail to meet the hope of.
ben defined:being let down wen you truly believe.

i dunno why is it this way,
but pple i care for,
im totally impervious to their faults,
i turn a blind eye.
to me,
even if they fault,
its a slip up.
nothing more,
nothing less.
and went they look apologetically at me,
the wrong is gone,
and i truly believe they wunt ever do it again.
but sumtimes these things turn arnd n bite you in the ass.
and tads wen disppointment comes about.
wen i fall,
i fall hard i guess.

it takes really REALLY alot of fallin n hurtin before i learn my lesson i guess.
and much of it i always end up askin myself is it worth it.
the way i feel now is not strangly unfamiliar.
its happened once before.
and juz as strongly as i tot i would be crushed then,
i feel the same.
but yet im still here.
and that thought should comfort me shouldnt it?
or not.

where is the point where enough is enough.
where you call it quits for yourself.
i truly know not.
cuz i truly believe in the pple i care for,
much like each n every parent would their child.
i dunno.
maybe cuz i was brought up in an environment where i learnt the true meanin of love from mummy.
and this kinda love has no place in the world except in a family.

i rememeber sumthin jie told me wen she sat down wit me sumtime ago.
hmm.
quite a while ago.:D
since she went away fer quite abit.
she was tellin me about her n zn and how i was wit qi.
and she told me as much as herself.

maybe we juz love too much.
and thus hurt too much.

and wen it comes down to it.
maybe tad is the clue and answer to all my troubles.

ne-yo has this song.
so sick?

i love this song.
its sooooo bitter,
but yet it has such painfully close emotions.
i dunno.
i juz connect wit sad emotional r&b songs.
pfft.
maybe its the sadist within.

so sick of love song,
so tired of tears,
so done wit wishin,
tad you were still here,
said im so sick of love songs,
so sad n stoned,
......

apt.
i guess.
in life certain lessons hafta be learnt the hard way.

it was a certain incident a coupla days back tad made me sign my 1st 2 extras in ns.
a certainn call tad left me annoyed before i went to bed,
woke up late,
went into work late,
got screwed n basically didnt care n numbed myself to it all,
and yea,generally thought it was goin to be "one of those days"
den got caught playin risk on the computer n signed 2 extras fer it.
ridiculous rite.
and now i wunt be home fer the whole cny hols.
go figure i guess.

/wrists

my sir was talkin to me whilst giving me those extras.
he was sayin"you had better be more positive,you'll never surivie ns witout apositive attitude.
if you dun find sumthin to spark your life you'll end up destroyin yourself"
and i tink its relly thru.
later that day,
recieved a mail from a fren who had no clue of wad happened,
but yet the mail said more of less the exact same thing.
and i was like"word from God,time to take heed ben"
and i tried it,
wakin up early,
reporting to work early everyday,
and yea,
it works,i dun get into ANY trouble anymore,
but tho im safe in my work environment now,
wad of myself.
im still absurdly adject n seperated from my surroundings.
i dun really relate to em anymore.
im like a zombie walkin arnd fer all the emotion i feel.

i doubt its really healthy?
sooner of later its gonna come out i juz hope it comes out smoothly n n gut wrenchingly.

life's a bitch,
cuts like a stitch,
dun moan n bitch,
you're the only one tad can do sumthin about it.

sinseh words from ben.:P

sighz
i dun even know wd i wanna say.
impassive is my middle name now.
juz watchin lief pas me by i guess.
meanwhile watchin out fer my driving tests dates.
time to pass n do it well.
i wanan drive by my birthday.

ruddy hell

hahaha.
EST-TAD"S CUZ YOU ARENT SWEET N INNOCENT.:@

D- LEARN.:P

i haf no idea why my stupid tagboard cant open but yea.:) since ya'll can tag i shall reply here den.:P

its been a crappy WEEK.
sick,didnt get mc,hadta cope in camp all doped up.
n sumhow everyone forgot n yea.
i kept gettin shat dumped on me n in trouble.
:@:@:@:@:@
seriously a bad day man.

horrendous.:@
but my day juz got brightened by AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 6 pls.
LAFFED MY WAY FOR A WHOLE HOUR at those nubs.
lol.
cant take it.
WOOT.
2nd part started.
btw,
juz reformatted my com.
it'll be a while before im back to normal online.:P
heh.
TATA.
miss ya'll loads.

HATE NS LOADS TOO.

ahahaha

off dudley's blog.
man.if only it was true man.:P
how good would it be to be irresistable.:P

"SWEET DUDE":P

hahahahaha

the rare relief

hmm.
im FINALLY BACK FOR THE WEEKEND WHICH ISNT A WEEKEND AFT ALL.
/cry + /bawl + /depressed FTL(for the non gamer community,ftl= for the loss)
why?
cuz its another short weekend like last week.
why?
cuz tml at bloody 2 pm,imma get recalled to unit.
how do i know?cuz imma stupid ops spec.
and this stupid ops spec has been workin from 7-30 am every bloody mornin till 11+ every single stupid night,missin the dinner timin at the cookhouse and gettin tao paued food in from my workaholic master sgt who doesnt let us go till his gan chiong spider within has been fully appeased.:@
tad's an avrg of 13 hrs a day of NON-STOP piaing work.
WHICH IS NOT THE KIND OF LIFE THIS NSF WANTS TO LEAD:@:@:@:@

extremely tired,
gettin 10 mins breaks is a blessin which i immediately go into the next room,flop my head on my forearm n start snoring.
basically all in all,a ridiculous work week.
shacked beyond all measure man.:P

but im finally gone!!!!!!
WOOT!!!
hmm.
but tis gonna be a choco filled weekend.:)
which im glad for.
God knows im in for sum free-from-all-responsibilities fun.:)

so its gonna be hardcore wow tonight as im on baby duty tonight,
and aft recall,
imma head to st james wit 2 grps of mates!!!
1st grp be my AFS mates,with whom i have discovered that clubbin wit a buncha "on" guys is better den clubbin wit a bunch of chick-hunters.
seriously i have more fun doin nonsense stuff wit em den wit the hunters.:)
2nd grp be my beloved maris bros with whom i'll shed skin for if not blood.:P
dudley n timmy!!!!!!my aussie bit%% brudder.:P

juz hope it wunt be too crowded n ns boy infested.
if it is.....................................
POKER TIME.:P

heh.:)
man i so wan sum chill out time.:)

really hope i get a good weekend.:) bringin my family out for dinner this weekend too.:)
much love that way.:)

its feels SO DAM GOOD to be outta camp.
:P

FINALLY.an update

before i start,
song of the moment.:P

SUGARCULT's MEMORY

This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back,
back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.
I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.

This may never start.
I'll tear us apart.
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year.
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything.

So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.

Holding on to feel the same.
This may never start.
Tearing out my heart.
I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.(I'd be your memory)
Feelings disappeared.
Can I be your memory?
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.
Just like I imagine.I could never feel this way.
So get back, back, back to the disaster.
My heart's beating faster.
Holding on to feel the same.
This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?


no meanin whatsoever,
but go downld the acoustic version.
1 x (y)


heh.
life been good as of late.
im now the overworked n underpaid ops spec in 3da.
life is stressful cuz i work under e 3rd muz impt dude n he's got a megalomaniac complex tad is quite freaky on his underlings.
so we work under constant fear each day.
we get really short lunch breaks cuz we're understaffed.
so lunch is insteada 1.5 hrs is like .5 hrs instead.
which sucks big blue thumbs pls.

otherwise.
im gettin better at wow.
i've rolled a 2nd char so yea.:P
levellin it up alot fast den my 1st 2.
beyond that.
nothing much.

im no longer wit qi.
so you pple can stop askin me whether im still wit her wenever you see her wit other guys.
i appreciate the gesture tho.:))
makes me know im loved.:))

druggie's finally back in singapore.
slept at 11 last nite,
woke up at 430 to shower n get ready,
den went to the mrt to catch the 1st train down cuz her flight was supposed to land at 630.
looked at the 1st train timin the timign to get the airport,
realised there's no way in the cold blue hell i was gonna reach there in time,
got off the platform,cabbed there wit ruddy midnight surcharge still on(yes it was dam bloody early),
den went to the airport to walk anrd n wait.:))
finally saw her.:)) gave my regards n headed to fysh's to chill out before headin home.

i realise in life change is inevitable.
n i dunno why i resist it so.
even wen its for the better,
its for my own personal good,
i resist change.
n while the world moves on,
i get left behind n have only myself to blame.
this cant go on.
i wanna be able to achieve better things.
n the state i am now will not have tad kinda results.
simply stated.
either i change or condemn myself.

all in all.
life's been good.
my 2 closer female frens in pj who went overseas are back so there's a lil more cheer in me.
my sista aint comin back.:(
im not exactly enthralled wit my job but as with the sayin i've learnt,
"when shit comes,it comes in hugeass lumps"
so yea.
not exactly awe inspirin words,
but defintely very VERY true.
it never comes in lil bits tad you can handle.

frustration

so much has been happenin lately.
i dunno why but im juz so filled wit frsutration im totally annoyed.
like bite your head off in 1 big chomp kinda pissed off.
sighz.

niwaez.
update on me now.
i've graduated my course in AFS,
im now in 3DA,my last n final postin,where i'll get my 3rd n hopefully 4th stripe.
i got posted to OPs room,which means i work ina office kinda environment,
workin directly under a major.
the major's a MAJOR pain in the ass,so it aint exactly a good thing.
good thing is tad i dun pull tad many duties so i oughta be able to get my weekends pretty frequently.
which if i had gone to either missle batteries insteada overseein em like im doin now,i wouldnt haf.
i dunno why im so frustrated actually.
i should be rejoicing.
but im still feelin disruntled.
maybe its the pple im posted with.
in this move to the ops room,
im seperated from my closest course mates n their enjoyments,
the tv,dvds n all the other nonsense tad we do in AFS.
stuff tad i was so lookin forward to wen i came to unit.

things wit qi are also extremely frustratin.
the line tad was so clearly drawn once has eroded to sumthin so insignificant.
i myself dun know where i stand anymore.
n i dunno wad im doin.
i feel hopeless n helpless.
sighz.

screw it.
im done talkin.
coupla pics from the past coupla weeks.

:)

here's a lil bit of wad its all about.:))

at long last

heh.
as i juz got cussed on my own blog fer not updatin,
(fer fysh's entertainment wen wow is down fer maintainence i suspect.:P)
i shall update now.
heh.
the reasonf er the lack of updates is cuz i've been wowin on the weekends n the com here in AFS doesnt allow you to log into blogger fer sum security reason,
which is quite absurd since they allow us to send mail n its alot easier to sent sensitive material thru email den to do it via blogger dun you tink so?
but yea.
nuf with the outta pointness.
im currently doni this via email,
typin this via yahoo mail n sendin it to my self so wen i book out all i needta do is copy n paste n backdate it to the corect date.
reason:i dun wanna gif up wow time.
its the 1st time im up to such a high level the feelin's exhileratin.
this is the furthest i've been in the game n the feelin is quite shiok.
imma shadow priest,an officer in the guild(which i 70+% singaporean),maxed out both my professions,which i've never done before in all my yrs playin via my stupid alaraintok.
so yea.
im really really happy wit the way things are turnin out fer me in the game now.
wen i get abck all i needta do is level 1.2 times n i oughta be able to take part in the zg raid alr.
which is awesomely 1137 cuz i've never done a raid before.
EPIX here i come.
wad else is new in my life.


hmmm.
this being wednesday mornin.
as of today,
im officailly no longer wit miss qq.
reasons i shall not cite cuz i told myself tad its my fault as much as anybody's.
so i shall juz keep my mouth shut.
but yea.
its official,
its infal,n its over.
im fine,im okie,im numb.
reason will be explained later.

you know.
its been such a long time since i've updated this thing.
i found myself wantin to update this wen a certain sum1 left in her honor,
but up till today,
i've yet to do so cuza WoW.
i shall do it now.

in the past 3 months,
i've lost almuz all the close non attached to me famels in my life in one sense or the other.
druggie left 1st,
maisie 2nd,
n now jie,juz last fri.
one reason why i'm so cold regardin the break is cuz i haf no more emotional energy left to feel anithin aft jie left.

the number of females i hold in my confidence are few n far between.
lets try listin em.
hmmm.
jie,ma,druggie,maise,g,rah(if she would bother to pick up the phone),n maybe one or two other in my pj frens n elsewhere tad are stil findin my way into full confidence.
yea.
literally a handful.
so yea.
their leaving has affected me alot.
i dunno why it is so.
this pple are the pple i go to wenever i feel down,
wenever i juz need to be TOTALLY n ABSOLUTELY truthful fer comfort n hopefully a solution or insight tad would point me the rte way.
the fact tad i can be so comfortable arnd em allows em to say perfunctuary statements tad lead to my eventual realisation of solutions n hard facts pertainin to the situation tad i hafta face despite denyin em fer ages.
of those liestedn
i dun tink there's one tad has not heard of my problems wit qi at one point or another.
they all dun haf the full picture,
as i go to a different everytime sumthin pops up so as to get a totally neutral perspective,n at the same time protect qi but yea.no avail.wad's done's done.
comin back to the topic at hand.

since i'ce written sumthin fer druggie alr.
here's sumthin fer mei.

that meal we went out fer's probably sumthin i'll remember fer the longest time.
i doubt you realise it,but its only the 2nd time we've ever been out together to actually sit down n talk witout pple's eyes on us.
the 1st been way back in sec 4 wen we were out shoppin fer sutff to bring fer retreat in june but never did end up buyin anythin n i remember you made me wait fer FORTY-FIVE MINS n arrived witout a ruffle in your hair,no apologies n juz said "lets go"
hahaha.
i can still remember fumin inside at far east's lobby.
den quitely followin you as you went out lookin fer your stuff.
i remember not really havin to buy anithin,but juz wantin to go out wit you.
those were innocent joyous days i guess.
i can still remember REAL days,
where we all saw each other almuz everyday,3 months at a go.
i remember how you would always rush into class late,
how you,jie n jeanie n sam would juz talk amongst yourselves whilst i hadta forge out an altogether new brotherhood wit clemon,blindly gropin outa way whilst i envied the intimacy tad was already in place wit ya'll.
i still remember tad bus ride wit your brother where you look clem in the face and said to me n your bro."never mind,clemon like me wad.rite clem."
n suddenly he turned beetred n you had abosolutely no clue you hit the nail rite on the head n i juz laffed till i turned blue whilst your brother turned to you n siad "wah kaoz,you're really too much"n watched you turned away.
made fer a extrememyl awkward yet entertainin bus ride.
i recall the jc yrs,where we slowly grew apart,you wit your dance life n all,me wit my hockey.
how we would rarely talk,but how we always seem to click wen united fer any project by church,be it dance or wadsoever.
effortlessly i would say.
how as we matured,so did our conversations,our mannerisms n the way we treat each other.
lastly,that meal we went out fer before you left,
how the auntie came out n teased us to no end.
left me rollin wit lafta as we bother desperately tried to convinced her i was attached n you had your boy.
tinkin bout the auntie who kapped a lil our our ice cream still puts a smile on my face.
you're missed maisie.
i was talkin to your brother aft you left whilst online.
i asked him"do you miss her alr"
he replied flatly"not really.pls lo.i tink you miss her more den i do"
i came up wit sum lame retort n went back to WoWing.
heh.
in tad sense i guess imma lil emotional boy.
i miss pple easily.
esp the ones i truly care for n look out fer.
you're one of those.:)) n i'll be waitin to take you out wen you finally come back,all the world wiser n ready to take on wadever challenges comes your wy.

but you know wad?
above all?
i'll miss those smges.
on those lonely 190 bus rides,tad wenever it rains,
if you're out there in a bus ride,
you would msg me sumthin totally sincere n sombre.
n i would always smile to myself aboard the bus,
reply wit sumthin befittin your honesty n juz feel contented knowin you.
tad's a lil magic tad i always treasure.

as fer jie.
dear jie.
i would always be your pillar of strength.
no matter wadever mite stumble you.
call to me n i'll be there.
as yourself.
i have similair regrets.
i regret not spendin enuf time wit you,
not caterin my free time to you.
we both made that mistake i guess.
in out worldly pursuits be neglected the person tad means the must to us.
i rmember only the few instances where i've been able to be there fer you,
comin home from sch n seein you sobbin by your bedside over a certain person,
gently strokin out your hair whilst you sobbed.
i remember not doin the same wen zn happened,
cuz i didnt see you react,
n tot you were okay.
but knowin now tad emotions cant be ignored,only sotred,wishin i had helped you overcome it n move along you way.
i remember goin to all your performances,albeit a lil reluctanlty,cuza computer or girls or wadever,but i would eventually be there to support you grudginly but always wen im there,screamin out fer you,
feelin as proud fer you as can be.
esp all those handbells recitals you had way back in mg.
i never told you how proud i was to have a sister who could do all tad.
you looked up to mariko.
i wonder if you ever knew how many pple look up to you the way you did her n you maintain oblivious to it all.

you're missed jie.
i realised sumthin spiritually about me in the car ride down to sendin you off.
i can only be an instrument of God in prayer wen i truly care fer tad person.
before i opened my mouth,
i didnt haf a clue as to wad to pray.
but yet wen i said the 1st line,.
qoutin the muz simplest of all verses,
you showed me where my limitations in paryer were n how to make the best o it.
up till today,
i still can rememeber how the tears rolled down my face in the car as i prayed.
my words were flat,
not emotionall evokin words,but the tears,anabashed,unfettered n unspoiled,they rolled for the loss of your physical presence in my life.
tad inevitable surrender to God's will tad none of us had a say in.
i threw away all illusiions of granduer,of being able to protect you cuz i kew i wouldnt be able to,n cried to God in surrender,liftin you into His arms.
i never knew i could cry like tad.
aft tad prayer,i told myself to be strong,your frens were goin to be at the airport,i wouldnt show weakness.
but as you finally broke down before stoppin thru,
strangly i felt no fear,no pain.
but wen ou entered the glass door,waved goodbye,wen you finally disappeared outta my sight,
despite myself.
the tears rolled down infronta everyone.
my weakness fer everyone to see.
my weakness is my love.
mylove for you,
for pa,ma,ernie,fer everyone i hold dear.
woe be to the person who abuses the love.
outta weakness i find my strength.
n i juz pray God take care of you.


to thses 3 very special pple in foreign lands.
may God keep you n bless you greatly.
know tad everynite befopre i go to bed.
each n everyone of you spend more den 1 min in my prayers
take care o yourselves.
n wen you call come back,
may ya'll be stronger in faith,
wiser in stature,
still tad same sum1 special.

imma sign off soon.
tml beings my outfiedl.
goin out to amoy guee camp to pitch tents all over again n sleep on mud.
back to the basics i guess.
same thing repeated the wholea next week n life'll be good.
its the 1st of nov today,time wen i began this entry's 1245.:))
be seein ya'll soon on the weekend.
till then.:))

update!!!:)

heh.its been like forever since i came here to speak my mind.
heh.been too distracted wit wow i swear.
niwaez.
air force has been good to me i guess.
swear im gettin fat man.
a basic day would start at 530,
have us doin 5 bx plus a 2.4-3.2km run,
followed by breakfast n den back to bunk to sleep till about 730 before you wake up n do are cleanin n den get ready for lessons.
the lessons are muzly mentally taxing.
stayin awake's a major problem man.
the exams come at you fast n furious,
i have one next week once i book in again.
roughly in a single week we have a bout 3-4 exams,
all extremely important n wit OOC potential.
(OOC-out o course,i.e you fail n wait 3 more months to redo everythin again.)

muz days we end at bout 530-6 less those days we haf exms where we take the exams till about 8 plus.
den we usually head to the gym to round off the day before heading to air force one mess to enjoy a beer n sing karaoke.


sounds like good life huh??
heh.
not really.
countin i dun drink beer which is the only liqour there,
i'm not much of a karoke person,
im usually too shacked to hit the gym tho i make sure i play soccer everyday,
basically,the studyin can kill pls.:@:@:@:@
i dun mind physical.
physical = good.

FABB= FOR A BETTER BODY!!!!huzzah!

yea.i suscribe to tad ideal.
pain is welcome.hahaha
considering at the end of course we hafta run 10k at about less den 5 min per k,
im guessin its only natural i gotta start buildin up now.

life is good.
got another 4 k run tml at safti again.
oh wells.
SAF's gota whole loadsa runs.
annoyin i swear.
:@@:@:

hey to nat,est n D.:))

Cpl Ben off to the Air Force.

i slept on wed nite at 3,woke up at 530.
went for a 28k route march tad commenced at 9 in the evenin.
n marched all thru the nite.
came back.
stood still for more den half an hour,
pinned on my 2 stripes.
went back to bunk,
did area cleaning n stores cleanin for a good 10 hrs before i was allowed to leave.
sat in fear as the postins were read out.
prayin tad i wunt get aslc.
rejoiced wen i was posted to TAFS.
which stands fer sumthin air force school.
took a cab home,
showered.
wowed till 4 in the mornin.
woke up at 8 to help look aft ernest who had his gifted exam test.
den wowed till 6 while keepin him company.
den rushed down to zouk for the bash.
so basically,
i've been awake for close to 72 hrs on juz 4 hrs of sleep.
ghey.
:(

niwaez.
im a cpl!!!:))
half a sgt.
happy i am to leave sispec.
forsaken place.
sighz.
but plab is really incredibly far.
prob take me about an hr n a half to reach tad place.
oh well.
but at least i get to wear sumthin else besides the green uniform.
n my beret's special.
so at least there's a lil pride i guess.
hmm.
shacked.
tml still got run in the mornin.
oh wellz.
bleah.
nite.

the 2nd part

hmm.
here be the 2nd part o the entry tad was supposed to be completed the nite before.
heh.
been too engrossed wit tryin to get my new WoW char levelled up.

here goes.
its been a long time since i did sumthin like tad so excuse the coarseness of things.

the kite flyer

skies of the deepest blue,
edges tinged wit lighter hues,
an open plain of moving grass,
leaves' dew shinin like polished glass.

he stepped forward upon the field,
a young man wit his own time to kill,
in his hand he held a spool n kite,
he thought he mite wanna take it for a flight.

he tied the spool to himself,
fastened his belt loop thru its well,
loosened the line n began to run,
his sweat glistened under the mornin's sun.

little by little the kite bobbed n swayed,
he kept runnin,not wantin to let it fall away,
den soon the kite began to soar,
he could slow down n appreciate wad his efforts had been for.

the line was slack in his hands,
he could drag it wherever he went,
to the left or to the right,
the kite was never outta his sight.

but the kite soon flew up high,
where the currents soon swept it across the skies,
the line became taut in his hands,
he made effort to regain control again.

but the wind juz kept goin on,
all he could do was juz hold on,
he found himself runnin all over the plain,
the effort had him labourin in pain.

the line began to cut his palm,
streaks of blood began to run,
still he wouldnt let it go,
tad kite meant dearly to him so.

he kept lookin at the skies up high,
hopin tad the end of the wind would be nigh,
but juz wen the wind suddenly seemed to slack,
before he could do anithin,it would juz be back.

pain etched his features,
tears began to run,
suddenly kiteflyin didnt seem,
all tad fun.

but tad kite,
he wouldnt let go,
he worked so hard for it,
to him it was gold.

tis went on for the longest time,
till finally it all took a toll on his mind,
his hands were numb from the loss of blood,
the pain so evident had become dark.

he found himself numb,
juz holdin on,
found a place to sit down,
a shelter from the storm.

the string still he wouldnt release,
he knew the kite'll come back if it pleased,
he wanted to be there to pick it up before it hit the ground,
to him it called him witout a sound.

some called him stupid,
some a fool,
why hold on to something,
tad doesnt hold on to you.
why the agony,
wen the rest await,
lined up on racks,
cash you didnt hafta pay.
juz outside the field,
the kites mingled,
pickin one out,
it would be single.

but the kiteflyer wouldnt let this one slip away,
not aft all he'd done to have things this way.
the run he took to get it to fly,
he held on to the line wit a grip tad'll never die.

till this day he still holds on,
starin at the kite still flyin high.
buffeted by the high winds,
the line still is taut,
the pain it causes,
the damage is wrought.
few can understand,
tho many more wonder why,
he hopes so much,
why he wouldnt let it die.

tad's the secret the kiteflyer keeps,
for in his heart is an emotion so deep,
an attachment to his kite beyond logic,
he only prays it returns before he gets too weak.

the end.


hmmm.
not too shabby for sum1 so outta practise i believe.:))
hmmm.
time's tickin away.
my baby's asleep behind me.
contentment describes how i've been for the past 2 days.
luxurious indulgence being able to seem perpertually in her company.
the troubles always seem to start wen we're not in each other's presence.
trust is such a valuable thing in a relationship i believe.
once its gone,
tad's wen insecurity,suspicion n eventual hurt n all tad kinda nonsense begins.
to all out there attached.
build the trust.
it could mean the world.:))
take tad from a learned soul wit about 3 days exp behind him.

imma send her to he next lesson.
n its back to Wow for me.
at least dwellin in the pits wunt be lonely wit WoW.:))
the world is your oyster,
IF n only IF you know howta shuck it.:))

sorry to maise regardin the party last nite.
really too late an invite for me to really stand a chance to go.
:))
heh.old fashioned parents need about 2,3 days warnin in advance la.:))
but i still love mummy n daddy all the same.:))
HAHAHa
:L)

shall send baby to class now.:))
tataz all.

2 odes today

tis shal be a 2 part post.
one now,for someone's who's on a airplane,
and another much later in the nite wen my baby be in a club to while the time away waitin.


an ode for the special friend.

you're prob the closest thing to a brother tad a female can possibly to me.
i can still remember how we met juz like it was yest.
we were juz recallin it not so many nites ago.
how i exclaimed to fysh "wad e ...she's a dancer???!?!?!"
fond memories.
thanks fer the times spent toget.
juz chillin n being open wit each other about our problems,
all the emo stuff,
never scoldin each other regardin the foolish stuff we do in the learnin journey called life,
never commentin on the actions we take but juz makin sure we pick each other up n ready ourselves for the next charge.
the advice we dish out to each other always taken into consideration,
for tad mutual respect tad always existed.
the walks to dion's,
the walks to rafiq's,
the sessions with eric,
the time spent in sch tryin to study toget,
the whinin,
the walks arnd sch tryin to get the brain to unfreeze,
thanks for bein the friend who's ALWAYS been there.
i dun tink there's been one time tad i've looked fer you n you weren't there to spare me a lil time.
be it when i was feelin glum juz to talk on the phone,
wen i was lookin for company to go jalan with,
you've always been there.
and i thank you for tad.
you made me feel equal.
more den tad,
you make me feel like i matter.
you make me feel special.

you've been one of the truest if not the truest friends i ever had.
i only wished i had taken a photo wit you before you boarded tad plane tis mornin.
thanks for everythin.
the Lord's blessins upon you over there.
dun forget wad i said about peer pressure.
i wouldnt wan you to suddenly change.
:))

thanks fer it all druggie.
good luck over there.
im pretty sure the place is better den here.:))
call me wen you're back aight??:))


the 2nd ode shall be done later.:))

vote now.

vote now.
as a favour to me or wadever.

:))

go here!!!!
support my baby.
make the torture i've gone thru worthwhile.:))



http://www.funkygrad.com/partito/

register n vote aight all??
mucho love spread arnd.:)) thanks thanks.
plsplsplspslspls.
VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

songs to represent

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she always gone too long anytime she goes away
Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away

And I know, I know, I know, I knowI know, I know, I know, I knowI know, I know, I know, I knowI know, I know, I know, I knowI know, I know, I know, I knowI know, I know, I know, I knowI know, I know

Hey I'll leave the young thing alone
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness everyday
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away
Anytime she goes away
Anytime she goes away
Anytime she goes away


simply expressed.

shoppin,firing,diggin.

i wanna go shoppin.
this urge has been overwhelming me for the past few weeks.
and wen i get my pay i shall be bookin in back immediately.
so WOW!
i dun get any shoppin done.
grrr.
i wanna get a new shirt.
t-shirt actually.
to please a certain sum1 n see how i look in a tighter shirt insteada of my huge baggy ones.
a new pair of levis' 512s.
a new guess belt.(the 60+ one wit a nice buckle!!!!)
a new scent.(either Chanel's Allure Homme Sport or Giorgio Armani Acqua di Gio)
hmmm.
or my good ol FCUK Him.
which is all but used up btw.
crap.
my paycheck for this month's gonna disappear.
sighz.

wad else.
tis week has been hell week.
we came in n left immediately for Op Nutcracker,
which should be renamed Op Ballbuster,
cuz you dig till your balls drop on the ground n bursts.
you dig from evening till dawn n if you're lucky you're done.
if not you juz keep diggin till the instructor says its finally deep enuf.
which can be up to 40 hrs of constant sloggin leavin you butt shacked witout sleep.
and aft you finish,
you gotta make sure your mould of sand by the side disappears and becomes one wit the surroundins,
thus basically leaving you wit invisible holes in the ground.
shacked.
den i got chosen as fightin patrol as well.
so yea.
2 X xiong.
i was section commander for tad whole operation.
GAH.
shack.
3 days of ops,
about 7 hours of sleep.
yea.


next,
section battle drill.
we got back from the op in the late evening,
cleanin stores,countin stuff,slept at bout 2.
woke up at about 6,
den had another day of intensive battle drills.
reached back about 7,
den next had a briefing for live firin,
all the way till about 10,
weapons cleanin till even later,
loadin of stores till even later,
slept late,
den woke up early cuz i was advance party.
went there,
set up tentage,
before we could even rest,
section live firing began.

it was hell week la basically.
i tink i went thru the whole week wit less den 20 hours of sleep.
n it didnt help tad my girl went MIA.
so yea.
plus i lose the dummy claymore for my section.
so yea.
im been dragged down in the dumps.
and i was all alone while it happened.
i dunno.
im actually quite pissed but feel strangly detached.
oh well.friggit.

hurts.

sometimes the pain juz won't go away.
aft wad jie told me about zn n how he was so fortunate to find my sister so quickly else his "adventure" mite have lasted longer.
im fearin i mite end up the same way.
how bloody annoyin n freaky.
sighz.
remain optimistic.
he looks so normal as well.
wad of me.
alr half crazed as it is.
shat.

the curative properties of a hard run.

its been an awful week.
i've been exposed to so much hurt,misery in the past week tad i swear i've had more nights where i cried myself to sleep den juz fallin asleep juz cuza exhaution.
its been hard darling.
i know its been hard on you pls.
its juz not you.
i know.
im juz gonna wait n see wad you wan n gif it to you love.
but i really hope you'll consider how i'll feel.
you said it yourself love.
"we both work really hard at it"
tad statement has been my hope love.

jie may not understand,
everyone i've spoken to mite not understand.
they call me foolish,unwise,hopeless.
i know it mite be true.
but it'll all be worth it if at the end i still have you.

its been a hard week.
i had my 1st stay out trainin which was pure torture,
section trainin aint exactly a breeze as well tho i tink im excelling at it.
its tiring.
n its compounded by the fact tad i wait up everynite by CHOICE to talk to her.
which averages about 1 plus.
and i begin the next day wakin up at 4.
so yea.
its been quite the ordeal.
its no wonder why im emotionally snappy,physically tired,mentally dulled,spiritually exhausted.
its been a really hard week.

sighz.
i shall juz make a walk down memory lane.
it'll make me smile.
n hopefully it'll remind her bout things as well.


i wrote this lil thing back last week wen the 1st cracks started to appear.
under the power of an L-torch,1 x blue pen,1 x notebook , many times tears.
i was tad afraid.
its abit outta context cuz the situation's diff now.
but yea.
if nothing.
at least yrs later wen i look back at my archives,
i'll always remember tad nite.


i sit here in this darkened bunk,
sure tad being witout you's not wad i wan.
i never wanna be here again.
you walked into my life.
like a bolt out the blue.
and all i wanted,
was to take my chance wit you.
i gave you my heart.
you took it all.
upon my knees,
now i fall.

darlin pls dun break my heart.
dun ever wan us to part.
is there really no other way?
all i wanna do,
is to love you.
n to be loved by you,
the same way i do you.

i remember how it used to be,
me always runnin outta tuition to see,
run out to the carpark to look for you,
but never caght a fleetin glance,
so many tries but not even once,
wen i returned back,
raf will sing n laf n dance.

i remember how it was on our 1st date,
we went out on the pretense of studyin,
i juz wanted to ask you out,
i didnt know where to start,
juz knew i wanted to win your heart.

i remember tad nite i went to your class chalet,
we walked onto a breakwater a ways,
sat there in the nite sea breeze,
suddenly i believed we mite actually be.

i remember "juz like heaven"
where the words came true for me,
the seat rest was down but still it was,
wen my hand was interwined wit yours.

i recall wen we 1st attached,
you would visit me at braun buffel,
how my eyes would light upon sight of you,
n how you'll look at me wit the similiar eyes too.
those were such simple happy days.
how did it become this way.
where did we lose our desire.
why does it only come in spurts now?

i rem puttin on ring,
tellin you to me wad it means,
you looked at me wit tad look in your eyes,
slipped your hand into mine.
it was as if you had made up your mind,
tad you wanted to be wit a guy lke me,
i can still rem tad tad day.
where iupon the ride home,
ring began its life upon your finger n never left.

den came the 1st signs of cold,
where i went to work at indo,
i decided to drag you along,
my flaws you saw for yourself,
didnt like it i could tell,
left me no choice but to deal wit it,
but we were saved by mummy.
who insisted you get outta it.
saved me alot of grief.

den came our many days together,
brought you ice skatin in the sunny weather,
cuz you wanted it but me neither,
but brought you there was wad i did,
never ever for a moment regretted it.
as we hobbled across the slippery ice,
i tot our relationship was beginnin to solidify.

valentine's soon came our way,
such a gorgeous lovely day,
we sat on the beach n watched to sun slip away,
ate pasta on our homeward way,
hurried thru our meal,
else you dad would've had me killed.

i kissed you as we walked the last few steps,
my lips they tingled as you left,
i lifted em to the moonlit sky,
watched you ask you waved goodbye.
watched you walk inside your gate,
a tot realised inside my head.

in my heart there is a flame for you,
dear,why cant you have one too.
darlin i wanna be loeved by uou,
i know i'll take a lot outta you,
but appreciate it i know i'll do,
cuz i really dun wanna be witout you.

do you remember thailand trip.
do you remember sentosa's beach,
do you recall indo's bar,
how i'll send you home no matter how far,
do you recall ice skatin,
our bike riding.
do you recall all those movies.
all the times we spent together.
surely they should help us last,
juzz tad lil bit longer???

more imptly love,
do you remember,
wen we 1st held hands,
do you rem our 1st kiss,
do you recall our initial adoration.
darling i wan tad back,
i wan you back,
darling darling where have you gone!
dear i love you,
why tis fear deep within,
if you love me like you say you do,
show me you do n i'll die for you.
i'll die for you,
i'll die for you.

yea.
outta context abit.
but worth mentionin for the memories.
i remember tad nite really well.
tad nite started the tears.
and became the grwoin bed for my fears.
i hate my insecurity honestly.
why cant i be more confident n secure.
sighz.
its at times like tis i really hate myself n who i am.
my faults n all the problems it brings me.
how annoyin.
sighz.
imma go shower.

oh yea.
why the funny title.
lately i've begun to understnad why pple like wen used to run wenever she had emotional problems.
i dunno if its the same for me as it was for her.
but wen i run wit a heavy heart,
i like it.
cuz i'll push myself till the breakin point.
where tears n sweat droplets cant be differenciated.
where only sheer exhaution gives you temproal relief from the matter,
cuz your mind's juz tinkin of oxygen.
:))
HAHAHA.
how ridiculous.:))

i swear army's makin me stupid.
every 1 week spent prob reduces my mental capability by like 0.001%.
tad's quite alot since we only use 3% mind you.grrr.

weariness.

hmmm.
tis week was really drainin.
but the outfield's beginnin.
im gettin really chack.
highlights.

hmm.

gypsy 1 n 2.
navigations exercises at lower mandai.
i found every single checkpoint fer my detail.
hmm.
on gypsy 3,
(operation bayonet)
i found the bayonet.
basically we hadta go abck cuz my zection mate lost his bayonet.
so yea.
we hadta trek all over the place,
shaggin me out even more.

wad else.
lotsa strength n speed trainins,
ippt i got a silver.
:))
teehee.
from 02 standard chin ups to 9.
im really quite happy.:))
hahaha

sighz.
really tired.
shall go sleep now.
:))



hard or not.
we'll stay strong.:))

another week's passed,7 more to go.

its been a horrific week.
fears became horrific reality wen our OC came back.
and on his 1st mornin,
decided to bring us fer a run tad didnt stop till we were screamin our lungs out singin fer 1 km.
i would est we ran a whole lot more den 2.4 cuz any other estimation mite result in exaggeration.
suffice to say.
it wasnt pleasant,
but i looked forward to it cuz i really miss mornin runs.
but not tad much.
n certainly not tad excessive.
alot of the others who got gold,silver fer their ippt found themselves at the back,
whilst slower runners like me did manage to keep up.
i attribute it to mohawk training.
:))

the mental advantage really helps.
being prepared n all.
hmm.
sighz.
training tis week's been an exercise in fear once again,
fear of confinements,
extras.
suffice,
in every single platoon.
there were more den 6 extras signed.
one dude in my platoon clocked 5 all by himself.
my platoon got arnd 20+.
the record platoon got 40 plus.
basically,
half their platoon would book out whilst the rest stay in camp fer almuz every weekend.
craziness.
charlie coy.
it was bad nuf wen OC was arnd.
now he's back,
its worse.

it didnt help tad me n qi are in a really bad patch as of now.
i shall not go into details,
but i hope tis'll all be over by tml.:))
i swear regardin certain things,
imma fatalistic optimist.
in certain things,
i needta fall upon my face,
smash my nose in,
n yea.
feel a whole world o hurt before i admit defeat.
actually.
im quite stubborn if i feel im rite or if i want sumthin to work.
i'll juz keep hammering in till it works or it breaks.

i hope it works.
i dunno why.
but sumhow.
i feel alot o fear.
hearing all those stories of how girls leave their guys during NS,
havin seen one happen in my platoon n how it affected tad guy,
i juz fear i guess.
n i get paranoid.
n in my worries,annoy her cuz im basically a worrier.
sighz.
dunno la.
im juz really annoyed with the way things are rite now.
sighz.

fears within really scare the shat outta me.
i know i'll survive.
but how hard will the pain be should the worst happen.
i shudder to even imagine.
*shrugs*
pple close to me ought know i guess.
i've only told...
2 pple?
yea.
you lucky elite few at the rite time n place.:))

sighz.
cant wait till i see her tml.